Friday, December 13, 2013

Use your fear as fuel...



Good Morning Peeps…

Gratitudes:
Moments of quiet
Dolvett
Friends

Did something stupid last night… didn’t think it was necessarily stupid when I did it… but geez it was. I had a white chocolate raspberry scone… how something that tastes so good… can make a person… namely me… so ill is just beyond… ugh… nasty nasty gastric attack all night… still spent and ill this morning…

No there was nothing spoiled with the scone… it was quite tasty… however it seems my digestive system is becoming less and less tolerant of white flours… increasing digestive intolerance… topped off with exhaustion and a huge dose of stress… resulted in a very painful miserable night…

Not a feel sorry for me moment… rather a what can I learn from this moment… seriously need to manage the stress better… or… rather release it…

Use your fear as fuel…. Use the fear as a fuel for change… those demons (challenges) are always going to be with you… how you deal with them is going to make you… ~Dolvett (not exact quote… but what I got from it)

Yes I was listening to “The Biggest Loser” this morning and what Dolvett was saying jumped out and touched me…

Rather than letting fear run your life use it as fuel… motivation for change… gain strength … saying the challenges are always going to be with you is not defeatist… this life is full of challenges… of one kind or another… whether emotional… financial… physical… relationships… work… health… the list goes on and on… it just is…

How we deal with said challenges makes all the difference… this has really been driven home this week… some challenges I have dealt with fairly well… for instance… I drove through ground blizzards to get home this past week… without panic attacks… this is such a victory for me… I was thankful … scratch that… very thankful I was in my truck which is set up for off road… as in I use a step to get up into it… so most of the ground blizzards were below my windshield… I took a pause and watched the swirling snow dancing and drifting across the road in front of me… and was amazed by the swirling beauty of it… there was one not far from my home that just went whoosh… up over the top of the truck… and on up completely encompassing my truck completely obscuring my vision…lost in the swirling whitness wind howling rocking the truck…

In an instant the panic started… then I heard in my head … just take it slow… make sure over drive is off… 4 wheel drive is on … so if you go off the road you have a chance of getting back up on it… and kept crawling forward… then as quickly as it was up over the truck it was gone… the amazing dancing wind playing with the snow… I fully expected there to be a huge snow drift over that patch the next morning… but the wind had other spots in mind… and that stretch of road had no snow at all… it had whipped it all away…

Being able to see the beauty … and being able to actually drive through the darkness… and yes even the daylight on icy snowy roads… is such a victory for me…. I did it… I really did it… yay!

On the flip side… there is another situation that I have not handled well at all. On an up note… at the start of several… yes I lost count… panic attacks… that dizzying off balance mess… I managed to head them off with rescue remedy and trying to just take it a moment at a time. Made for a miserable exhausting stressful day…but I made it through it. Can not say my attitude was a positive one… frankly it sucked… and I tend to project whatever I am feeling… eeessshhh… spilled that crap attitude all over the place… well what is done is done… nothing I can do about it now…

Just going on from here… one moment at a time… still dealing with a very negative situation in which my hands are effectively tied when it comes to changing the situation to a more positive outcome… from what I can see the only thing I can actually do is determine how I am going to allow it to effect me… negatively as in yesterday… or in a positive healthy manner… no I am not saying to deny that it is a negative situation… I am saying to not allow it to effect me negatively… to negatively effect my state of being… or my physical health for that manner…

It is so hard to watch… folks you care about destroy something they care about out of fear… and pride…

It gets exceptionally hairy when they lash out looking for someone… anyone else… to blame for the difficulties they are creating themselves… by their choices…

I could just walk away… and I seriously thought about it… but I’ve given my word… so I will honor that …

Once again time has zoomed on by and I must go… no time to edit… hopefully this makes some coherent sense…

May you walk in peace…

Mary E. Robbins
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