Saint Patricks Day...2013

Yesterday morning I woke up 2 more pounds heavier... so I swelled up around 5 pounds... today 1.8 pounds of that has come back off... so that is a positive note.

Felt almost human on an emotional and mental level yesterday… fell asleep on the couch and dreamed… I was in the bathroom of our family home (my mom’s house…the one that burned down) I looked in the mirror and it was so many years ago… because I was a very young woman looking back out at me… My eyes were still the dark brown rather than having faded with age… my hair was a rich auburn with shades of gold that came naturally to me then… rather than the silver and just dark it is now… my hair color faded when I had west nile virus.

I think mom was saying something to me from the other room… but I don’t know what. I remember saying or thinking… not sure which… I have one more thing to do then I am out of here…

I wasn’t sad … mad… fearful… in pain… or heavy… there did not seem to be any friction between my mom and I either… like there had been so many times in this life…

I miss my Mom… she died September 6th 2012…I don’t wish her back in that body in pain all the time… I don’t know why there are so many misunderstandings in this life… people give each other so much pain… inadvertently as well as deliberately.

Today I woke up in fear and panic… emotional pain spiraling … I don’t know why… but writing it out seems to help to calm that panic rush in my chest….

Have the mastiffs outside… one set of the Pominators have been run out and back in… the other set of house Pominators are outside barking to come back in…

Peanut (very small cream party pom) has an abscess on the side of his face… giving him Echinacea and aloe vera in cottage cheese… he looks better today than yesterday… think I’ll mix a bit of raw honey in with the cottage cheese.

One of the girls time came … Tulip (orange party pom) is no longer an older dog…she is free running about the rainbow bridge. She was one of the gentlest souls I have ever met. Such a sense of peace and love around her. I miss her presence. Her house mate… Snickers does not have much time left in this life… she is a loving chocolate girl…

No I am not being cruel… letting them cross over when their time comes… trying to force them to stay when it is time for them to go is cruel… It is difficult though… I don’t think I will ever forget the night Yoda (wolf malamute) crossed over… and it was a number of years ago. I can still see his laughing eyes… and hear his howl… he was only with us 3 or 4 years… he came in as an aged fellow.

His human did not throw him away… from what I understand he ended up in jail over something and some “friends” were supposed to take care of Yoda… and they dumped him off to be destroyed… I heard when the guy got out of jail he tried to find out where Yoda was… they wouldn’t tell him… nor would they tell me how to contact him so I could let him know Yoda was living here… Well Yoda is free of that aging body… his time with us was a gift to us… such a beautiful soul…

Gonna go bring the Pominators in and give them breakfast…

May you walk in peace…

Mary E. Robbins
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