Showing posts with label dogs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dogs. Show all posts

Monday, November 17, 2008

Through the fire, and out the other side, from iron to steel.


I was out and about yesterday evening in the wonderful dark taking care of my dogs. It was a perfect night. Crisp clear skies with the beauty of the night shining through. Breathtaking view of the stars and moon. Calm, no wind, cool but not cold. Simply wonderful. To the north there was a cloud bank slipping up. That is a good thing since it keeps the night temperatures from dropping too significantly.

I love the night. Obviously. Another bright note. I wear a headlight on my cap so I can see into the dog houses to check feed levels... What else that wonderful little headlight does is attract fleas. I stopped at each pen twice, loving on my dogs, scratching their ears, patting their backs, filling their feed pans, cleaning out their waters; and playing with them. Now I realize it is a bit cooler out so fleas aren’t as active. However, I didn’t see a single flea. Not jumping up on my face and hat, or in their ears, underbellies, or armpits. Rah Rah Rah happy dance happy dance.

We just may have defeated the little monsters in this war. Yes it has been a war; complete with toxic materials and casualties. I have started adding bug off garlic from Springtime Inc to my happy hairballs feed, along with their vitamins, and DE. This should render them without insect pests. From what I’ve read about the DE it is an excellent natural de-wormer too. That is a good thing. I will wait a bit then collect some stool samples and have them tested.

(important side note: if you decide to use DE do your research and use the right kind or you will seriously make your animals ill)

The Garlic will make them taste nasty to fleas, flies, ticks, mosquitoes. Along with the Cedar cide we will have a clean pest free kennel. Yay! Yes of course I will still have to clean up feces and such. Get a grip; nothing does that for you, but you. Pooper Scoopers of the world unite…lol.

I’ve put the DE in my farm cat’s food too. They are already looking better. I will be including the garlic and vitamins as well. I want my mobile mousetraps to be parasite free and healthy.

The fowl –as in chickens’ ducks etc will be getting DE as well. I really do not like using toxic wormers and dusters on my critters. Since this works it is a healthy alternative.

They already dust themselves in the ashes from the burn pile. So far I haven’t seen any mites on them or their houses. I detest those nasty little bugs. When I was a kid our chicken house was full of mites I remember seeing them moving like a wave on the chicken roosts. Of course it was my job to go in there and gather the eggs.

I was a little kid so it didn’t occur to me what was happening to the poor birds that slept in there.

Something else happened as I was out working last night. Yes this is more emotional gore. From rage to realization. My own 9-11 moment shall we say.

The twin towers in my life (figuratively) had already come crashing down, along with my belief system regarding my immediate family, childhood, and life in general. Excluding my husband.

He would be one of the heroic firefighters in this scenario. He has hung in there through my total flame out and melt down. My all engulfing flaming rage over a total betrayal destroying my view of what was real and what was not from my life as a baby through now.

What was true? What was a lie? Was anything from my childhood true. Were the circumstances of my father leaving true. Was it true that he shut me in a car twice and tried to kill me as a baby, or was that a lie as well? Did my dad leave because he didn’t want us? Didn’t want me. Did I destroy their marriage? Supposedly things were good before she got pregnant with me and fell apart after I was born. Did I destroy their marriage? Or was it something altogether different.

You know they say children are cruel. Yes they are its true. But adults, or rather parents, are crueler to their own children than anyone else could ever be.

Did my mother’s lies rob me of my child hood relationship with my father? How much of my childhood was lies? Was anything real? Did she ever love me or was I just a weapon to get at my dad? A tool to bring in income so she didn’t have to finish her education and actually work.

Yes I know she had physical problems. I have the same nasty disease in my body. Mainly my legs.

I could, and have made all kinds of excuses for her. Bottom line she is who she is. What she believes is what she believes. I used to think I knew who she was and what she believed. Big surprise; I have no bloody idea.

After all the killing rage, gnashing of teeth (my teeth) stomping screaming, crying, self torture, abject agony, hell incarnate; I finally came to a realization. “PING IN THE HEAD”

Wow, light bulb flashed on in my mind. It was actually a ping in the head moment. What have I been doing? Nothing like years of self torture to absolutely no avail. So much bloody pain.

However there was a moment of epiphany. So I guess all this hell on earth has come to some positive result.

So what is my great revelation? Absolutely nothing has changed. Just like the mess on 9-11. Absolutely nothing had changed. Yes some people had died; a couple of buildings had come down to a grand mess. It stirred up some patriotic feelings, mass flag flying, stirred up some prejudice.

But all in all, everything was the same. Didn’t change the prejudice that was obviously already there. Didn’t change the hatred/and or greed that was behind the twin towers going down; or the other planes going down. All of that crap was still there.

It did change how security reacts in airports and such. I didn’t change the motives behind all the mess. That was all the same.

The only thing that really changed was our awareness of what was there all along. Now it’s up to us how we let it affect us. Because bottom line, there is absolutely nothing we can do to change the other people’s believes, code of ethics, or lack thereof.

Now we are aware. What is Simply is.

So where do we go from here. We as a nation can choose to live in fear and manipulation; or we can choose to breathe free and live our lives recognizing their manipulation for what it is. The Petty attempt to steal the joy of life from us; as a whole and as individuals.

A scripture just came to mind:
All things work together for good for those that love God. Romans 8:28

I never thought this mess would ever come to any good, but it has. I am free.

(side note: don’t get tied up in where the word comes from: God is called by many names in many cultures. None of us know his true name. Which frankly is more than likely a good thing)

Life is a journey, peace be with you and in you
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Decisions made: Emotional Storm, Broken Heart


August… one month closer to autumn. My favorite season. I hope autumn lasts for months this year.

I am finally getting into position to place some of the dogs. Frankly having this many here has taken a serious toll; both on my business and myself. I mistakenly thought that I would have support in taking care of them. I was seriously in error on that point. Actually it was more wishful thinking than reality, if history is any indicator. Such has been the case my entire life with the persons in question.

Emotional storm aside, I made the necessary decisions on my own once again. Of course, I am the evil hag for doing so, yet once again.

Regardless of the machinations going on action has to be taken. Here goes. I believe I have made the best decision for; the dogs, and my immediate family; as well as my business.

Thankfully I now have others helping to place these wonderful little creatures. It’s not the dog’s fault that their previous owner refuses to make a decision regarding their welfare. Frankly I’ve had enough of this bullshit. If she is incapable of taking responsibility for her actions then she loses the privilege of doing so. Enough already!

This situation has been eating at me for over a year now. The dogs have had a year to recover from the awful flea/worm infestation they were living in. Now it’s time to start on socializing them and getting them into their new homes.

On the one hand it is heartbreaking to see them go. They have turned into absolutely beautiful little creatures. However it is better for them to be in a household. Better for me as well. There are simply too many here for me to take care of the way they should be taken care of.

They have feed, water, and shelter. They get a smile and a pat on the head, but at this point that’s all I can manage. Actually I wanted to place them all myself so I knew where they were going and had screened the applicants. Unfortunately I can not take care of the dogs, socialize them and place them. It is taking just about everything I have just to take care of their basic living requirements. Thank God- yes literally, there are folks to help place them.

I have hung in there for a year trying to work with the previous parties involved. They refuse to make decisions or to take action that is beneficial for the dogs. That is what it is about, what is best for the dogs involved. They didn’t ask to be put into a flea infested filth hole. But that is where they were. Disgusting health hazard, for both the dogs and the person living there. No I am not a miss priss, nor am I an excellent housekeeper. But there is a limit. What really gets me is that this person in question is a relative. This situation is heartbreaking, enraging, disgusting, and completely unnecessary. Yet there it is. It is so awful there that I can not breathe in that house. Yet there she is entrenched in absolute filth. Yes she has the option of living elsewhere.

Breaks my heart, sometimes I wonder if that’s not a big part of the reason she lives the way she does. I wonder could she actually be putting her own life in jeopardy to manipulate me. To get pity, play the martyr, the poor me bit. If that is the case she truly needs counseling.

No I am not so arrogant as to think that she can not live without me. I know that she can, frankly I wish she would live her life rather than trying to suck the joy out of mine.

I’ve been through his crap so many times with this person, yet it still gets to me. I don’t think she will ever find peace in this life. Ironically it’s because she chooses not to.

Realization: she must not want peace in this life. All this time I’ve been playing into her havoc. Trying to make things better for her. 48 years of hell, one crisis after another. One personal war after another. Always fighting through trying to make things better, when she has chosen to live in a war zone. When there is no war she creates on. When there is no crisis she creates one. That’s a big part of what happened with her dogs.

Refusal to make decisions, to take care of them so people will be drawn Into her “poor me I can’t take care of my dogs” come do it for me.

I can’t get out to my dogs, but I refuse to throw away the mountains of garbage piled in my yard. When you step in and clean it out it’s “Oh you cleaned it all out”, and then a week later she has thrown garbage all over the place again. Rather than in the dumpster.

Shake it off, let it go and move on. I can do nothing about the attitudes or living situations of people that refuse to help themselves. I can do something about how I live my life.

Yesterday I allowed their attitudes to infect me. I spent most of the day, sad, frustrated, and angry. I truth I went to bed angry last night and woke up angry. My dreams were even angry. I dreamt of this monster storm on the western horizon. I can still see it in my mind’s eye.

Truthfully that storm looked a lot like the emotional turmoil going on inside of me. In the past it has taken me out for days sometimes months at a time. Enough, if they want to live in their self made hell, so be it. I choose to live a different way. Actually live, taste the wonderful fruits of life, take responsibility for my life and the way I live it.

What they do is between them and their God. I give them up to God; they have free will and as a result are responsible for their own lives, and how they live them. Just as I am responsible for my life. Life is a gift; it’s up to you what you do with it.

Enough of this …
Thank you Lord for this Glorious August Day!

Life is a journey, Enjoy the Trip (or not-it’s up to you!)
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians
307.788.0202

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Where did the 16th Go?


Oops I thought it was the 16th. Guess not. Lost a day. Depressed yesterday. I allowed myself to slide down a slippery slide into depression. Frankly I do not have time for that. Today I am keeping busy. I am going to write out an outline for my day. Has to be flexible but it will help me to keep moving forward. Get a bit done in the many different areas that need work. Resulting in a better bottom line … not to mention noticeable progress across the board.

Bright sunny day now… was cloudy and cool when Diesel woke me up around 6 a.m. … he was doing his mince and whine bit. Had to go potty… so I got up and put the whole crew outside.

Truthfully today I feel a bit like that dancing chicken…
Life is a journey… some days you get stuck… and some are uphill… Mary E. Robbins & the
Hairballs

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