I started Tai Cheng Today

I decided to start Tai Cheng today… here is hoping for renewed balance and flexibility. Additional peace of mind and calm would be nice too. My balance is a mess and frankly I would like to be able to ride my motorcycle this summer… see where balance would be a must… well unless I am seriously courting some nasty road rash. Frankly I would just as soon pass on that.

Increasing my lung capacity is a major goal as well. I am already using oxycise… and am going to continue to do so…. However this says it helps with that as well… so here goes.

I took my initial measurements… for the program… and to my delight I have already lost some inches off my hips… yay… my chest… no not breast… chest… above the breast 40.5 inches… right upper arm 15 left upper arm 15 waist 43… hips… 55… geez… but that is actually down over 6 inches…yay! Still ugh… but 6 inches less… left thigh 32 … right thigh 32.5 …

I look at that and I think… geez… each one of my thighs is actually bigger than what my waist used to be… and I thought I was fat then… lousy body image at the time.

Oh and yes I weighed as well… 282.4 lbs this morning… down from 313.8 lbs… 31.4 pounds down overall.

I want out of this fat suit… but being skinny is not my goal… being slender and well muscled… strong… graceful and healthy are my goals.

Stomping around my mom’s burned out house was an eye opener… as I could barely keep my balance… nor get my breath… pppphhhttttt! Enough of this crap… I may not be able to totally recover this body… but I am going to give it a serious go…

Frankly I am amazed at the difference cutting out processed foods and gluten has done already. Positive changes… trying for organic non gmo as well… talk about not much in the grocery stores… this is definitely a learning experience… on an up note… I am not getting sick every time I eat a meal now.

Actually this is all rather overwhelming… the temptation is to hide in a dark little hole… ok a dark big hole in the ground… or a closet and just wish it all away… but since that never works… it’s take a deep breath… well as deep as I am capable of at this time… then another … and another… then on to taking steps… one at a time… then I am thinking down the road a bit it will not be so overwhelming… because I will learn as I go along… one step at a time…

Kind of like going over to my mom’s property… that place is one nightmare maze of triggers… wham wham wham… slamming into me… over and over… total overwhelm as buried emotions came surging up to the surface and out… geez… then they just kept coming all bloody night… and into the next day… like a dam had burst… finally calmed down after painting another canvas… amazes me how that works but it does…

Yes I am aware it is not over… the next time I go over there… yee haw… get ready for a ride… perhaps it won’t be as traumatic… but if it is… then it is… I need to allow myself to acknowledge those buried emotions… raw bloody pain is a good bit of it… but there is joy and happiness mixed in that mess as well… absolutely horrid memories… mixed in with positive ones… in a jumbled mix of humanity… a mixture of love and hate… sometimes… often actually… at the same time… both massive in their intensity…

I have chosen to heal… to release the hidden emotions… the happiness and the pain… buried deep within… for me this is part of the process…. Who knows… perhaps those emotions splashed across canvas will turn into a thing of beauty… perhaps not… perhaps just paint on canvas in as much turmoil as is pouring out of me… but whatever it is… it is… taking a breath… and a step ... probably a number of crashes… along the way… but going anyway…

got brave and made a video...

Mary E. Robbins
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Tai Cheng: Beachbody