Yesterday I missed both reunions… the Semroska family reunion and my 35 year high school reunion. I had planned on going to both for a bit. Visiting with some folks and enjoying good company. The day did not work out that way. I spent the day on the couch short of breath, sick to my stomach, chills, and a friggen headache so bad that I couldn’t stand light….still some remnants of the headache between my eyes… yesterday I could have gladly thrown my head in the dumpster….what a relief that would have been…
As for now I am finishing my cup of coffee and heading out to freshen waters… the critters had to put up with what they had for yesterday…
The side effects of anxiety:
nausea, insomnia, gray hair, dry mouth, headaches, hyperventilation, hot flashes or chills, high blood pressure, trembling or shaking, uncontrollable crying, trouble concentrating, anticipating the worst, feeling tense and jumpy, excessive and ongoing worry, feelings of apprehension or dread, rashes, fatigue, diziness, sweating, feeling faint, muscle aches, muscle tension, pounding heart, digestive disorders, shortness of breath, tremors and twitches, feeling detached or unreal, surge of overwhelming panic, numbness in hands and feet, feeling of losing control or going crazy...
Effects of the side effects.... to me it should be obvious... a massively disrupted life... missed meetings, days spent unable to get off the couch... massive frustration... hiding... trying to find someplace peaceful and calm... suicidal thoughts and actions... extreme exhaustion... isolation... frightened family and friends... well meaning people getting their feelings hurt because they just do not comprehend what is actually happening...
So what do you do.... get help... yeah ok... wouldn't it be grand if they could just "fix it" ... yeah wouldn't it.... yeah ok... I got help... they are useful... but they can't "fix it"... the only one that can actually work through this crap... is the one in it. That's not to say you can not learn from others... because you can... and others can help be safeguards as well... if you are in this you know what I mean.
So what am I doing... well one thing I am not doing is beating myself up over yesterday. Yesterday is friggen done... gone ... kaput! I missed the reunions... ok fine... sucks... but it is what it is... sometimes there are days at a time that are just .... gone...
Today I am here... the morning was cool... as in cool air and cloud cover... the air felt wonderful going into my lungs... I stopped and appreciated the feeling of the cool air sliding around my body as I stepped outside letting the dogs out to run... and gave thanks for the morning...
Today I am going out to do ranch rounds... rather than being upset by the sounds of the animals... dogs barking... chickens doing their thing and so on... allow the sounds to comfort... caress rather than assult your senses... whether it's dogs barking... (there are over 40 dogs living out their lives here so they can get pretty wound up until they get their treats) wind howling...
Whatever noise or sound it is... use it as a comforting wrap rather than as an assault to your senses... embrace the sounds of the car horns... herds of people chattering... trains going by... allow yourself to glide through the sound... let it wash over you and wash away the tightness in your chest... the shortness of breath...
one breath... on moment at a time...
some days I can do this... some days are like yesterday... it is what it is... am I writing this to explain myself... to make excuses... nope.... that is not what this post is about... it's about perhaps helping others to understand... or to maybe help another make their way along their path...
Why is it like this... I don't know... does it make you of less value... no it does not...
You are of value... now breathe...
Mary E. Robbins
find me on facebook
follow me on twitter
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment