Monday, July 31, 2006

smokey day


July 31, 2006

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.-James Baldwin

Smokey here today.... the ridge to the southeast is nearly obscured by smoke... it does seem that it is prime fire season... I don’t think we are in any immediate fire danger… just the smoke… there was a blaze up around Chadron NE too… seems they evacuated part of the town…another blaze up by Devil’s tower… and south east of us in the Wild Cat Hills… looks like mother nature is clearing out some brush… trees…houses…etc…We (David & I) went after a load of dog food yesterday... on the way home the western sky was a thing of beauty... subtle beauty... not the multicolor dance of the sun setting... but a beautiful design in shades of pale gray... as the sun was streaming down through layers of smoke... in this phenomenal fan pattern…

Full day ahead... want to get the dog waters' all freshened before the main heat of the day ... it's only 73 degrees now... according to my weather channel link we are supposed to have thunderstorms later... may the Lord bless us with a gentle rain...

It’s been near or above 100 degrees here for around a month… I’ve been watching the thermometer I have out under a tree… as I walk up the hill to the main kennel runs…

Need to do some more photo editing and upload some more dog pictures to my webpage… answer dog emails… make some initial… as well as follow-up calls regarding puppies… upload more photos to advert. Sites and write some more advertising blurbs… vaccinate…deworm again… pull some more dog undercoat… went through them all last month… start the cycle over again…

I’d hired some kennel help… trained her for a month… she lasted about 1.5 months after training… I warned her about not wearing a hat… told her to drink fluids… to eat… wouldn’t listen… she crashed… physically crashed… left me in quite the lurch… she is feeling better now… for which I am glad… I learned a few lessons in the process… as far as kennel help… I’m not hiring full time… as finances allow… I’m going to hire 2 maybe 3 part-time people… and I believe I’m going to use a professional groomer… to keep up with the Pom’s coats… one step at a time… a bit farther along each day as my health returns… and I pull finances into line… in the meantime… I’m the primary pooper scooper and hair handler…lol… have brush/comb… hair will fly…J

The kennel has to be tended to… it does make my other projects take a back seat… and move finances forward slower… but that’s just the way it is… the pieces are coming together though… slower than I would like…but coming together…

Need to Update mentor’s site… they reworked it …it looks fantastic very nice presentation … need to change a bit of coding so my merchant account will work with it again… I really like the way they put that site together… very nice… I can’t take the credit for it…I didn’t do the work…J But I truly appreciate the fruits of their labors…

I’m learning (seo) search engine optimization and html (a computer coding language used on web pages) very useful tools… the wonderful twist to this tail… is the classes are free… through an affiliate program I work with… veretekk is the name of the company… the seo alone will save me between $1200 and $1600 this year … that puts a smile on my face…

I am happy to say… my fat load is diminishing… he he … makes me pretty happy…
No binging... for the first time in a very long time... I'm at peace with food... when I look back... I can see patterns (that I was not aware of before) even in childhood... of being fixated on food... it's so nice to be free...I receive a newsletter called French Women Don't Get Fat... of course they have a diet program and so on and so forth... something stuck in my mind... They were talking about enjoying food... actually enjoying the flavor... texture... not doing 5 or 6 other things while you rush through a meal... soooo... I thought... hmmmm... methinks... that's a good idea... so I've stopped working out my daily plan while snarfing breakfast... and actually focusing on breakfast and enjoying the moment... you know I'm actually enjoying my bowl of cereal...lol... or whatever I happen to be dining upon... and not driven compulsively to push as much food into my mouth as fast as possible... gee what a thought... ever eat a meal or snack and not be able to remember what you ate... been there done that... not any more... :)
One time when we were chatting on the phone you asked me what I weighed… I told you and you said “that’s disgraceful” that really stuck in my craw… like the truth often does… especially when you’re in denial… well you were right… yes I know that you know that already J … it is disgraceful … as well as damaging to my health… yes I’ve been chewing on it for a while… bottom line is I’m responsible for my weight… when that light bulb went off… another soon followed… I’m responsible for my life… dosen’t matter whether I accept responsibility for it or not… I still am responsible… no other person makes me responsible for it… we have Free Will… therefore we are responsible for our lives... that carries over into all aspects of our lives… pretty much blows any excuses out of the water… it’s one of those what are you going to about it… it’s up to you things… I’m happily surprised at the positive effects this philosophy has had on my life thus far…

I wanted to say “Thank-You!” … yes I mean it… I’d been praying for some answers… and you’re being truthful and straightforward … prompted a sequence that has resulted in some major changes in my life…

By the way… I am losing fat… and regaining some muscle strength… last time I weighed I’d dropped 4.5 pounds… that leaves 131.5 pounds to go… there’s a group of us spread out across the country working on our various life goals… weight fitness… whatever… I sent an email to part of my email address book seeing if anyone was interested… blogging (online journal open to public…maybe our journey can help someone else in their journey) Asked Linda Owen… ok… she’s pissed… not talking to me again… guess she didn’t like my philosophy… she’ll come around… or she won’t… it’s her life her choice… her responsibility… actually that’s the very philosophy that pissed her off… first it was get catty and stick her claws in… yes into me… like that’s anything new… don’t think so… that didn’t have the desired effect… not this time… her nasty sharp claws were rebuffed… no I wasn’t nasty… but I didn’t just take it this time either… she heard the it’s up to you… what are you going to do… and reacted like a cat that had just had a bucket of ice water thrown on it… hissing and spitting…trying to claw all over the place… figuratively speaking of course… on the one hand it’s kind of sad… on the other its… Oh get a grip… I’m leaning much towards the get a grip side…

Have dog clients scheduled to come Thursday and Saturday this week… taking the ford pick-up truck in to the shop this afternoon… it’s clicking rather than starting… it’s gotta be reliable … or it’s going to be gone…

Finances are slowly coming together… geez… I’m not making progress as quickly as I would have liked to… but I am making progress… happily…

Time management has been a major mess for me… trying too much in each day… and ending up with a scrambled mess… working on it…

David is home for a couple of days… he has a doctor’s appt tomorrow… yearly thing to evaluate his meds…

Mom and I chat on a daily basis… I was very happy that her battery pack replacement went very well…

I’m not sure how Clarence is doing… I understand he had his monthly dr’s appt today in Cheyenne… He falls quite a bit… and of course refuses to carry a cell phone or track phone (pay as you go no monthly bill) with him so he can call for help… but then that’s his choice…

I’d really like for mom to carry one as well… of course she doesn’t… then she goes out and gets her wheelchair stuck and fusses about hurting her legs trying to move it…again that’s her choice… I don’t like their decisions on this matter… but again … it’s their choice… their consequences… I used to tear myself up worrying… running after them… Linda too… same thing… it’s her choice… her consequences…

It’s one of those… if you don’t want wet feet… don’t stand in a mud puddle… if you refuse to step out of the mud puddle… don’t whine to me about wet feet… ok… I’m rambling and ranting… and no I’m not going to rewrite it… If I do… I’ll never get it posted… sooooo… here it is…

gotta run... Life is a journey... enjoy the trip... Mary & the Hairballs

Monday Morning

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.-James Baldwin

Smokey here today.... the ridge to the southeast is nearly obscured by smoke... it does seem that it is prime fire season...

We (David & I) went after a load of dog food yesterday... on the way home the western sky was a thing of beauty... subtle beauty... not the multicolor dance of the sun setting... but a beautiful design in shades of pale gray... as the sun was streaming down through layers of smoke...

Full day ahead... want to get the dog waters' all freshened before the main heat of the day ... it's only 79 degrees now... according to my weather channel link we are supposed to have thunderstorms later... may the Lord bless us with a gentle rain...

No binging... for the first time in a very long time... I'm at peace with food... when I look back... I can see patterns (that I was not aware of before) even in childhood... of being fixated on food... it's so nice to be free...

I receive a newsletter called French Women Don't Get Fat... of course they have a diet program and so on and so forth... something stuck in my mind... They were talking about enjoying food... actually enjoying the flavor... texture... not doing 5 or 6 other things while you rush through a meal... soooo... I thought... hmmmm... methinks... that's a good idea... so I've stopped working out my daily plan while snarfing breakfast... and actually focusing on breakfast and enjoying the moment... you know I'm actually enjoying my bowl of cereal...lol... or whatever I happen to be dining upon... and not driven compulsively to push as much into my mouth as fast as possible... gee what a thought... ever eat a meal or snack and not be able to remember what you ate... been there done that... not any more... :)

gotta run...

Life is a journey... enjoy the trip... Mary & the Hairballs

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Sunday Morning Rush

Good Morning... I can hardly beleive it is already 10:12... but it is... and I've started my day off late... hot hot hot yesterday... yes I know it's summer... but truthfully I'm starting to look forward to the cooler days of autumn... autumn is my favorite season... warm days and crisp cool night air...started my day out with a wonderful warm bath... cereal breakfast... and a banana for a snack... need some coffee in my system... heading to the kennel to do basic kennel chores... muck out... deworm, microchip and vaccinate...

arf... gotta run... M

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Goodmorning... keeping track... life choices...

Good Morning good morning good morning... Today is Saturday... It actually is... a good morning... had my trusty breakfast... special k yogurt almond cereal with milk, (by the way... that was a 1 cup measuring cup of cereal and 3/4 c. of milk... not a box of cereal and a gallon of milk!) and of course my coffee... actually I still had coffee in my house thermos... amazingly enough it was still warm when I poured it... truthfully I think I drink more cold coffee than hot... lol... pour a cup... get on the computer... on the phone... and usually a couple other things at the same time... and voila... cold coffee... must be a cold coffee magic wand... yeah right... couldn't be that it just cools off before I get back to it... lol...

I was reading an article this morning... it was actually about internet marketing... but it applies to just about anything... and I quote

"Begin tracking what you are doing that works... as well as what you are doing that does not work. This will keep you from making the same mistakes over and over, and you can repeat the steps that have worked in the past. As simple as this step seems... most people do not know the reason(s) to their success or failure."

It's true... keeping track makes a difference... journaling... blogging... emailing friends (keep copies of emails if that's how you are keeping track)... whatever works ...

As well as actually tracking progress... seeing what works... you can see what didn't work... because there it is... right in front of you... or what outside influences effected the results... of course our personal results are entirely up to each of us... no matter what outside infulences there may be... keeping track...journaling... whatever you choose to call it... by whatever method used... helps to keep track of what is actually happening... it took a while for my journal to not be a blame fest... blaming anyone and everyone for my own mess... on other hand... feeling guilty every time anything went wrong with anyone I knew... don't you know I should have been able to fix it... not... my journal rants are actually how I discovered I was eating emotionally... rage...guilt... depression... joy... doesn't matter... whatever emotion it is... until we own it... actually own it... as in take responsibility for it... for ourselves ... we are like rudderless boats on the ocean... or a leaf in the wind... drifting here and there... giving others control of us... the kicker is whether we actually admit we are responsible or not... we still are... we are just allowing outside influences to batter us about... using the "it's not my fault" excuse... or the so and so did this or that "excuse" ...

Used to be when something upset me... I would eat my way into oblivion... I did a lot of damage to myself doing that... or rather when I allowed someone's (anyone's) behavior or words to upset me... I went on food snarf auto destruct... blaming whoever or whatever set me off...

Do you know just who was actually responsible for that auto destruct sequence... not the person... place... thing... computer... words ... the list goes on and on... the only person that was actually responsible for that self destructive behavior was... drum roll please... Me. Lil ole me... in all may scarfing sulking ranting glory... That realization was a really bitter pill for me to swallow... I am responsible for myself... I am responsible for my failures... for my successes... for allowing others to manipulate me... still my responsibility... why... because I have (as all of us do) that rare and wonderful gift... curious... it's a pretty nifty gift... phenomenal in it's scope... so what is it... what could it be... Free Will... no not a will that someone leaves when they die... Free Will... the ability to choose... to make our own decisons... you know that's a wonderful gift... the ability to choose... of course as with all wonderful gifts... comes the responsibility that goes with it... hmmmm... you mean we are responsible for our choices... yup... that's it... the big cherry on top of the ice cream sunday... no matter what the circumstances... yup... still responsible for our choices... but but... so and so was really nasty and because they were really nasty... I ate a gallon of chocolate fudge ripple ice cream... you mean even then... no couldn't be... has to be so and so's fault... nope... so and so may have acted like an inconsiderate horse's ass... even a huge ...huge... horse's ass... monster sized... bottom line... we are still responsible for how we react... the decisions we make... or refuse to make... you know a non decision is still a decision... on the extremely bright side... we are not responsible for how "so and so horse's ass" behaves... what he or she says... or doesn't say... how the other person or persons act... is his/her responsiblity...

Here is a head's up... this attitude... that each of us is responsible for our own lives... tends to seriously piss off people that are living their lives in the blame and excuse mode...

This lifestyle... taking responsibility for one's own actions... and realizing that I'm not responsible for other people's actions... does not mean that I don't care about other people... I do... I'm actually more able to celebrate other folk's successes... and to deal with crappy behavior... for what it is... the other person's responsiblity... and be able to love them anyway... eventhough he or she has put on their horses's ass guise... ohhhhhh yeah... I still have my horses's ass guise... still wear it on occasion... lol... I never said I wasn't human...

Life is a journey... celebrate the trip... Mary E. Robbins and the Happy Hairballs...

Friday, July 28, 2006

I Lost 2 more pounds! Yay!

Two more pounds down... lol... this is the first time I've ever endeavored to lose fat without doing some kind of "super diet" ... If you want to call them that... this weight loss is resulting from lifestyle changes... moderation in food consumption... and exercise... I'm not eliminating any particular kind of food at all... from celery to rib steak... to chocolate pie... yum by the way...lol... I am keeping a food journal... and logging how I'm feeling... today is a cereal day...too busy to cook ... well maybe supper... I have some stuffed salmon in the freezer that is looking a lot like dinner this evening... that and some salad... breakfast was cereal milk and coffee... missed my morning snack... but had some power aide when I came inside to cool off... 101 degrees in the shade right now... hotter the farther down into the hollow ...anyway... power aide has electrolytes in it... and I was cramping up so I know I'd lost too many... hot plus work = sweat... geez... anyway it was cereal for lunch and a wonderful pear and some coffee...

I've lost 4.5 pounds since July 18 2006... my goal weight is 145... I'm at 276.5 now so I have 131.5 pounds to go... one day one step at a time... good by fat... I really don't like carrying this extra weight around... geez it's like carrying another person strapped onto me... adios fat ball... ugh...
I'm doing a nifty isometric deep breathing exercise called Oxycise ... doesn't look like it's much of anything... but it's sure helping to tone ... and I'm using an elliptical... only 5 minutes at a time on that for now... my goal is to build up to an hour... by the time I can do an hour without completely wiping myself out... I should be in decent condition... I'm increasing my time on the elliptical in very small increments... tiny... little increments... at this point just a couple of minutes at a time... I've made the mistake of too much too soon before... and jacked myself up so bad that I ended up ill... this time it's do the base conditioning... so I can enjoy the rewards... hmmmmm what rewards... riding my motorcycle without having my weight screw with my balance... not to mention looking like a macy's day parade balloon on it... be able to enjoy a bicycle tour... have the endurance and strength to really enjoy it... you know instead of torturing myself on a bicycle in the name of fun... have it actually be fun... gee what a thought... I want to walk a marathon... right now that would kill me ... literally... but within a year ... maybe a bit more... maybe a couple of years... we'll see how my body develops ... frankly I don't care where I place in the race... just want someone to still be there when I come in... so I've picked out a marathon that has an ultra-marathon the same day... coming in at the same place... I should be able to finish the marathon before the last ultra gets in... the marathon I want to do is a couple thousand feed higher than where I live... so I'll need to compensate for that in training...

Walking a marathon is on my life list... so is riding a century... I was well on my way to completing both about 5 years ago... when I screwed up my electrolyte levels... nightmare from hell... muscle spasms so bad they pulled my back out of alignment and left me partially paralyzed for months... that was a painful lesson... but I'm still alive... sooooo.... here goes...lol...

Life is a journey... enjoy the trip.... Mary

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

First Day Blogging... New Adventure




Yeah ... that pic says it all right... but what does it say... funny... hysterical... victory laugh... defeat... doesen't really matter... it just is... could be frustration... feel a bit of that this morning... can't help people...group or individual... that refuse to help themselves... hard lesson to learn... I keep banging my head up against that one... I could spew all the details... hmmmm.... you know ... I thought it would be a fair amount of vitirol... but surprisingly it's just not there... gee suppose I've grown... lol... I did my part... gave her the opportunity... she vomited excuses all over herself and me as well... stinky ones... ugh... then tried to hook me with a self righteous barb... dripping with the stench of laziness... ugh... stink! stink! stink! Stinking Thinking... ugh... give me a fire hose... I need to hose this stink off me... clings like toxic waste... ugh... power wash baby... hose it all off the outside of me... then stick that hose in my ear and wash it out of my mind as well... every little bit of it... 3 major reekers yesterday... whine... gripe... beg... excuse... ugh... sadly I know all three quite well... ugh... whine... "I don't have any money... over and over and over ... my life's a mess... I don't know what to do"... and the whine goes on... ok... here's an idea... hmmmmm... work... whine... "I can't ... I don't know what to do... "...idea... ok... here's training...learn what to do... whine..."my computer is so slow... it's so hard... I just can't do that... it's hot (big surprise... not...IT'S SUMMER... summer is hot!) my air conditioner broke (hint hint) OMG... quit whining and take responsiblity for your own life... you lazy whining shit! Guess there is a bit of vitirol... no I didn't say it to them... wanted to... felt it... still do... disgust... complete and total disgust... the work I do isn't for everyone... there are those that it's just not the right time... or not quite the right match... pretty similar to matching a Pom puppy to it's new people... you do the interview... and you either have the right match... or you don't... you want the right match... don't try to force it to fit... that's just not good... for person or puppy... or person and business... either way... you know that's a good thing... a positive thing... then there's the reekers... we all know them... the whiners...the excuse makers... the bitchers... the rancid gossips... nothing comes out of their mouths that doesn't reek... way past stink... this shit reeks... they are the very same ones that act all self-righteous...slinging barbs and digs... sometimes incidious and subtle... guised in a smile... sometimes a full frontal attack... usually it's somewhat hidden though... rarely a full frontal ... gee that would require taking responsibility for their shitty bits of scum... No I'm not paranoid... most of the folks I meet are a joy to discover... then of course there's the "reekers"... and the surprise reekers... like an apple that looks wonderful on the outside... smells wonderful... and you take a bite and it's rotten and wormy inside... ugh... spit spit spit spit... get that ick out of my mouth... ugh... mouthwash please... mmm ... gargle... gargle... there that taste's better... ok...yeah... I was more than disgusted... just a bit... shall we say... pissed...

Kind of pissed at myself too for letting them just dump all that shit all over me... when I really wanted to say "Oh piss off" and go on my way...

Gotta go take care of the Hairballs... alias Pomeranians... cute little monsters...lol... it is a hot summer s they all have wading areas... they make me think of kids at the lake... in the water... out of the water... hair going everywhich way... lol... they have a great time playing in it... lol... and a brush fixes the hair... well that and some conditioner...lol...

training on seo this afternoon... rock on...

Gotta run... much to do before the day is done...

Life is a journey... enjoy the trip... M

'Daily Affirmation' Video