This moment there is peace...

Cinnamon burps… meh… (there is a cinnamon capsule in my morning vitamin regime)

Grattitudes:
No wind this morning
Fire in the wood stove…. Glowing beautiful embers
Peace in my heart…

Good morning peeps… the eastern horizon is just showing light… it is around 5 degrees F in my front yard… surprised me that it was that cold… did not feel that cold… I just ran the mastiffs and Pominators out and back in for their morning potty break… in my night shirt and flip flops… then went out and gave water and food to the kitty trio… looks like I am acclimating right along with the critters…

Sitting down with my morning coffee before I blast off for the day…

This transformation… evolution… over this past year has been … what would be the word… or rather words… as there are some pretty descriptive ones from both ends of the scale that could describe parts of it… whew… the word I was thinking this morning however… is enlightening… there have been friends … that have become family… from around the world… that have been major in my evolution and healing… an ongoing process by the way…

Then there have been those… that seemed to be helpful and supportive… when I was broken and lost… only to become angry and resentful as I gained strength evolving into this new version of me… stronger and healing… one surprised me in his antics … the other no she did not… I had hoped she had evolved as well… but alas it seems it is not so… this person seemed to thrive on the waves of pain and desolation I was emitting… As peace and joy started to settle into my soul in the place of pain and desolation… I heard a litany of “it is too soon… it is too soon… “coming out of her mouth as she became more sullen and angry… actually going so far as to suggest in supposed jest that I help her commit suicide… when I confronted her immediately and asked her if she was serious… she quickly recanted becoming even more surly and spiteful… (her suggestion was that I bring a shotgun and shoot her… I said no)

I am sorry if you were feeding off my pain… and the buffet has been restocked with growing peace and healing rather than the bitter flavor of despair… as life’s path seems to be a twisty turning trail I would imagine there will be days of pain ahead as well… but for today… there is peace… and a growing awareness… as I grow in healing and health… exploring this ever changing venue that is life…

Today… I am enjoying… ah… savoring ….the peace that is within me and around me… tomorrow there may be chaos and pain… but for this moment there is the blessing of peace…

I hear the wild birds chirping and singing… love that sound…

Gotta blast off … out of time…
May you walk in peace…

Mary E. Robbins
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Silver Wolf

I saw a silver wolf last night
Slipping through the light

I saw a silver wolf last night
Beautiful in its’ might

I saw a silver wolf last night
Just a glimpse in the light

I felt a presence and spun around
And much to my delight
A glimpse of silver beauty
Gliding through the night…

written 

December 11 2013

by

Mary E. Robbins

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Where there was grief... peace...

I am back inside… the critters were all glad to see me… including the wild birds… since their feeder was empty… lol… I filled it and by the time I stepped away they were flying in for breakfast… The pair of Muscovy’s were sitting on top of the straw stack… watching as I filled buckets and the feed cart for the dogs… as well as the cat trays… I know a couple of feathered waddling friends that are eating cat food… aw well… the Muscovy hen decided to greet the sun from the top of the feed storage building… I enjoyed watching her fly from the top of the straw stack to the tip top of the building and glide in… watered and fed the chickens and the quackers… and listened to their chatter for a bit…

The Kennel runs now all have feed and fresh water… here is hoping that the weather folks are right and today warms up to 45 or better… that would be grand… be grand if it did it tomorrow as well… make it much easier to clear the ice out of all the buckets and tubs.

Warming up with some strong hot coffee letting the cold seep out of my skin… I do believe my face had a bit of ice… from my breath freezing… the sun is up… I watched it barely light the eastern horizion… then slip up to light the day…

Set a small heater in the bathroom to heat up the old claw foot tub that is in there… love that tub… gonna put some Epsom salts…zeolite… lavender… and eucalyptus oil … along with some very warm water and take a bit of a soak this morning… nothing like lavender and eucalyptus in hot steam… hmmmmm… thinking I’d better set an alarm or I’ll be sleeping in that water…

Need a hair cut too… hmmmm… perhaps before getting in the tub… perhaps not… could go a bit longer…

Sunlight is streaming in through the kitchen window… hasn’t reached the cockatiels cage yet though… they are trying to nap… yes they were up with me at 4 a.m. this morning and chattering along with the tv streaming from the internet last night … who knows how late as I was crashed out sleeping in the chair…

I thought of my husband as I was out and about… stomping through the snow drifts… across the tops of some… stepping along wearing stockyard boots he insisted I get… with the headlamp turned on as it rode along on the front of my cap and hat under the edge of my sweatshirt… headlamp he had surprised me with… sweatshirts we had bought together… wearing some of the warmest gloves/mittens ever … again that he had surprised me with… as I came in and started pealing of layers… first the boots… to see heavy socks that were his… then the vest he wore… and I thought… he is still taking care of me from the other side… my beloved was needed elsewhere… yet he is still with me… and I with him… today I thought these thoughts… and there was peace rather than grief… yes I still miss his physical presence… miss seeing the sparkle of his hazel eyes… shifting from green to brown… to gold… colors all flecked together shining with love… but today… there was peace…

Yes writing of this brings tears… but there is still peace…

Mary E. Robbins
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Monday Morning Gratitudes

Gratitudes:
Hot cup of coffee
Friends
Mow Mow Tat

Good morning Peeps…

Mary E. Robbins
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A bit of verse... and a full day...

A bit of verse came dancing through my mind...
may you enjoy...

This is a night for dragons flight
Sailing across the sky…

Dipping and diving
Dancing through the clouds

Rolling and lolling
In the pure moon light

Iridescent in their glory
Moonlight in their eyes

Open your eyes and see
Wonders such as these

Chickens fed... ducks fed and their water tank washed out... it was too much fun watching them play in the clean water... they get in that low tank and splash and dive their heads down... quacking away... sounded like a duck party... I'm thinking that quacking was duck laughter...

Bedroom windows, bathroom window, and living room windows… done… done… done… I was putting on a second layer of plastic with an air barrier in between the first layer… I was using duct tape… but for some reason it just would not stick… rotten stuff… actually it was a new roll… teach me to buy cheap duct tape… well I did it sort of the old fashioned way instead… I actually I used a base … in this case rolled dog food bags into about a 2 inch strip… and stapled it on.

I had been having a problem with smoke coming through the bedroom windows unless the wind was blowing… not any more… yeah baby… ok so I have colorful borders around my windows… such is life… or should I say it is the repurposing way… hehehehe….

Still need to do the upstairs windows… but that is so not happening tonight…

Got part of the laundry done… compression pants washed and hanging in the bathroom… stripped the bed and washed the sheets… towels in the washer now…

Doing a bit of prep work for the weeks meals… trying to eat more nutritiously … this body does much better on good quality fuel…

Got a cart load of wood in for the wood stove as well… changed out the vac filter…took out ashes… brought the hairballs and mastiffs in… the kitty trio are coming in to sleep at night now too… the girls had caught nasty colds… I have been opening a capsule of Echinacea and dumping it in their water… no more snotty noses and sneezing… yay! I was pretty worried about Curley and Mo… Larry is recovering nicely from his neuter… or so it seems anyway… all three have good appetites again.

Had to go outside and just enjoy that moon… wow… so beautiful… lighting up the sky. Took a bit of amaretto out with me and sat in my chair and just soaked it up… yes that is when that verse came skipping through my mind… I didn’t sit there too long because I could feel myself relaxing… and would have been quite content to drift off to sleep in the moonlight even though it is rather nippy out with the wind blowing… with what I was wearing I probably would have woken up on the other side….

It seems it is not time for that as of yet… so I came back inside… it is truly a beautiful night…

Time to check the oven… the timer is going off…. Veggies already in the frig … have some pork steaks roasting… it’s going to be a porky week… hehehe…

Then going to stick my feet up… as I am truly tired…

Nite peeps… may you rest well…

Mary E. Robbins
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 Gratitudes:
a roof over my head
breakfast... homefries, slice of bacon, 2 eggs and some grapes... oh yeah and coffee...
a day at home

Choice...

Gratitudes:
Ears to hear
Eyes to see
A fire to warm by


Good morning peeps… a bit of rambling… and a bit of prose/poetry… about choice…

The past few days have been good… bad… interesting… all and not…

Yesterday I ran head on into… what shall I call it… geez… it’s a bit like stepping in a runoff of toxic sludge. No not literally a mudslide of toxic sludge… I am talking about an attitude… a way of thinking… truth be told it is the life path this particular person has chosen.

This person has chosen a path of fear… judgment… paranoia… condemnation… and is insistent that all others walking in this life should walk same said path… or be damned. This person is walking along… (figuratively speaking of course) with a fire hose… spraying all those within reach with a coating of toxic waste… the truly frustrating thing… well frustrating for me… is this person is doing this in the name of one so glorious and giving… saying it is this being’s will… judging and condemning all those that do not immediately conform to this person’s dark and dreary way… all the while proclaiming I am a herald… follow me… I am a herald… I command you to follow me… for I am a herald… you must follow me… you are less than… your path is foul… follow me… I know the way… as he trudges along in the toxic waste of his chosen path… in deliberate ignorance…

Refusing to see… refusing to hear… starving when a banquet is set before him… choices…

Yes I would like to reach out and shake this person and say… drop the scales from your eyes and see… or even pry them off said eyes… and expose them to the light… but it is not up to me… to force him to see… blindness or sight… tis his choice…

I would hand him a goblet of water to drink… or perchance a fine wine to quench his thirst… but said is refused and condemned as being less than… as his spirit shrivels and shrinks for want of drink… so I will leave the goblets setting on the banquet table… they are there filled to overflowing if he chooses to drink…

As for me… I am greeting the morning sun… savoring the light of the moon… giving thanks for eyes to see… ears to hear… a mind to think… a spirit to soar… as I meditate and recharge… from being sprayed with his souls sucking toxic waste…

Initially I reacted in hurt then anger… in response to the ignorant judgment and condemnation directed my way. One of so little experience and knowledge to be so hateful and judgmental… but isn’t that usually the way… hateful creatures… spewing judgment… fear… condemnation … and calling it love… calling it God’s love … no less…

Choice is such a tricky thing… that was a be careful what you ask for moment if there ever was one… seeking the gift of choice…

I can choose to stay in hurt and anger and allow that to fester in to judgment and condemnation… or I can step back and see that his words really have nothing to do with me… they are a reflection of his own toxic path… a path he has chosen… yes I would reach out my hand to help him out of the mire… but it is his choice as to whether he will accept it or reject it and allow himself to see…

I can choose to mire myself in his condemnation and pain… or I can choose to forgive… I can choose to love him anyway and step back and allow him to follow his path … yes his words were deliberate and hurtful… but I have choice as well… and I choose to be free… to actually live… and to be free it is necessary for me to forgive… to love … this does not make his words ok… nor does it make me accepting of them… it actually frees me of their toxic grasp…


This bit of poetry… or prose… however you choose to see it… came spilling out of my fingertips this morn…

For those that have ears…
Let them hear…

For those that have eyes…
Let them see…

For those that have life…
Let them live…

I am sorry that you will not see…
But I will not put out my eyes because you have chosen to be blind…

I am sorry that you will not hear…
But I will not destroy my ears because you have chosen to be deaf…

I am sorry you have chosen to make your life barren…
But I will not refuse the gifts because you have chosen to deny…

I am sorry that you have chosen to starve…
But I will not refuse the banquet because you refuse to eat…

Seeing… hearing…living…
Both blessing and curse…

Peaches have pits…
Roses have thorns…

Would you deny the taste of the peach…
To avoid the hardness of the pit…

Would you ignore the beauty of the rose…
To avoid the sharpness of the thorn…

Would you deny the richness of life…
To avoid the depths of despair…

You have choice…
May you use it well…

*******

Oh yes… and before anyone gets up in the air about it… this is not literal… it is not aimed at the physically blind, nor the physically deaf… nor the physically starving… I mean… seriously… get a grip… no there was not a man walking about town with a fire hose spraying toxic sludge… not literally…

May you walk in peace…

Mary E. Robbins
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misty morning...

Good morning peeps… there is a fine frost on the hillside… and a fog in the air… the sun is smiling down and the fog is misting away…

I’ve had my toast… and still drinking my coffee… the mastiffs are out… the second wave of Pominators are out… although I am thinking I’ll run them back in for the day. Supposed to get up to 69 degrees F today… but is rather nippy now. Out to enjoy the sunshine seems the better option…

I am a sore tired puppy this morning… yes a 53 year old puppy… what can I say… oh … no it is not from the tattoo… Remarkably enough it is barely sore. I am sore from doing chores and hauling in wood and working on windows… groan…


I realized some things last night… or rather one thing… I realized why I was having such an impossible time leaving my home at night. Last night was actually a major victory for me…. Driving into town in the evening… no it was not completely dark… but dark was coming on… well for one I don’t see very well driving at night… but can compensate for that… the last time I went away from my home at night was the night David died.

Yes I did have a panic attack last night… or rather the start of one… the miserable thing started in the middle of the tat… I had some rescue remedy with me and used it… and breathed through it… another victory… yay!

I seriously detest those things… no not the tats… the panic attacks…

Busy day…must blast off… perhaps I can work some of this soreness off… I am actually amazed at the difference these compression pants make…amazing…


Later taters…

May you walk in peace…

Mary E. Robbins
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Triple Bertry Pie & Tats...

Oh ... yum... triple berry pie... love that stuff... and coffee with pumpkin spice creamer... was a hungry girl… now I am a happy girl... hehehehe...

Got the straw into the cat yard… miserable stuff was still damp… so I did not put it in their house… went out to the Quonset and got a huge dog bed and stuck it in there instead. Not what I’d wanted to do but it will do for now… stapled a dog food bag partway over their door… spread that damp straw around their yard… it will dry out pretty quickly that way…

Dumped all the waters… including the duck tank and refilled with fresh water… filled everyone’s feed pans… and gave them all biscuits…

One of my senior girls is now dancing about on the other side… Snickers crossed over the rainbow bridge… She is a wonderful kind spirit… I will miss being able to see her… she always had love in her eyes and a smile on her face for me… She had not been ill… her body was aged… she simply laid down and died.

Got 4 windows covered… going to have to replace some windows … not trying for it now though… perhaps next summer… depending on what is happening. Still need to use some foam around them… and secure it a bit more with tape… but the basics are done on those 4. Will help to keep it warmer in here.

Learned a hard lesson today… the arthritis in my thumb joints has progressed to the point that I am unable to control my stapler with my thumbs… grrrr… had to figure another way… hands are hurting now… ouch… especially that thumb joint…

Made me kinda clumsy with the stapler… that window work is not pretty… but it’s on there.

I have this thing called a robo-cut… I actually thought I was going to use it for the dogs but it scars the dickens out of them. It is a clipper thing that attaches to the vacuum cleaner. My hair is now 2 inches long… I usually cut the sides and back shorter… but just did not have it in me… feels much better than it did… and I have NO hair pieces down my back… I so hate that… itchy… nasty…pokey pieces of hair… are not there… it’s all in the vacuum… yay!

Needed to sit down and rest… I was staggering by the time I got back into the house. Have my breath back now… thinking I’ll get a bath and head into town for that tat… no I am not backing out. I told a friend I was planning on getting it… her words… “you know those are permanent” … wow… really … I had no idea…

Of course I’ve been beating myself up over the cost… this tat is no frivolous spur of the moment thing for me… this is my way of honoring 22 years of marriage to my best friend… with our anniversary coming up this Saturday. May seem strange to some people … but it is important to me… it is a step towards healing…

Gotta go… later taters…

Mary Robbins
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the day after the first blizzard of the season

Yay! I am back home... went mud bogging up the upper drive to get out... slip sliding along the dirt road to the highway... saw one car in the ditch on the way into town... people were already gone... had sections with snow drifted across... yes this is why I drive a 4 wheel drive jeep wrangler…. Or if totally nasty… my 1993 ford f150 pick up truck… with mud bogging tires on it…

by the time I headed back home the highway was totally dry... yay...other than where the melt runs across it... hwy 85 into lusk has been closed all day...

the wind caught me broadside and sent me skittering across the road on the way into town… yee haw… stayed out of the ditch…

the wind can be a bugger... but nothing is better than sunshine and wind to dry out a dirt road... the road from the hwy to my place was nearly dry when I came home… yay! It was a wet mess this morning... still huge mud hole by my mailbox... in my lower drive... picked up the mail... turned the jeep around and came in across the pasture next to the upper drive... mind you my driveways are just dirt trails across the pasture... one upper one lower... perhaps one day I'll get them graded and graveled... not for a while though... it's that green stuff ya know... green backs... no not tumble weeds... money...

checked the kennels… more branches down around them… I am not messing with any of the branches today… already tired… and that wind is seriously whipping around… good chance there will be more branches down before morning… wind is supposed to have died down by tomorrow…

there is water running everywhere around the lower yards… melt melt melt… the quackers (buff ducks) are all up under their tree next to the snow fence hanging out away from the winds… just heard something else crack and thump… probably another branch coming down…

ran the house hairballs outside… Pominators and mastiffs alike. I would wager they will be glad to get back in around sundown if not before… they can get out of the water and wind… give them some runaround time…

gonna go put my legs up for a bit then feed the big dogs … the Pominators all have feed… yay! Gotta check the ranch cat feed pan and see what’s in there… thinking I may just fill the pan inside their house in the enclosure… I’m thinking the wild critters are coming in and eating the other pan of feed…. Sorry critters… gonna have to go out and go hunting rather than eat my ranch cats’s feed…. Yeah I know… I’ll probably just keep filling that feeder up anyway… whatever is helping itself to that feed wouldn’t be coming in with all these dogs If it wasn’t really hungry…

I stopped the jeep at the top of the hill just before getting home and just stared out across the valley… so beautiful… yesterday I could see nothing but snow blowing… not even snow covered hills… it was blowing and snowing so hard I simply could not see… today… most of the snow has melted off… some on the higher bluffs… with the golds… deep browns of the earth… and greens of alfalfa and pasturelands showing in the late day sunshine… so beautiful…

Speaking of beautiful… on the way into town I came around a curve at the base of a hill… with a bit of a hollow there… and there stood this beautiful deer off the road in a little hollow … glad I was going slower than usual… I got a chance to take a good look… pretty sure there were several others lying down around the one standing… hey I said I was going slower… not that slow…

Day before yesterday I saw a couple of herds of antelope on the way into Cheyenne… one herd was just south of Torrington… Both were relatively small herds… the biggest herd I’ve ever seen was years back up by Douglas… there were hundreds of antelope in that herd…

Hungry… gonna go fix a bite to eat… thinking home fries, bacon, and eggs… yes I know breakfast for dinner… hey it works for me… plus it’s easy and quick… besides I seriously like potatoes…

Heading to the kitchen...later...

May you walk in peace...
Mary E. Robbins
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deer

antelope

how to have a good day...

Truth in this... woke up this morning... and the typical panic started... took a breath ... got out of bed and started running the Pominators and Mastiffs outside for their morning potty break... all the while feeling the panic and emotional pain rising inside of me... I stopped and gave thanks for the day... savoring the feel of the sunshine on my face on a brisk autumn day... the panic and emotional pain subsided... I could feel it sinking away... such a blessing...

May you walk in peace...

Mary E. Robbins
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choose not to hate

I find myself sitting here on this cool misty morning thinking… and the truth be told I’m angry…. And so very very fed up with the fear mongers and the haters… the power seekers… the greedy beasts… the users and the liars and the cheats… did I leave any destructive worthless sacks out… if so consider this inclusive…

I am saddened as well by those that follow these greedy power hungry sacks … spreading hatred greed and prejudice across the face of the planet.

It is such a good thing that it is not up to me to judge… and carry out sentence… for there would be some surprised faces as their throats were ripped out as they were spreading hatred in the name of God… bastardizing His word in the name of their hateful quest which they call holy…

It is true… these creatures are my pet peeves… twisting Holy words to fit their agendas… blindly following the words of some self proclaimed man/woman of God… by whichever name God be called… none of which is God’s actual name …

Perhaps … my anger grows so hot along these lines because years back I got caught up in this hateful folly… listening to words from a trusted source… which I thought to be true… only later to find that they were false… perhaps this source thought they were true… but they were false none the less…

Perhaps… perhaps I am still here in this life to learn patience and tolerance for those who practice hatred and intolerance… perhaps so… perhaps I am still here to learn to judge not… perhaps…

When I hear or see remember 9/11… I remember… however I remember not only the suffering and devastation created on 9/11 but the suffering and devastation throughout the ages…

I thought of making a list… but the listing would be too great a volume as to reach to infinity and beyond… from massive conflicts… to individual attacks…

Some will read this and think I am jumping on one particular group… or faith… think again… there are those who are greedy… power hungry… filled with hatred… that twist the words of teachings to suit their own desires within every populace… as well as those that follow their lead… sometimes in innocence … believing their words to be true… sometimes not… and well aware of what they are actually doing…

So what is the purpose of this writing… other than me venting… perhaps to encourage one person to think… to reconsider… to choose to not hate…

Perhaps….

May you walk in peace…

Mary E. Robbins
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Good Morning Peeps... and Scammers step off!

Good morning peeps… gotta love Garfield... hehehe...

it is a wonderful 67 degrees F this morning… it is forecast for a high of 81… what a relief that will be as it has been in the triple digits in my yards. The Pominators and Mastiffs are outside along with the cockatiels … enjoying the morning. As for me … monster sized coffee mug by my keyboard… breakfast cooked and eaten… 2 farm eggs… home fries… and a bit of bacon… all cooked in olive oil and smothered in apple cider vinegar… gee I am not a creature of habit am I… lol… have to be out and about today… so packed a lunch of celery sticks… and a couple of sandwiches… natural peanut butter on toast… hey… I like peanut butter on toast… lol…

Oh yeah… the pain and swelling finally went down in my legs… well for now anyway… but I’ll take what I can get…

Time is blasting by this morning… gotta run… figuratively speaking…hehehehe…

May you walk in peace…

And for the predators out there....

For the vast majority of my  Friends... this has nothing to do with you... for the rash of scammers that has shown up lately... seriously... get a grip... so not happening... just because I am a widow... it does not mean that I am a potential victim... and for those of you that are preying on others... a little gift for you... actually could be a wonderful gift to those that are bringing kindness into others lives as well...

As you to bring to others In either thought or deed
May you be so blessed In the life you lead
Ten times ten plus one
Whether this is Blessing Or Cursing be Is completely up to thee!

Mary E. Robbins
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What am I supposed to do with that... and one year anniv of mom's death...

Morning Peeps... heading out to freshen waters before it heats up... still trying to deal with that 94 year old lungs comment from the doctor... huh... just what am I supposed to do with that... really... Today is the one year anniversary of my Mom's passing... happy trails mom... miss you... had breakfast... gotta get out the door... hairballs need water...

A Rose to Remember By... Mom Loved Roses... 

One of my favorite pics of mom...

Mom in her 80's at my house... miss my mom...

Yes it is...

Mom used to say this to me...

Where she's gone...

Mom loved roses... David and I used to give her boquets of them... the bicolor ones she really loved...



Mary E. Robbins
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The Day After... Naughty Miss Molly

Good morning peeps… the house critters are all outside for a bit… Pete and Blue (cockatiels) love the morning sunshine… I just had breakfast… bit of bacon, couple eggs, and some home fries… and yes I did drown the whole lot in apple cider vinegar…

David used to cringe every time I did that... hehehe… now I am having my coffee … before this busy busy day gets started… well actually it has already started… but I ‘m still taking a moment … missing my hubs this morning... I don't know how he did it... but whenever one of our little furballs got out he could find them... no matter what it was I lost... he could find it... strange how a good memory can still make a person cry...

Gotta change my focus or I will spend the day mourning in tears...

Ok... so what are we thankful for today... one thing... even if you don't feel it... one thing you could be thankful for...

I am thankful that I was able to see that beautiful blue sky with bright white clouds scattered across parts of it... beautiful sunrise...

I was out and about and on my feet too much yesterday… legs are burning today… ah well… guess it will be a fiery day… so to speak. May you walk in peace… 

Yesterday's afternoon adventure....

started around noon:

 
Worried... Molly got out of the yard and I can not find her. She is a very small cream pom... that thinks she is the size of a wolf... when in reality she is about the size of a prairie dog...or smaller... I've taken the jeep around the pasture... driven up and down the roads... called neighbors... drove to neighbor after neighbor... she was frightened out of her senses when she got out of the yard... so I am thinking she just ran blindly or is in some small dark place hiding... she is small enough that she is eagle, hawk, coyote, fox, cougar, bobcat... food... not to mention she will attack any snake she comes across... and yes there are rattlesnakes in those fields... miles and miles and miles of open ranges and crops...

looked for her all afternoon... for miles around... took the jeep through pastures...gravel roads... and so on...

later in the day: around 6 p.m.

 
I walked around the yards calling her... no response... checked the cats' hidey holes... no Molly.... Little Miss Molly no where to be found... then I got in the jeep and went west this time... saw something on the side of the road... it was the young coyote carcass... bawled my face off again... drove farther east looking... listening for farm/ranch dogs barking... all quiet... saw the mare and her foal... stopped at the Huntlely Post office... my box was empty there... forgot I'd picked it up on Saturday...

drove around the houses in huntley... saw a couple of goats... No Molly... started home looking... praying... I stopped at the top of the drive... and honked... honked again and again...

when I come home for the day... I stop at the top of the drive and honk... the house Pominators all line up at the front gate and wiggle... and wag and bark... I honk the jeep's horn intermittently all the way down the drive until I park in front of the gate... the whole kennel barks welcome... wiggles and wags...

I thought maybe... just maybe... it's about the same time I come home when I've been in town... just maybe Molly will be heading for the gate...

I saw this little cream critter heading for the gate... I don't know where she'd been but she was panting and out of breath... my Naughty Miss Molly is Home... I couldn't be angry with her... I snatched her little panting self up and hugged and hugged her all the while her tail was wagging...

I am thinking Little Naughty Miss Molly is glad to be home as well...

Thank you for your prayers...

This is my Naughty Miss Molly... so very glad she is  home and was not eaten by some predator while she was out and about...

description of yesterday's adventures transferred over from my facebook page...

Gotta go...the day is calling...

May you walk in peace..

Mary E. Robbins
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peace ... quiet ... calm ...

I rested a bit last night and it was good. This morning as I was running the Pominators outside… carrying out the cockatiels to enjoy the day… feeding the labs, chickens, and ducks… and of course gathering the gifts of cackleberries this one line kept getting louder… at first I could barely hear it in my mind… I walked up the hill to give Puss-Kat (long haired calico cat) her egg… yes she loves raw eggs…and to feed the rest of the ranch cats… stopped and looked out over the valley to Table Mountain… and the rest of the ridges to the southeast…

A beautiful patchwork of greens… yellows… and golds with the lake shimmering in the midst of it… I heard the rumble of steel on steel as a coal train pulled through the valley… I stood there gave thanks for the day and breathed in the cool clean morning air… As I stood there… my mind grew quieter… and this … thought… for lack of a better word… grew louder… not banging screaming loud… just a calming whisper… over and over as in a loop…

My peace I give unto you… My peace I give unto you… My peace I give unto you… be still and listen…

A quiet silvery thought running through my mind Ad infinitum…. To infinity and beyond…

This world… this realm… is such an amazingly beautiful place… we as a species bring such chaos … cruelty… and destruction to it…

Then you see… or hear about… those rare creatures… yes humans… that walk through chaos… walk through the wars that surround them… in peace…

It’s not about being a doormat or a perpetual victim… it is about allowing peace… accepting peace… choosing peace … within you… even though you may be surrounded by perpetual chaos… hatred… fear… war….

Sounds like such a simple thing… like forgiveness… or not judging… or loving… simple concepts… all a part of peace…

Suppose that is what is meant when it is said to live simply… be still and know…

Simple and easy are not the same thing….

And that is the end of my ramble for this morning… raising my coffee mug in thanks… and heading back outside to finish this morning’s ranch rounds.

May you walk in peace…

Mary E. Robbins
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End of August 2013

End of August…Strong dark coffee…Red Tailed Hawks… Golden Sunflowers… small toad sitting on my living room floor… red cherry tomatoes… yellow and red peppers in a pot… blue sky accented with ever changing patterns of clouds… alfalfa fields covered in tiny purple blooms… corn fields tasseled out… fields of grass golden heads bobbing in the breeze… mailbox on a dusty road… storm clouds on the ridge… lightening strikes… rifle shots in the distance…yellow blooms on cucumber vines… weeds stretching and growing in the summer heat… shelter belt deciduous and evergreen in various shades of green … deer walking into the hollow… prairie dogs chirping… black and white cat stretched out on the back of the couch… ducks sheltering in the shade of the tree… ranch cat climbing the fence… chickens scratching in the dirt… bumble bees black and yellow… cattle grazing on hillsides… calves running and playing… horse and foal… pheasants… meadowlarks … jeep honks at the top of the drive… repeat the sound… Pomeranians running… Mastiffs looking around…wagging… Pomeranians lined up at the front gate… barking and wagging… bright eyes smiling… park the jeep… little yellow house in the hollow… home in this life…

Mary E. Robbins
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monster panic attack

 monster panic attack yesterday... body exhausted today... emotions flipping back and forth between numb/exhausted... royally pissed... and sad... riding the roller-coaster... where is the hand brake... seriously... geez...

just sayin... peeps dealing with panic attacks... are not looking for attention... are not looking for sympathy... it just is what it is...

Mary E. Robbins
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arise... give thanks for the day

Arise… arise and give thanks for the day… and know…

this was running through my head this morning… take it for what you will…

I was blessed with rest this past night. That sounds strange even to me… considering how much I’ve been stuck in a reclining position. But there is a difference… a true rest has been very rare … for a long time… this morning I woke rested before my alarm clock went off… oh and no I did not wake in a night terror or panic attack… believe me when I say… those are very very far from rest being rested… rather the opposite…

Such an amazingly beautiful sky this morning… the air cool and clean with just a hint of moisture to breathe… clouds scattered across the blue… the morning sun shining through… showing patches of gray and startling white bursting into light… sunlight sweeping across the hillside… lighting up the ridges to the south… a new day has come…

I am out to do ranch rounds… and to savor the morning sun…

Mary E. Robbins
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Autumns coming...

I am up… have had breakfast… well most of it… still drinking my first mug of coffee for the day… the rest consisted of wheat toast butter and raw honey.  This is enough for this morning. Dog laundry in the washer… compression pants on… checking in and checking the weather before I head out to do ranch rounds. I know the waters need to be freshened… Watered my few tomato plants already… and my pot of peppers… there are more cherry tomatoes shining red amongst the green of their leaves… my few cucumbers are vining and blooming… here is hoping that they can set on before the frosts take them.

I’ve seen the golden harbingers of autumn shining amongst the green of the cottonwood trees… shining out their announcements… fall is coming… fall is coming… the golden rod is in bloom along the sides of the roads bobbing their golden manes in the late summer breezes… the corn is standing tall… wearing their crowning tassels… proudly… whispering grow grow grow… time is short … grow grow grow… form our treasures hidden in husks before the freezes come… the beginnings of the harvest dance has begun…

Soon… soon enough… the drops of dew from the morning fogs will have changed their character… from soft shining orbs and a fine warm caressing mist… to beautiful crystalline shards… forming in winter’s breath…  

And yet… today… today is starting with a sunny 67 degrees F…. heating up into the upper 90’s possibly into the 100 degree range…  the cucumber vines are whispering … there is time… yes there is time… come bees… come wasps… there is time… come see our yellow blooms… dance and harvest sweet pollen…. Come come come… let us put on our fruits…

The young fox and coyote are growing … putting on coat… preparing for winter… yet still playing in the summer’s sun… careless young ones… dancing through their first season… hard lessons to learn… as one’s body lies decaying in the heat of the sun… killed by a passing human… hard lesson learned in such a young life… glimpses of their beauty will be rare… as they have learned to hide from human sight… ones sad loss is another’s bounty as flies lay their eggs and their children feast as maggots devouring the young coyote’s corpse…

Nature waste’s nothing… a lesson humans seem to have forgotten… images of land fills… and garbage piled high flashes through my mind… along with hard cement walkways … and the lost souls walking them… so many separated from the very earth they depend upon for their survival… their connection so ignored as to be lost to them completely… some can hear… some can feel… but so many are the walking dead… no wonder zombie stories carry such appeal…

My toast is finished… my mug of coffee nearly dry… and time is rapidly slipping by… she laughs as I try to catch her to hold her still … just for a moment… and loops along her way… tis time for me to head out the door to freshen the waters… feed what needs food… gather the gifts eggs the girls have given… and be off…

May you walk in peace this day… 

Mary E. Robbins
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I sharpened a knife!

Moving really slow today... gastric attack late last night... not sure what brought it on... stress or the wrong thing for dinner... who knows... always leaves me totally exhausted after an episode though... gonna be home for most of the day today... had planned on working outside... but that is not going to happen...

On an up note... I did something today I haven't done in over 20 years... my favorite butcher knife had lost it's edge... and I was cutting some chicken thighs and legs apart and freezing them... doesn't work to well with a dull knife... good way to cut yourself... anyway I tried this little sharpener David had bought before he passed... that man could put an edge on a knife... wow... he was so good with a steel. Me... seriously pathetic with a steel... but I got an edge on that knife with that little sharpener... my hubs is still taking care of me from the other side... I never would have had that little sharpener if he had not wanted it... sad and happy both... strange feeling... ya know...

Beautiful gray cloudy morning here today… in the 60’s and 70’s for a good bit of the morning… It was so nice to have the fans and air conditioner shut off… I am thankful I have them… but truly enjoy not having to run them… it’s jumped up into the 90’s now….

My favorite season is coming on fast… I love autumn… I am seeing splashes of yellow color in the cottonwood trees… beautiful… not so much to do with autumn… but I saw 4 birds of prey on my way into town yesterday… I am thinking 2 falcon, 1 hawk, and 1 eagle… beautiful creatures… saw a male pheasant on the way back home…

Visited with a good friend on the phone for a bit this morning… she is another widow… 6 years out on her after husband journey… we have been friends for longer than that… was good to hear her voice.

Geez… I am seriously exhausted… gotta find some energy from somewhere…

Mary E. Robbins
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