I woke up Pissed off

I was freaking because this is my weigh in day; and I had a very bad week. Days of uncontrollable eating, hiding, not working out. Over all my anxiety levels were off the charts and I was raving mad-angry all week. Ok I got on the scale: I thought I had gained weight but I had no idea that I had put on 6 pounds in one week. Good grief. I lost 5 pounds last week and gained 6 this week.

Ok so what am I going to do about it. How do I accomplish my weight loss goals.
1. go to bed at night. Take a sleeping pill if necessary.
2. journal
3. restart the workout program at beachbody- I am going to set the automatic scheduling program in my calendar at beachbody and follow through with the daily workouts. Last week I think I only made my workout 1 or 2 times at most. Bad news bears.
4. write out a daily schedule-not set in stone, but a get up, do this, then this, time for the other and so on- more like a daily plan-include editing time, meetings, workouts, kennel care, kennel editing, tax work, phone time, motivational reading time, rest time…maybe then everything won’t run together and result in all night sessions on the computer
5. food journal
6. plan some menus
7. work on Midwest center program

I’ve been tripping ever since my birthday. Might have a little to do with turning 49. Mostly it’s a reaction to the total stress overload the idiots at the Bill lodging caused by losing my husband. Then calling here saying they couldn’t find him when his bloody room number was in the freaking computer all the bloody time. Whoa nellie! Yes I am still very very very ..angry. Next to nothing is setting of a volcano of rage boiling up and out all over the place.

LuLu our yellow lab is so stressed out and anxiety ridden that she is shaking. Poor dog she shakes so bad she rattles anything she lies up against. The dogs woke me up in the wee hours of the morning. 3:30 a.m. I think. Wouldn’t have been so bad but it’s been 3 nights running that I haven’t had much sleep.

Just dawned on me what is going on. Because there hasn’t been anything out in the yards or around the yards to set them off. It’s been my attitude. I’ve been so tightly wound and angry that I’m effecting them big time. A wicked rage has been flaring at next to nothing. The full blown kind of anger that –geez you just want to grab a hammer and beat the stuffings out of whatever gets in your way. No I haven’t done that. But I know my dogs know that I feel like it. Someone must have done that to LuLu before we got her, because she is terrified when I get like that. I keep a very tight reign on my actions, especially when rage is boiling. I will not allow myself to act out physically harming the dogs or anyone else.

I am overreacting to every little thing. It’s amazing how writing brings realization; and often resolution. I can feel the tension draining out of my back muscles as I write.

I started the Midwest Center’s Attacking Anxiety and Depression CD/DVD series this week. I would wager that actively engaging the rollercoaster ride of my mind is part of what’s kicking the anger into overdrive. Part of me seriously does not want to change, hence the anger, the food binge (to stay fat) and so on.

Too bad, So sad another part of me is seriously looking forward to not being fat. In fact I am excited about being lean and physically fit. No more hiding in a fat suit. Whomp There it is!

No more hiding, that’s part of the reason I am going to go ahead and post this journal entry. Admit it, face it, put it out there, deal with it. Roller coasters are fine in carnivals or Disney land, but living on an emotional one tends to suck big time. Ppphhhhtttt! To the rollercoaster ride. I am doing this.

MY resolutions:
Live the greatest year of my life!
Live life now: appreciate each moment as it happens.
Live in peace within myself.

He he… I feel better already! From what I have seen so far the Midwest Center's program is very effective.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians
Independent Beachbody Coach: Getting Fit Physically and Financially


P.S. Guess I should say Getting Fit, Physically, Mentally, Spiritually, and Financially.

Attitude is Everything

I was in the message board at Team Beachbody and one of my friends had offered a big hug, and had commented on attitude.

Thanks KS (name removed initials instead) The big hug is very welcome. I agree with you, attitude is everything. Be great to have someone to work this through with. (this being the weight loss and lifestyle changes) That is actually a positive rather than the sly darts in the negative. Mostly the sly darts are because they aren't taking care of business themselves, so it makes them uncomfortable when someone else is. Still get's old though. No it’s not anyone at Team Beachbody. Local nonsense, mostly old “friends” and “family”.

They are just more comfortable with me being fat and ill, than losing weight and becoming healthier. No I am not making excuses for them; it’s just reality. Their choices are their choices, and mine are mine. It used to make me crazy, literally. Or rather I used to allow it to make me crazy. Sometimes it’s a bit like walking through a liquid gooey toxic waste dump, in a bikini. You’re completely covered in toxins, think you have them showered off but they’ve soaked in through your skin. No thank you, these days my attitude is doubling as a hazmat suit. Lol.

I've been reading Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life by Byron Katie. There is a phrase in the very front that sums it up. “Suppose you could find a simple way to embrace your life with joy, stop arguing with reality, and achieve serenity in the midst of chaos. That is what Loving What Is offers.” Erica Jong, author of Fear of Flying wrote that in the intro. Loving What Is.

What can I say it came together with my new years resolution. Actually it’s more of a Life Resolution that happened to come about this new year. Live Life Now, Appreciate each moment as it happens. Live in peace within myself.

Yesterday I went out to take care of the animals and bonked hard. Trudging through snowdrifts, lifting buckets of ice and dumping them, (around 40 buckets) digging the whelping house door out from behind a 4 foot snow drift. (Which I will more than likely have to do again today.) Me thinks I had a pretty good weight and cardio workout by the end of it, unfortunately I did not get t o hip hop abs. Simply wasn’t possible, I was running into the fences and walls by the time I got back into the house.

I nuked some supper in the microwave and crashed. I tried to sort some email and write a bit but kept hitting the wrong keys. When I bonk out I really bonk out.

Truthfully I am still exhausted today. Although I don’t think it has anything to do with bonking yesterday. I could be wrong about that though. I woke up around 3:30 this morning with a gastric attack. Frankly I could have done without that. Blown up like a blimp, running to the bathroom over and over. Those attacks always leave me exhausted and not wanting to move.

I know I’ll feel better once I’m moving and getting things done though; both mentally and physically. Just seems to work that way.

The sun is shining, the wind is blowing, the temp on my computer is 39 degrees. That means it’s around 49 degrees in this hollow, so that snow is melting. Get up and Move!

Ugh, I feel like sludge. Oooooo the temp just went up another degree! Yay! Mind you it was 20 below zero here a few nights ago, so I’m pretty excited about weather.com showing 40 degrees. I have spring fever sooooooo bad.

I hope the 2 apple trees I put out last year bloom this year.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Live Life Now, appreciate each moment as it happens.

Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians
Team Beachbody Coach
Turn Weight Loss into Profit: Learn How to Become a Beachbody Coach
307.788.0202

Ouchy whining, April 12

Ouch, I hurt. Did chores today. Dumped all the waters and rinsed them out and refilled them. Fed around 125 pounds of feed. Went into town with David for fuel and fowl feed.

My arms hurt. I didn’t make the hip hop abs or oxycise, or the walk around the driveway loop. I did the red exerciser and elliptical.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With our Pomeranians

307.788.0202

Wow, Talk about Sore: written April 10th 2008

Woof baby; I was sore when I got up this morning. I hit my workout pretty hard yesterday, for my level. I thought I had drunk enough liquid, but I was wrong. Yeow-ouch, muscle spasms in my back and legs. Made for a rough night. Yes I am drinking more water today. Made sure my calcium intake was up too.
New Vision International has Citrus Flavor Essential Calcium that works well for me. Usually I put a scoop in about a liter of water and it will ease off the knotted up muscles.

Watch the electrolytes when you are working out or changing your body composition. As in losing fat! If you ever really jack them up. As in get to low on any one of them, the results are vicious. Vicious as in major muscle pain, then death if you get too low. Too high isn’t good either, balance is the key.

Unfortunately since I did jack mine up years ago I do not metabolize calcium or potassium well. Years ago I did some very inadvisable diet and training regimes and nearly destroyed my body. Really jacked my immune system.

First I started getting ill, major league ill as in pneumonia and bronchitis each year. Then it went to around every 6 months. Then it was sort of get over it and come back down ill again.

So a word to the wise. Take care of your body. Give it the nutrition it needs. Get off your butt and move, but pay attention. Moderation and balance is the key. Yes you can train for a marathon or any sports, or dance life and take care of your body. If you neglect it. You may not notice it for a while. But it will break down. Been there done that, you won’t like it!

Working your way back, if you survive the crash, is hellish. Yep that’s the word, hellish. Mentally, it’s a labyrinth filled with mental landmines to work through. Emotionally it’s swings from determination, to desolation. Physically it’s slow and painful. Spiritually it’s purgatory.

No you don’t have to believe me. No you don’t have to take care of your body. It’s up to you. If you want to go on the tour thorough hell that I’ve been through, have at it.

Take care of yourself. Mind, Body, and Spirit, the total person.

Ok, I’m getting off my soap box, for now. Lol.

I went for my workout plan again today. So far so good. I’ve been trying to keep it real. Breaking it up throughout the day. I’m determined, I’ve put together a 1 through 30 countdown chart. Not 30 days, 30 workouts. My workouts are broken down into components. I’ve changed my focus from marathon training to fitness training. I’ll tackle the marathon later, besides the fitness training is laying the foundation.

My 30 workout challenge is as follows:
Red exerciser 10 minutes
Walk outside: driveway loop, or ridge loop (between ½ mile and 1 mile)
Elliptical 5 kilometers
Oxycise Level 1
Hip Hop Abs following the workout.

My goal is to lose 3 inches off my waist, and 3 inches off my hips. I have the rest of my measurements as well so we’ll see what happens. I should lose at least the 3 inches.

At the end of 30 workouts I am going to take my measurements again.

Then the plan is to step it up a level and do it again.

I was pretty happy with just getting through the first hip hop abs workout. Whoo Hoo. A couple of months ago I tried that and it knocked me out for around 3 days. Today I’m sore but not knocked out. I’m going for it again tonight.

Life is a journey, enjoy the Trip.
Mary E. The Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians