Good Morning Peeps…
Wow the day is flying by… have not accomplished much yet… made my list… took my vitamins… had a chat on the phone… keep flitting from one thing to another… great way to accomplish nothing… argh…
Ok… focus… supposed to be a warmer day today… good day for cleaning up the minivan seats and putting them back into the van to find it a new home… leather seats… it actually drives pretty nice… has a wheelchair lift in the back… the kind that straps onto the chair and lifts it…
List for today… fill bird feeder… feed/water kennels, big dogs, ducks, geese, chickens, goats, house dogs, bring in firewood, process red beets … freezing them… seriously need to hem compression pants that fit me and redo their waist bands… and need to vac the rug and do Oxycise… I always feel better when I do that exercise… and the compression pants are an issue… I’ve lost enough inches in my legs hips and waist that the ones I am trying to wear have become too long and are wadding up around my ankles causing pain… not to mention not giving support where needed…
Accomplished a bit yesterday… went to the old home place and pulled out the last decrepit auto and got rid of it… one less thing piled on that place… made it through without a total meltdown… I did good… it is going to take a long time to have that place completely cleaned up… but bit by bit it will get done… it is posted with no trespassing signs… and fenced… it is enough to be cleaning up after my hoarding relatives… but it is enraging to see trash thrown over the fence from the neighbors… then to ask me when I am cleaning the place up… seriously!!!!! I did not say anything other than it is posted for no trespassing… best to not let that rage monster out of it’s cage just yet… she is really angry and has sharp talons…
I did not make this friggen mess… I’ve cleaned it up before… trying to work with family members… only to have my hands tied and the place turned back into a friggen nightmare… then of course been accused of abandoning family members … really… when it was made impossible … friggen impossible… was not my choices that made this nightmare… it did not have to be this way… but it is… I look and I think of what could have been… yet was made impossible… I see the remnants of so much work and caring that was put into that place before… by both my husband and myself… only to have been destroyed… buildings neglected beyond repair… then of course the scavengers are bitching because it is difficult to get through the place… trespassing thieving scavengers… too bloody bad there are not more rattlesnakes there…
Ok…breathe… center yourself… not worth becoming lost in rage over… just isn’t… there is a lot of emotion tied to the ole family place… some light… a lot of darkness and pain… and rage… it is almost as if it clings to the place… slithering through the burned out house… infusing whoever walks through there… with agony and rage… the earth is healing itself there… growing over covering up reabsorbing… slowly taking it all back into herself… as for me… bit by bit… I am working with her… her being the earth… slowly working my way through that place… and all the memories buried there… I’ll do what I can do… bit by bit… if others do not like the way I am progressing… too bad… stay off the property… and keep your trash… both physical and otherwise to yourself…
Some days I would really like to just let go … relinquish the control I hold to… and release the dragon… let her fly free…
May have to release her into some paint… something to think about next time you walk through a museum or gallery… what are those sculptures and paintings really… lol…
The sun is still shining… there is a cloud cover coming on… ack… stepped out into the yard and there was the guinea flock… white and bright coming down the hill… the guineas I have living here are white… lavender… and pearl…
saw a male pheasant on the way home yesterday… and an eagle sitting in the field ripping apart it’s meal … majestic bird…
The beets are in a tub sitting on the sideboard of the kitchen sink… waiting… thinking sewing the compression pants needs to be first up… make it less painful to get the rest of the work done… well as much as can be… there is a chill in here… or perhaps it is just me… as the thermometer says it is not chilly…
Gratitudes: did not go into total crisis while at family home place… firewood… true friends…
Later taters…
Mary E. Robbins
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