Sunday, June 28, 2015

December 13 2014




breathe... allow yourself to feel it... and... let it go...

Mary E. Robbins
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December 13 2014



Good Morning Peeps…

There is a massive chorus of wild birds in the trees… amazing sound as they greet the day… I just stepped out and refilled the bird feeder in the yard… of course they are feeding in the fowl … chicken/duck/goose/guinea … feeders as well… I love hearing their morning song… it is quiet outside other than their song this morning… well other than Shy Girl the goat greeting me when she saw me step outside…

The hollow is surrounded by a thick cloud of fog… I can see up to the road but not beyond… there is frost on the fences … field grass and trees… it is still gray and quiet… the sun has not yet burned through the fog’s moist caress… it is wonderful to step outside and breathe it in… it is not very cold… 34 degrees F ( 1 degree C) … yes it’s true I love the fog…

I am not a fan of driving in it… at present it is at near zero visibility… this is one of those mornings … if at all possible it is much better to stay home and enjoy the beauty of the fog and the quiet of no wind… a quiet day… as in a day with little to no wind… is something I savor here… as the wind is often strong… gusting… coming on fast and furious…

Although I will say… a breeze in the afternoon on a hot summer day is a wonderful thing … without it this hollow turns into a sweltering oven… a Chinook wind in the winter months… blowing warmth across the hills and valleys is also a welcome thing…

I have heard the winds here in the winter months shrieking through the trees… sounding like banshees screaming across the moors… snow blowing sideways… twisting into swirls and drifts… leaving other areas bare and exposed with mountains of white … crusting over… or shifting once again continually changing the landscape…

In the summer you can feel the winds coming before the storms… a breathless calm… then a leaf or two will flutter… another flutter… then a rush of wind… and the storm is here… rolling clouds… dazzling lightening… thunder loud enough to shake the house… amazing during the day… majestic at night…

Time after time I’ve watched the storms roll along the ridges to the south… lightening flashing… clouds rolling… thunder crashing… tornadoes dipping down to the ground and receding back up into storm clouds… sometimes looking out across the range… I’ll see soil rising straight up into the sky as a pressure vacuum from above draws it upwards…

It is an amazing planet we live on… an easy thing to forget as we get lost in the rush and rumble of the city… or the emotional roller coasters of this life… the day to day drudge that we tend to create … without ever realizing that we are the ones creating it… to see the glory of this life… this planet… we have to choose to do so…

Yesterday I was caught up in physical pain… fevers… rage… well beyond anger… and emotional pain… all day this storm within raged… and into the night… before a calming on the other side of it… I am still here… have not left a total wake of destruction behind me… although when I am in rage it does effect the animals around me… they react to it looking for whatever is the cause to attack… and sometimes turn on one another… something to keep in mind… we do effect those around us… whether they be human or animal… intentional or not… at any rate… I made it through it alive leaving no carcasses strewn behind in my wake…

I did not get the beets processed… this turned out to be a good thing… as I tried something different with some of them… or rather one of them… this morning… I sliced it and sautéed it with a bit of bacon and squash and had it with my eggs for breakfast… I found that I like them this way… this is a good thing… so into a dry cardboard box and back into the cold pantry they go… to be enjoyed through these winter months….

I did find treasure in the chicken house yesterday as I was doing ranch rounds… eggs… yay! The girls are starting to lay eggs again… those were 2 fresh farm eggs I savored for breakfast this foggy morn…

It is nearly 10 a.m. here now… and the fog actually seems be closing in even more than at first light… becoming thicker… my little house is surrounded by a thick gray blanket of enclosing icy fog… the frost is becoming heavier on the trees…

I am thankful for this little house and the fire burning in the wood stove… glad to be able to come inside… and not be out on the roads…

The guineas are foraging on the hill by the house… there is still much forage as in green grasses under the ripened brown stalks of last summer’s grasses and weeds…

I am heating up the bathroom for a hot soak in that old enameled clawfoot tub… love that tub… perchance to lessen the pain in this body… and wash this hair … it is just long enough now for me to get it tied back in a hair band… I am trying to be patient… and let it grow so I can braid it back… I used to wear it in French braids… will have to relearn… redevelop that skill…

Gratitudes: survived another day… some days I am not so grateful for this… today I am… black bitter coffee… sautéed beets… squash… and eggs for breakfast… all grown here…

Later taters…


Mary E. Robbins
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December 12 2014



Good Morning Peeps…

Wow the day is flying by… have not accomplished much yet… made my list… took my vitamins… had a chat on the phone… keep flitting from one thing to another… great way to accomplish nothing… argh…

Ok… focus… supposed to be a warmer day today… good day for cleaning up the minivan seats and putting them back into the van to find it a new home… leather seats… it actually drives pretty nice… has a wheelchair lift in the back… the kind that straps onto the chair and lifts it…

List for today… fill bird feeder… feed/water kennels, big dogs, ducks, geese, chickens, goats, house dogs, bring in firewood, process red beets … freezing them… seriously need to hem compression pants that fit me and redo their waist bands… and need to vac the rug and do Oxycise… I always feel better when I do that exercise… and the compression pants are an issue… I’ve lost enough inches in my legs hips and waist that the ones I am trying to wear have become too long and are wadding up around my ankles causing pain… not to mention not giving support where needed…

Accomplished a bit yesterday… went to the old home place and pulled out the last decrepit auto and got rid of it… one less thing piled on that place… made it through without a total meltdown… I did good… it is going to take a long time to have that place completely cleaned up… but bit by bit it will get done… it is posted with no trespassing signs… and fenced… it is enough to be cleaning up after my hoarding relatives… but it is enraging to see trash thrown over the fence from the neighbors… then to ask me when I am cleaning the place up… seriously!!!!! I did not say anything other than it is posted for no trespassing… best to not let that rage monster out of it’s cage just yet… she is really angry and has sharp talons…

I did not make this friggen mess… I’ve cleaned it up before… trying to work with family members… only to have my hands tied and the place turned back into a friggen nightmare… then of course been accused of abandoning family members … really… when it was made impossible … friggen impossible… was not my choices that made this nightmare… it did not have to be this way… but it is… I look and I think of what could have been… yet was made impossible… I see the remnants of so much work and caring that was put into that place before… by both my husband and myself… only to have been destroyed… buildings neglected beyond repair… then of course the scavengers are bitching because it is difficult to get through the place… trespassing thieving scavengers… too bloody bad there are not more rattlesnakes there…

Ok…breathe… center yourself… not worth becoming lost in rage over… just isn’t… there is a lot of emotion tied to the ole family place… some light… a lot of darkness and pain… and rage… it is almost as if it clings to the place… slithering through the burned out house… infusing whoever walks through there… with agony and rage… the earth is healing itself there… growing over covering up reabsorbing… slowly taking it all back into herself… as for me… bit by bit… I am working with her… her being the earth… slowly working my way through that place… and all the memories buried there… I’ll do what I can do… bit by bit… if others do not like the way I am progressing… too bad… stay off the property… and keep your trash… both physical and otherwise to yourself…

Some days I would really like to just let go … relinquish the control I hold to… and release the dragon… let her fly free…

May have to release her into some paint… something to think about next time you walk through a museum or gallery… what are those sculptures and paintings really… lol…

The sun is still shining… there is a cloud cover coming on… ack… stepped out into the yard and there was the guinea flock… white and bright coming down the hill… the guineas I have living here are white… lavender… and pearl…

saw a male pheasant on the way home yesterday… and an eagle sitting in the field ripping apart it’s meal … majestic bird…

The beets are in a tub sitting on the sideboard of the kitchen sink… waiting… thinking sewing the compression pants needs to be first up… make it less painful to get the rest of the work done… well as much as can be… there is a chill in here… or perhaps it is just me… as the thermometer says it is not chilly…

Gratitudes: did not go into total crisis while at family home place… firewood… true friends…

Later taters…


Mary E. Robbins
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December 11 2014


Good Morning Peeps... just checking in... taking advantage of the sunny weather....

Mary E. Robbins
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