Well what do ya know...

Well what do ya know… it is September 12th and the earth is still turning on it’s axis… the sun is coming up in the east… beautiful sunrise too … mist is shrouding the valleys … life goes on … and I am still breathing… So lift the coffee mug and give thanks for the day…

I am so thankful we did not get that hail here like they did around the Denver metro… geez… sorry they got it there… and still thankful we did not get it here… we did however get ½ inch of rain yesterday… the kind that has a chance to soak in… wonderful for the pastures…

Yeah ok… the weeds in my yards are loving it too… grrrrr… but that is another story…

Took a much needed day of physical rest yesterday… and my body is better for it… so is my state of mind… I was actually able to sleep last night… not the whole night but a couple of good stretches of time. The night before back and leg pain just kept waking me up… and what sleep I did get was fitful.

One friend suggested that if I was tired for no reason I should get my thyroid checked… yeah I get that. It’s not my thyroid… I appreciate the suggestion… would be grand if a little pill would just fix it… but it won’t.

The reason I am tired is … and geez there is a list… ppphhhhtttt…. Physical pain in my hands, back, arms, legs, abdomen… emotional and mental stress… grief… seriously slammed into me again this month … the rollercoaster ride of ptsd… anxiety/panic attacks… depression…too much weight… difficulty breathing… and some days an “I’ve seriously had enough of this crap attitude”…

Is this a get pity feel sorry for me thing… seriously… no it is not… it is what it is…

I am going through a process … and have been for the past 8 months or so… that requires me to focus on everything that has gone wrong, has been injured, damaged, or is compromised with my body and mind. This is something that has to be done… and I am getting closer to the end of it. Good thing too… because this kind of focus is not healthy… it keeps one focused on illness and injury rather than focusing on health and functioning… Frankly whether it’s in mindset or driving down the road… wherever my focus is … tends to be where I go.

Will changing my focus repair my back or change the genetics that made my legs this way… perhaps not… but what it will do is have me asking what can I do to have optimum function… how can I keep walking… how can I be as healthy as possible in mind body and spirit… rather than what is broken… what is failing…

Per example… the lungs of a 94 year old woman… part of the reason my lungs are this way is scarring from repeated bouts of pneumonia… and part of the reason is the emotional stress of this past year… the focus of this process is part of said stress.

Too my knowledge there is one more appointment… then I am done with this part of it. No I do not know when said appointment is. Sooner would be better.

As for today… I may have the lungs of a 94 year old woman… but I am breathing yet another day… it is what it is… and I am still here…

The Pominators and Mastiffs are out in the yards… so sorry cockatiels… it’s inside only for you today… the quackers are playing in their wading pond… and turning their yards around it into a duck mud hole… as ducks will do… happy quackers… haven’t checked the girls (hens) yet to see what bounty they have given… eggs… just coffee, toast, raw honey, and vitamins this morning… on the breakfast menu…

Then it’s paperwork time… hmmmmm… is it still paperwork if it’s done on the computer… yeah… gotta pay some bills… I’ll do what I can… and the rest… well… hmmmmm… one day at a time…

May you walk in peace…

Mary E. Robbins
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