July 3rd, 2013... a day in the life...

6:30 a.m.
Good morning peeps... house critters are all outside enjoying the morning temps... I've had my toast and coffee... heading outside to start up the big mower... miss my Hubs... we used to sit at the table and have coffee and eat breakfast... and visit... sometimes just be together... we walked up on the taller hill behind the house and watched the 4th of July fireworks from a distance... we could see some from the various towns in the distance...

We cherished the times we were able to spend holidays together... because most of the time we could not... he did not lie to get off work... so most holidays he was out on the trains... I am thankful for the love and time we had together... we were going to grow old together...

David went on ahead... I know he is ok... whew... ok... deep breath... and another... heading outside to run the big mower... it really is beautiful outside this morning... heard the pheasant calling this morning... the cockatiels ... pete and blue... are singing greetings to the morning...

Greetings... to the Morning...

11:30 a.m.
Well my plans got changed... I was filling the gas tank on the dr mower when my back decided to spasm... grrrrrr... spilled some gas but at least I did not drop the can. Then I went to start the mower... dead battery again... ugh... so the charger is on it... when I park it this time it will be either in the quonset or close to it... with a maintenance charger on it. We'll see if that works.

Mowed down some more grass and weeds down between the quonset and the chicken run... made a bit of a mess out of the mower blade. It still works but is pretty dinged up... It will take quite some time... but I will be glad to have the iron and stuff gone off this place... or all piled together... at least there will be no wild critters hiding in thigh high grasses as I walk by there.

the muscles around my rib cage did not hold long today... used up about all they had knocking down those last weeds and trimming the base of a tree. Thought I'd rake a bit... but that did not work... will have to wait for another day.

going to try the dr mower again in a bit... I know it will be hot out but perhaps I can manage to get a bit mowed. probably not a good idea... but if I can control the mower I am going to give it a go.

have dishes soaking in the kitchen sink... stripped the bed and put the sheets in the washer... dog laundry half done... the pads for the mastiff's beds still need washed.

I did not sleep well last night... woke up every hour... has left me rather tired. A soak in an epsom salts bath may be a good idea after I have done the dishes and folded some laundry.

Not sure what I am going to do for the 4th of july... if anything special. Fireworks are so hard on the dogs I will not be having any here... do not think I would risk it as dry as the grass is in any event. Torrington announced that they were cancelling theirs... I believe Scottsbluff is still setting theirs off... not crazy about driving home after... I've been staying very close to home at night since David passed.

In time perhaps my adventurous spirit will return... One step at a time...

1:30 p.m.
 I did it! I got the dr mower started… I followed through and mowed one of the driveways … walked it for an hour… and an added bonus… I stopped at an hour. Celebrating stopping after an hour may sound silly… but it is not… let me put it in perspective for you. I tend to get out there and just keep going until I can go no longer… now you would think that would get more accomplished. Well it does not! When I keep going until I can go no longer, it is literally until I can go no longer and I end up unable to function for days afterwards. So pacing myself and stopping in a prescribed amount of work or time actually allows me to accomplish more. Hopefully without the injuries to my body I usually incur.

Peeled my sweat soaked clothes off… after I pick the cheat grass heads out of my compression pants I am going to do a load of colored laundry and wash the sweat and dirt out of them. Rehydrating with a greenberry Shakeology smoothie. Going to cool down… then get in a tepid Epsom salts bath and hopefully start on my inside list again.

I blew it yesterday after working outside and crashed when I came back inside. Giving myself some time parameters today to try to keep focused on the various tasks. Perhaps that will help to keep my mind focused and away from grief … anxiety… panic attacks… and the rest of that nightmare as well.

I choose to function…. I never really thought of that as a choice… but I have discovered it is an active choice for me these days… often a determined one to actually make it come to pass. Who’d a thought.

Take 30 minutes to drink Shakeology smoothie and cool down… then bath… then it’s off to town to take care of some business that needs to be done today and refuel the jeep and get chicken feed. Oh yeah… the girls gave us 5 eggs today. YaY…I got them before whatever else is eating them. No broken egg shells in the chicken house…

Then back home make the bed, wash some more dishes, fold some clothes, get online and do some research.

Winding down… truth be told I’d just as soon curl up on the couch and take a nap… but that is not for now. I want to be able to say to my self… I did it at the end of this day.


May you walk in peace...

Mary E. Robbins
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