>Good Morning Peeps…
Wowzers … what a morning… I crashed really early last night… like between 7 and 8 pm… just could not keep my eyes open any longer. I had not rested well for several nights … and yesterday my body was just done. Only to be woken up every couple hours by the dogs howling…
I got all pissed at the dogs for howling… not realizing that I was the reason they were howling in the first place. I did not figure that out until after I’d gotten up and was dealing with wave after wave of crisis level emotion crashing out through my chest… I woke up with my sinuses swelled…. Face swelled… eyes blood red…
No it wasn’t an allergic reaction… I had to have been bawling and howling … moaning … whatever … in my sleep… to the point that it was triggering my dogs to howl… then I would wake up… to their howling… might be a good thing they did wake me up… I don’t know… I do know that … ugh… I could have done without the emotion that pounded the daylights out of me this morning…
Geez… I feel like I’ve been in a championship MMA fight and seriously lost…
Bugger it… I could seriously do without this crap. I am tired and about ¾ pissed off… like that is going to do anyone any bloody good…
All that friggen pain swirling around… anxiety crawling up my arms over my face tingling… with a strong dose of of rage boiling under the surface… gggrrrrooowwwwlllllllll…. Sssnnnaaarrrlllll…. Yeah ok… need to focus this rage and turn it into productive energy… so how to do that… paint… that is a good option… write… workout… oxycise and tai cheng should help to center me … return the phone call I missed last night… one I really did not want to miss… missed because I was crashed out on the bed…
Bugger it… well they will either understand or they won’t… naught I can do about that… Ok… just breathe… should be ok… would have liked to have chatted with this particular person though. Ah well… another time… or not… whatever…
Ok… on with the day… heading to the bath… then oxycise I am thinking and tai cheng… then the phone… and on… need to post some bills… and sort some more papers… and get on cleaning out that Quonset… ugh… there is so much in there it is frankly overwhelming… one bit at a time…
The birds are singing outside… and at the feeder… since I am not howling any more neither are the kennels… arrrgghh… and there is a morning fog… fire is glowing through the glass in the front of the wood stove… think I’ll put some eucalyptus and lavender oil in the water in the teakettle that is sitting on top of the stove… breakfast is long since done… sautéed spaghetti squash, a bit of sausage, and an egg… and coffee… I did take my vitamins today… I’ve missed them a couple of days… probably part of the reason I’ve been swinging so much… headache is easing off… yes been waking up with those
too…
Need to fill the wood ring with firewood again today… thankful there is some to put in there…
I wonder sometimes what was swirling around in Edgar Allen Poe’s head … before those stories came pouring out… or Picasso… a mind on fire… so fragmented… so brilliant… hmmmmmm…. Who knows… perhaps they were totally calm… but I seriously doubt it…
Later taters…
Oh… Yeah… just in case someone was meandering down this particular path… this is not a feel sorry for me thing… seriously… get a grip… it is what it is… that that is not it…
As far as I can tell this is part of a growth process… transition… an evolution… one moment… one breath at a time…
May you walk in peace…
Mary E. Robbins
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