Sunday, June 28, 2015

December 13 2014




breathe... allow yourself to feel it... and... let it go...

Mary E. Robbins
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December 13 2014



Good Morning Peeps…

There is a massive chorus of wild birds in the trees… amazing sound as they greet the day… I just stepped out and refilled the bird feeder in the yard… of course they are feeding in the fowl … chicken/duck/goose/guinea … feeders as well… I love hearing their morning song… it is quiet outside other than their song this morning… well other than Shy Girl the goat greeting me when she saw me step outside…

The hollow is surrounded by a thick cloud of fog… I can see up to the road but not beyond… there is frost on the fences … field grass and trees… it is still gray and quiet… the sun has not yet burned through the fog’s moist caress… it is wonderful to step outside and breathe it in… it is not very cold… 34 degrees F ( 1 degree C) … yes it’s true I love the fog…

I am not a fan of driving in it… at present it is at near zero visibility… this is one of those mornings … if at all possible it is much better to stay home and enjoy the beauty of the fog and the quiet of no wind… a quiet day… as in a day with little to no wind… is something I savor here… as the wind is often strong… gusting… coming on fast and furious…

Although I will say… a breeze in the afternoon on a hot summer day is a wonderful thing … without it this hollow turns into a sweltering oven… a Chinook wind in the winter months… blowing warmth across the hills and valleys is also a welcome thing…

I have heard the winds here in the winter months shrieking through the trees… sounding like banshees screaming across the moors… snow blowing sideways… twisting into swirls and drifts… leaving other areas bare and exposed with mountains of white … crusting over… or shifting once again continually changing the landscape…

In the summer you can feel the winds coming before the storms… a breathless calm… then a leaf or two will flutter… another flutter… then a rush of wind… and the storm is here… rolling clouds… dazzling lightening… thunder loud enough to shake the house… amazing during the day… majestic at night…

Time after time I’ve watched the storms roll along the ridges to the south… lightening flashing… clouds rolling… thunder crashing… tornadoes dipping down to the ground and receding back up into storm clouds… sometimes looking out across the range… I’ll see soil rising straight up into the sky as a pressure vacuum from above draws it upwards…

It is an amazing planet we live on… an easy thing to forget as we get lost in the rush and rumble of the city… or the emotional roller coasters of this life… the day to day drudge that we tend to create … without ever realizing that we are the ones creating it… to see the glory of this life… this planet… we have to choose to do so…

Yesterday I was caught up in physical pain… fevers… rage… well beyond anger… and emotional pain… all day this storm within raged… and into the night… before a calming on the other side of it… I am still here… have not left a total wake of destruction behind me… although when I am in rage it does effect the animals around me… they react to it looking for whatever is the cause to attack… and sometimes turn on one another… something to keep in mind… we do effect those around us… whether they be human or animal… intentional or not… at any rate… I made it through it alive leaving no carcasses strewn behind in my wake…

I did not get the beets processed… this turned out to be a good thing… as I tried something different with some of them… or rather one of them… this morning… I sliced it and sautéed it with a bit of bacon and squash and had it with my eggs for breakfast… I found that I like them this way… this is a good thing… so into a dry cardboard box and back into the cold pantry they go… to be enjoyed through these winter months….

I did find treasure in the chicken house yesterday as I was doing ranch rounds… eggs… yay! The girls are starting to lay eggs again… those were 2 fresh farm eggs I savored for breakfast this foggy morn…

It is nearly 10 a.m. here now… and the fog actually seems be closing in even more than at first light… becoming thicker… my little house is surrounded by a thick gray blanket of enclosing icy fog… the frost is becoming heavier on the trees…

I am thankful for this little house and the fire burning in the wood stove… glad to be able to come inside… and not be out on the roads…

The guineas are foraging on the hill by the house… there is still much forage as in green grasses under the ripened brown stalks of last summer’s grasses and weeds…

I am heating up the bathroom for a hot soak in that old enameled clawfoot tub… love that tub… perchance to lessen the pain in this body… and wash this hair … it is just long enough now for me to get it tied back in a hair band… I am trying to be patient… and let it grow so I can braid it back… I used to wear it in French braids… will have to relearn… redevelop that skill…

Gratitudes: survived another day… some days I am not so grateful for this… today I am… black bitter coffee… sautéed beets… squash… and eggs for breakfast… all grown here…

Later taters…


Mary E. Robbins
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December 12 2014



Good Morning Peeps…

Wow the day is flying by… have not accomplished much yet… made my list… took my vitamins… had a chat on the phone… keep flitting from one thing to another… great way to accomplish nothing… argh…

Ok… focus… supposed to be a warmer day today… good day for cleaning up the minivan seats and putting them back into the van to find it a new home… leather seats… it actually drives pretty nice… has a wheelchair lift in the back… the kind that straps onto the chair and lifts it…

List for today… fill bird feeder… feed/water kennels, big dogs, ducks, geese, chickens, goats, house dogs, bring in firewood, process red beets … freezing them… seriously need to hem compression pants that fit me and redo their waist bands… and need to vac the rug and do Oxycise… I always feel better when I do that exercise… and the compression pants are an issue… I’ve lost enough inches in my legs hips and waist that the ones I am trying to wear have become too long and are wadding up around my ankles causing pain… not to mention not giving support where needed…

Accomplished a bit yesterday… went to the old home place and pulled out the last decrepit auto and got rid of it… one less thing piled on that place… made it through without a total meltdown… I did good… it is going to take a long time to have that place completely cleaned up… but bit by bit it will get done… it is posted with no trespassing signs… and fenced… it is enough to be cleaning up after my hoarding relatives… but it is enraging to see trash thrown over the fence from the neighbors… then to ask me when I am cleaning the place up… seriously!!!!! I did not say anything other than it is posted for no trespassing… best to not let that rage monster out of it’s cage just yet… she is really angry and has sharp talons…

I did not make this friggen mess… I’ve cleaned it up before… trying to work with family members… only to have my hands tied and the place turned back into a friggen nightmare… then of course been accused of abandoning family members … really… when it was made impossible … friggen impossible… was not my choices that made this nightmare… it did not have to be this way… but it is… I look and I think of what could have been… yet was made impossible… I see the remnants of so much work and caring that was put into that place before… by both my husband and myself… only to have been destroyed… buildings neglected beyond repair… then of course the scavengers are bitching because it is difficult to get through the place… trespassing thieving scavengers… too bloody bad there are not more rattlesnakes there…

Ok…breathe… center yourself… not worth becoming lost in rage over… just isn’t… there is a lot of emotion tied to the ole family place… some light… a lot of darkness and pain… and rage… it is almost as if it clings to the place… slithering through the burned out house… infusing whoever walks through there… with agony and rage… the earth is healing itself there… growing over covering up reabsorbing… slowly taking it all back into herself… as for me… bit by bit… I am working with her… her being the earth… slowly working my way through that place… and all the memories buried there… I’ll do what I can do… bit by bit… if others do not like the way I am progressing… too bad… stay off the property… and keep your trash… both physical and otherwise to yourself…

Some days I would really like to just let go … relinquish the control I hold to… and release the dragon… let her fly free…

May have to release her into some paint… something to think about next time you walk through a museum or gallery… what are those sculptures and paintings really… lol…

The sun is still shining… there is a cloud cover coming on… ack… stepped out into the yard and there was the guinea flock… white and bright coming down the hill… the guineas I have living here are white… lavender… and pearl…

saw a male pheasant on the way home yesterday… and an eagle sitting in the field ripping apart it’s meal … majestic bird…

The beets are in a tub sitting on the sideboard of the kitchen sink… waiting… thinking sewing the compression pants needs to be first up… make it less painful to get the rest of the work done… well as much as can be… there is a chill in here… or perhaps it is just me… as the thermometer says it is not chilly…

Gratitudes: did not go into total crisis while at family home place… firewood… true friends…

Later taters…


Mary E. Robbins
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December 11 2014


Good Morning Peeps... just checking in... taking advantage of the sunny weather....

Mary E. Robbins
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December 9 2014




nite peeps... still alive... just... I dunno... brewing through some stuff...

Mary E. Robbins
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December 5 2014



Good Morning Peeps…

So far today is a much better day than yesterday… let the goats out of the corral to graze… went and picked up yesterday’s mail… looking for some ballpoint sewing machine needles that I sent for… had breakfast hours ago… coffee… honey… cacao nibs… squash… bacon… eggs… dishes washed… cast iron dried on the burners… microwave scrubbed out… yes it was nasty… not any more… lol… trash out… more stuff on my inside list… argh… seriously need to get some sewing done…

feel much better today than yesterday… yesterday was a day of pain… fevers and chills… unfortunately that is pretty typical the day after unloading feed… frankly I could seriously do without it… not a whine… just is what it is… and I am not willing to just sit down and not try… if I do that I will rapidly lose my ability to walk… I saw that very thing happen to my mom… and I am so not going there…

I was pretty … correction… am… pretty proud of myself for getting that bagged feed unloaded… put in barrels… and the hay stacked in the chicken house… Pooster the rooster got lots of pets and hugs while I was unloading… had to stop and take breaks and here came Pooster to be picked up and petted… lol… pushed it to the limits and just hung over a pile of bales for a while until my pulse rate came back down…

Mow Mow Tat hung out with me all day yesterday… and last night… she is still clingy today… she gets that way when I feel cruddy… yesterday was a rough day… and pretty much a total waste… feel better today… just still tired… fevers have receded thankfully… and the fire that was burning in my legs has lessened…

Beautiful sky this morning… puffy white clouds… bright blue… with the sun shining… want to get a bit more of my inside list done… and get outside to do ranch rounds… savor the sunshine… it is supposed to be in the 50’s F here for the next 9 days or so…

Gratitudes: less pain today… breakfast… a decent night’s sleep…

bugger it… the cat is right… I am getting the sweats… that is a bit like slamming into a wall of exhaustion ... first come the sweats... then the chills... pppphhhhttt... to it... bills still need to be paid… that is on the list for today… and the ranch rounds still need to be done… sweats or not… friend is coming over to do some work in the Quonset too today… busy day…

Later taters…


Mary E. Robbins
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December 3 2014




Good Morning Peeps…

Breakfast is done… eggs… squash… bacon… coffee… cacao nibs and honey… the cockatiels are sitting out on the porch… yes it’s heated… there is a larger window there and they are enjoying the morning light… singing… or screeching… depending on your point of view… along with the wild birds outside…

Woke up in the dark of the night… with the guineas screaming alarm… and the labs barking… then I heard the intruder’s voice… an owl was hunting… it is more than likely that there is now one less guinea living this morning… part of the flock of guineas roost in the trees…

Saw a couple more beautiful predators day before yesterday… they had been hunting… or were hunting over the prairie dog towns … beautiful young bald or a golden eagle… I have a tough time telling them apart until the young balds develop the white head… anyway this beautiful eagle glided in low over my yards… amazing wingspan…


Mary E. Robbins
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December 2 2014



very true... and definitely not an easy thing to do... not an emotion... a choice...


hehehehehehe.... yeah I know... but it did make me laugh...

Mary E. Robbins
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December 1 2014





I can vouch for local raw honey helping to alleviate allergies... has made a huge difference in my life...

Mary E. Robbins
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November 29 2014






Hello Peeps…

I watched a bit of the sunrise this morning… was beautiful as color splashed across the clouds … shades of pink and gold… it was over 40 degrees F this morning… supposed to warm up into the 60’s later today… yay! Tomorrow … not so much… high of 24 F… never thought I’d be so focused on the weather… lol… but then out here it shows itself on a grand scale… it is amazing watching it shift and sweep across the sky and landscape…

The other day it was bursts of snow flurries… kind of like summer cloudbursts of rain… except it was white patches sweeping down from the clouds…

The morning of the hoar frost… was amazing… I could see clear areas… and areas with patches of mist/fog as the sun was shining out from behind the clouds… it is rolling hills out here… and I can see for quite a distance to the southeast… from my yards… if I go up the hill I can see Laramie Peak to the west… that is when it is not storming or foggy… lol…

Last night the clouds were luminescing across the southwestern sky below the moon… it looked as if they were glowing from within… I was at my friend’s house and we stood out there and just stared for a bit… I had stopped by to give him a birthday card I’d made and some pecan dessert things… yeah… we’ll just call them things… they did not turn out as I thought they would…lol… they were not horrid but they were not what I thought they were going to be… aw well… he liked them… or said he did anyway… lol…

Thanksgiving dinner turned out pretty good… we enjoyed our meal and sat and visited for a time… conversation was good… food was good… David would have enjoyed the meal as well… the ribs turned out extremely tender… sautéed beet greens with onion and bacon… oh my… those were tasty… who knew… lol… beet greens… lol… had some mashed potatoes with butter… the potatoes were from my garden as were the beet greens… had some cranberry… cooked with orange… walnuts… and honey…

Quite a bit on the to do list for today… did not get much done yesterday… was exhausted all day … body needed a rest… was rather insistent about it… result… work did not get done… ok… well today it needs to be done… so… here goes… not sure how much will get done… but some will… truck needs unloaded… animals fed and such… and on and on… such is life on a ranch… firewood needs bourght in… or rather I need firewood brought in… lol… supposed to be much colder tomorrow… no firewood… equals no heat… brrrrr… not up for that…

Gratitudes: woodstove… firewood… peace… yes… today I actually have peace… and am savoring it…

Ok… gotta get with it…

Later taters…


Mary E. Robbins
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November 24 2014






Hello Peeps…

Happy Thanksgiving… kind of surprised I am actually able to say that and mean it… lots of conflicting emotions … have been flying around…

Thanksgiving was a big deal for David and I… he would have loved the menu today… even though it is not a traditional thanksgiving menu… put some beef ribs with mushrooms and onion in the oven early this morning… cooking slowly all day… some white button mushrooms and some baby bellas… the aroma is wonderful…

I did make cranberry sauce/relish… cranberries… honey… water… a whole orange… rind included and walnuts… cooked it this morning… have it in the frig cooling it is best served cold and after sitting for hours… or days…

Want to bake some cornbread… yes gluten free… organic… and some pecan tassies... at least that is the plan… thinking maybe some greens would be good to go along with dinner as well… or maybe not… lol… don’t know…

Had a wonderful soak this morning… love the scent of lavender oil… yes I had some in my tub… happy that I made it into the tub and was able to enjoy the hot soak…

This morning was a beautiful gift… there must have been a fog late last night or early this morning… because when I went outside there was a winter wonderland… totally calm… wonderful… no wind… and hoar frost on the fences… trees… and so on… with mists off in the distance… some blue sky showing through the clouds… beautiful morning… wild birds singing… other than that…quiet and calm… even my geese were quiet… wonderful…

Gratitudes: the scent of beef and portabellas cooking… lavender oil… beautiful morning…

Later taters… gonna try to make that cornbread… using coconut flour for the first time with the cornmeal…


Mary E. Robbins
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November 25 2014






uh huh... yup...




 yes I am inked... no not there... and yes I thought this was funny... hehehehe....




 hmmmm... kinda freeing...

Mary E. Robbins
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November 24 2014






something to think about...

Mary E. Robbins
robbinsrun

November 23 2014





breathe... remember... take it one step at a time...




yup... this would be me...

Mary E. Robbins
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November 21 2014






Hello Peeps... actually had this happen once when I was on working on the railroad... we were stopped on a siding and I'd gotten off to walk the train... afterwards I was waiting outside for other trains to come to do roll-bys... we were way out on the range-land... hot sunny day... and this beautiful butterfly flittered in from somewhere and landed on me... huge butterfly... beautiful...

today is a more productive day for me... yesterday was ... well it just was... some days seem to be mired in retrospection ... spiraling grief... survived yesterday... today is another day...

washed some dishes this morning... clean laundry piled on the couch waiting to be folded... bath water ran... yes I am getting in there... so I am posting quickly and off here before the water cools...

gratitudes: survived another day... it is not snowing... state of mind more alive today...

later taters...


Mary E. Robbins
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November 21 2014






I saw this pic and it struck a chord with me...

the connotations of this are .... well would be world changing... can you imagine... rather than spite... selfishness... abuse...war... greed... it would be consideration... compassion... acceptance... being true...

this post is not about religion... it is about a way of living... of life... but then from what I can tell... Jesus was not about religion either...


Mary E. Robbins
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November 20 2014







True...

Mary E. Robbins
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November 20 2014






baaaaa.... probably won't look like these... but hoping or some baby goats in may... billy goat gets to go in with the girls dec 1st...

Mary E. Robbins
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November 19 2014


had a delicious lunch of 2 dates... and popcorn... with cinnamon and salt... cooked in coconut oil... and a cup of coffee...what can I say... craving popcorn and cinnamon... making myself head out to do chores... the sun is shining ... it is 41 degrees F... not sure why I am procrastinating... ok woman move... later taters...

Mary E. Robbins
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November 19 2014






Good Morning Peeps... look at that kitten's face... oh yeah...

31 degrees F supposed to warm up to 40 F... yesterday there were winds... this morning thankfully there are not... want to get the critters all taken care of before any wind picks up...

Had a rough few days ... thought I might lose Diesel... he is doing better and I am thinking will have a good recovery... he had a stroke on one of of the bitterly cold days... fortunately in comparison to what it could have been it was relatively mild... he is cocking his head a to the side a bit and his coordination is off but he is eating good... and able to walk and move quickly around... albeit a bit clumsy... looking for lots of hugs... yes he is getting them...

as of now he has been outside for is morning business... had his breakfast and is snoring...

I seems to be the transition from the warm house to the cold outside that triggered the stroke... the rapid constriction of blood vessels... just as it does in humans...

I tried to stay calm when I realized what had happened... failed rather miserably... but tried... took some rescue remedy to help even out... gave Diesel some too... along with vit C... echinacea... and aloe vera.... to help his body heal itself...

when I get upset it upsets Diesel (cane corso)... so trying to not do that... want to give him a calm safe environment to heal in... hes I know he is canine... but he is also my family... and my friend...

One of my sisters-in-law and I visited on the phone yesterday... it was good... almost made it through the conversation without bursting into tears... aw well... almost... David was her big brother... and my husband/best friend... he was a good man and left a big footprint... and you know... when we all got together... he was supposed to be there... he was always so happy when we all got together... getting together was not an easy task... David was out on the railroad most of the time... but when we managed it... he treasured it... he was so looking forward to spending time with folks when he retired... then... poof... he is gone from this life...

poof ... such a silly word...

Diesel is asking to go outside... or rather insisting... and my work list for the day is waiting... critters to be taken care of... so it is on with the day... poof or no poof...

may you walk in peace...

gratitudes: the time we had together... diesel is recovering... visit with Pam...

later taters...


Mary E. Robbins
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Nnovember 18 2014



good night folks... fell asleep on the couch... woke up let the mastiffs and pominators out and brought them back in... checked on the goats... startled the geese... no not on purpose... looked at that amazing night sky... so beautiful...

Mary E. Robbins
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November 14 2014




Hello Peeps... well let's try this again... hit the wrong key and wiped out what I'd written... all in all it's been a relatively good day... had an appointment so I had to come out of my hermit hole (yes I live in a hermit hole... semi berm house) ... and go into town... and yes I made it to my appointment... although it was questionable this morning... took care of some errands... missed some errands... they will just have to wait for another day... got 4 bags of alfalfa pellets... yes they are still in the jeep... picked up some groceries... wished a friend well that is moving to another area...

It is a good move for her... heading to the mountains... I will miss seeing her face but will visit on the phone... I

Wow.... did it again... wiped out over half of what I had written... I am tired and hands are twitching a bit... keep hitting keys I should not be hitting...

I am going to call it a night... before I wipe it all out again...

nite peeps... may you rest well...

gratitudes: warm fire... the jeep ran... I made it into town and home again...

I liked this quote... be grand to begin a new day serenely and with a high spirit... unencumbered... sounds delightful...


Mary E. Robbins
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November 12 2014





I am sooooooo very glad to be back inside... finished up ranch rounds a bit ago... heat wave... ti is
5 degrees above zero... Fahrenheit ... for those of you that go by Celsius minus 16 degrees... brrrrrr.... the wind chill factor is going to be wicked tonight... on a bright note... all the critters seem to be doing ok... cold of course... but doing good...

the little birds always amaze me ... I saw numerous purple finch in the yards today... sparrows... blue jays... a robin... doves... and others I could not identify... some of them are so tiny... yet they survive the cold temps... amazes me...

brought in a cart load of firewood and filled the wood ring for the night... will refill the cart and ring again tomorrow... the nanny goats were bummed today... they did not get to go out to graze on fallen leaves... I just fed them in their corral instead...

the first real cold snap of the winter always seems so much harsher than when it comes back around later ...

the ducks and geese were playing in their water tank... splashing about...

I am having a coffee and just sitting listening to the clock tick right now... comforting sound... oh that and one of the mastiffs is snoring... lol... gonna warm up a bowl of leftover hamhock bean veggie soup and relax a bit... then if I get motivated... which frankly at this point is very questionable... may do oxycise... more than likely fall asleep in the chair... gonna watch a bit of tv I think... probably sleep through it... I get really tired after working out in the cold...

gratitudes: the elec is on... a chtair to relax in... warm fire the wood stove...
Mary E. Robbins

November 11 2014





Hello Peeps... very cold here tonight... 7 (F) with a wind chill is wicked below zero... rough go on the livestock... wouldn't be so tough if the temps had slowly dropped... but it is this drastic change that is so difficult... there are actually green leaves still on the trees about my yard... later in the season after a couple goes at this cold stuff it won't seem so cold...

right now... it is argh! Went out several times today... taking water to the animals... feeding those that needed feed... making sure everyone had food... wore David's insulated bib overalls to go out in... and his winter coat... thankful I fit into them... mine are so big on me now that I trip over them... happy and sad both... I know David would want me to wear them... he was that kind of man... sad that he is not here to wear them himself...

I remember 20 plus years ago when we had just met and were working together on the railroad... he got it into his head that I did not have a warm enough coat on as we were outside working on the train and he insisted that I wear a parka that he had with him... he used to carry so much stuff with him on the train... experience had taught him that you could get stuck out there for a very long time...

I wouldn't trade our time together... but there is a very high cost for that kind of relationship... when one dies before the other... it will be 2 years Christmas night that he died... you don't get over it... you learn to function in a new reality... one that has a gaping hole in it where that person was... not a bid for sympathy... it is what is is... yeah... wearing his bibs and coat brought me warmth ... and some tears as well... and some good memories... all mixed in together... sucks that he is not here... yes I know I am being selfish... I can see his eyes sparkling and smiling back at me...

Saw a purple finch on the bird feeder today... several of them... there are a lot of birds here... I keep feed out for them and fresh water... and over the years the winter bird population has increased and increased... I woke to a bird concert early this morning... love that sound... so many voices greeting the morning...

for the most part I am in for the night... other than letting the house dogs out and making sure they get back inside...

dinner is done... coffee... and homemade smoked pork hock ... mixed dry bean... tomato onion... and mixed veggie soup that was cooked overnight in the crock pot... had it for lunch and dinner... and put the rest in the frig... hot soup on a cold day... and it tasted good...

did some sewing today... patching actually... putting patches on an old pair of insulated bibs I used to be able to wear over 20 years ago... they are not as heavy as the one's of Davids and will be good for working in this winter... plus they are old and worn and softer... don't have any denim in their color so they are faded brown bibs with faded black denim patches... thrills me to be able to fit into them... best use them this winter because by next winter they will be massively too big for me...

have a bit more patching to do on them... want it done tonight... so going to get back with it...

later taters...

gratitudes: sewing machine... crock pot... hot homemade soup...
 
Mary E. Robbins

November 10 2014



the outdoor birds are singing... there are green leaves on the trees... it is snowing and the wind is blowing... I can hear it's roar through the trees... 25 degrees (F) right now... high of 19 (F) for tomorrow... ( - 4 C and - 7 C respectively) ... it would seem like the start of our winter weather is here... green leaves on the trees seems so strange though...

really glad to have firewood... and thankful the animal houses all have straw in them... always more stuff to do out here... but thankful for what I got done... gonna eat some breakfast and head outside... want to bring more firewood inside and stack some cement chunks... part of them are just scattered around the truck where I threw them off last night...

mmmmmm.... coffee is calling my name...

later taters...

gratitudes: winter coat... hot coffee... straw in the animal houses...


Mary E. Robbins
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November 9 2014




having a coffee... and appreciating a chance to sit in the recliner... Had a monstrous workout today... moved 2 calf hutches that were seated in... just broke one loose and moved it to a different location... set the other one up in the goat corral and strawed it...

moved stock tanks around and set them up so they will be much less likely to freeze... checked on the well to make sure it was set up for colder weather... went after concrete chunks... that is such a workout... loaded them in the truck... I was going to leave them in the truck until tomorrow until I looked at the tires... had quite a bit of weight on there... so I unloaded them... put part of them in the area I am building up... ran out of sunlight so I just piled the rest of them out of the truck... frankly that was about all she wrote... lol... total body workout... wow... my glutes are feeling it even sitting here... truth ... whole body is feeling it...

wonderfully warm outside... still in the 60's (F) ... I am so going to miss this when the cold comes in... won't break my heart if it swings north of us... lol...

did not get my firewood brought in... still have some inside... but will need to bring more in tomorrow...

saw some friends while picking up concrete chunks... was fun to chat a bit... good to see them...

it seems my body size has gotten a bit smaller again... yay... came in from working and shucked the work clothes I was wearing... including the compression pants... decided to try a pair that had been way too small... they fit... well almost... they are too long... lol... need a hem... yes I am wearing them anyway... lol... purple ones... yup... don't know what my actual measurements are now... just thrilled to be able to wear these... I was wearing jeans I have not been able to fit into for 10 years or more today... yes I keep things that long... lol... oh yeah... and they are loose on me...

I am knackered... as in totally exhausted... gonna stick my feet up and try to watch a program... probably go to sleep in the chair...

I am tired and aching... but I feel better when I have been active... I was actually able to look at my cover pic without crying... I love that pic of David ... he was so happy on that trip...

good night... may you rest well...

November 09 2014



Good Morning Peeps! I am up... been up for hours... had a hot epsom salts/vinegar soak... needed one... could barely move this morning... geez... can we say stiff and sore... and just not responding... moving better now... or perhaps that was just an excuse to have a hot soak... lol...

Been trying to get things prepped before the storm comes in... supposed to be here tomorrow... wind is already howling... temps have been wonderful... those are supposed to drop to single digits (Fahrenheit) with snow... and wind...

gotta get some more firewood in... gather up some more hoses and store them... move a goat house and put straw in it... straw the kitty houses... and so on... hauling cement chunks is on the roster for today as well...

got hay hauled and stacked inside... all the kennel houses strawed and most of the goat houses...

I am either going to get stronger or croak... actually I have gotten considerably stronger... but geez is that an aching process... yeah I know... what a whiner... it does feel good to actually be able to do some of these things... nearly got whacked by a beam yesterday though... glad it missed me... geez... was helping a friend put a side beam up... big thing... glad it's on and anchored the way this wind is blowing now...

best get a move on... need to have that goat house moved... later taters...

gratitudes: a house to be in... firewood for the wood stove... a chair to collapse in...


Mary E. Robbins
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November 7 2014





My internet is back up... yay baby!....

gotta love the Cheshire... hehehehe....


Mary E. Robbins
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November 5 2014


Hello Peeps…

Coffee has been ground and made in the french press… I started to say brewed… but … is that the right word when it comes to a French press… I suppose it is… I don’t know… doesn’t really matter… like so many things that have huge significance tied to them… they don’t really matter…

Well I suppose they do matter… somewhat… but in the overall scheme of things… it is actually ok either way… funny (not the laughing kind of funny) how some little point becomes so huge… creating so much anxiety and strife… wars over what… a line on a map… a face on a piece of paper… but then it’s not really about a line or a face… it’s about one person or persons wanting power over another… greed… hatred… what is the point of hatred… makes no sense at all… greed… how much do you really need…

I don’t know… it is not up to me… it’s not up to me to make those choices for others… only for myself… each of us … has a path to walk in this life… sometimes it seems that path is full of puncture vine and sharp rocks… other times it opens up on a high cliff with the sun pouring down over an expanse of greens … browns… blues… beauty of the earth stretching out across as far as you can see… I thought of the eagles soaring on the thermals… must be an amazing view…

Yeah… I am in one of those states of mind… well on with it… enough stewing about… philosophizing … I did hear one of my young roosters trying to crow this morning… made me smile… it was kind of a half crow… lol…

What can I say… I have a thing about listening to roosters crow in the mornings… I have been looking forward to that ever since this group of chicks came in…

Been taking it easy the past couple of days… physically that is… always seems to be a trade off when I do that… slow down physically and beat the everlovin snot out of my self mentally… what could have been a relaxing couple of days… turned into a couple of self torture days… argh… well at least I am aware of it…

Got some news from a friend today… her doctor told her to retire or die… she is choosing to retire… hope she sticks around in this realm for a while longer… yes I am being totally selfish wanting her to stay…

Gonna grab some lunch… and get on with my list for the day… firewood was delivered today… that is a relief… I have a thing about having my wood all ready before the winter comes in force… just a carry over from childhood… next will be some hay for the goats… thinking this coming week… or possibly this week if I clear a place to shed it… I don’t want the goats climbing about on it if I just stack it outside… too much waste… would like to get some more fence up… and some cement chunks hauled as well… yeah… I will be taking some recovery days after each heavy work bit… gotta so the swelling in my legs goes back down…

Later taters…

Gratitudes: firewood… sunshine… good friends


Mary E. Robbins
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November 1 2014



my hubs... miss him...










Mary E. Robbins
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October 31 2014




Ranch rounds done... sledge hammer swung... cement chunks moved... not very many... it's been some time since I've seriously swung a sledge hammer... yesterday was mild in comparison to today's challenge... wire in the cement... argh... thick chunks... no I did not get very far with it... but I did get a bit done… and I tried… so I will try again … and again getting it done bit by bit…

Took a hot soak in the bathtub… yes with Epsom salts… ate some dinner… tired… geez those cement chunks are heavy… no way I’m moving them on my own unless I break them up into smaller pieces…

Would have been fun to have seen folks out and about in their costumes… just did not have it in me to drive into town… aw well… gonna put my feet back up… and watch ncis new Orleans… yeah I know it was on earlier in the week… watching it online… kicked satellite tv to the curb shortly after David passed over… probably fall asleep in the recliner…

Mastiffs are barking … some critter is prowling around outside the yard… got up and let them inside… glad I have those dogs out here… lost a guinea last night… owl snatched it up out of the tree it was roosting in… dinner on the fly… owls at night… eagles and hawks during the day… it is what it is…

The mastiffs were barking one evening… I stepped out to see what was up and this beautiful buck deer was silhouetted at the top of the hill… would have loved to have gotten a pic… but it was gone before I could get my camera…

Beautiful moon tonight…

Nite peeps…
Mary E. Robbins

October 31 2014





moving slow today... moved concrete chunks yesterday... thinking I will move a few more today... been doing laundry... the sun is shining... the wind is blowing...

ok... making myself get up and out the door... need to get some work done outside... want to bring some firewood in... would be wonderful to just not be tired... thinking sitting around is not going to fix that... mountain of laundry to fold... will feel good to have that done... washed some dishes... ok... here goes...

gratitudes: sunshine... food to eat... a couch to sit on...


Mary E. Robbins
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love this pic... meow...





May you be Blessed....

Mary E. Robbins
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October 29 2014








Hey Peeps... Victory! I finally got the beet greens done... 28 quarts... after picking... sorting... washing 3 times... slicing... bagging... I just stacked them in the chest freezer... put some in the large crock pot with some chicken... an onion... cup of brown rice... cup of mixed dry beans... and a bag of mixed veggies... with rosemary and thyme... and a bit of redmond's natural salt...

Looking forward to having some of that... later... much later...

who'd a thought a little green and red leaf could trounce me... truth be told I am whipped... gonna take a bit of a break and then head out to do ranch rounds... and pick up some cement chunks with a friend... that is unless I can talk him into doing that a different day... it is a beautiful day outside though... and as long as I can still walk pushing my boundaries should make this body stronger...

it's the food prep... ranch work... fat loss workout... lol...

seriously though I am whipped... next year I am thinking it would be a much better idea to pick beet greens throughout the summer and put them up a bit at a time rather than this all at once thing... argh!

oh yeah... the beet roots and onions are sitting in the pantry... want to process the onion tops... and the beets... not today though...

later taters...

gratitudes: a sunny day... food in the freezer... the ability to walk... even when it hurts...
Mary E. Robbins

October 28th 2014







got the potatoes dug and in storage... sorted my tomatoes again this week... 12 more quart washed cut and frozen... pulled and dug all my beets and onions yesterday... processing beet greens and sorting beets today... oh yeah... and got straw into most of the animal housing... I am a bit nattered... and muscle sore... but still moving... albeit slowly...

saw the kittens in the chicken house yesterday.... cute little fuzzies... their eyes are open... was concerned that they were out from under their house... but they went back inside and did not venture past the gate in front of their house... their mom is wild so moving them is really not an option... well not with keeping their mom with them...

goats are out grazing... froze here last night... not horribly though... glad the ground is still warm...

made it through the anniversary... worked myself to exhaustion yesterday... trying to push farther and farther without injuring myself... I will be so very glad to get the rest of this fat off... and very thankful for epsom salts in the bath tub... can we say sore muscles...

ok... gotta get back with it... or I will not get those beets done...

later taters...


Mary E. Robbins
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October 26 2014







Hello Peeps…

I have not been around much this past week… well not on facebook… I have been home… hermiting… I kinda crashed… over did it with the chain saw… but that is only part of it… today is David’s and my anniversary… I’d give about anything to have him back with me… miss my husband… my best friend… then I see the crap stuff people do to each other… to say it makes me angry would not be an adequate description…

They say they are a couple… give each other their word… and betray one another… they have no idea what they have and they piss all over it… to say that a lethal rage boils up inside of me at this behavior would be a major understatement… treat your partner like he/she is less than dog dirt and be surprised when they walk away… demoralizing them over and over with snide little comments… or just lack of respect and support… I see this and I think… they have this opportunity and they are pissing on it… I did not piss on my partner and he is dead… why should you have this opportunity… and this rage boils up… I am so fed up with betraying …manipulative …blame laying … selfish humans…

If I did what I felt like doing there would be bloody blades… and refuse to fertilize the earth… at least they would be useful in that way… rather than toxic pus filled boils spewing out over others… wastes of oxygen… I am a little angry… slight understatement… no I am not bloodying my blades… they are not worth the clean up… nor the karmic backlash… so I need to find a way to work this rage off… rather than letting it turn inwards… which is what has happened this past week…

Rage turned inwards and grew into a toxic depression… grinding my activity level down to nil… time to use the rage as a fuel and direct it into something constructive rather than self destruction…

What …. You thought I was all sweetness and light… not… each of us has the full spectrum within us… from one extreme to the other… acknowledge it … deny it… doesn’t matter… it is still there… a part of me…. a part of you… it is what it is… it’s what you do with it that makes the difference… choice… a gift … a curse… both…

Like so many things in this life… both a gift and a curse… so what am I going to do… hmmmmmm… take it one moment one step at a time… I choose to not be eaten alive by depression and rage… been there done that… miserable place to be… so how to change it… direct it… direct it into something constructive…

How other people treat each other is not up to me… that is their path… they will either grow to understand and appreciate the gifts they have… or they will not… not my circus… not my monkeys…

I have a circus of my own to contend with… filled with memories… emotions… live critters… work that needs to be done… and life to live… as well as some actual friends rather than vipers masquerading as such… yeah I know I could have left that last bit out… kind of an insult to actual vipers…

Ok enough… the oven timer is going off… need to reduce the temp for a long slow roasting of the chicken I have in there… ouch… my hands are still messed up… well it is what it is… I heard a line last night… that caught my attention… pain is part of life… suffering does not have to be… something to think about…

May you walk in peace…

Gratitudes: warm days… wood fire (yes in the stove) … food to eat…


Mary E Robbins
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October 19 2014





Just because I love this pic...

Mary E. Robbins
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October 19 2014







Sunday Afternoon... Gunsmoke movie marathon off of You Tube ... yay! processing tomatoes out of my garden... messing about with farmville 2 ... wish actual farming was that easy... lol...

Mary E. Robbins
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October 19 2014







Good Morning Peeps… yes I do have a cup of coffee... lol...

Got on the scale this morning… 235.8 lbs … that is 78 lbs down… 100.8 lbs to go… whoo hoo… I am really looking forward to having less than 100 lbs to go… lol… Frankly I am kinda amazed at 78 lbs down… my waist is down to 36 inches… that is 10 inches down… hips down to 48.75 down from around 62 inches… bust 44.5 inches… down from 55 inches or so…

Gunsmoke: Return to Dodge (1987) is playing on the big screen… yes I did… I watched every episode of the series now I am starting on the movies… lol… sometimes just playing in the background… sometimes with full attention…

the plan for today is to sort and freeze tomatoes… yes again… this will more than likely be a weekly process for some time… fold up some laundry… and put it away… sort a monster stack of mail… argh… aw well… paper for kindling in the wood stove I suppose…

Already treated Sammy the Goat’s eye… it is looking better… he really poked it with a stick… little bugger… looking pretty good now all things considered…

Might get those potatoes dug today… ore some straw to the dog houses… I suppose I’ll get done what I get done… I am done beating myself up over what I do not get done… there is always more to do out here…

I did beat myself up a bit over a dog passing on yesterday… she was an old girl… such a great spirit… now she is free of this life and that aging body… her pen mate is sure going to miss her… they have been together for nearly 20 years… I doubt he will last long in this life… She was a beautiful shiny black female… named Monkey Bone… by the time she passed she was nearly half gray… from her muzzle back… loved her… does not matter if it is their time to go… it is still hard when they do… happy trails on the other side Monkey Bone… always breaks my heart… makes me miss David even more…

Next Sunday would have been our anniversary… miss my best friend… there are some really good memories… never counted on going on without him… it is what it is… seems pretty crappy sometimes… change that… it is pretty crappy sometimes…

Saw the sun peeking up over the eastern horizon this morning… beautiful orange glowing ball of light… heralding a new day…

Gratitudes: fire in the wood stove… tomatoes to put in the freezer… good friends to share my life with…


Mary E. Robbins
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October 17 2014






laundry... laundry... and more laundry... oh... yes ... wash dishes... clean bathroom... fold some more laundry... chores... yes I am pooped... ncis new orleans is on... or trying to be on... keeps freezing during the commercials... and I keep falling asleep...

Mary E. Robbins
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October 9 2014







Hello Peeps…

I am aching bacon tonight… I don’t think there is an part of my anatomy that does not ache… well maybe my hair… does that count… lol… geez… yeah I know… what a whine… wanna little cheese with that whine… and so on…

Whine aside I am going to keep using this body until it just will not work any more… frankly some days that seems a lot closer than others… kinda gives me the creeps when my hand just will not respond… nerve damage topped off with arthritis… so charming… ah well it works part of the time… I discovered that the vitamins and minerals I was taking do make a significant difference… I quit taking them for about a week and the pain level skyrocketed… pain in my hands went off the charts… it’s going to take a while to get levels managed again… you’d think I’d know better than to do that… but every once in a while I just have to try it out… vitamin c and glucosamine is actually more effective for me than Vicodin is…

It seems we have a new family on the ranch… earlier this year I had every feral cat on the place caught and spayed/neutered… so I was not expecting any kittens… I was actually rather concerned because around half of the feral cats that were living here disappeared… today I discovered a new one… and 6 new baby kittens… she had them in the chicken house… I covered them with a dog house top and set up a barrier to keep the chickens from eating them… there are so many predator birds and ground predators out here… that we lose quite a few cats… only the smart and the quick survive… Puss Kat has been around for years… she is not feral… but is a ranch cat… as in happy to see you… not happy to be touched… and smart enough to stay out of the big dog pens and to avoid the coyotes and eagles…

Sammy the Goat’s eyelid is all puffy again… just on the one side… I am thinking he ran into something out messing about today… I put a bit of antibiotic ointment in his eye to keep infection down from the injury… the little bugger sure is not having a good time with that eye… actually he is not so little any more… growing really fast…

Diesel and Sara (cane corso and bull mastiff) are snoring on the porch … wonder if they are dreaming… I am a tired unit… gonna put my feet up have a bit of coffee and relax a bit… probably fall asleep in the recliner… it has been a stressful day… had to make some decisions that frankly I did not want to deal with… I miss talking over decisions with my husband/partner… we would have been married 23 years this month… our anniversary would have been the 26th… sucks that he is no longer in this life… I am not looking for sympathy or words of wisdom for that matter… this is just how I feel about it… having to make these decisions today without his input sucked… yes there are stronger words that apply… but I’ll leave it at sucked… use your imagination… sometimes it sucks… just the way it is… ya either deal with it or ya don’t … I dealt with it… haven’t told them my decisions yet… but I’ve made them and now I am sticking with it… like it or not it is what it is…

Now I am heading for some coffee and some tv time… in the recliner… feet up coffee in hand…

Nite nite… turn out the light…


Mary E. Robbins
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