smokey day

July 31, 2006

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.-James Baldwin

Smokey here today.... the ridge to the southeast is nearly obscured by smoke... it does seem that it is prime fire season... I don’t think we are in any immediate fire danger… just the smoke… there was a blaze up around Chadron NE too… seems they evacuated part of the town…another blaze up by Devil’s tower… and south east of us in the Wild Cat Hills… looks like mother nature is clearing out some brush… trees…houses…etc…We (David & I) went after a load of dog food yesterday... on the way home the western sky was a thing of beauty... subtle beauty... not the multicolor dance of the sun setting... but a beautiful design in shades of pale gray... as the sun was streaming down through layers of smoke... in this phenomenal fan pattern…

Full day ahead... want to get the dog waters' all freshened before the main heat of the day ... it's only 73 degrees now... according to my weather channel link we are supposed to have thunderstorms later... may the Lord bless us with a gentle rain...

It’s been near or above 100 degrees here for around a month… I’ve been watching the thermometer I have out under a tree… as I walk up the hill to the main kennel runs…

Need to do some more photo editing and upload some more dog pictures to my webpage… answer dog emails… make some initial… as well as follow-up calls regarding puppies… upload more photos to advert. Sites and write some more advertising blurbs… vaccinate…deworm again… pull some more dog undercoat… went through them all last month… start the cycle over again…

I’d hired some kennel help… trained her for a month… she lasted about 1.5 months after training… I warned her about not wearing a hat… told her to drink fluids… to eat… wouldn’t listen… she crashed… physically crashed… left me in quite the lurch… she is feeling better now… for which I am glad… I learned a few lessons in the process… as far as kennel help… I’m not hiring full time… as finances allow… I’m going to hire 2 maybe 3 part-time people… and I believe I’m going to use a professional groomer… to keep up with the Pom’s coats… one step at a time… a bit farther along each day as my health returns… and I pull finances into line… in the meantime… I’m the primary pooper scooper and hair handler…lol… have brush/comb… hair will fly…J

The kennel has to be tended to… it does make my other projects take a back seat… and move finances forward slower… but that’s just the way it is… the pieces are coming together though… slower than I would like…but coming together…

Need to Update mentor’s site… they reworked it …it looks fantastic very nice presentation … need to change a bit of coding so my merchant account will work with it again… I really like the way they put that site together… very nice… I can’t take the credit for it…I didn’t do the work…J But I truly appreciate the fruits of their labors…

I’m learning (seo) search engine optimization and html (a computer coding language used on web pages) very useful tools… the wonderful twist to this tail… is the classes are free… through an affiliate program I work with… veretekk is the name of the company… the seo alone will save me between $1200 and $1600 this year … that puts a smile on my face…

I am happy to say… my fat load is diminishing… he he … makes me pretty happy…
No binging... for the first time in a very long time... I'm at peace with food... when I look back... I can see patterns (that I was not aware of before) even in childhood... of being fixated on food... it's so nice to be free...I receive a newsletter called French Women Don't Get Fat... of course they have a diet program and so on and so forth... something stuck in my mind... They were talking about enjoying food... actually enjoying the flavor... texture... not doing 5 or 6 other things while you rush through a meal... soooo... I thought... hmmmm... methinks... that's a good idea... so I've stopped working out my daily plan while snarfing breakfast... and actually focusing on breakfast and enjoying the moment... you know I'm actually enjoying my bowl of cereal...lol... or whatever I happen to be dining upon... and not driven compulsively to push as much food into my mouth as fast as possible... gee what a thought... ever eat a meal or snack and not be able to remember what you ate... been there done that... not any more... :)
One time when we were chatting on the phone you asked me what I weighed… I told you and you said “that’s disgraceful” that really stuck in my craw… like the truth often does… especially when you’re in denial… well you were right… yes I know that you know that already J … it is disgraceful … as well as damaging to my health… yes I’ve been chewing on it for a while… bottom line is I’m responsible for my weight… when that light bulb went off… another soon followed… I’m responsible for my life… dosen’t matter whether I accept responsibility for it or not… I still am responsible… no other person makes me responsible for it… we have Free Will… therefore we are responsible for our lives... that carries over into all aspects of our lives… pretty much blows any excuses out of the water… it’s one of those what are you going to about it… it’s up to you things… I’m happily surprised at the positive effects this philosophy has had on my life thus far…

I wanted to say “Thank-You!” … yes I mean it… I’d been praying for some answers… and you’re being truthful and straightforward … prompted a sequence that has resulted in some major changes in my life…

By the way… I am losing fat… and regaining some muscle strength… last time I weighed I’d dropped 4.5 pounds… that leaves 131.5 pounds to go… there’s a group of us spread out across the country working on our various life goals… weight fitness… whatever… I sent an email to part of my email address book seeing if anyone was interested… blogging (online journal open to public…maybe our journey can help someone else in their journey) Asked Linda Owen… ok… she’s pissed… not talking to me again… guess she didn’t like my philosophy… she’ll come around… or she won’t… it’s her life her choice… her responsibility… actually that’s the very philosophy that pissed her off… first it was get catty and stick her claws in… yes into me… like that’s anything new… don’t think so… that didn’t have the desired effect… not this time… her nasty sharp claws were rebuffed… no I wasn’t nasty… but I didn’t just take it this time either… she heard the it’s up to you… what are you going to do… and reacted like a cat that had just had a bucket of ice water thrown on it… hissing and spitting…trying to claw all over the place… figuratively speaking of course… on the one hand it’s kind of sad… on the other its… Oh get a grip… I’m leaning much towards the get a grip side…

Have dog clients scheduled to come Thursday and Saturday this week… taking the ford pick-up truck in to the shop this afternoon… it’s clicking rather than starting… it’s gotta be reliable … or it’s going to be gone…

Finances are slowly coming together… geez… I’m not making progress as quickly as I would have liked to… but I am making progress… happily…

Time management has been a major mess for me… trying too much in each day… and ending up with a scrambled mess… working on it…

David is home for a couple of days… he has a doctor’s appt tomorrow… yearly thing to evaluate his meds…

Mom and I chat on a daily basis… I was very happy that her battery pack replacement went very well…

I’m not sure how Clarence is doing… I understand he had his monthly dr’s appt today in Cheyenne… He falls quite a bit… and of course refuses to carry a cell phone or track phone (pay as you go no monthly bill) with him so he can call for help… but then that’s his choice…

I’d really like for mom to carry one as well… of course she doesn’t… then she goes out and gets her wheelchair stuck and fusses about hurting her legs trying to move it…again that’s her choice… I don’t like their decisions on this matter… but again … it’s their choice… their consequences… I used to tear myself up worrying… running after them… Linda too… same thing… it’s her choice… her consequences…

It’s one of those… if you don’t want wet feet… don’t stand in a mud puddle… if you refuse to step out of the mud puddle… don’t whine to me about wet feet… ok… I’m rambling and ranting… and no I’m not going to rewrite it… If I do… I’ll never get it posted… sooooo… here it is…

gotta run... Life is a journey... enjoy the trip... Mary & the Hairballs