October 28th 2014

got the potatoes dug and in storage... sorted my tomatoes again this week... 12 more quart washed cut and frozen... pulled and dug all my beets and onions yesterday... processing beet greens and sorting beets today... oh yeah... and got straw into most of the animal housing... I am a bit nattered... and muscle sore... but still moving... albeit slowly...

saw the kittens in the chicken house yesterday.... cute little fuzzies... their eyes are open... was concerned that they were out from under their house... but they went back inside and did not venture past the gate in front of their house... their mom is wild so moving them is really not an option... well not with keeping their mom with them...

goats are out grazing... froze here last night... not horribly though... glad the ground is still warm...

made it through the anniversary... worked myself to exhaustion yesterday... trying to push farther and farther without injuring myself... I will be so very glad to get the rest of this fat off... and very thankful for epsom salts in the bath tub... can we say sore muscles...

ok... gotta get back with it... or I will not get those beets done...

later taters...

Mary E. Robbins
facebook

time loops... nearing anniversary of David's death...

Good morning peeps…

Gratitudes:
Firewood… seriously… yes firewood
-2 degrees… forecast was -16
Breakfast… thankful to have it as some do not…

It was nearly zero outside at 7:00 a.m. YaY! Who’d a thought I’d be celebrating minus 2 degrees… but that is much warmer than what was forecast for this morning. Weather.com says it is minus 6… so glad for the few degrees warmer it is in my yards.

So very glad the electricity stayed on… have a heater in the well area by the pressure tanks… so still have water. Yay!

The past week plus has been a confusing rollercoaster ride of highs and lows… no it is not the weather I’m writing of this time. As I draw nearer to the anniversary of David’s death… the first anniversary of the death of David’s body…

Seems like it was yesterday… today… seems like forever… seems like it never happened and he is in his recliner watching John Wayne or the military channel… or … oh… here comes the truck… the sound of which the dogs and birds perk up to listen… Time has compressed… stretched out… doubled back on itself… looping and re-looping around.

Driving the truck home in the dark on icy… snow packed… snow drifted… roads with the wind swirling the falling snow around the truck… in a full on … to the point of vision messed up anxiety … panic attack after panic attack… I kept hearing his words in my head… it’s ok… you can do this… slow down… make sure the overdrive is off… put it in 4 wheel drive… ease off the gas… don’t touch the brakes… you can do this… and I did…

Once I got to the edge of the property and picked up the mail… got the truck onto what we laughingly call our driveway… the panic lifted… anxiety seemed to just go away… and we bounced on in over the frozen ruts buried in snow to the house… excited and happy that we had made it … put a log on the hot embers in the wood stove and got the fire going…

All the while the flip side of being so tense was building… everything … and I mean everything is funny then… zip zip zip goes the mind… it’s there… no it’s over here… up there… down here… fly fly fly… faster and faster… until the momentum slows down to a crawl… and nothing is funny or bright… and there is nothing… crash to a grinding halt…

Arctic cold front… subzero temps… go out and do ranch rounds… then I hear the whisper in my mind… you can do this… one step at a time… calm… you can do this… Siberian air mass has come to visit… fear… fear … fear… fear for my animals… fear… to breathe the air… chest constricts… shhhhh…. Quiet… you can do this… stock yard boots… insulated coveralls… dish towel around my face… leave glasses in the house… brown eyes peeking out from under layers… cap… hat… hood… get your hoe… use it to keep balance… head out the door and up the hill…

The sun is shining bright… and it is made of ice… make sure everyone has feed… water… give treats… don’t know how long was outside… just was… until I wasn’t… hours… back to the house… let the house critters out… they are not acclimated… out for a moment and back inside… do not sit down until they are back inside… strip off the layers… hang on to the wall to get the stockyard boots off… slowly climb out of the insulated coveralls… totally soaked under-layers… sweat… body is done… legs quivering like a racehorse that has been run too far… but still standing… strip off wet clothes… find something dry… put another log in the woodstove… coffee… water… coffee… collapse into recliner… feet on side of buffet… crashed… totally exhausted… coffee getting cold sitting on buffet… asleep in the chair…

Wake to cooling house and cold coffee… drink it anyway… put another log in the woodstove… nuke some leftover soup… warm… back into chair… try to read and write… wake again sometime later… put another log on the fire… say goodnight stagger off to bed…

They say whatever does not kill you makes you stronger… hmmmmm…. Which this will be remains to be seen… If I am still here in this life… in this body in the spring… then I suppose I will be stronger… hey I should be a friggen spartin racer by then… or passed out frozen in the yards… either way… it is what it is… then I hear that whisper in my mind… you can do this… it’s not your time yet… when it is it is… in the meantime… you can do this…

I hear wild birds singing in the cold of the morning… celebrating a new day…

Mary E. Robbins
facebook
twitter

Foggy morn...

Good morning peeps… we have a fine heavy fog here this morning… the moisture is dripping off my yard fences… and out of the trees… the Pominators have been out running about in the wet and are back inside ready for some pominator napping… lol…

I love the fog… not a fan of driving in it though… but breathing…ahhhh… wonderful… must go into town this morning… am taking my truck rather than my silver jeep… thinking my blue and silver truck may be a little bit easier to see… need to pick up some chicken feed and it is easier to haul in the truck anyway.

Time is dashing by and it’s going to be a slow drive into town if this fog covers the whole way… who knows… perhaps it does not…

May your minds be filled with peace…

Mary E. Robbins
facebook
twitter

Yep... it's Monday...

Hello Peeps…

Well today started out sunny… now it’s cloudy… I did not get all the way through my list yesterday… I did get the sheets washed, dog laundry washed, and all dried… dog crates with clean bedding in them… as for the rest… I ended up sleeping on top of a throw on the bed last night…

I did not make it to the website I wanted to work on either… aw well… did get some dishes washed. Oh yes and I got most of my compression pants stitched and hemmed. The waist bands on those things never stay together with a straight stretch stitch… so I go over them with a couple rows of zig zag stitches… keeps them together nicely.

Today so far… I’ve gotten a bath, had grapes and yogurt for lunch… dinner is in the oven… making use of some rice and hamburger… as well as some veggies and spices and eggs… mixed up a meatloaf and popped in the oven… did a bit of reading as well… goals: wash the rest of the dishes, bake some lemon loaf, pay bills, make bed, fold laundry and put it away, hem the last pair of compression pants, ranch rounds, appt with grief counselor, pull a dog’s coat… there’s a big maybe on that one… here’s hoping the power stays on tonight… as that is when I intend to pay the bills… ugh… I so hate doing that when things are stretched so bad.

Pominators and Cockatiels are outside while they can be… if it does today what it did yesterday in a couple of hours I’ll be pulling them in…

Yesterday afternoon and into the evening a storm rolled in… lightening must have struck a transformer somewhere because we were without electricity for I’m not sure how long. Power went out right in the middle of a sewing a waist band. Aw well… I have one phone that works without the power… so I called the elect company and told them it was out… then called a neighbor to see if they had power. They were out of power as well… so I knew it wasn’t just something on my place.

Visited with my neighbor on the phone for a while… It was good to catch up. Brushed Ensign’s coat (black pom)… poor baby is losing his hair since he had a bot… rotten bug. He is such a little character… looks like I’ll be knitting and or sewing more dog clothes … He gets this silly look on his face and then just grins showing his front teeth…

Some of the swelling in my legs went down from yesterday… yay! Dropped over a pound from yesterday morning to this morning… oh and yes I have compression pants on… although I did avoid putting them on this morning for a while. Yes my legs are swelled… and hands hurt like a bugger… but for now they are working… so I am using them…

Have an appointment with my grief counselor later this afternoon… she has truly been a blessing through all this….

Gonna finish my mug of coffee, swallow my vitamins and such and head out to do ranch rounds… get part of it done before she gets here. Wonder if the girls (hens) have any eggs for me today…

Oh yeah… happily I picked my first little tomato of the season yesterday.

Mary E. Robbins
facebook
twitter

Yesterday was quite the day...

Yesterday was quite the day. Baked some chicken to have for dinner through the week… baked some potatoes to make a potato salad… washed dog laundry… washed dishes… yes the dishes were an “event” since I do not have a dishwasher… other than my hands and had not washed them for a week… hmmmm … maybe longer… took trash out… did not attack that thigh high grass west of the house… just going to mow around the yards… not clear out into the meadow… I do not want to disturb the birds nesting there…

Wild birdsong was beautiful… my state of mind and attitude sucked…. Sorted through some mail and put it in a trash can… geez there’s tons of that stuff to sort and pitch… would like to just grab it all and toss it… but then I’d be in a fix when I tossed papers that I’ll need… pppphhhhttttt….. so it’s sort and pitch… thinking I’ll sort it and stuff it in cat litter bags and use it for kindling on cold rainy nights…. Or I may just take it to the burn bin and be done with it… dunno… doesn’t matter…

Pulled some field grass out of my irises… managed to pull of some iris leaves as well… ah well… gonna plant cucumbers along that fence as well. That worked pretty well last year… more grass to pull… argh!

The bull snake was back… curled up under a hollyhock bugging the dogs… actually I think the dogs were actually harassing the snake… as it was under the flower on the outside of the yard… hissing as the dogs were barking… I sprayed it with the water hose and it went out under a piece of equipment a bit farther away from the yard… as it was on it’s way a robin decided to tell it to get away from her tree… no robin eggs for that snake… brave little bird went after a 4 or 5 ft snake… 

Last night was a majestic light show. WoW! Lightening dancing across the sky to the south and east… and the thunder rolls… sheet lightening lighting up the hollow… then a bright bright strike nearly straight down blazing into the earth to the east of us. As this was going on it was completely still in our little hollow… not a breath of a breeze… not a leaf quivering on the trees. I watched the storm come across… from the southwest… riding the high ridge to the south between us and LaGrange then drifting north east along the north side of the connecting ridge… moving between the gap… I realize it is higher than the ridges… but they seem to effect the wind currents that carry the storms. I’ve watched summer storm… after summer storm follow that pattern… over the years…

It was dark to the south and the east… well dark other than lightening dancing about… but the western sky was still lighter fading into evening… no stars to be seen… then I noticed a bright triangle shining in the west… I usually miss these things… either cloud covers or I am at a loss to figure out what is what… but I actually got to see them last night… Jupiter, Venus, and Mercury… last night was a glorious night… planets shining in the west… white clouds against dark gray in formation across the sky… lightening dancing… flashing… striking to the south and east… quite the show…

On a more somber note… I also heard the ambulance and fire trucks going to the south west… not sure how far… sound carries a long way out here at night… I would postulate that one of those lightening strikes lit something on fire. Another reason to get the grass and weeds mowed for a fire break… not to just keep from stepping on Slinky the Snake… or rather snakes… It won’t be long until that cheat grass is dry and very very flammable… no it’s not all cheat… there are perennial field grasses as well… but there is a good bit of cheat…

The cockatiels are sitting outside in their cage singing along with the wild birds… happy little fellows… they were more than ready to come in when I carried their cage inside last night. All worried looking as it was getting darker and the lightning and thunder was doing it’s dance.

There were two owls on the power line poles across the road calling back and forth to each other in the calm… while the lightning flashed to the south and the thunder rolled… It took me a bit… but as it was dusk rather than dark of night I was finally able to see one of them. I located the other by sound but was unable to see it… the other I could see it’s dark silhouette outlined on the cross bar of the power pole. 

The coyotes joined in with a yipping crying chorus… setting off the neighbors dogs to the east as they ran by on the ridges. Frankly I am rather glad my chicken run is fenced… as are my yards and dog runs. The cattle across the road were anxious with the coyotes about… there are calves in that field as well… and they were mooing … calling out to one another…

I stayed out in the yard listening to the sounds of the night… a chorus of crickets… I’ve loved that sound ever since I was a small child. The coal train rumbling along on the north track then whistling a crossing… can’t hear the trains to the north during the day… but their sounds travels farther at night… an upset robin came flying up to the corner of the mastiff run as I was gathering up their feed dishes… something had disturbed her… and she was telling me about it… only for a moment then off the fence back into the dark of the tree…

Small birds wings rustle as I walk under the juniper tree in the front yard… carrying the mastiff’s feed pans as Sara and Diesel make their patrol around the south yard… snuffling the corners and checking every hiding place for any creature they deem does not belong there. The Pominators were already inside in their beds for the night… munching on kibble or curled up. The house Pominators seriously do not like being outside when the thunder and lightning are doing their dance.

Larry, Curly, and Mo were sprawled on top of their houses waiting to be petted and reassured. Secure in their cat run safe from marauding ranch cats and other creatures, in the night. I ran the mastiffs in to their beds and Puss Cat came up over the fence visiting the young cats in their run. They were none to sure of her and their meows of greeting were mixed with growls… She is the senior female ranch cat on the premises. She knows better than to come in the fenced yards when the mastiffs or Pominators are out in the yards.

I am reading another book… well actually there are several in the process… read a bit put it down think about it… not fictional stories to devour but words and phrases…meanings to ponder. This one is called “The Death of a Husband Reflections for a Grieving Wife” by Helen Reichert Lambin. It’s not a how to get through this book, or what to expect book, it is exactly what the title says it is. The first day I read a couple passages and bawled and put it down. Yesterday I read a few passages and thought… geez these words could be coming out of my mouth. I’d seen it several times on Amazon… it kept jumping out at me… in the suggested reading lists. Usually when a book continues to jump out at me there is something in there for me. So I am reading it. I am thankful she decided to share her musings. Before David’s body died I would not have understood her words… I do now. 

This journey into widowhood has brought knowledge and wisdom with it… frankly both of which I could have selfishly done without. I would have preferred to have journeyed on in this life with my partner, blissfully ignorant… missing out on this “growth opportunity” … seriously!

But it is what it is… take another breath… take another step… down a new path… I liked the path I was on… and did not want to climb on this one… still none too thrilled about it… my old path was comfortable, familiar, and we helped each other along… this one seems to be rather craggy… along a cliff face… requiring growth to navigate it… climb to fly or die…

Just filled my coffee cup… it is soooooo time for some coffee. Then out to do ranch rounds. Want to dump all the wading tubs and refill them with fresh water… as well as the drinking water buckets. May plant my cucumbers today and pull some more grass along the east yard fence… and possibly mow a bit more. That does tend to kick my behind but it needs to be done… so do a bit…stop…do a bit more… repeat…

Too cute... Mow Mow Tat is laying on her back on a pillow under my desk with her arm over her face... purring... happy fat cat...Well it looks as if I have read and written the morning away... gonna grab a bite to eat then head out for ranch rounds...

Mary E. Robbins
Find me on Facebook
Follow me on Twitter

Good morning peeps...

Good morning peeps... busy day today... having breakfast and some coffee...actually my breakfast came fresh out of the hen house... yes eggs not my chickens... and toast... freshened all the dog waters this morning... perfect morning... birds singing... wonderful temps ... has not heated up yet... lovely... could do without the wild mustard... sneeze sneeze...

Yesterday was a day of ups and downs... but I was given a gift... and I chose to accept it... the pleasure of seeing a bit of the life around us...

The mastiffs were barking last night at dusk… I stepped out to see what they were after… thought perhaps that snake had come back to the yards… if he/she had I wouldn’t know because I did not see a snake… what I did see standing on the crest of the ridge to the west was a herd of deer. We were looking at them… they were looking at us… I stepped back inside to get my camera and of course they were gone when I got back outside… was a treat to see them though.

May you walk in peace...

Mary E. Robbins

find me on facebook

follow me on twitter

I actually slept

Good Morning Peeps! So much for a nap at 7:30 last night. I meandered into the bed rather than the couch… and that was all she wrote… I remember Diesel getting up into his spot on the bed… snuggling down into the covers… said my prayers and I was out. I did not wake up until the Pominators set off their morning howl… and this morning that was at 3:40 a.m.

No nightmares…no cold sweats and chills… just blessed sleep. I know I dreamed something … but do not consciously remember what it was at this point. I have not slept that long, straight through in … geez I can’t remember when. It is usually sleep 2 to 3 hours … get up head to the bathroom… check the stove. Check on David… Check on Mom… do what ever needed to be done and head back to bed… in 2 to 3 hours do it all again…

Happily the wood stove still had hot coals in it as well… so got the fire going again easily while I was running the Mastiffs and Pominators outside for their morning potty run. Of course they all did the yard rounds … making their security patrol… the large and the small of it.

Then after they were all back inside… I heard Mow Mow Tat growl… yes my cat growls… she heard a vehicle motor and the Pominators exploded and the Mastiffs hackles and back hair went up and they headed for the door. Some truck had gone rumbling by… probably someone taking the gravel roads across to the railroad depot.. or a rancher that was up taking care of cattle calving. I suppose it could be someone not home from the bars and partying yet… but they usually do not come back on these gravel/dirt roads. Sara and Diesel grabbed a bite to eat… and are now back on the couch… the Pominators are back in their beds… as for me… I am heading to the kitchen for a mug of coffee and getting on the recumbent stationary bike for a morning peddle. I’ve got my water… gonna get my coffee and get my peddle on…

Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202
find me on facebook
follow me on twitter
RobbinsRunRanch

Beautiful Calm Morning

Good Morning Peeps… Beautiful Calm Morning. No wind at all.

The sun is shining melting the ice from the freeze last night. Ran the house Pominators out before the sun was up… they are back inside sleeping again now. The mastiffs are out in the house yard.

I hear Captain (Yellow Lab) doing his morning bark routine. Must be a ranch cat in the midyard bugging him. Or he is barking just to be barking as he seems to like to do. He is in a solo run next to Bully (lab cross)and Jazzy (pit lab cross). All three came in at the same time the summer of 2003. They were dog/human aggressive and were to be put down, so here they are 9 years later. Jazzy is getting a bit gray around the muzzle, she is a shiny black spayed female.

My right knee is screaming this morning. I put some Blue Emu on it… let that absorb then some Unkers. Still hurts but it’s holding . Have my kelso earth shoes on they seem to make a significant positive difference with my knees so I’ll just see how the day goes. The bugger is grinding pretty good this morning. The worst thing I could do is not use it… so tough on the grinding I’m taking the trash out to the burn bin.

I made a pen out of sheet metal steel posts and grates across the top to cut down on fire hazard. After this bin fills up with ashes, I’ll break it down and move it to another spot in the chicken yard. The chickens and other birds us the ashes to dust in. No mites on my feathered friends… lol…

Heard pheasant call again this morning. That sound always makes me smile.

Life is a journey... appreciate the moments.
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202
find me on facebook

Attitude is Everything

I was in the message board at Team Beachbody and one of my friends had offered a big hug, and had commented on attitude.

Thanks KS (name removed initials instead) The big hug is very welcome. I agree with you, attitude is everything. Be great to have someone to work this through with. (this being the weight loss and lifestyle changes) That is actually a positive rather than the sly darts in the negative. Mostly the sly darts are because they aren't taking care of business themselves, so it makes them uncomfortable when someone else is. Still get's old though. No it’s not anyone at Team Beachbody. Local nonsense, mostly old “friends” and “family”.

They are just more comfortable with me being fat and ill, than losing weight and becoming healthier. No I am not making excuses for them; it’s just reality. Their choices are their choices, and mine are mine. It used to make me crazy, literally. Or rather I used to allow it to make me crazy. Sometimes it’s a bit like walking through a liquid gooey toxic waste dump, in a bikini. You’re completely covered in toxins, think you have them showered off but they’ve soaked in through your skin. No thank you, these days my attitude is doubling as a hazmat suit. Lol.

I've been reading Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life by Byron Katie. There is a phrase in the very front that sums it up. “Suppose you could find a simple way to embrace your life with joy, stop arguing with reality, and achieve serenity in the midst of chaos. That is what Loving What Is offers.” Erica Jong, author of Fear of Flying wrote that in the intro. Loving What Is.

What can I say it came together with my new years resolution. Actually it’s more of a Life Resolution that happened to come about this new year. Live Life Now, Appreciate each moment as it happens. Live in peace within myself.

Yesterday I went out to take care of the animals and bonked hard. Trudging through snowdrifts, lifting buckets of ice and dumping them, (around 40 buckets) digging the whelping house door out from behind a 4 foot snow drift. (Which I will more than likely have to do again today.) Me thinks I had a pretty good weight and cardio workout by the end of it, unfortunately I did not get t o hip hop abs. Simply wasn’t possible, I was running into the fences and walls by the time I got back into the house.

I nuked some supper in the microwave and crashed. I tried to sort some email and write a bit but kept hitting the wrong keys. When I bonk out I really bonk out.

Truthfully I am still exhausted today. Although I don’t think it has anything to do with bonking yesterday. I could be wrong about that though. I woke up around 3:30 this morning with a gastric attack. Frankly I could have done without that. Blown up like a blimp, running to the bathroom over and over. Those attacks always leave me exhausted and not wanting to move.

I know I’ll feel better once I’m moving and getting things done though; both mentally and physically. Just seems to work that way.

The sun is shining, the wind is blowing, the temp on my computer is 39 degrees. That means it’s around 49 degrees in this hollow, so that snow is melting. Get up and Move!

Ugh, I feel like sludge. Oooooo the temp just went up another degree! Yay! Mind you it was 20 below zero here a few nights ago, so I’m pretty excited about weather.com showing 40 degrees. I have spring fever sooooooo bad.

I hope the 2 apple trees I put out last year bloom this year.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Live Life Now, appreciate each moment as it happens.

Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians
Team Beachbody Coach
Turn Weight Loss into Profit: Learn How to Become a Beachbody Coach
307.788.0202

Windy Day on the High Plains

The Wind is blowing like a psycho again today. In the middle of the night last night it was wonderful outside. The wind had died down the stars were so bright it looked like you could reach up and touch them.

I went out to shut up the door to the fowl house. The ducks, guineas and chickens had all went to bed. We shut the door at night to keep the predators from eating them. I seriously need to rebuild that door. At this point I am shutting the door and bracing a chain link gate across the bottom of it.

The mastiffs were after something last night when I had them out in the yard. When I smelled it’s pungent aroma I was very glad for the fence to keep them off it. There was a skunk fairly close. I would say close enough that the mastiff’s fence attack frightened it into spraying. Fortunately it was far enough away from the fence that it missed my dogs.

I take the handheld spotlight out with me when I go out to shut up the birds. I like to shine it around the ridges and check for four legged company. I’ve lit up some eyes a number of times. Usually when the spot light hits them they leave. At least onto the other side of the ridge. I will be very glad when we get that perimeter fence up. It will slow down the predator loss considerably. Sometimes I think our cats and birds are the buffet line for coyotes, fox, and cougar.

Happily that cat does not come around very often. The coyotes however are another story. I can hear them howling, yipping and running nearly every night. Unless the wind is blowing like crazy, then of course I can’t hear anything outside but the wind. Well the wind and the tin it is banging up and down.

I am sure glad we have the electric fence around the kennels. Makes me sleep much better at night. Neither the cougar nor the coyotes challenge electric fences. Not usually anyway. Well not the electric fence combined with the stock panels. A single strand fence I do believe the coyotes will simply go under.

It amazes me that this is the last day of November 2008. It simply does not seem possible. But it is, now isn’t it. So far this winter it has been pretty warm all in all. I am glad we have all the dogs moved into the big calf hutches. Makes it nice for them to be able to get out of the wind and have some room to play and run. I want to bring some more straw over from the shelterbelt and put it in their houses. It’s a kick to watch them tear the chunks of straw bale apart. They have a great time with it. Just enjoying being dogs.

We are getting closer to catching things up. One day, one step at a time. I found some shelving that can be used to stack crates on. Or to build solid sleeping compartments for that matter. Unfortunately I don’t think I’ll have those built before the wicked cold comes around. I do have enough big dog crates to bring the poms in. Be a good idea to have a few more though.

I am sure going to be glad when I am not just using extension cords to string electricity around for heat lamps and such. One day one step at a time.

I love watching the dogs run and play. Their sheer joy of life is a blessing to behold.

Best get going, more sorting and shredding to do. Then it’s cook for David and get out to the kennels.

Thank God for ear plugs to keep that howling wind out of my ears.

Life is a journey, go with God.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians
307.788.0202