Saturday, December 21, 2013

Cupboard doors and artist canvas



Happy Solstice…

Gratitudes:
Stretched canvas
Acrylics
Water

Today has already been a day… Diesel woke me up at 4 a.m. whining to go outside… I was not a happy camper… but alas as I was awake I started the morning routine… Diesel and Sara first… then Honeybear and Willie… then Peanut, Ensign, Baron, Molly, Bitsy Boo, Tuffie, and Sweater Monkey…

Went on to scrub some more off the floor… the scent of lavender spread across the room… ran hot water in the sink and was scrubbing the cupboard doors… washed handprint off the door jam… washing away dirt… kitchen cooking oils that had wafted into the air… history… memories… emotions…

Dip the dishcloth in the hot water and soap… wring it out and scrub… emotions stuck to the walls… tears pouring out my eyes… pain ripping through my chest… rinse out the rag… watch it swish through the water… wring it out scrub off some more…

Clean off the counter top… wipe it clean … the foreman grill… open the lid… it is clean inside… wipe down the outside… move it across the counter and wipe down where it was sitting… unused for a year…

Was dark when I woke… well dark as it can be with the moon shining bright… the sun started to lighten the eastern horizion… grab that rag and scrub on the lower cabinets… stop… wave after wave of emotion… I wonder am I scrubbing off the kitchen grease and dust that has gathered… or am I chipping away at… scrubbing at layer and layer of emotion… releasing it… in waves of pain… is that pain just pain or is it healing…

A thought flittered across my mind… as I washed off layer after layer… it was as if the earth was slowly reclaiming this place… slowly covering it over… absorbing it back into her own… she does that you know… reclaims her own…

I stopped… made coffee… in David’s percolator… perked coffee was his thing… took a card he gave me off the door of the cupboard and put it in a drawer… took down magnets recipes and notes… scrub… swish to rinse… wring it out… scrub… white cabinets washed clean… well the doors anyway…

Cooked breakfast… fried banana, slice of pepper bacon, and one egg… took my vitamins… drank some coffee… stared at the canvas I started on last night… blue and black winding across the white background… picked up a tube of paint and a painting knife… then another tube… and another… a brush… my hand… is she finished… only for now… but she has a name… chaos…

When will she be finished… that I do not know… when she is… I leaned back and looked… and chaos came to mind… evolving chaos… dipped in pain and growth… as she evolves her name may change… she is not what she started out to be… evolving… growing… changing …

Is she beauty…. Is she pain… is she a mess on canvas… clear your mind… focus… let her out… what is she… she is… a war on canvas… chaos… or is she… she is as she is… as I am…

Hmmmm… seems I got some paint on the couch… aw well….

Scrubbed emotions off the cabinet doors… spilled them out on canvas… I am calm… peaceful now … or a moment…. And it feels good…

May you walk in peace…

Mary E. Robbins
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