Friday, December 26, 2008

Happy Christmas: Attitude is Everything

Attitude is Everything

Pop called yesterday. If all goes well he will be coming to visit this coming spring or summer. He usually comes down in June or so. He liked his Christmas present. We sent him some cigars and pipe tobacco. I really enjoyed chatting with him. Sure is different than chatting with the relatives I grew up around. Usually come away from those conversations feeling like crap.

It was nice to just visit and enjoy each other’s company. I wish I could have known him growing up. Nothing to be done about that now. Although if I allowed it the thought of what we missed out on could make me extremely angry at my mother. I don’t know what her reasons were to keep us separated. But in doing so she stole from us both. I doubt she sees it that way, and I don’t know that I’m even going to bring it up. I think not. Makes me sad though. So many parents use their children to get at their partners when they split up.

It’s wrong; it’s selfish on the parent’s part that is doing it. Frankly I don’t care if they are scared or angry. They have no right to steal that time and potential relationship from their children. Same goes for adult children that keep grandchildren away from grandparents. Same thing.

Nothing I can do about the past. Other than not let it destroy my future by wallowing in regret and anger.

Yes I am angry. Yes I know forgive and move on. That I have decided to do. Have been doing.

So much has been lost because of stupid selfish games. So much that it is staggering. What could have been; but never will be, all because of cruel selfish games. I would say actions, but much of it stems from words and attitudes. It’s sad really, what a waste.

My first impulse is to try to help to fix it. Yes I know that is pointless unless they work towards fixing things themselves. However; it would seem that improving their lives, enjoying their lives, actually living their lives; is not what they are about. They live in a self made hell; filled with created crises, emotional pain, physical difficulty/pain, poverty, and filth. It does not make any sense to me; it doesn’t have to be this way. But this is the way they choose it to be. (By the way, no I am not talking about my dad, that’s not who he is.)

It’s not actually about health, filth, poverty. Bottom line it is about mindset. Attitude, towards themselves, life, others, God. It is a toxic swirl of poisonous refuse that clings to anyone that has any kind of contact with them.

Wow, there isn’t any anger left. Just emotional exhaustion. Frustration over not being able to make things any better. Ok, you can not help people that refuse to help themselves. All that will do is put you in the same position they are in. Which frankly; seems to be exactly what they want.

As challenging as it may be I choose to live my life, not merely exist. Living to make all those around me as miserable as I possibly can.

What does that mean? It means saying no to being an enabler. Is this an easy thing? No it is not. Is it changing the relationships? Yes it is. Have they pulled out the big guns in the emotional blackmail department? Yes they have. The, you aren’t worth speaking to gun. I will never speak to you again unless, gun. The, I am going to die if you don’t do this gun.

They loaded them up and pulled the triggers, over and over. Yes it hit me full on. Devastatingly so, tis true. At the same time I got a glimpse of freedom, a glimpse of peace. Wow, you mean I can have that in my life! Rather than living in an emotional prison filled with agony.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t care. It does mean walking that fine line between caring and enabling; and fielding the deliberate manipulation and guilt that is sprayed my way like a skunks spray.

Life is a journey, decide to enjoy the scenery.
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians

Friday, December 19, 2008

Ten Ways to Transform Toxic Thoughts

I was sorting my mountains of email, scanning as quickly as I could and being a spaz with the delete button because there simply is not enough time to read it all; Or even scan it all for that matter.

As I was in my sorting frenzy this quote jumped out at me.

Only one thing has to change for us to know happiness in our lives: where we focus our attention. (Greg Anderson)

It struck me as to how very true that is.

The truth be told we make ourselves miserable, angry, depressed, sad, cheerful, happy, peaceful and so on. It’s true; it’s what we focus on, what we clutch to our hearts and hang on to both figuratively and physically.

Newsflash; we also project what we are feeling on to other people. Or I should say we can and often do project what we are feeling onto other people.

I’ll give you a for instance. I called up a friend of mine. Her name is Mary F; she lives in Montana. I live in Wyoming, so this conversation took place over the phone. The reason I stated our locations was to stress the fact that you do not have to be in physical contact with another person to affect them.

Truthfully I didn’t realize I was angry or just how angry and frustrated I was when I called her. I hadn’t called her for business; I had called just to touch base with a friend I hadn’t spoken with for a couple of months.

At the time I didn’t realize just how much I was projecting. I turned that conversation into a rage spire in seconds. Truthfully I didn’t even realize it until I had gotten off the phone.

I have been so angry over finances, my health, the dogs, and all that placement mess, my weight, backed up paper work, and my life in general that I spilled it all over her. Actually that is not true, I shot it at her with a cannon. Bang splat; knocked the joy right out of her with a huge rage cannon ball.

So not only do you affect your own life, you affect the lives of those you contact; or that contact you. Just a thought- Give the gift of joy. Change your focus to a joyful life.

Tis my gift to you for this Holiday Season: the Wish for a Joy filled life. May your focus be on the joys of life.

Here is a nifty little excerpt that may help you along those lines:

10 Ways to Transform Toxic Thoughts: Text by Sandra Ingerman, adapted from her book, “How to Heal Toxic Thoughts: Simple Tools for Personal Transformation”

If you've ever felt the way anger or fear can electrify the atmosphere in a room, you'll know what Sandra Ingerman means by "toxic thoughts."

1) Breathe Through Your Heart: Breathing is one of the simplest ways to transform energy. This is an exercise you can do throughout your day: Place your hands on your heart and feel your heart moving as you breathe. This is calming, and feeds the energy of love, peace, and harmony in the world.

2) Look in a Mirror: Before reacting to a challenging situation, try emoting as you watch your reflection in a mirror. No one wants to see herself acting out in a toxic way. You may feel silly, but don’t let this stop you. Taking ourselves too seriously is one of the causes of negative thoughts.

3) Express; Don’t Send: Stress can make us act in ways we might regret later on. It is OK to have problematic emotions, and it’s important to acknowledge your feelings. Just be careful not to send the energy as a “poison dart” to yourself, others, or into the world.

4) Think of a Favorite face: The energy behind your emotions goes to all living beings. If confronted by someone who triggers problematic emotions for you, think of a loved one and impose his or her image on the face of the person challenging you. For example, you might work with the face of a baby, kitten, puppy, or your favorite flower.

5) Watch Your Words: Your words, like thoughts and emotions, have the power to change your experience and the world we live in. This applies to both the words we say out loud to others as well as self-talk. If you tell yourself that you’re not a good person, you begin to manifest this reality. Fill your mind with positive words and this is how your life will unfold.

6) See the Divinity in Others: Never Pity others who you perceive as suffering—this only pushes them deeper into a hole. When you see people in their divine light and perfection you help give them the strength they need to deal with their troubles. Remember that your perception creates your reality.

7) Connect With Nature: We are a part of nature. When we are in a state of stress we are cut off from the nurturing we receive from the elements – earth, air, water, and fire (the sun) – and we can actually become ill. Nature is a great healer. Take time out and connect with the natural world whenever you can.

8) Work With Water: The life-force of water can wash away your pain, and the simplest activities can have a healing effect. As you wash your hands, take a shower, or stand in the rain, visualize negative energy flowing from you and being transformed into light.

9) Protect Yourself With Light: If you feel someone is psychically attacking you or being energetically hostile toward you, imagine a protective light surrounding you. Some people think of a white energy field; I imagine being enclosed in a translucent blue egg. Find a color that works for you. This will protect you from any harmful energies being sent your way.

10) Respond With Love: You do not have to be the receiver of negative and toxic energy from others. You can return the energy you don’t wish to receive with love. Responding with love will prevent you from moving into attack position and creating more negative energy. It is only love that heals.

I have spent the majority of this past year blinded by rage and grief; to the point that it has effected my mental and physical well being and the mental and physical well being of all those around me. Both human and animal alike. As 2008 comes to a close and 2009 starts I am working to change my focus. To move forward in joy. The Greg Anderson
quote and the 10 Ways to Transform Toxic Thoughts: Text by Sandra Ingerman,
were blessings to me; It is my hope that they are for you as well.

Life is a journey; may you travel in joy.
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians

Both the Greg Anderson
Quote and the Sandra Ingerman
text was brought to my attention in:The Daily Inspiration newsletter by beliefnet.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The sun is shining and all is well with the world.

Wow what a thought. It is a delightful thought. I do miss the ignorant bliss of childhood at times.

All is well with the world. Hmmm, interesting concept. Does that mean all is as it should be? All is well with my household at this very moment in time. Tomorrow be damned. We live today.

Does it mean that all is as it is? Some are happy, some are sad. Some are prospering- in whatever definition they may have for prospering. Others are in abject poverty and desolation-whatever definition they may have for abject poverty and desolation.

Since the beginning of life on this planet, some have been sated while others are hungry. Some are the predator some are the prey. This started way before man ever set foot on this planet. Frankly it will more than likely be going on long after we are but a footnote in the history of this place.

I watched the movie, Charlie Wilsons War
the other day. I’d seen it in the movie listings as I scanned through the channels. It just kept jumping out at me. As I was staring uselessly at the TV on one of my insomniac nights. So I watched it.

It is an interesting movie. An excellent comment on leaving things half done. It is also a comment on how our political system works. Fickle beast that it is. Of course it is a fickle beast, it’s made up of humans.

If you haven’t seen Charlie Wilsons War, it is well worth watching.

My cup of coffee is gone and I must run. Full day today.

Life is a journey, each moment a lifetime in itself.
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Brrrrr Baby It’s cold outside.

Looks like winter has finally gotten here. I am so glad we got those dogs placed. I was thinking about that as I was out taking care of my happy hairballs that are here now. I was packing straw into their houses for them to dig down into and play in.

By the time I was finished strawing the houses and feeding and watering everyone I was physically done for. I stopped and just looked at the whole section of empty houses. Smaller houses that it was very difficult to keep enough bedding in to keep them warm and smiled because no one is going to be cold in those this year.

It’s a pleasure to watch the dogs bouncing around and digging in the bale of straw that was put in each of their houses. It was layered in on top of what I had already put in there. Everyone has a 4 by 7 foot house. Plenty of room for bedding and playing when it is wet outside. As well as space for their food.

It’s great to see them warm and happy.

On to happiness; this is the first time in 5 years that I’ve put up a Christmas tree. Granted it is a tiny one, but it has been a pleasure to watch its fiber optic beauty at night. It’s not some kind of protest that kept me from putting up a tree. It had been my health and total exhaustion. Over all things are getting better. I still didn’t get my Christmas cards sent. I like to send cards out to family, friends, and clients. May get a few sent, the rest will have to go to the blogs for Christmas notes and updates at to what’s happening at Robbins Run Ranch, our little home on the high plains.

Yes things are better in our happy home. David seems to be feeling better. I am feeling better. The dogs are doing better.

Much of it is a change in mindset. We made some tough decisions this past year and followed through on them. Much to the dismay of some of our relatives and friends.

In truth some of the decisions we had to make exposed who were actually our friends and who were not. That was an eye opening experience.

Some of it was heartbreaking. Felt a tremendous loss. I learned something though; you can’t lose something that you never really had in the first place.

I learned a couple of other tidbits this past year as well. Not making a choice is making a choice. We have free will, since we do have free will we have responsibility for our lives, all of the choices that we make. This has been a belief of mine for some time; however it really came to the front through the difficult choices this past year.

This sounds a bit trite; however it is so true. You can not help someone that refuses to take responsibility for them selves. You and not help someone that refuses to help them selves. You can try, but all you are doing is enabling a self-destructive behavior. Not to mention putting yourself in a position to be siphoned dry. Siphoned dry physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. Saying no these people can be emotionally crushing.

I am not saying that everyone that has difficulty is refusing to help them selves. I am saying pay attention. Some are making an effort. As much as they can and other’s are leaches. Waiting to suck you dry. It can be a challenge to tell the difference, especially when there are emotional ties involved. Be the ties friend or family or just caring what happens to other people.

Another tidbit I learned this past year. Allow yourself to feel your emotions. I have in the past kept a tight reign on my emotions. Trying to keep going through whatever came up. I am not saying to not keep functioning. I am saying accept and validate your feelings. Whether it is with a therapist, blog, private journal, and boxing bag. Whatever. Allow yourself to experience your emotions.

There are consequences if you do not. Been there, done that, you won’t like it. It goes in phases, from emotions hitting. Which you do not know what to do with because you shut them off behind a dam as soon as they come up. To no feelings at all. To an overwhelming flood of rage, grief, ups, downs, all spinning out of control. Like a river that has burst a dam tearing up all in its path of total destruction.

As strange or painful as it may be; it is much better to work through emotions as they occur. Rather than trying to survive them when they build to a point of tsunami and explode onto the scene.

That’s all for now

Life is a journey, each day is filled with adventure
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Beautiful sunny morning.

I did something this morning that I haven’t done in ages. I worked a crossword puzzle. Usually I suck so badly at those, but I did pretty well on this one. It was in the Enquirer; yes that is one of my guilty pleasures; puzzles and the gossip rags. I love looking at the clothes people wear. Cup of coffee and the crossword, or Sudoku and I am a happy camper.

Visited with mom this morning. Her eyes seem to be getting better so we are not going to the eye appointment this afternoon. Running into town 2 days in a row is just too much at this point. That reminds me I’d better call and cancel that appt.

I got on the elliptical for 1 km this morning and did a minute on the red ex. Geez that sounds pathetic. The additional exercise is loosening up the crud in my lungs. It’s pretty challenging trying to breathe with that stuff moving. In the long run it will be a good thing. Be wonderful to be able to breathe down to the bottom of my lungs. Be great to take a deep breath without a coughing fit. I am not sure how long it’s going to take to clear them but I am giving it a go. A little bit at a time.

The last time I went all out on breathing exercises I loosened up so much goo that It was a pretty scary night. I sat up in the recliner most of the night barely breathing. Gets kind of creepy when your vision clouds over from lack of oxygen. Oxycise is what got the goo moving last time. I need to get it out of my lungs; the trick is to not suffocate in the process.

I am going to do 1/3 of the commuter routine and see how that goes. I’ll give that a go then repeat it for a week or so and add another 1/3 of the commuter routine the next week, then the last 1/3 the week after that. Hope this works without knocking me out. I really do not like going into oxygen deprivation feels like you have a high powered electric fence tied to you; all over your body. Nasty feeling. I hate being shocked and that is exactly what it feels like.

Ok I’m going for it.

I’ll be back… or I won’t. If I’m not back in a bit. Well a day or week or so, then I’ve probably crossed over. Have a wonderful life. If I’m back then my plan is working in some way and I am breathing better.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: living the dream with our pomeranians

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Wow, the last month of 2008.

Whoo Hoo, I will not be sad to see this year go. Although I have quite a bit to get done before the 31st. I have box after box, after tub of receipts and papers sorted. One more, large tub to sort out by the year. Then its sort the individual years, get the bank statements and check registers and sort some more. I so want this finished up on my part by the end of 2008. Then I’ll turn it all over to the accountants and they can take it from there. Good riddance.

The past 5 years have been extremely difficult over all. However we made it through alive. Although there were quite a few times that was questionable. For both myself and my husband.

I did manage to learn something this year, through all the chaos in my life. I have always been one to dwell on the past. What I could have done differently, how many mistakes I made because things weren’t absolutely perfect. Or when I lose so many pounds, or do this or that then my life will be thus and so.

Living in the past or future. Rarely enjoying the present.

You know what? The past is past. Learn from it and move on. The future never get’s here. So what is the point of living in the future? Good way to throw away your life in misery.

Live now; the future will be here soon enough. News flash, when it get’s here, it will be now once again. Live now. Live love laugh now!

I am not saying to not have goals, I am saying live now while you are working on your plans or goals, or whatever. Or you will never live at all.

This is what the past 5 years has taught me. Live now! No regrets.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians

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