Sept 26 2014

I wrote this originally to answer a specific question... but then thought ... hmmm... peeps have been asking me how I am losing the fat ... and this pretty much answers it... regarding foods and such...

Yes edema is part of it for me... this is what I have noticed with my body.... if I do not drink enough fluid I have more edema... I am not too bad with a half gallon fluid consumption per day... however my body does much better with a gallon a day... or more depending on my activity level and how hot it is... sweat and all that...

that being said... my body will not tolerate refined sugars... they result in swelling...

I can tolerate raw honey...

no soda/pop of any kind... swell swell swell... oh and bloat ... ick... the diet soda is actually worse on me than the regular stuff... I drink coffee... regular teas... herbal teas... water... I am ok with wine (in moderation) ... beer is a problem (gluten issues) ... a spot of whiskey/vodka/brandy/gin/tequilla ... now and again I seem to do ok with... usually only one shot... once in a while I'll try 2 depending on what it is... not because I am against a drink... but simply because my body's reaction to it is not worth it...

I do not drink any processed juices… I do eat fruit… love frozen bananas rolled in raw cacao nibs… love dates… I stay away from the chopped ones since they put sugar on them…

No corn syrup… it is amazing how many things that is in…

No gluten… argh… I ate wheat as a kid and it was ok… but it is not the same wheat as what we had as kids…

No MSG (mono sodium glutamate) this stuff is in so many things… grrrr…

I stay away from gmo oils... and as many gmo products as possible...

I use coconut oil (just make sure it is not processed with hexane) I am an olive oil freak… was pissed to learn that much of what we think is olive oil actually is not… researched it and found some real stuff… love the flavor…

I was torked to learn that they put sugar in sausage… and a lot of it has msg as well… grrrr…. I have been learning to make my own spice combinations…

I eat next to no processed meats other than bacon… and am very selective about it… there is a local place that makes it the old fashioned way… most of the processed meats have either sugar or msg …

I do eat some dairy… look for organic… the hormones they inject the cattle with seem to cause swelling in me… argh.. if I eat yogurt it is full fat plain greek yogurt… I add my own fruit and if I want to sweeten it… raw honey… I quit buying shredded cheese because it is coated in corn starch…

I do eat wild rice… sometimes brown rice… love yams… no not the canned stuff… unless I have canned it myself…

I eat nuts… unsalted… unless it’s sea salt or redmonds… it is actually redmonds all natural sea salt… there are other minerals in it along with the salt… it tastes better and is better for you as well…

The way I eat is nearly paleo… gotta headache yet… lol… I did more than once when I started this… but I do not have nearly as much swelling as I used to…

It’s whole no gluten non gmo organic foods that I eat… for the most part…

every once in a while I go off the reservation… like I did a couple weeks or so ago and ate some lindor truffles… I paid for that indiscretion with swelling and an all-night gastric attack…

Meat can be a challenge to get organic… so I have started raising my own fowl… and I do the best I can with the beef… am buying part of a grass fed steer later this year… at least that is the plan… down the road I may raise a bucket calf or 2 for the freezer… along with the chicken…ducks… geese… goats… and so on…

There is something else I drink… it’s called tangy tangerine 2 … it tastes kinda like an overripe peach… it is full of vitamins and minerals… there is a berry one as well… I just stick with this one… it is a multilevel thing… but I am not selling it… I buy mine off amazon.com … a friend talked me into it and it has been a benefit to me… my body tolerates it well and it helps me to hydrate… I take 4 heaping scoops and stir them into a half gallon jar of water and stick it in the frig… and drink it throughout the day…

I have become a total label reading freak… sometimes it makes me seriously pissed… the other day I was hungry for some kidney beans … I still had a can on my pantry shelf… so I picked it up… and read the label… these were supposed to be plain kidney beans… I expected some salt… but they had added sugar as well… seriously… sugar in kidney beans… argh!

They say to eat low fat… really?! When it is low fat it is high in simple carbs… another way to say sugars… grrrrr…. I am going to stop myself on the sugar rant because that is a whole thing in itself… just grrrr though… just grrrr…

Swelling…. It has been reduced by 80% to 90% overall since I have made these changes… that would be my best estimate… I still have a considerable amount of fat to lose and as I do so I am releasing stored toxins… so that comes into play as well… and of course genetics come into play… it is much better than it was…

Hope this was useful to you… it has been and continues to be a learning experience for me…

 

Mary E. Robbins

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May 14th 2014 ...restarting gratitudes...

Good Morning Peeps… There is Sunshine! YaY!

I had been doing gratitudes each morning… and then I got away from it… not sure why or how but I did… at any rate I am starting again… I am giving thanks each morning…

This Morning’s Gratitudes:
organic French roast coffee beans… the electricity came back on… the sun is shining

I have news… big news for me anyway… I got on the scale this morning… I have officially lost over 20% of my total body weight… I was 20% down at 251.04… this morning I am under 250 lbs… 249.6 lbs. I have not been this light in over 10 years… actually longer than that. I weigh 4.6 pounds more than I weighed the day I got married in October 1991.

I am loving this… the fat is just melting off. Yes I am eating. I am not going hungry… well not unless I get busy and don’t get in to eat… I am not dieting. You know I used to diet diet diet and gain weight… I just kept getting heavier… it seemed impossible… and the way I was trying to do it… it was impossible…

The electricity went off last night… that means the heat lamps over the baby ducks and geese went off… here’s hoping they are ok… if they did not pile up and squish each other they should be… I am going to post this and head up the hill to the building they are in … truthfully it spooks me when the power goes off… although I will say it is not as frightening as it was when I lived in the city and the lights went out. I would love to have an automatic generator out here… or perhaps learn how to live off grid… there’s an idea.

Breakfast is done… and time is flying by…
Heading out to check on the ducks and geese…

Mary E. Robbins
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non gmo... organic... non processed ... equals... fat loss and health...

Got on the scale this morning... and looked a couple of times... I am now 43 pounds down... 270.8 lbs... still hefty... but not as hefty as I was... YaY! andd it is still falling off...

I cut almost all processed foods... out of my food intake... cut gluten ... artificial sweeteners... sugars... hmmmm... well this would be easier to say what I am eating rather than listing all the stuff i am refusing to consume...

I am eating as closely as possible... translated doing the best I can with what I have access too... organic, non gmo, non processed, whole foods... mostly veggies and proteins at this point...

I am using the induction food lists in the book the new atkins for a new you... with some modifications... I am eating very little dairy... nothing against dairy... I just do not want the hormones the dairy herds are being injected with... rather frustrating since I am a total cheese freak...

I am using tangy tangerine 2 as a vitamin/mineral supplement... also using shakeology as a snack sense I know both are high quality... and my food variety is rather limited at this point...

trying to keep my water consumption adequate... for my weight that is about a gallon a day... not always reaching that... but feel better when I do as I am flushing so many toxins with this fat loss.

i get a minimum of 30 minutes a day of activity in... usually more... between oxycise/tai-cheng... ranch rounds... and working in the quonset... just get up and move... if you can not get up... move where you are...

dropping the gluten ... sugar... and processed foods has made a huge difference... of course it can be rather frustrating going to the grocery store...not much in there...

after I am under 200 lbs I will be adding nuts, fruits, and higher carb veggies and legumes back into my food consumption lists... as well as some non gmo grains...

I am finding that I am not hungry all the time like i used to be...

I did not choose this eating style as a diet... I did this because I was totally fed up with feeling like crud... and getting sick every friggen time I ate...

Oh... and something else... yes I am still using olive oil... love a good quality olive oil and a bit of vinegar and some garlic on salads... however I am being extremely selective about it... so much of the olive oil on the store shelves is not actually olive oil... even some of the respected brands are contaminated with other oils... or not olive oil at all... grrrrr...

Coconut oil is excellent... just make sure it is non hexane...

You know I thought I knew how to eat healthy... this is certainly a learning experience...

Mary E. Robbins
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Fat Suits Kill...

313.8 – 281.4 = 32.4 lbs down… I am coming out of this fat suit… oh yes I am…

Ok... now that picture is just scary... geez.. look how the fat is pushing up onto her lungs and around her heart and such... wowzers... no this is not a pic of me... but sure makes the point... fat suits kill...

On to the morning’s routine… breakfast done… (sautéed spaghetti squash, 2 sausage links, 1 egg) coffee brewed… mixed up some tangy tangerine to drink… that stuff is so full of vitamins and such… Pominators and mastiffs outside… it is a wonderful 43 degrees outside this morning… however the wind is seriously doing it’s thing… ugh…

Thinking I’ll bring the Pominators and mastiffs back in before I start my workout routine… oxycise… tai cheng… today turbo jam … ok… here goes… doing it…

after workout....

 Ok... I did it... I followed through... oxycise/tai ai cheng/turbo jam... would like to write some more... but am out of time once again... state of mind is all over the place... ugh... wind is blowing... and I am outta here... gotta go...

Mary E. Robbins
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I started Tai Cheng Today

I decided to start Tai Cheng today… here is hoping for renewed balance and flexibility. Additional peace of mind and calm would be nice too. My balance is a mess and frankly I would like to be able to ride my motorcycle this summer… see where balance would be a must… well unless I am seriously courting some nasty road rash. Frankly I would just as soon pass on that.

Increasing my lung capacity is a major goal as well. I am already using oxycise… and am going to continue to do so…. However this says it helps with that as well… so here goes.

I took my initial measurements… for the program… and to my delight I have already lost some inches off my hips… yay… my chest… no not breast… chest… above the breast 40.5 inches… right upper arm 15 left upper arm 15 waist 43… hips… 55… geez… but that is actually down over 6 inches…yay! Still ugh… but 6 inches less… left thigh 32 … right thigh 32.5 …

I look at that and I think… geez… each one of my thighs is actually bigger than what my waist used to be… and I thought I was fat then… lousy body image at the time.

Oh and yes I weighed as well… 282.4 lbs this morning… down from 313.8 lbs… 31.4 pounds down overall.

I want out of this fat suit… but being skinny is not my goal… being slender and well muscled… strong… graceful and healthy are my goals.

Stomping around my mom’s burned out house was an eye opener… as I could barely keep my balance… nor get my breath… pppphhhttttt! Enough of this crap… I may not be able to totally recover this body… but I am going to give it a serious go…

Frankly I am amazed at the difference cutting out processed foods and gluten has done already. Positive changes… trying for organic non gmo as well… talk about not much in the grocery stores… this is definitely a learning experience… on an up note… I am not getting sick every time I eat a meal now.

Actually this is all rather overwhelming… the temptation is to hide in a dark little hole… ok a dark big hole in the ground… or a closet and just wish it all away… but since that never works… it’s take a deep breath… well as deep as I am capable of at this time… then another … and another… then on to taking steps… one at a time… then I am thinking down the road a bit it will not be so overwhelming… because I will learn as I go along… one step at a time…

Kind of like going over to my mom’s property… that place is one nightmare maze of triggers… wham wham wham… slamming into me… over and over… total overwhelm as buried emotions came surging up to the surface and out… geez… then they just kept coming all bloody night… and into the next day… like a dam had burst… finally calmed down after painting another canvas… amazes me how that works but it does…

Yes I am aware it is not over… the next time I go over there… yee haw… get ready for a ride… perhaps it won’t be as traumatic… but if it is… then it is… I need to allow myself to acknowledge those buried emotions… raw bloody pain is a good bit of it… but there is joy and happiness mixed in that mess as well… absolutely horrid memories… mixed in with positive ones… in a jumbled mix of humanity… a mixture of love and hate… sometimes… often actually… at the same time… both massive in their intensity…

I have chosen to heal… to release the hidden emotions… the happiness and the pain… buried deep within… for me this is part of the process…. Who knows… perhaps those emotions splashed across canvas will turn into a thing of beauty… perhaps not… perhaps just paint on canvas in as much turmoil as is pouring out of me… but whatever it is… it is… taking a breath… and a step ... probably a number of crashes… along the way… but going anyway…

got brave and made a video...

Mary E. Robbins
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Tai Cheng: Beachbody

The Greatest Thing...

Today I hit a new lowest weight… down to 283.8 lbs. I haven’t been this light in weight in years. It’s funny you know… the difference between how I think of this now and how I was celebrating weight losses before David crossed over.

I would have barely been able to contain myself… wiggling and dancing around the room. Impatiently waiting until David woke up to tell him. He would have smiled and hugged me and told me great job… I am happy for you… Then he would have grinned and rubbed my belly and said… I love your belly… you are beautiful….and the wonderful thing is that he actually meant it.

I realized something this morning. This is not so easy for me to admit … even to myself.

I have lived most of my life in fear. The times as a child I remember not being afraid… when mom and I were lying in bed looking at the strange patterns on the bedroom ceiling… picking out different characters or scenes we saw. Then I was not afraid… I was safe and warm and secure in my mom’s love. Mom and Dad were already living in different places. When I was riding Princess (horse)… her hooves flying over the ground… clinging to her back … riding bareback hanging on to her main… feeling the glory of her muscles flowing smoothly under me… it was as if we were one being flying over the ground together. Riding on the back of Unk’s motorcycle (my Uncle Gene, mom’s brother) when I was very little… the wind whipping around us I was small enough that my feet did not reach the foot pegs.

Ok… gotta stop for a while… started thinking of when and where that fear started… who knows it’s insidious…

I remember Grandma and I were together and she fell down. Mom and told me to take care of Grandma… and I let her fall. I hurt my Grandma. Grandma’s body had the same genetic disease… malfunction… whatever you want to call it… in her legs that mom and I both do. They swelled… massive veins… running ulcers… you couldn’t count on them to support you … I realize logically now that I could not have prevented her fall… but my heart still hurts that my Grandma fell and I could not stop it. Mom had, had to go somewhere for something and I was with Grandma. I brought Grandma pillows so she could get back up with her crutches. I was a very little girl…

Sara (bullmastiff) just walked into my office and hugged me with her massive head and neck. She is panting… nervous and concerned because I was crying. She would take all the pain and worry away if she could. Her hugs help… but she can not take it away any more than I could prevent my Grandma from falling.

Each of us has to walk our own path… and sometimes the trail is brutal.

When Grandma’s body died, October 1969, my world as I knew it ended. Grandma was my safe place, kind of like David has been. I think she was Mom’s safe place too; and Unk’s as well. When ever a bad storm would come up we would head down the hill to Grandma’s house. She would bake these huge sourcream cookies and I would get ingredients for her and sit in the door watching the rain and playing with granddaddy long legs. I didn’t hurt them… just let them run across my hands when I saw them… their legs having such a light feathery touch. Mom took me to the funeral with her… and I kissed grandma’s body’s forehead. She wasn’t there… just a cold rubbery body was there… with her hair fixed all strange and make up on her. Grandma wore her long silky silver hair in a bun… and never wore make up. She had blue eyes…. And was around 6 ft tall. I am named after her. Her name in this life was Etta Mae… My middle name is Etta.

She had this long grey fuzzy soft coat… like fur but not… after she passed I used to sleep with it… curled around it hanging on… I saw her once in a dream… she was walking down this road trying to come back to us. We moved from our house into Grandma’s house after she passed. It had propane heat and we heated solely with wood….or whatever else we could find to burn.

Mom was there, but she wasn’t the same anymore… Uncle Gene was there… but he was not the same either. It’s like the lights had gone out in their eyes. What had been warm and safe… was cold dark, filled with pain, nothingness, and anger… I was afraid … and cold and dark inside too… I was nine years old. I remember my 5th grade teacher talking to me… Mrs. Borden. But I can’t remember what she was saying… I just see her face in my mind’s eye.

The night Grandma died… she had, had gallbladder surgery. And from what I understand they fed her bean soup… and she bloated and burst her stitches and bled out. Did they actually feed her bean soup… I don’t know… that’s what I remember. I remember I wanted to go home from the hospital and sleep in our own home with mom….and mom gave in and took me home rather than staying with Grandma. I loved that little house… and my room… it had windows all around… you could lie there in bed and look at the stars... and moon. We had one phone in the house… it was on the wall. We went rushing back to the hospital… I know we rushed because grandma’s body was still in the bed… and there was a pool of blood under it. Deep red and shiny… I blamed myself for Grandma dying…. I felt that I had killed my grandma. I never spoke to mom about this until recently. Yes I know it’s illogical… especially after the way David crossed. I could not stop that either.



The dogs, cats, and birds in the house are upset… because I am upset. Willie (blue parti pom) is nervous and whining… he has this high pitched whine that can get through whatever grief fog I may be submerged in…the sound piercing my ears into my consciousness…


 


Grandma knew her time was coming. I remember earlier that summer she had told me she did not have much time left. She was trying to prepare me for her crossing… I could not allow myself to see what she was saying. I look and see signs now regarding David’s crossing… 43 years later and I did the same thing that 9 year old girl did… I went into total denial… unable to bear the thought.

When Mom crossed in September… September 6th 2012. I was sad but not surprised. She had told me about a dream she had about this being coming to get her. I knew her time was near. I celebrated her freedom from pain… freedom from that wheelchair… from all the emotional angst … I felt her joy after her crossing. I loved my mom… I still do… I always will. We lost each other for so long… Lost my Uncle while we were all in this life too… so much emotional pain. Now they are both free. I celebrate their freedom. I celebrate Grandma’s freedom too! David is free of needles; he knows … not belief… but knows what waits on the other side… I feel his peace.

When David looked at me … he saw me. He loved me. Not some pseudo representation of me I was hiding behind… and I saw him. He was … and is so beautiful…

Yes both of us carried darkness within us… pain fear anger… David no longer does. He is free.

I think this is all for now…

May you walk in peace…

Mary E. Robbins
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August 2012: 2 pound net weight loss

With the losses and the bounces in weight... I came out with a 2 pound net loss for August 2012. This makes 4 months of consecutive weight loss.

In the past I would rapidly lose 10 or 20 lbs... then regain 30 or even 40.

This time I am gradually taking excess fat off my body. I did think I would be dropping weight faster than this... but then I have not been doing any intense cardio either. J

ust walking, working, and riding the stationary bike.

I need to add in some Hip Hop Abs and/or Turbo Jam... keeping it low impact is a must... and I can adjust both of those to low impact... well keeping it low impact is a must if I intend to continue being able to walk... so yes I would say it is a must.

Even the tread mill is questionable with my right knee. I took the speed up too high and the knee went. So I'll just keep it slower and gradually rebuild the muscles around the knee. Twisting steps are a problem as well. Tends to pull the knees out of alignment... If I'm careful I think I can do the Hip Hop Abs... I am sure Turbo jam would work for me. I will stick with the lightest level and pace myself.

Seriously do not need to re-injurer myself.

Well here is cheers to 2 pounds net loss... I would have rather it have been 20... but hey I'll take the 2 pounds... yeah!

 

 

 Life is a journey... one breath... one step... one day at a time...

 

Mary E. Robbins

307.788.0202

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Shakeology... does a body good... full of vitamins and minerals and quashes cravings... yeah!

New Lowest Weight! Yeah! 295.8 lbs.

I have a new lowest weight… na na boo boo… na na boo boo… yay! I am sore, snotty, and congested this morning… but I have a new lowest weight. Finally under 296….. FINALLY…. My new lowest weight is 295.8 lbs.

After my last lowest weight of 296.8 lbs I bounced. Back up to 300 then down… to 296.8 then bounce again… and work it back down… I seemed to have had some kind of weird attachment to 300 lbs. I would get a little bit away from it and go scuttling back to hide in it’s round numbers…

I’ve taken another step away from 300 lbs and am still going. I will say this my stomach turned after I saw what was on the scale. How’s that for weirdness.

313.8 – 295.8 = 18 pounds lost. The last time I measured I’d lost 15 inches, pretty excited about that. I don’t know how many more inches I’ve lost at this point. I know I’ve lost some because my clothes feel different.

168.8 – 18 = 150.8 lbs to go to goal weight. Next goal: get under 295 lbs.

Life is a journey, one day one step at a time.

Mary E. Robbins

307.788.0202

Robbins Run Ranch

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Beachbody:Shakeology

My body weight is UNDER 300 LBS!!!!!!! WHOO HOO!

My body weight is UNDER 300 LBS!!!!!!! WHOO HOO!

As an added bonus I have lost just over 5% of my total body weight. 313.8 – (313.8x5%) = 298.11 lbs

313.8 – 298.6 = 15.2 lbs no longer being carried around… YaY!

I remember the last time I weighed this much. My weight was climbing uncontrollably at the time. I was angry, sad, suicidal and so very very lost. I remember sitting here thinking that if my weight went over 300 lbs I was just done. Finished. I was going to end it.

I don’t remember the date, I suppose I could find it if I dug back through my journals over the years. I would have to go several years back to find it. I think I’ll leave it just where it is, in the past.

I am in such a different place now. I still live in the same house. I am still married to the same man. I still love to read and garden. But it is as if I am a different person. In a way I suppose I am.

I am a much happier, healthier, healing person; in mind body and spirit. Facing and dealing with the issues that I had allowed to torture me over the years.

Weight gain, bulimia, anexoria, all compulsive self-destructive behaviors… find the triggers behind the behaviors and you are well on your way to setting yourself free.

Pills, surgeries, gimmicks, and/or fads are not going to set you free. It’s up to you to do the work. Coaches, Doctors, friends, books, and so on are wonderful and useful. However it is still up to you. They can help you develop skills, but it is up to you do do the work. It is up to you to change your perspective from fix it for me, from blaming circumstances, or other people, to how do I do this for myself. My life, my responsibility… my choice, my freedom.

Your life, your responsibility…. Your choice, your freedom.

The attitudes you keep and the words you speak define your life.

 

Measurements:

Date:	Measurements inches  May 19th 2012	Measurements: inches  June 23rd , 2012	Change inches
Butt/hips	59	58	-1
Waist:	44.75	43.5	-1.25
Under Bust:	42	40.75	-1.25
Above  Bust:	41.75	41	-.75
Bust (wearing pink leisure  bra~yes it does make a difference) :	52	50	-2
Belly 2 inches below navel:	60	57.75	-2.25
Right thigh:	33.5	32	-1.5
Left thigh:	34.5	32	-2.5
Right calf:	21.5	21.25	-.25
Left Calf:	21.5	20.5	-1
Right upper arm:	16.5	15.75	-.75
Left Upper arm:	16	15.75	-.25
Right forearm:	12.5	12.5	-0
Left forearm:	12	12	-0
Neck:	16.25	15.75	-.5
Total change inches:			-15.25

Yes You Can!

Life is a journey, one moment, one step, one day, one workout at a time!

Mary E. Robbins
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Yes You Can!

I got on the scale this morning, as I do each morning. What did I see? I saw another drop in weight! Yay! 300.4 pounds. That is 13.4 pounds down. Yay! 155.4 pounds to go! One moment, one step, one day, one workout at a time…

So what is different this time around? Excellent question. Hmmmmm… so what is different. The biggest difference I can see is in attitude. My attitude that is. State of mind. Yes the binge trigger has been addressed, but that was only a part of the overall issue.

I have changed my attitude from I can’t to I can, and I am. There is more to it though. I remember feeling deprived if I “couldn’t” have some food or drink. Now it’s not that I can’t have it. I do not want it. That is a choice as well.

My eating style has changed as well. I no longer rush through a meal or snack. I savor the texture and flavor of the food. Ironically for the first time in my life I am actually enjoying what I eat. No guilt, no regrets, nourishing my body and enjoying the process. How funny is that.

I noticed another added benefit. Our grocery bill has gone down. So along with our health improving, we have more disposable income because we are not eating as much food. That just gives me a giggle.

No gimmicks, no fads, just small changes adding up over time. I am trying to eat healthy. That is not to say that when I’m in town that I don’t stop in at McDonalds. You know you do not have to be a glutton just because you are at a fast food restaurant. McDonalds did not make you fat. You made you fat. Stop whining, stop making excuses and own your behavior… then do something about it.

So what do you do. Put in some work, learn something about nutrition, get off you rotund butt and move. Even if it’s just 5 minutes at a time to start with. Oh yeah… 5 minutes a day will not burn the fat off your gut. I said if you can only move 5 minutes at a time to start with… then do it. Then do it again. Oh yeah… and again … and so on.

Do not try to change everything at once. This is a gradual process. One step, one breath, one day at a time.


Another tip, surround yourself with people that are working towards similar goals. Positive minded people. I don’t mean all sunshine and daisies. But realistic, focused people working towards a healthy vibrant lifestyle in mind body and spirit.

The attitudes you keep and the words you speak define your life.


Yes you can!


Mary E. Robbins
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Hubba Hubba Hubba!

Huge… Huge… Smile!

Hubba Hubba Hubba! Bounced up .6 lbs yesterday... to 306.0 dropped down to my lowest weight in over a year today...304.8 lbs. yeah baby!

It took 4 months to reach this tipping point, and I am soooooooooo glad to have reached it!

Frankly it felt like I was stuck in place, weight wise, stuck with friggen gorilla glue… hehehhe… yes I am grinning from ear to ear.

I'm doing it...

M

Lowest Weight in a Year!

Lowest weight in a year! 305.4 lbs, Yes I am a happy camper. I spent most of the day in Scottsbluff yesterday. Which usually results in a bounce in weight.

So what was the difference? Usually when I go to town I drink one or two diet cokes. No calories but a ton of salt. Way too much. I had unsweetened ice tea with my lunch this time. Ate one 7 layer Taco Bell burrito for lunch and an ice tea. Mom and I had a little picnic lunch watching the birds and squirrel run around.

I walked around Menards, Home Depot, and Wal-mart; looking over the grills and looking for some pepper plants in a 4 or 6 pack. Haven’t decided on the grill yet and did not find any peppers in multiple packs.

I did get my hair cut… what a relief! It is really high and tight on the sides and longer on the top. Had some designs cut into the sides. The girl that did the cut and design work is pretty basic with the designs … but she gave it her all. I like the cut. Yeah ok… yes it’s a mowhawk… and I love it! Lol… no I don’t wear it spiked most of the time…lol… but it was def spiked when I came out of the salon. Hehehehe… too much fun. It was my lowest weight in a year celebration cut!

OMG! When I sat in the salon chair I just slid right in… loving it. Last year I remember the first time I was able to get into the salon chairs without forcing it. Yesterday It was soooooo wonderful to be able to simply sit.

Goin down down baby … down down… and loving it! Rockin of the booty fat… yeah yeah ….

Picked up some more tomato plants yesterday and some flowers… heading out to do ranch rounds… then garden a bit… ohyeah… beachbody shake for breakfast… and some cooofffffeeeee of course…

Later taters…

BTW Yes You Can!
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202

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Lowest weight so far...

Lowest weight so far... 306.6...since my last weight post my weight started up the hill... it went from 306.8 to 307.6 to 307.8 crested at 309.0 today it dropped to 306.6 lbs...

I knew I had not eaten enough calories to have gained fat. Frankly I am thankful of that knowledge. I also knew I had worked my abdominals, arms, and back muscles to the point of exhaustion. So there was some water retention, swelling, and muscle construction going on.

The noticeable swelling has gone back down, muscles are still sore but not like an open cut and my energy level is coming back up.

I am happy to know that the amount of fat that my body lost actually weighs more than the amount of muscle my body built. Yay! Hehehehe… just tickles me.

Ok I admit it… I am rather torked every time the numbers go higher on the scale. I know it’s illogical, but I’m still a wee bit torked. Ah well… lol. On a major upside, a rise in weight on the scale is not causing major mood swings and ruining my entire day… nor setting me off on feeding frenzies. Yes it used to. I truly appreciate a better understanding of what’s going on with my body. It would be really simple if it was just reduce calories, increase activity, workout the balance of calories and have set result. However there is so much more involved. Metabolic rate, muscle construction and maintenance, how much you sleep, fat usage, insulin usage (no I am not diabetic- I am referring to my body’s use of the insulin it produces) water retention, and so much more. It’s rather fascinating how our bodies actually work. Fantastic design.

Something so cool happened yesterday. After my hubs doctor’s appt we stopped by Shari’s for lunch. The waiter led us to a booth, which lately has been a bit of a challenge for me….as in too fat to fit comfortably. I hesitated for a moment and thought I’m going to try it… Three guesses who slid right on into that booth… and the first 2 don’t count… hehehehe… I had the chicken strawberry salad for lunch. It was actually pretty good, grilled chicken, strawberry, some pecans, a bit of bleu cheese crumbles, on a bed of fresh spinach. I used about a tsp of sesame dressing and some vinegar for dressing. Had black coffee to drink…. Oh yeah and 2 bites of grilled flat bread.

The hubs had the American chopped salad… and did not eat any flat bread, and only half of his salad dressing. This is a major shift for him. So I am celebrating his choice.

Speaking of choices, I am hungry so I’m going to go make my early morning shake.

May you have a wonderful day!
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202
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Yeah baby… 307.2 lbs… keep on going…

Oh yeah... the weight is starting to move downward... highest weight this month: 313.8 lbs.... weight today 307.2 lbs... 6.5 lbs gone off my body... yay...

Proud of myself… I cooked breakfast for David… and I had a Beachbody shake … I've been pretty resistant to taking this tack... but that stuff is full of good stuff... so here goes...

I started charting my weight every day so I could actually see what was happening with it.

I make a point of getting at least 30 minutes of activity in each day, or the equivalent thereof. By the equivalent thereof: I mean if I have ridden my bike for 120 minutes one day and worked outside and whatever else… if I need a rest day I’ll take it. However even on rest days I usually have at least 30 minutes of some sort of physical activity. Whether it’s sweeping the floor, raking the yard, or dancing around the living room… something… just move…

I use the food and fitness journal on everydayhealth.com to keep track of what I am actually consuming, as well as my activities/workouts. I really like this thing… it’s free and it is helping me to … not starve or diet… so much as to change my food style and life style to a more healthy style.

I was stuck in place weight wise for quite a while. Frankly changing scales really threw me a mental curve ball. I am glad I did though this weight is more accurate and much easier to use.

I started periodically substituting my morning snack or breakfast with a beachbody shake… or shakeology (also from beachbody). On the days I did this I noticed that I did not have so many cravings during the day. Those things are so full of nutrition that my body needs that my body seems to function better all day.

I like what I’m seeing and feeling on the days I’m drinking the shakeology, and that poundage loss does not break my heart either.

So here is what I’m going to do. Today I am going to take my measurements. Which you know I seriously do not want to do… lol. I already weighed. 307.2 lbs that’s 6.5 pounds lost so far this month which frankly I did not realize until this morning because it’s been bouncing along. This loss is with sporadic use of shakeology.

For 30 days I am making the commitment to have shakeology/beachbody shake for early morning snack, or breakfast. I will post the results.

Measurements: Butt/hips: 59 inches (that is actually a couple inches down.. yay!)
Waist: 44 ¾ inches
Under Bust: 42 inches
Above Bust: 41 ¾ inches
Bust (wearing pink leisure bra~yes it does make a difference) : 52 inches
Belly 2 inches below navel: 60 inches
Right thigh: 33 ½ inches
Left thigh: 34 ½ inches
Right calf: 21 ½ inches
Left Calf: 21 ½ inches
Right upper arm: 16 ½ inches
Left Upper arm: 16 inches
Right forearm: 12 ½ inches
Left forearm: 12 inches
Neck: 16 ¼ inches


In 30 days I’ll measure again. June 18th 2012. I am going to continue weighing each morning…just because I want to see how weight fluctuates.

Here goes…

Life is a journey, one step one day at a time.
Mary E. Robbins
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Weirdness!

Of all the weirdness!

I’ve bounced 4 lbs. Bounced up one… then 3 overnight.

Oh, btw… no I did not consume enough calories to make that possible. 313.8 lbs.

I had decided to chart my weight daily and see what was happening with it.

Hmmmmm… wonder how long it will take to swing back down…. And keep going down…

I am going to keep charting it daily… for a while any way.

Oh yeah... I walked a mile yesterday, and rode my stationary bike for 85 minutes...  

Life is a journey... sometimes there are weird twists in the trail...
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202
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I got a new scale...

I got a new scale. This one says I weigh 311.8 pounds. Well, hmmmmm…. That is rather disheartening. Doesn’t really matter though. I am the same weight I was before I stepped on the scale. AAAAArrrraaaggggHHHHH!

I am just going to keep going. Sooner or later my body is going to reach the tipping point and the weight is going to start going down. I know I’ve been building muscle, because I can pick up a 40 pound bag of dog feed with one hand and give it a toss… The squishy fat hump that was across the top of my shoulders at the base of my neck is gone.

I can feel the muscles across my upper chest and all the way up and down my back, as well as my abs. Granted there is a layer of fat over them… but I can feel them under there. Feels like I’m growing inside this fat suit, building up to the point to where the fat suit is gone.

Oh yeah… my double chin is gone.

Be grand if I could just flip a switch and this total body transformation could be expedited immediately… like in some sci~fi movie. But, that is not how it works. It is moment by moment, day by day, changing from the inside out.

Attitude and resolve is such a huge part of this transformation. Truth be told mine has been thoroughly tested over the past few days. You’d think that the people supposedly the closest to you would be happy for you, when they see healthy change in your lifestyle. When they see positive changes in your health. When they see changes in your activity level. They said they were. Yeah right… pppphhhhttttttt!!!!!!!!!

OMG! Let the temper tantrums begin….AGAIN! In the past I’ve allowed. Yeah that’s right, I’m owning it. I’ve allowed their temper tantrums (manipulations) to completely derail my efforts. Usually resulted in a massive binge (not this time-not even a little binge) and days or even weeks of dark gray to black depression. The kind of mind numbing grief that leaves you immobile staring at the wall.

NOT THIS TIME! Yeah, I am kinda sad, but not that miserable nasty depression.

I am sad that my mother still refuses to own her own words, and actions. I am sad that she seems to feel it is necessary to “have a death crisis” yet again. (the first one of these I can remember was just before my high school graduation in 1978) Yes I went when the nursing home called me, part of me knowing that it was yet another manipulation, and part of me reeling from hearing how awful she was doing. When I got there she was gluing a mug together. Her color was good, breathing was fine, legs were swelled … no surprise there… all in all considering the massive neglect she has put her body through for 84 years she was doing fine.

I am done taking responsibility for her choices. Doesn’t mean that I don’t love her. Just means that I love myself as well, and I am not torturing myself over her self-destructive choices any longer. I am still tired from the massive adrenaline dump, surge, whatever you want to call it, that kicked in when they called saying she was at death’s door once again. On an up note… I did not have a panic attack or a gastric attack after seeing her. That in itself is major progress… oh yeah… and no binging either.

I actually had a talk with her that I’ve needed to have with her for years. She did her best to stop me from saying what I needed to say to her. She had a friend come in, then went for the constant interruption after her friend left. I got a chair and waited out her friend. Then we had a chat. Or rather I had something I needed to say… she needed to hear it as well, whether she wanted to or not. Truthfully I’m not sure she did hear it. Oh I know physically she did, but actually acknowledging what I had to say, that I don’t know. Only she knows that.

I told her that when it is her time to go (for this body to die) then it is her time to go; not a moment after, not a moment before. So if she had some issues she needed to deal with, then she had best get it done. I said it’s up to her, her life, her issues, Up to her to deal with them. It’s not up to me, it’s up to her. There is no guarantee of tomorrow for any of us, all we actually have in this life is right now, this moment.

I stopped off at Wal-Mart and picked up some supplies, visited with a friend I hadn’t seen in years… ran into her at the store, and came on home.

When I got home I unloaded the supplies, and headed out to the kennels to take care of the dogs. By the time I made it into the house I was totally exhausted and collapsed into a chair. I told my husband about the conversation with my mother, and about running into my friend. Then I sat down at my desk… and what did I hear… cupboard doors slamming in the kitchen. It was 9 pm by that time and I had not “fixed any dinner”.

Yee Haw… let the next tantrum begin.

Really?! Seriously?! I hadn’t eaten any dinner either… I just came in from taking care of the kennels… after dealing with yet another… come quick you mom’s dying… picked up supplies and you are having a bloody temper tantrum over dinner?! OMG! Seriously?! Another manipulative take care of me tantrum. One with my mother today wasn’t enough. Really?! He’d been sitting on his rear in a recliner, watching a big screen tv all bloody day. There are 2 refrigerators, 1 chest freezer, and a pantry… all stocked with food. Seriously you can‘t get something to eat. No I did not fix him any bloody dinner. Nor do I feel guilty about it.

This type of tantrum in the past has resulted in me coddling him, fixing him something to eat then losing it and binging. This time his selfish childish bratty bullying behavior pissed me off. I said enough of this shit and went out the door got in my truck and went for a drive. Bloody well tempted to keep on driving. I sat at a crossroad for quite a while sorting out which direction I was going to go. I decided to come back home.

I am no longer taking responsibility for their poor behavior; not my mother’s nor my husband’s. In the past I have enabled their behavior. I realize this. That, I am responsible for. As for their actual behavior… nah that is not mine that is theirs and I am not carrying the burden of it for them anymore.

I am watching my husband restrict his own activity more and more. It seems like the more active I become the more resistant he is to being active at all. Makes me sad, because I see a once strong man turning into a puffy ill body. The really sad thing is that he is doing it to himself. Back in the day I would have blamed myself for his choices; and ran after him trying to “make it better”. He would scream and yell, stomp and slam, I would shut down, binge, plummet off the edge into a black hole of depression, slowly crawling out after days or weeks, needy, looking for any kind of positive affirmation or affection.

Geez that was a crap way to live. I can see where he might be a bit confused. Lol… where both of them might be.

I am still me…. But I am NOT that person any more. I am done accepting the blame, or the responsibility, for other peoples choices. Your choices… your responsibility. Deal with it.

This is my choice, my responsibility. I choose life. I choose to live. I choose to live guilt free, no regrets!

One of the coolest things about all this….. is …… I am not ANGRY any more. That white hot rage, static in my head, is calming, rather than rage and static it’s morphing into focus. I actually have moments of peace and actual calm. That is so wonderful.

I am free. Hehehehe… the circumstances really don’t matter anymore… I am still free.

Life is a journey, sometimes it is quite the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
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