Friday, November 08, 2013

May you all walk free



Gratitudes:
beautiful sunrise
warm house
good friends...

I read this post from Healing From Complex Trauma and Ptsd/cptsd and wanted to write them a thank you note… then I thought … the more people that see this the better… may you all walk free…

The thank you note:

Thanks for posting this… I just came through a situation… correction I am still working my way through a situation… steeped in disrespect and abuse.

This person caught me totally off guard and triggered me back to a time when I was a child and did not have the option of “walking away”…

I caught myself turning back into that terrified child… wanting to coddle and console the abuser because I had done something wrong and needed to be forgiven for the imaginary wrong and take care of their hurt… all the while my heart breaking … crying out… how am I so wrong… how is what I did so terrible…

It is so easy… to fall back into old ingrained patterns… to allow caring and empathy to turn into enabling and codependency… to step into … or fall into that caretaker victim role once again.

Actually easy is not the right word for this… for there is nothing “easy” about it.

The length of time this person put into laying the groundwork for this dominance attack is frankly rather amazing to me… however I am no longer that frightened child… mourning widow yes… but frightened child no… no matter how painful or difficult it may be… I can… will… and have … stepped away from stepped away…

Doesn’t mean that I don’t care… for I do… what it does mean is that abuse is no longer tolerated here…

Give yourself a hug… lift your face to the wind… savor the mornings sunrise… taste the freedom… and walk away…


Post from Healing From Complex Trauma and Ptsd/cptsd:

A note to my future life

Dear 'not nice people' of the world

I used to take so much crap from anyone, walked on egg shells around people, who couldn't care less what they did to me, what harm they caused.

I've put up with emotional, verbal abuse, name calling, being blamed for things that were not my issue, being shamed into accepting guilt for things I did not cause, for most of my life, having people walk all over me.

For a long time, I didn't believe I deserved any better.

But, now I do.

Now I know my self worth, I have self respect and know I deserve kindness and I expect the same respect I give to others.

I won't be the doormat to anyone's issues anymore.

I accept and have empathy for people's issues, but I do not need to allow myself to be hurt by them.

I have boundaries, healthy ones and I am using them.

Anyone who does not like my boundaries, that is okay and you can avoid me should you need to.

You have your own boundaries and I accept and respect yours.

This way we can co-exist in this world.

And I will continue helping to support those who have also endured the same.

Yours faithfully

Healing Me

******* 
May we all walk free...

Mary E. Robbins
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