Just had a good chat on the phone with my stepson… he is a good man. It was a good conversation… this may sound twisted… but it is so hard for me to talk with him… I managed to make it through the conversation without losing it… can not say as much for now… geeez…. Wham… how can such a good thing… hurt so much… It was not supposed to be this way… well obviously it was supposed to be this way… because it is this way… but it certainly was not what we planned…
I look back at some of the conversations we had the year before David died… and I keep seeing indicators that both of knew something was coming up… but neither of us could acknowledge it… the thought of being separated was just too much for us to bear… and frankly it has been a wickedly difficult transition… it was grow or die time… and for a while… actually quite a while… I did not know which way it was going to go…
Grief can hit you like a loaded coal train… when you least expect it…. Wham
Mary E. Robbins
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