Good Morning … A study in grays is spreading across the eastern horizon… singing out in the still cold of the morning… the sun is coming… the sun is coming. The fire is dancing and caressing the wood in the stove… keeping the 0 degrees F temperatures at bay. Casting it’s dancing orange light across the floor in the morning dark…
Toasted whole grain bagel with cream cheese and coffee for breakfast… unfortunately had a coughing gagging choking … what to call it… episode… there that fits it… an episode of choking on skuck … I took some generic musinex sinus to thin it down and reduce the nasal swelling. Would be nice to be rid of that mess… but getting it up out of my lungs is exhausting… and frankly a bit scary. I really hate choking. When I get upset it is always worse… and for some odd reason I’ve been upset quite a lot lately. Mornings are the hardest. I miss my David the worst in the mornings… I used to go in and check on him and just stand and watch him sleep. I loved to watch him sleep… whether it was in the bed or in his recliner. I would hold my breath and listen to him breathe.
My aloof black and white house cat, Mow Mow Tat, has been coming up to me and standing on her hind feet and hugging me with her paws… purring and cuddling up to me as I set at the desk. This is a new development since David’s physical passing. All of us miss him… human, animal, and bird as well… Blue Boy, cockatiel, does his little David dance and talks to him… makes me wonder… how is it that they can see him and we … as in humans can not… of course there is another thought on the heals of that one… what if he is just doing his dance trying to call him… I don’t think so though… I’ve heard these birds mourn before. When Pete’s mate… Prissy died he screamed and cried for days… weeks… I thought he was going to die as well… that was when we brought Blue boy home… Blue boy was getting beat up at my mom’s place. The birds he was in with were attacking him… Well Pete and Blue argued too… but it shifted Pete’s focus from mourning to being pissed at the newcomer in his home.
They still fuss at each other like 2 little feathered grumpy old men… but they are friends now as well. They hang out on the side of their cage and watch television.
My lungs hurt this morning… I suppose that coughing fit could have been prompted by breathing the cold air yesterday. I do not have a cold or flu… and frankly at this point I am not sure just how these lungs would handle one. More likely it was prompted by me being upset. It seems when the emotion sidecars me so does the coughing.
I am going to make a list with descriptions of the animals and the kennel runs they are in… so if I do have a coughing episode and can not clear my air passage at least someone will be able to know the names of the dogs. The dogs will have a rough time of it if I cross over as well.
Many of them are aged already… such loving souls. Honest loving souls… they are who they are… not subterfuge no twisted games like people play. I was so blessed to have a relationship with a man… my Husband… My David… that did not play psyche games with me. He was so straightforward with me… no trying to figure out what motives were there… such a relief… no here it is… let me take it away … oh no here it is… oops leverage… plain and simple… he loved me… he still loves me… and I love him… always will.
Well I think that’s my ramble for this morning… lungs are still aching but I’m not coughing… need to wash the dog bedding today… they want out… but I am going to try and hold off until it is at least a bit above zero… I’m thinking I am going to have some messes to clean up. That’s me… senior pooper scooper… on dog doodie duty…
May you walk in peace…
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