Another day In this life after my husband passed

picture is the view to the southeast from my front yard this morning

Major coughing fit this morning. Sad this morning…. Said grace as I was going to eat breakfast and started crying again. David always said grace….and he used to reach out to take my hand. Chest hurts this morning… I am sitting at the table and I can hear the big dogs snoring. Trying to eat my breakfast… kinda slow going… having a half a cup of old fashioned oatmeal with walnuts, apple pie spice, apples, raisins, and ground flax seed… and a cup of coffee.

The sun is not up yet… totally dark on the eastern horizon. Wow! According to weather.com it is 30 degrees F outside. That is so much easier on the animals… me too for that matter. Although this morning I am having a rather hard time finding much joy in anything.

I cooked enough oatmeal to last probably a week… I’ll just microwave servings as I go along. I figured I would be more apt to eat something nutritious if it was fixed and in the frig…. ½ cup at a time. I know it’s fine I’ve fixed it like this innumerable times for the 2 of us…. This morning I managed to eat ½ cup pushing down my gag reflex with each bite.

I took some saint johns wort… it should help me even out a bit. I promised to take my cousin and her mom into town to get supplies for the month. Their vehicle is not reliable and my truck is working fine. Just the thought of going into that store is enough to make my chest tighten. I am going to take some more saint johns wort before I leave… keeping the dosages low and spreading them out. I need to pick up a load of feed for the dogs as well. The animals need to be taken care of whether I feel like crawling in a hole or not.

The eastern sky is starting to lighten… streaks of gray are spreading across it… Time to greet the day… give thanks for another day of life… yes that is a conscious choice… give praise for the granting of another day…

David and I… or rather David had agreed to start Tai Cheng with me… ok… so here goes… I am starting Tai Cheng today. It’s amazing just how difficult it can be to tear a little plastic wrapper off a set of dvds. Not because the plastic was so tough… but because we were to do this together. Perhaps we still can… one in physical… one in spirit.

If I am to continue in this life in this body… then doing what can be done to heal and strengthen this body needs to be done… so here goes… Tai Cheng.

A bit later: Well… I DID IT! I did day one of Tai Cheng. Need to make a video of the initial testing… do not know how to do that… so here comes another learning experience. Need to take beginning of 90 day series photos as well and measurements. David used to take those pics for me. You know there was nothing in our lives that was not integrated with one another or interrelated. Makes this adjustment extremely difficult… but also is a huge part of what made our marriage work. We were truly partners in every sense of the word. There was a constant give and take between us. Frankly I never realized how much until now.

Clean dirt in for the kitties… that was interesting… I am out of kitty litter so I tried to dig up some soil… managed to scrape up some… that ground is certainly frozen…

Off to take Auntie and Cuz into town.

Emotions swinging like a pendulum… but I am up and moving…

May you walk in peace…

Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202
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