Friday, April 23, 2010

there’s spiders

Illusive black spiders on the ceiling...
there but not...

Emotionally exhausted...
mourning the death of an illusion...

Crying for a dream lost
The pain of never was and never will be

Shaken from the inside out
Feeling Oblivion’s call

Do you suppose there is peace there
None here… not today

Fear…abject terror
Panic attack

Chest tight… hurts
Hard to breathe

Spiders on my face
Spiders in my hair

Feel them running about
Tingling invisible touch

Heart hurts…
Struggling to beat

Oblivion calls
Drift away…

So tired…
Past exhaustion

Feel the pain…
You’re still here

written by.. Mary E. Robbins April 23, 2010 between 2 and 3 in the morning...

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Psalms of Thanksgiving and Praise: Celebrate Life!

Say Thank You to God

Sunset over sea

There are times when awe and gratitude overwhelm us, whether we’re seeing a sunset, watching a child laugh or just appreciating a special moment. These are the moments when we just want to thank God for the good things in our lives, and praise God for the amazing world around us. The Book of Psalms is full of beautiful words that do just that.

Psalm 92: How Great Are Your Works

Sunrise over mountains

It is good to praise the Lord
and make music to your name, O Most High,
to proclaim your love in the morning
and your faithfulness at night,
to the music of the ten-stringed lyre
and the melody of the harp.
For you make me glad by your deeds, O Lord;
I sing for joy at the works of your hands.
How great are your works, O Lord,
how profound your thoughts!

Psalm 92:1-5

Psalm 107: His Love Endures Forever

Night Sky

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
his love endures forever.

Psalm 107:1

Psalm 95: The Mountain Peaks Belong to Him

Sunrise over mountains

Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;
let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
Let us come before him with thanksgiving
and extol him with music and song.
For the Lord is the great God,
the great King above all gods.
In his hand are the depths of the earth,
and the mountain peaks belong to him.

Psalm 95:1-4

Psalm 103: Praise His Holy Name

Soaring eagle

Praise the Lord, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
The Lord works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:1-12

Psalm 117: Praise the Lord, All Nations


Praise the Lord, all you nations;
extol him, all you peoples.
For great is his love toward us,
and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.
Praise the Lord.

Psalm 117:1-2

Psalm 100: We are the Sheep

Sheep in field

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his ;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Psalm 100:1-5

Psalm 145: Make Music


Praise the Lord.
How good it is to sing praises to our God,
how pleasant and fitting to praise him!

Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving;
make music to our God on the harp.

Psalm 147:1 and 147:7

Psalm 98: Let the Mountains Sing

Mountains covered in snow

Sing to the Lord a new song,
for he has done marvelous things;
his right hand and his holy arm
have worked salvation for him.
The Lord has made his salvation known
and revealed his righteousness to the nations.
He has remembered his love
and his faithfulness to the house of Israel;
all the ends of the earth have seen
the salvation of our God.
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth,
burst into jubilant song with music;
make music to the Lord with the harp,
with the harp and the sound of singing,
with trumpets and the blast of the ram’s horn—
shout for joy before the Lord, the King.
Let the sea resound, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it.
Let the rivers clap their hands,
Let the mountains sing together for joy;
let them sing before the Lord,
for he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness
and the peoples with equity.

Psalm 98:1-8

Psalm 118: Give Thanks to the Lord

Cloudy sky

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
his love endures forever.

Psalm 118:1

Psalm 145: God’s Wonderful Works

large canyon

I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.
Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.
They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.
The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
The Lord is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.
All you have made will praise you, O Lord;
your saints will extol you.

Psalm 145:1-10

Psalm 111: He Provides Food

Bread loaves

Praise the Lord.
I will extol the Lord with all my heart
in the council of the upright and in the assembly.
Great are the works of the Lord;
they are pondered by all who delight in them.
Glorious and majestic are his deeds,
and his righteousness endures forever.
He has caused his wonders to be remembered;
the Lord is gracious and compassionate.
He provides food for those who fear him;
he remembers his covenant forever.

Psalm 111:1-5

Psalm 105: Call on His Name


Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name;
make known among the nations what he has done.
Sing to him, sing praise to him;
tell of all his wonderful acts.
Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
Look to the Lord and his strength;
seek his face always.

Psalm 105:1-4

Psalm 104: He Make the Clouds His Chariot

Sun behind clouds

Praise the Lord, O my soul.
O Lord my God, you are very great;
you are clothed with splendor and majesty.
He wraps himself in light as with a garment;
he stretches out the heavens like a tent
and lays the beams of his upper chambers on their waters.
He makes the clouds his chariot
and rides on the wings of the wind.
He makes winds his messengers,
flames of fire his servants.
He set the earth on its foundations;
it can never be moved.

Psalm 104:1-5

This wonderful presentation of Psalms was put together by . Here is a link to their actual presentation page.

I receive their Bible reading newsletter and it was one of the features. I hope it is a blessing to you as it was to me.

Life is a journey, Celebrate life.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch

Ellipticals and Land Mines

Wow… I didn’t realize I haven’t been on the elliptical for 5 days. No wonder I have been feeling like crap. I feel sooooooo much better when I work out; physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Hehehehe…. I did it… got the 6 kilometers in. Feels good. I would seriously like to get my rear down under 50 inches. Size 6/8 here I come. One day one workout at a time.

I finally got to see all of this week’s Biggest loser. They were working out really hard, counting calories and the whole bit…. And their weight loss is tapering off. They kept saying they couldn’t understand it. Even the trainers said they couldn’t understand it.

Geez people… can’t understand it. You’ve already lost massive amounts of fat very rapidly. You are working out like a hard labor camp and you can’t understand not losing so much weight this week… it’s called muscle folks. You are still losing fat but you are gaining muscle. This is actually a good thing.

I will still take a look at the scale. However my fitness goals are going to be tied to my measurements instead of the scale. Frankly I don’t care what I weigh if I’m in that size 6/8 trim, toned, and buff. I would estimate that by that time I will be in the neighborhood of 150 pounds lighter; but I really don’t know for sure. Size wise I could be much larger than a 6/8 and have lost 150 lbs.

It will take the conditioning to put me in the size I want to be in. There is no point in being slender and being weak and feeling like crud. So, it’s conditioning- conditioning- conditioning…

Actually that’s not totally true. Gotta give the body a good quality fuel as well. So it’s nutrition and conditioning. Lets not forget what put the extra fat on in the first place.

Yeah I know eating way too much.

But why-eating way too much.

Sorting out the emotional, mental, spiritual reasons that the weight was packed on. Ignore those issues and it’s yo-yo weight once again.

It’s a total package. Living healthy mind body and spirit.

Truth be told being over-fat is a symptom of other things going on in our lives. I’m not talking about a pound or two here and there. I am talking about self destructive patterns leading to obesity.

It’s a must. Dealing with the issues hiding in the fat. As the fat comes off the issues come up. Exposed like land mines in a wind swept field. Ready to explode and wreak havoc unless they are defused.

Yes I have some experience with this. Yes sometimes it’s messy. Yes it’s worth it.

As for me personally a nasty one blew up in my face about a month ago. I totally lost control, spun into self destructive binging behavior. I have been working my way through it; dealing with issues that have been plaguing my existence for many-many years. Not a pleasant process digging through that bit of mess to be sure. I can say on the positive side that I am no longer binging uncontrollably.

Maybe by going through this process I can help someone else along their way.

Life is a journey, sometimes there are land-mines in the road.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Each of us is Responsible for Our Own Actions; or Lack Thereof.

Wading through a mountain of #*&%$ and RECLAIMING my life.

That's it. That's all I have to say right now.

Life is a Journey, sometimes there's $#%^* in the way.

Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch

Friday, April 16, 2010

The Four Emotions That Can Lead to Life Change by Jim Rohn

Jim Rohn is one of my favorite authors. When this came into my email today I had to share it.

I have been working my way through a myriad of emotions this past month. Sorting through issues long buried as they rose to the surface.

Excellent article...I hope it is a blessing to you as it was to me.

Here is a link to their website... you can sign up for a free weekly Newsletter if you so choose.

Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch

the article is below:

Emotions are the most powerful forces inside us. Under the power of emotions, human beings can perform the most heroic (as well as barbaric) acts. To a great degree, civilization itself can be defined as the intelligent channeling of human emotion. Emotions are fuel and the mind is the pilot, which together propel the ship of civilized progress.

Which emotions cause people to act? There are four basic ones; each, or a combination of several, can trigger the most incredible activity. The day that you allow these emotions to fuel your desire is the day you’ll turn your life around.

One does not usually equate the word “disgust” with positive action. And yet properly channeled, disgust can change a person’s life. The person who feels disgusted has reached a point of no return. He or she is ready to throw down the gauntlet at life and say, “I’ve had it!” That’s what I said after many humiliating experiences at age 25. I said, “I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’ve had it with being broke. I’ve had it with being embarrassed, and I’ve had it with lying.”

Yes, productive feelings of disgust come when a person says, “Enough is enough.”

The “guy” has finally had it with mediocrity. He’s had it with those awful sick feelings of fear, pain and humiliation. He then decides he is “not going to live like this anymore.” Look out! This could be the day that turns a life around. Call it what you will: the “I’ve had it” day, the “never again” day, the “enough’s enough” day. Whatever you call it, it’s powerful! There is nothing so life-changing as gut-wrenching disgust!

Most of us need to be pushed to the wall to make decisions. And once we reach this point, we have to deal with the conflicting emotions that come with making them. We have reached a fork in the road. Now this fork can be a two-prong, three-prong, or even a four-prong fork. No wonder that decision-making can create knots in stomachs, keep us awake in the middle of the night, or make us break out in a cold sweat.

Making life-changing decisions can be likened to internal civil war. Conflicting armies of emotions, each with its own arsenal of reasons, battle each other for supremacy of our minds. And our resulting decisions, whether bold or timid, well thought out or impulsive, can either set the course of action or blind it.

I don’t have much advice to give you about decision-making except this: Whatever you do, don’t camp at the fork in the road. Decide. It’s far better to make a wrong decision than to not make one at all. Each of us must confront our emotional turmoil and sort out our feelings.

How does one gain desire? I don’t think I can answer this directly because there are many ways. But I do know two things about desire:

A. It comes from the inside not the outside.
B. It can be triggered by outside forces.

Almost anything can trigger desire. It’s a matter of timing as much as preparation. It might be a song that tugs at the heart. It might be a memorable sermon. It might be a movie, a conversation with a friend, a confrontation with the enemy, or a bitter experience. Even a book or an article such as this one can trigger the inner mechanism that will make some people say, “I want it now!”

Therefore, while searching for your “hot button” of pure, raw desire, welcome into your life each positive experience. Don’t erect a wall to protect you from experiencing life. The same wall that keeps out your disappointment also keeps out the sunlight of enriching experiences. So let life touch you. The next touch could be the one that turns your life around.

Resolve says, “I will.” These two words are among the most potent in the English language. I WILL. Benjamin Disraeli, the great British statesman, once said, “Nothing can resist a human will that will stake even its existence on the extent of its purpose.” In other words, when someone resolves to “do or die,” nothing can stop him.

The mountain climber says, “I will climb the mountain. They’ve told me it’s too high, it’s too far, it’s too steep, it’s too rocky, it’s too difficult. But it’s my mountain. I will climb it. You’ll soon see me waving from the top or you’ll never see me, because unless I reach the peak, I’m not coming back.” Who can argue with such resolve?

When confronted with such iron-will determination, I can see Time, Fate and Circumstance calling a hasty conference and deciding, “We might as well let him have his dream. He’s said he’s going to get there or die trying.”

The best definition for “resolve” I’ve ever heard came from a schoolgirl in Foster City, California. As is my custom, I was lecturing about success to a group of bright kids at a junior high school. I asked, “Who can tell me what ‘resolve’ means?” Several hands went up, and I did get some pretty good definitions. But the last was the best. A shy girl from the back of the room got up and said with quiet intensity, “I think resolve means promising yourself you will never give up.” That’s it! That’s the best definition I’ve ever heard: PROMISE YOURSELF YOU’LL NEVER GIVE UP.

Think about it! How long should a baby try to learn how to walk? How long would you give the average baby before you say, “That’s it, you’ve had your chance”? You say that’s crazy? Of course it is. Any mother would say, “My baby is going to keep trying until he learns how to walk!” No wonder everyone walks.

There is a vital lesson in this. Ask yourself, “How long am I going to work to make my dreams come true?” I suggest you answer, “As long as it takes.” That’s what these four emotions are all about.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Danger! Attention all pet owners - urgent!

The following came into my email today. I did pop over to snopes to check it out. Decided it was well worth posting.

Be aware of what you are using in your yards and gardens. From mulches, to fertilizers, herbicides, and insecticides.

For the health of your pets...
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch

Please tell every dog or cat owner you know. Even if you don't have a pet, please pass this to those who do.

Cocoa Mulch, which is sold by Target, Home Depot, Foreman's Garden Supply and other garden supply stores contains a lethal ingredient called 'Theobromine'. It is lethal to dogs and cats. It smells like chocolate and it really attracts dogs. They will ingest this stuff and die. Several deaths already occurred in the last 2-3 weeks.

Over the weekend, the doting owner of two young lab mixes purchased Cocoa Mulch from Target to use in their garden. The dogs loved the way it smelled and it was advertised to keep cats away from their garden. Their dog (Calypso) decided the mulch smelled good enough to eat and devoured a large helping. She vomited a few times which was typical when she eats something new but wasn't acting lethargic in any way. The next day, Mom woke up and took Calypso out for her morning walk . Half way through the walk, she had a seizure and died instantly.

Although the mulch had NO warnings printed on the label, upon further investigation on the company's web site,

this product is HIGHLY toxic to dogs and cats.

Cocoa Mulch is manufactured by Hershey's, and they claim that "It is true that studies have shown that 50% of the dogs that eat Cocoa Mulch can suffer physical harm to a variety of degrees (depending on each individual dog). However, 98% of all dogs won't eat it."

*Snopes site gives the following information: *

Theobromine is in all chocolate, especially dark or baker's chocolate which is toxic to dogs. Cocoa bean shells contain potentially toxic quantities of theobromine, a xanthine compound similar in effects to caffeine and theophylline. A dog that ingested a lethal quantity of garden mulch made from cacao bean shells developed severe convulsions and died 17 hours later. Analysis of the stomach contents and the ingested cacao bean shells revealed the presence of lethal amounts of theobromine

Be aware of what you are using in your yards and gardens.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

What’s behind weight loss/weight gain?

Did 6 kilometers on my elliptical. Program #4, which is a hill program, Level 3 difficulty. I am adding a kilometer a week, or rather 7 workouts then add 1 kilometer and start the count over again, over and over. How far am I going to take it? I actually have not decided yet. Perhaps the distance it takes me to do 60 minutes or 45 minutes at a time. I would like to work it up to be able to complete a marathon distance. Obviously that will take some time…lol.

It amazes me how different it is working out on the elliptical, with the arm levers; than walking the roads/hills here with my trekking poles. The elliptical makes me think of walking in water; except my feet generally do not go to sleep in the water.

Yes they go to sleep on the elliptical, same thing on the tread-mill or walking long distances. I’m not sure they actually go to sleep, but they tingle like they are. That’s one of the reasons I use the trekking poles when I walk distances. Between the extra weight, some back injuries, and the nerve damage from west Nile virus it makes it very easy to stumble after I’ve been walking for a while. Go to take a step and the foot doesn’t go quite where you thought it was going to go…lol. So, adapt, use trekking poles and keep from landing on your face…lol.

It’s better than it was. I believe it will continue to improve as I continue to build the muscle girdle around my core. Guess I could have said strengthen core muscles. By core I not only mean abdominal muscles, but back muscles as well.

This core strength is imperative to keep me off the surgeon’s table. There has been some lower spine damage. The doc told me several years ago I was going to have to have surgery to fuse some vertebrae. I will not have that surgery unless I absolutely have too. So far so good, building up the core muscles, one day at a time, is working.

If I expect this body to continue to function removing the extra fat I’ve self-destructively packed on my frame is a necessity as well.

The mechanics of my body works pretty well as far as fat loss goes. However; dealing with the mental/emotional/spiritual issues that triggers the behavior that packs on the pounds has been quite the adventure.

This bit is why you see so many people gain the fat back, usually plus some, after losing weight. Or yo-yo diet their entire lives. It is necessary to deal with the issues behind the weight gain/or loss. (loss in anorexics – gain in the case of over fat or obesity)

As much as we might like it to be; obesity is not just diet and exercise. Or perhaps I should say nutrition and movement.

The total person is involved. This is one of the reasons journaling is so useful. The journal is a safe place to explore, or simply express thoughts and emotions. Put your journal In a safe place. If you want to share it that’s fine; but if you are not ready to, put it somewhere where no one else can access it; until you are ready to share it. Some posts may be for your eyes only.

One of my challenges is learning how to live in the present. Rather than rehashing the past over and over. Doing the shoulda/woulda/coulda bit or waiting to live until I do this or that. Projecting my life into the future. Doing either or both can and will steal your life if you allow it.

In moving on, allowing myself to live in the present rather than rehashing the past I have been able to let go of some very hurtful events.

I had been struggling with the concept of forgiveness. Forgiving myself for not being “perfect”, and forgiving others for their hurtful words and actions. Forgiving does not mean that what they said or did was “ok” by any means. What it does do is release you from their grasp. Their word or actions, no longer have the ability to hurt you emotionally.

Forgiving your self means; ok I acknowledge my past, I deal with the consequences of my decisions/actions/words, it is what it is. Acknowledge and learn from the mistakes you have made, and then move on. This equals growth. Live now.

I read a great article in O magazine this morning. “The Beauty of Today” by Eckhart Tolle. I found it in the May 2010 issue of O.

It is as follows:

Most of us would agree that O’s tenth anniversary is cause for celebration. And yet some people feel ambivalent about anniversaries, birthdays, and the like. Some even feel a little guilty when they think about the past, tough the memories may be pleasant. “Am I avoiding the present moment?” they ask. They belong to a growing number of people who are “practicing presence”—endeavoring to let go of an excessive and unhealthy preoccupation with past and future, and embrace the place where life happens.

There is a fine balance between honoring the past and losing yourself in it. For example, you can acknowledge and learn from mistakes you made, and then move on and refocus on the now. It is called forgiving your self. Or you can carry a burden of guild (self-identification with mistakes) for many years. You may occasionally fondly remember eve3nts, places, or people from the past and while doing so be accepting of the impermanence of all things. Or you may wallowing nostalgia and see the past as more precious than the preset.

Be vigilant, so that you don’t allow a burden of negative past to accumulate in your mind. In the form of guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, anger, and so on. Forgiveness happens naturally as soon as you realize that the past cannot prevail against the power of Presence.

The future, too, needs to be honored, without making it more important in your mind than the present. Of course, you can make plans, and you can hold an intention in your mind of something that you wish to manifest in your life, and then take appropriate action. But the power of creating a better future is contained in the present moment: You create a good future by creating a good present. How do you do that? By recognizing the goodness that is already inherent in the present moment, even in the midst of challenges. Discontent, blaming, complain, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.

Where to find that goodness when recession hits, when you lose your job, your home, when things seem to fall apart around you? In all things that we tend to overlook: feeling the gentle breeze on your skin, the sunlight filtering through the clouds, the sound of the rain, the waging tail of a dog, the shiny apple you are about to bite into. You notice the in-and-out flow of your breath, the feeling of aliveness inside your body. And then there is the beautiful stillness behind it all, which is deep within you. It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up.

So let’s celebrate our anniversaries as they arise. What we are really celebrating, though, is the present moment, the door way into Spirit, and all there ever is.

*****end of article*****

I appreciated what Eckhart Tolle had to say in this article. I hope it was a blessing to you as well.

Life is a journey, each moment to be appreciated.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch

'Daily Affirmation' Video