how do i do this... how did i get here... what do i do now

Hmmm…. Do I want to do the Mentors Elite Team…
And the Answer Is… let’s see… what could it be…
oh I remember… Yes! Yeah … Well that was a no brainer…

But whether I want to do it is not the question… The Big Fat Burning Question… Is…

HOW am I going to do this… HOW am I going to do this… HOW am I going to do this… HOW am I going to do this… HOW am I going to do this… HOW am I going to do this… HOW am I going to do this…

That question has been running in an endless loop in the background of my mind… Here’s the rub… I multi-task constantly… not because It sounds cool… or is a fun thing to do… but because at this point it is a necessity… there is rarely a time that I am not doing several things at once… if it’s a call I’m listening to… I mute the phone and go about kennel work… feeding…watering…cleaning… vaccinating…grooming… etc… kennel necessities that must be done… ignore them and animals die… especially in this heat…

I hired a woman to learn the ropes… she has 8 or 10 dogs of her own… wants to run a kennel… I thought it would take a week at the outside to train her… good grief… it was follow the routine… follow the list… took a month… took me more time to train her than to do the work myself and just be done with it… I know it’s a handful…but geez… she only had the morning/mid-day work…none of the evening work…

She lasted about 1. and 1/2 months after training… I told her to wear a bloody straw hat…to hydrate with electrolytes…not pepsi only… to wear loose protective clothing… and hello it’s a freaking ranch…wear stable work shoes… wouldn’t listen… she ended up in the hospital… thought it was her gall-bladder… doctor said no… as it turned out … she had dehydrated herself… low on electrolytes…. Overheated… and beat herself up… she fell all over the place… slip in mud… fall over stock panel fencing… barb wire… she ended up with muscle spasms and intestinal spasms from hell… she thought she was dying… in truth I don’t think she has any idea just how close she was to that very thing… She has a good heart… she would never deliberately do anything to hurt a dog… inexperience an d ignorance … hurt them that way… but not deliberately… damn near killed herself… oh… no I’m not letting her come back out here… not as a kennel manager… no way I’m not body bagging her… no sense… no comprehension regarding working in the heat… the dogs have fresh water and wading tubs… they are in and out of the water all the time cooling off… or just stretching out in the tubs soaking… gotta watch them for hot spots… helps to have an eye for the dogs (Like you have an ear ) … to recognize subtle behavior changes… a sense for what’s happening… keep in mind I have over 30 years experience… I was raised taking care of kennels… and other livestock… my mother started in kennels when I was three… I took 10 years out in the middle… university… and management/ sales positions… sales besides dogs that is… the rest of the time… I’ve been … shall we say dogging it…

Looks Like I took the long way to say… I hired someone to take some of the work/time pressure off… it didn’t work out… made it worse than it was to start with… it’s getting better… the dogs are fine… I’m behind on … let’s see… just about everything… sounds like I just can’t handle my shit… literally…

Actually That’s true… it’s not usually the case… but since spring of 2003 it has been… I still get tired pretty easy… and I’m awfully behind in my office… I am however, making progress… the writing in the box… tells what happened… West Nile Virus nailed me but good… then adhesions… and a very messy hysterectomy… I was sniffing around a Mary Sized body bag last September…

Right after we bought our happy hairball home spring of 2003 … I contracted West Nile Virus… I didn’t realize what I had to start with… awful headache… fever/chills…extreme exhaustion… swelling across the base of my skull from ear to ear… lymph nodes swelled up… awful muscle and joint pain… and then that rash from the top of my head to the bottoms of my feet… like measles on steroids… the symptoms were spread out over 8 weeks… doc said the rash was the tail end of it…however it left damage in it’s wake…nerve damage… the muscle and joint pain stayed with me… so bad it would keep me awake at night and turn my stomach…never ending … I started falling… dropping things… driving my car or the truck was a challenge to say the least… since I couldn’t be sure my legs or arms would do what I wanted them to… makes braking and steering a bit dicey… taking care of my kennel was a nightmare… it was dangerous for me to even hold a puppy… taking photographs and editing them was just sad… motor skills in my hands were …lets just say compromised…

About this time…My upline in New Vision called me and asked me if I was taking my vitamins/minerals … I wasn’t …he informed me that it was Official… they wouldn’t do me any good sitting on the shelf… he also told me that New Vision was coming out with a product with Mangosteen in it… and that it was pretty good stuff… I thought Yeah right… ok fine… I’ll try it… I started on the vitamins with mangosteen as soon as it came out…and I took the minerals along with it…

It wasn’t instant… get real… of course it wasn’t… but about 3 months after I stared taking them… consistently… I realized … “hey” I’m not in constant muscle and joint pain any more…

It seems that there had been another problem brewing along the same time… or rather growing…and in September 2005 the surgeons removed an ovary the size of a cantaloupe… it had split open and was draining … both the uterus and other ovary were enlarged as well… and it seems my insides were stuck… or rather grown together with adhesions… bit of a mess… a very painful mess…

Before surgery the docs gave me the cancer talk… then they gave me the cancer talk again… then they warned me about damage to my abdominal muscles (long vertical cut) and warned me about scarring… after surgery they sent that mess to the lab… there was no cancer… they sent it to an external lab as well… no cancer… yes I’m smiling…

So why do I love New Vision… Because I Feel Good… can I prove that New Vision’s products made me feel good… no… but I know my body needs nutrients so it can heal it’s self… I know my abdominal muscles are healing up and getting strong again… the scar they thought would gap open is not… gaping open… and is disappearing as it heals… I know I can hold my puppies again … not to mention vaccinate and groom my dogs and actually enjoy photography again… that says nerve damage is reversing… at least that’s what it says to me… All I can really say… is I felt bad… Really really bad… and now I feel good… on my way to really really good…

So I enjoy the first light of the morning… my coffee… the birds and fowl… smile at the delight of a puppy and their new people… and I take my Vitamins Essential Minerals plus Mangosteen… and I truly appreciate a company who’s products actually are what they claim to be…



Ok so what’s the point of this writing…
1. To Bitch Whine and Moan… no not really… It’s been a rough 3 years… but both bad and good has come out of it… I’m not the same person I was 3 years ago…no not just the missing parts… attitude has changed… that’s actually a good thing… not such a roller coaster.. .more even keeled…
2. To sort out where I’ve been and where I’m going… not just an idealized … I’m going here… but where I’m actually going… and what course corrections I need to make to get to where I want to go…
3. What would be the most efficient use of my time…
a. Regarding immediate income Mentors
b. Veretekk
c. Ffsi
d. Kennel
e. New vision

4. I can not multi-task and do outgoing calls… not incoming either… I can’t multi-task when I do dog interviews either… those take from 1 to 3 hours … if they come to tour the ranch… it can seriously take a while to get them out of here… when I do a dog interview on the phone… or in person for that matter… they have my full attention…
5. ok… sooooo… does a 30 second phone invite need my full attention… my instinctual response would be yes… they’ll feel it if I’m not paying full attention to them.. I’ll get a better response if I’m focused…

6. Ok… how am I not finding time for a 30 second call… because I lost control of the conversation on the incoming calls… and they were too long… too long… too much of me invested in each call… exhausted…

7. That initial interview process I use with the dogs is kicking in… ok… how do I control that implulse… practice the script… keep a copy of the script infront of me at all times during call periods… use a timer…

8. I’m pretty paranoid of screwing up the closes… ok… so is that the end of the world… no it sucks… but it’s not the end of the world… ok… so what are you going to do about it… change my attitude… they are either going to go for it … or they aren’t… skill level will increase with experience… experience comes from practice… so just do it…

The Past 3 years have been a financial nightmare… I’d get going then I’d crash… work then crash… when I physically crash… I’m just useless… can’t talk… everything just shuts down…passed out walking in from the kennel yards more times than I can remember… bloody annoying that… I do believe my superwoman cape has been shredded beyond repair… I am functioning better… not passing out so much… better motor control… driving long distances really makes me tired… the airport trip is a challenge… it’s approx. a 400 mile loop… that used to be just nothing… now it’s this huge effort… but if I prepare for it I can make it… the pups fly out of the Denver Airport… 2 are going this Friday… the airport trip and basic kennel care is all I’ll get done on Friday… I’ll be pulling out of here at 3:00 am… delivery days, tour days, and heavy interview days are when I could really use someone reliable… I’m not training any kennel help right now… temper’s too short… if he/she didn’t follow instructions I would be sorely tempted to feed them to the guard dogs… mmmm squealing feed… there you go… a stupid human chew toy… the kennel and house guards are the rescue dogs… they range from 70 to 100 plus pounds each… they keep the coyotes, cougar, bobcat, fox, and stray humans out of my home and kennels…
If I make a mistake selling the mentors course… I lose a sale… or have some whining thing hanging on me… If I make a mistake with the kennel… they (Poms) either get hurt or die… make a mistake placing them and you give them a hellish life… make a mistake hiring and dogs get hurt… this time around it was 2 dogs with broken legs (the last time one of my kennel dogs had a broken leg was 8 years ago) a hot spot the size of my hand on a mother dog’s back… that’s huge on a pom… could have been avoided with a comb out after whelping… that’s all it would have taken… and one burned up air conditioner… that could have killed every dog in the whelping house… so what was it… stupidity… carelessness… or inexperience…

OMG… it’s 3:28 am…. I’ve got to get some sleep…

Ok… so do I want to do mentors… I want the results of doing mentors… the gain in self confidence. And the money… I want out from under this massive financial pressure… pisses me off that I have over 100,000 coming in gross between my husband and myself and we are broke… hasn’t been consistent though… over the past three years mine really bottomed out… went in the hole big time… well big time for me… we are somewhere between 200,000 and 250, 000 in debt… might not be much to donald trump… but it’s a lot to me…

Income from the kennel can disappear in a heartbeat… quite a bit of cash flows… but the profit margin can be pretty narrow… in truth… I have some wonderful dogs… and my older breeding stock… and retireds will always have a home… unless I check out before they do… but I don’t want to operate at this volume… I am exhausted… gotta maintain until I get puppies and young dogs placed that weren’t placed while I was ill… that will drop numbers… I want some cash flow so I can contract with a professional groomer… wire this building… heat the calf hutches (4 by 7 houses) in the exercise yards… heated water for winter… shade for summer… security cameras… so I can check on the dogs from anywhere via lap top… guess this is some of my why…

I want out of this financial pressure cooker… David is retiring in 4 years… and has no bloody idea of the finances… he has retirement… but it is approximately half of his current earnings… sooooo I would truly like that replaced and then some before hand… and not by dogs… boarding maybe… but not breeding…

I want some residual income coming in so if I’m ill and can’t sell it doesn’t matter… or if David (husband) crashes again financially it won’t matter…he had a stroke may 2001… 2 weeks after I bought my car on payments… lousy timing on my part… we nearly lost our home that time… borrowed a bunch of money to keep things floating… on a bright note…he had good recovery… found out he was diabetic… now he’s on insulin…he’s lost some motor function… drops things a lot… now we both do… after that west nile mess… hello plastic glasses…

before that I had pneumonia year after year I think it was 3 winters straight… I didn’t have a kennel this size then… emergency appendectomy … before that… went back to work too soon and tore everything open… Hey… I asked the doc… told him what I did for work… he said it would be fine… he was wrong… what a mess… then in 2000 it was adhesions making my life hellish… grew around my intestines and shut them off… I wouldn’t wish that on anyone… awful pain… threw up feces… after surgery I recovered pretty quickly all things considered…

David’s first wife died of huntingtons… horrid disease… and of course neither of them planned at all… so there was a mountain of debt there from medical bills… nursing homes… etc… I did get that cleaned up… paid off…

I’m tired… I’d like a day off here and there… and I’d like to be able to go out to dinner and not cringe at the bill… be able to buy my mom an extreme 4 by 4 power wheel chair… so she can get out and about without getting stuck… I’d like to build a custom house… but unless I have the money for and have found a reliable house cleaner… I don’t want it… I want this kennel streamlined… and the income from there replaced… I can see mentors as a positive way to do that… right now I’m struggling to keep up with the kennel work… I’m making headway placing puppies… and such… but my office is a nightmare of piles of paperwork… even with the multitasking… I need to do mentors… so… what do I not do … so I can have the time to do mentors… there it is… time management… gotta have time to sleep… mind is racing like crazy… gotta get some sleep… 4:06 am… should be up at 6… I’m going to pour a glass of wine and try to get some zzzzz’s so I’m not falling asleep behind the wheel Friday morning…