Monday, April 21, 2014

choices... embrace the moment...



Good Morning Peeps…

Well I did it… I got that garden fence up… there is still a bit more to do on it… like anchoring the bottom of the fencing to the steel posts… but it is up enough to keep the chickens out of the garden area… looks pretty good if I say so myself… hehehe… I drove 14 steel posts yesterday… may not sound like much to some… but to me it was pretty major…

Had some reading I wanted to do last night… made it through a few pages… then zonked out… woke up in the wee hours of the morning with the Pominators and Mastiffs still outside and the front door open… brought the dogs in and crawled into my actual bed for a few hours…

A bit stiff and sore today… heading to the bath soon for a soak in Epsom salts & zeolite… that should help… then it’s out the door to freshen kennel waters… and plot out the holes for the plum and mulberries I want to plant today… take a mower over to a friend’s to be worked on… go to an appointment… work on the garden plots… as in some of the layout… where to put what…

The phone rang… totally lost my train of thought… aw well… refilled my coffee cup and left it sitting on the sink side drain board… aw… took a sip… seriously needed that…

I’ve been thinking about choices… those we make… those we refuse to make thinking that we are avoiding them… when actually we are making choices anyway… today I choose to live another day… I choose to live until it is my time to leave this realm… not just exist… to live…

So what does that mean… it means something different to each of us… for me it means … in part… it means that when everything seems to be shifting… the world around me …within me… seems to be influx … like some illusion out of the matrix… I choose to take another step forward… to choose the reality… rather than the illusion… even though it seems safer in the illusion… I choose to greet the morning sun… to appreciate the sounds of the wild birds… I choose to feel… even though part of that choice to feel leaves me open to the waves of pain and grief that come crashing in… it also leaves me open to the joy of the warmth of spring after winter… and the sounds of laughter from a friend… it is ok to enjoy laughter again… it is ok to cry… it is ok to have peace… it is ok to rage… it is ok to live… Breathe…

When the world is tipping… breathe… slow breath in… slow breath out… breathe… there will more than likely be more times of high anxiety… panic attacks… ptsd triggers… and that is ok… it just is what it is… breathe… see it for what it is… and breathe… you are of value… there is a spark of life in you… you are that spark of life… breathe… it is ok to just be… our perceptions of who we are shift and change… and that is ok… breathe… those transitions can be filled with pain… and that is ok… feel it… embrace it… slicing through to the core… and let it go… breathe… allow yourself to grow… embrace the growth… the ever evolving fluidity of what we are… and breathe…

Some say today is a good day to die… if it is my time then it is ok… so be it… but until that time… it is a good day to live… embrace it… some days are a gauntlet of rusty razor blades… embrace it… in all it’s gore… some days are the sweet scent of spring flowers on a warm sunny day… embrace it … in all it’s sweet serenity… some days are as the darkest night… embrace it …in it’s velvety blackness… embrace it and see the vivid colors of life splash out in front of you… around you… on your face in your hair… wallow in it… savor it… breathe… live… it is a choice… continually made… consciously or unconsciously made… breathe…

mmmmmm…. Strong black coffee… taking another sip… savoring the flavor… the darkness of it… the bitter edge… the richness and texture… of the liquid … savoring the flavor… life…

Phone is ringing…

… on with the day…

May you walk in peace…


Mary Robbins
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