Celebrating a Victory!

I did it! I used the push mower for an hour on heavy grass and weeds on very uneven terrain… yeah baby! I am thinking I’ve gotten a good workout in for today. I used the small mower because most of this was close work around fences and junk… the DR mower is to big for me to handle safely on that close in work. Really do not want to destroy it’s shaft or blade because I ran it over some old equipment buried in the grass…. Ugh… so it’s the small one that is not self propelled. Between the kennels and the mowing I was outside working around 3 hours… lots more to do… but if I am planning on being able to function at all tomorrow… it’s time for me to stop on the majorly physical stuff today… need to put these legs up and cool down and rehydrate. Sure feels good when I look at all the mowing I’ve gotten done… tomorrow… the drive ways again… that will probably take all the time I am allocating for mowing tomorrow.

Then there is some work I want to do on the computer… prayers that this works out well… thanks…

My tomato plants have 4 or 5 green tomatoes on them… YaY! And lots of blooms… loving it… the rest of the garden… well that did not really happen… have a few cucumbers planted. Ah well… will try to keep the peonies alive this time around and soak my mums, asters, grapes and see if I can keep the aspen trees alive that I planted last fall….

Have the radio station set on a positive upbeat station… what a wonderful difference that makes…

What a difference a few hours can make. This morning I woke up in a fit of terror. Major anxiety… panic attack setting on in full force… talked to my cousin a bit then took my omega 3’s, saint johns wort, and rescue remedy… ate breakfast and headed out the door to do kennel rounds. Before I went out I set the radio station on a positive station… that helped as well… there still are no clear answers to how things are going to go from day to day… but my mindset is much better than it was this morning… and I actually accomplished something rather than crashing and being nonfunctional… this may not sound like much but it is so very very major….

Celebrating a Victory….

Life is a journey...  one moment one breath at a time...

Mary E. Robbins
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Good morning peeps...

Good morning peeps... busy day today... having breakfast and some coffee...actually my breakfast came fresh out of the hen house... yes eggs not my chickens... and toast... freshened all the dog waters this morning... perfect morning... birds singing... wonderful temps ... has not heated up yet... lovely... could do without the wild mustard... sneeze sneeze...

Yesterday was a day of ups and downs... but I was given a gift... and I chose to accept it... the pleasure of seeing a bit of the life around us...

The mastiffs were barking last night at dusk… I stepped out to see what they were after… thought perhaps that snake had come back to the yards… if he/she had I wouldn’t know because I did not see a snake… what I did see standing on the crest of the ridge to the west was a herd of deer. We were looking at them… they were looking at us… I stepped back inside to get my camera and of course they were gone when I got back outside… was a treat to see them though.

May you walk in peace...

Mary E. Robbins

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Wake up and Know...

Wake up and know…. You are not alone.

Celebrate life!

I was asleep … and now I am awake…

I woke early this morning… well relatively early for me… between 5 and 6 a.m. and of course nestled down into my covers once again…. Thinking I wanted to slip back into the soft darkness of sleep. Then wondering, what was it I was dreaming. As the remnants of where I had been in my sleep laughed at me and danced away… leaving the sense that I had been … and still was… wrapped in the love of those that love me and that I love… that have since crossed the veil.

I pulled back the down alternative blankets that I was snuggled into… moved aside my body pillow… placed my mini pillow in its spot for the day… Yes I named a small pillow after Mini Tatanka (Pomeranian) after she crossed. Sat upright with my feet on the floor … toes seeking my slippers and got up. Then did the morning walk to the bathroom... as my body started its morning routine. It’s a short walk, as the bathroom in our little house is right next to the bedroom. Ran a brush through my hair… did my business in the bathroom and headed to the kitchen.

I looked out the kitchen window to the east to see if there was any semblance of light on the horizon… it was but a palate of shades of grays… Headed to the wood stove to add a couple of pieces of firewood and damp it back down… thankful the weather has shifted once again to warmer…. Rather than the sub zero bitter it had been.

Diesel (cane corso) is awake and following me around… Sara (bull mastiff) is still stretched out on the couch… I know she is awake… but she is waiting for me to tell her to get up and go outside to stretch her legs and do her business. The three of us walked up the ramp to the landing to the front door and outside we all went. I turned on the porch light to get a better view of the thermometer… nearly 30 degrees F. and no wind. Wonderful!

I looked again of to the east and could see a rosy glow coming up over the ridge to the southeast… the sun is coming… The fiery pink hues spread across the clouds to the east in celebration of the day…. Dancing across the sky, giving a gift of beauty to any that would stop… take a moment and receive its glory.

The small birds in the evergreen tree in front of the house, are flittering their wings and greeting the day. It is so quiet outside that I can hear their wing movements above my head. I cannot see them in the shadows of the tree branches… but I can hear them… awakening and giving thanks for the day.

I had made a cup of coffee while I was in the house... and had taken it ouside with me. I took a sip of coffee then set it on the old barbeque grill sitting beside the porch… stepped away to stare in awe at the beauty spreading across the eastern sky. Color so intense that it denies capture by camera.

I thought of David… honey look at that… so beautiful… I felt his presence with me… as I wondered what amazing sights he was now able to see…

I gave thanks for the day… letting the peace fill me … flow through me… as above so below… accepting the gift of this new day in this life.

As I was watching the colors spread and shift across the sky I heard this thought in my mind… life in this realm is a fleeting as that sunrise… filled with the shifting colors and hues throughout… it is up to you whether you accept its beauty or hide in fear in the darkness… blinding yourself to all that there is…

You are not alone… I am with you always…

As I stood there in the quiet… I felt the love of those that had passed through the veil before me… without the confusions and pain of this realm… I felt the life surrounding me running through me… of this realm and onwards… all connected… the closest I can come to in description is as a huge web… interconnected… not trapped as in a spider web… but free to move about yet connected to one another… across the realms… across the veils… I do not have the words to adequately express…

There is a phrase that continues to echo through my mind… through my very being…

Wake up and know… You are not alone….

Is this just for me… No it is not…

Wake up and know… You are not alone…

May you walk in peace...
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202
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Lowest weight so far...

Lowest weight so far... 306.6...since my last weight post my weight started up the hill... it went from 306.8 to 307.6 to 307.8 crested at 309.0 today it dropped to 306.6 lbs...

I knew I had not eaten enough calories to have gained fat. Frankly I am thankful of that knowledge. I also knew I had worked my abdominals, arms, and back muscles to the point of exhaustion. So there was some water retention, swelling, and muscle construction going on.

The noticeable swelling has gone back down, muscles are still sore but not like an open cut and my energy level is coming back up.

I am happy to know that the amount of fat that my body lost actually weighs more than the amount of muscle my body built. Yay! Hehehehe… just tickles me.

Ok I admit it… I am rather torked every time the numbers go higher on the scale. I know it’s illogical, but I’m still a wee bit torked. Ah well… lol. On a major upside, a rise in weight on the scale is not causing major mood swings and ruining my entire day… nor setting me off on feeding frenzies. Yes it used to. I truly appreciate a better understanding of what’s going on with my body. It would be really simple if it was just reduce calories, increase activity, workout the balance of calories and have set result. However there is so much more involved. Metabolic rate, muscle construction and maintenance, how much you sleep, fat usage, insulin usage (no I am not diabetic- I am referring to my body’s use of the insulin it produces) water retention, and so much more. It’s rather fascinating how our bodies actually work. Fantastic design.

Something so cool happened yesterday. After my hubs doctor’s appt we stopped by Shari’s for lunch. The waiter led us to a booth, which lately has been a bit of a challenge for me….as in too fat to fit comfortably. I hesitated for a moment and thought I’m going to try it… Three guesses who slid right on into that booth… and the first 2 don’t count… hehehehe… I had the chicken strawberry salad for lunch. It was actually pretty good, grilled chicken, strawberry, some pecans, a bit of bleu cheese crumbles, on a bed of fresh spinach. I used about a tsp of sesame dressing and some vinegar for dressing. Had black coffee to drink…. Oh yeah and 2 bites of grilled flat bread.

The hubs had the American chopped salad… and did not eat any flat bread, and only half of his salad dressing. This is a major shift for him. So I am celebrating his choice.

Speaking of choices, I am hungry so I’m going to go make my early morning shake.

May you have a wonderful day!
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202
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