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Good Morning Peeps… There is Sunshine! YaY!
I had been doing gratitudes each morning… and then I got away from it…
not sure why or how but I did… at any rate I am starting again… I am
giving thanks each morning…
This Morning’s Gratitudes:
organic French roast coffee beans… the electricity came back on… the sun is shining
I have news… big news for me anyway… I got on the scale this morning… I
have officially lost over 20% of my total body weight… I was 20% down
at 251.04… this morning I am under 250 lbs… 249.6 lbs. I have not been
this light in over 10 years… actually longer than that. I weigh 4.6
pounds more than I weighed the day I got married in October 1991.
I am loving this… the fat is just melting off. Yes I am eating. I am
not going hungry… well not unless I get busy and don’t get in to eat… I
am not dieting. You know I used to diet diet diet and gain weight… I
just kept getting heavier… it seemed impossible… and the way I was
trying to do it… it was impossible…
The electricity went off
last night… that means the heat lamps over the baby ducks and geese went
off… here’s hoping they are ok… if they did not pile up and squish each
other they should be… I am going to post this and head up the hill to
the building they are in … truthfully it spooks me when the power goes
off… although I will say it is not as frightening as it was when I lived
in the city and the lights went out. I would love to have an automatic
generator out here… or perhaps learn how to live off grid… there’s an
idea.
Breakfast is done… and time is flying by…
Heading out to check on the ducks and geese…
Mary E. Robbins
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Good Morning Peeps…
Got all the panels pulled for the garden fence… woof… made it back into
the house and that was the end of my activities for the night… I was
asleep in the chair… got up ate dinner…. Back asleep on the couch… woke
up drank some water… crawled into my bed…
I have not slept that much in a very very long time… I actually feel pretty good this morning … so my body must have needed it…
Highlander episode playing on the tv screen… the cockatiels are
chittering and dancing around to the music playing in the background as
they watch tv… breakfast is done… yes my typical breakfast… duck egg, 2
strips bacon, yam, a bit of raw honey and cacao nibs… finished off with
fresh ground organic French roast coffee…supposed to get up to 75F
(24C) here today… thinking this will be the first day of the season that
the cockatiels get to go outside… they love hanging out in their cage
on a stand under the evergreen tree in the front yard…
Used
the high jack to pull out the steel fence posts yesterday… for the life
of me I could not get the thing to work…. I was already frustrated and
triggered beyond thinking straight… I put it in the back of the truck
and headed to my friend’s house… he looked at it fiddled with it and got
it working… back in the day I would have done the same thing… argh…
it’s like my brain just shuts down and I run on emotion …. I mean
seriously… enough of this nonsense… It was really bad right after David
died… did not seem to be able to think at all… just feel… and that was
raw guttural emotions… with no checks…
I mean seriously?!
Frustrated to tears over a high jack… what is that… this from a woman
who has run her own business… more than once… raised teen aged step
children… been a rail… and on and on… totally stymied by a high jack…
Actually I have seen this before… after I was hurt in a robbery … on
the same night of the week… my mind would trigger and I would not be
able to read the restaurant tickets … on Thursday nights… happened in
the mid 1980’s … the rest of the week I was fine… managing the
restaurant… keeping things humming along… doing my thing… then wham… I
could see the words on the tickets… knew that I should know what they
were… but could not comprehend them…
I went to the doc to see
if there had been some bone fragments knocked loose from a previous head
injury… from years before… I had a bad concussion from the night of the
robbery… from the scans there were no migrating bone fragments… turns
out it was a symptom of ptsd/tbi …. Not a whine… it just is what it is…
frustrating beyond words at times… but it is what it is…
The
duress from losing my husband/best friend destabilized and amplified the
emotional rollercoaster I’ve lived with for what seems like forever…
but I am still here… still living… taking it one moment at a time…
healing… growing… working my way though this life…
I write
about this because I know I am not the only one out there… and perhaps
my story will help another to not feel so alone in this journey… perhaps
help another along the way…
A friend of mine lost her husband
a few months before I did… they were lifers like we were… after her
husband died … she had a heart attack… she is still here… taking it one
day at a time… healing… evolving… each of our journeys are different…
yet the same…
I never imagined my life without my husband… but
here I am … he is still with me… I would have preferred to have him
here healthy in mind body and spirit… but it seems that was not to be… I
am taking it day by day… sometimes moment by moment… trying to sort out
my purpose in this life… perhaps my purpose is simply to live this life
day by day…and share the journey… perhaps that…
May you walk in peace…
Mary E. Robbins
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for those of you that celebrate Easter... for
those of other beliefs...may you enjoy the beauty of the graphics... and
have a blessed day as well...
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