Attitude is Everything
Pop called yesterday. If all goes well he will be coming to visit this coming spring or summer. He usually comes down in June or so. He liked his Christmas present. We sent him some cigars and pipe tobacco. I really enjoyed chatting with him. Sure is different than chatting with the relatives I grew up around. Usually come away from those conversations feeling like crap.
It was nice to just visit and enjoy each other’s company. I wish I could have known him growing up. Nothing to be done about that now. Although if I allowed it the thought of what we missed out on could make me extremely angry at my mother. I don’t know what her reasons were to keep us separated. But in doing so she stole from us both. I doubt she sees it that way, and I don’t know that I’m even going to bring it up. I think not. Makes me sad though. So many parents use their children to get at their partners when they split up.
It’s wrong; it’s selfish on the parent’s part that is doing it. Frankly I don’t care if they are scared or angry. They have no right to steal that time and potential relationship from their children. Same goes for adult children that keep grandchildren away from grandparents. Same thing.
Nothing I can do about the past. Other than not let it destroy my future by wallowing in regret and anger.
Yes I am angry. Yes I know forgive and move on. That I have decided to do. Have been doing.
So much has been lost because of stupid selfish games. So much that it is staggering. What could have been; but never will be, all because of cruel selfish games. I would say actions, but much of it stems from words and attitudes. It’s sad really, what a waste.
My first impulse is to try to help to fix it. Yes I know that is pointless unless they work towards fixing things themselves. However; it would seem that improving their lives, enjoying their lives, actually living their lives; is not what they are about. They live in a self made hell; filled with created crises, emotional pain, physical difficulty/pain, poverty, and filth. It does not make any sense to me; it doesn’t have to be this way. But this is the way they choose it to be. (By the way, no I am not talking about my dad, that’s not who he is.)
It’s not actually about health, filth, poverty. Bottom line it is about mindset. Attitude, towards themselves, life, others, God. It is a toxic swirl of poisonous refuse that clings to anyone that has any kind of contact with them.
Wow, there isn’t any anger left. Just emotional exhaustion. Frustration over not being able to make things any better. Ok, you can not help people that refuse to help themselves. All that will do is put you in the same position they are in. Which frankly; seems to be exactly what they want.
As challenging as it may be I choose to live my life, not merely exist. Living to make all those around me as miserable as I possibly can.
What does that mean? It means saying no to being an enabler. Is this an easy thing? No it is not. Is it changing the relationships? Yes it is. Have they pulled out the big guns in the emotional blackmail department? Yes they have. The, you aren’t worth speaking to gun. I will never speak to you again unless, gun. The, I am going to die if you don’t do this gun.
They loaded them up and pulled the triggers, over and over. Yes it hit me full on. Devastatingly so, tis true. At the same time I got a glimpse of freedom, a glimpse of peace. Wow, you mean I can have that in my life! Rather than living in an emotional prison filled with agony.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t care. It does mean walking that fine line between caring and enabling; and fielding the deliberate manipulation and guilt that is sprayed my way like a skunks spray.
Life is a journey, decide to enjoy the scenery.
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians
307.788.0202
Pop called yesterday. If all goes well he will be coming to visit this coming spring or summer. He usually comes down in June or so. He liked his Christmas present. We sent him some cigars and pipe tobacco. I really enjoyed chatting with him. Sure is different than chatting with the relatives I grew up around. Usually come away from those conversations feeling like crap.
It was nice to just visit and enjoy each other’s company. I wish I could have known him growing up. Nothing to be done about that now. Although if I allowed it the thought of what we missed out on could make me extremely angry at my mother. I don’t know what her reasons were to keep us separated. But in doing so she stole from us both. I doubt she sees it that way, and I don’t know that I’m even going to bring it up. I think not. Makes me sad though. So many parents use their children to get at their partners when they split up.
It’s wrong; it’s selfish on the parent’s part that is doing it. Frankly I don’t care if they are scared or angry. They have no right to steal that time and potential relationship from their children. Same goes for adult children that keep grandchildren away from grandparents. Same thing.
Nothing I can do about the past. Other than not let it destroy my future by wallowing in regret and anger.
Yes I am angry. Yes I know forgive and move on. That I have decided to do. Have been doing.
So much has been lost because of stupid selfish games. So much that it is staggering. What could have been; but never will be, all because of cruel selfish games. I would say actions, but much of it stems from words and attitudes. It’s sad really, what a waste.
My first impulse is to try to help to fix it. Yes I know that is pointless unless they work towards fixing things themselves. However; it would seem that improving their lives, enjoying their lives, actually living their lives; is not what they are about. They live in a self made hell; filled with created crises, emotional pain, physical difficulty/pain, poverty, and filth. It does not make any sense to me; it doesn’t have to be this way. But this is the way they choose it to be. (By the way, no I am not talking about my dad, that’s not who he is.)
It’s not actually about health, filth, poverty. Bottom line it is about mindset.
Attitude, towards themselves, life, others, God. It is a toxic swirl of poisonous refuse that clings to anyone that has any kind of contact with them.Wow, there isn’t any anger left. Just emotional exhaustion. Frustration over not being able to make things any better. Ok, you can not help people that refuse to help themselves. All that will do is put you in the same position they are in. Which frankly; seems to be exactly what they want.
As challenging as it may be I choose to live my life, not merely exist. Living to make all those around me as miserable as I possibly can.
What does that mean? It means saying no to being an enabler. Is this an easy thing? No it is not. Is it changing the relationships? Yes it is. Have they pulled out the big guns in the emotional blackmail department? Yes they have. The, you aren’t worth speaking to gun. I will never speak to you again unless, gun. The, I am going to die if you don’t do this gun.
They loaded them up and pulled the triggers, over and over. Yes it hit me full on. Devastatingly so, tis true. At the same time I got a glimpse of freedom, a glimpse of peace. Wow, you mean I can have that in my life! Rather than living in an emotional prison filled with agony.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t care. It does mean walking that fine line between caring and enabling; and fielding the deliberate manipulation and guilt that is sprayed my way like a skunks spray.
Life is a journey, decide to enjoy the scenery.
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians
307.788.0202
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