Happy Thanksgiving 2013... glucosamine... tumeric

Gratitudes:
Beautiful sunny moderately warm (46 degrees F) November day
The aroma of fresh baking
An afternoon filled with good food and friends

Happy Thanksgiving Peeps… actually isn’t that what it’s all about… being thankful for the day. No I don’t mean the massive exercise in excess… as in total gluttony… and the nonsensical nasty infighting that seems to go with holiday get togethers…

Such a waste… the abundance of nastiness and infighting that seems to go with holidays… I mean seriously… what is the point in that?!

Perhaps it is David’s passing… that has really brought it to light… so many years missed with loved ones because of selfish nonsensical nasty attitudes… I remember all too well the pain it inflicted on my dear husband… of course it ran rampant through my bloodlines as well… I mean seriously… holidays were a war zone… it got to the point that I just stopped putting dinners together because I did not want to hear it. Or the nasty sniping over dinners and where they were going to be … all the while refusing to step up and host one … geez… or the manipulative put downs designed to steal away joy… yes I heard it this year as well… did not work out too well for them though… I said… ok… and stepped away and accepted an invite to a friend’s house.

I am sorry… but I am just done with it. Actually that is not true… I am not sorry… not any more… I am just done. Huge… yes HUGE… sigh of relief. Stick a fork in it baby… that turkey has been cooked…

Woke up with a nasty headache… it is still there a bit but much much less than it was… I indulged myself today… hot water… zeolite… Epsom salts… lavender oil… eucalyptus oil… ahhhhhhh…. Wonderful soak that was… aromatic steam wafting up of the surface of the water… makes ya want to have gills so you can just slip down under the water and stay there…

But alas… no gills… and I had some baking to do so… I climbed out of the tub and got on with it…

Whole grain double cornbread… 3 berry walnut whole grain mini muffins made with honey… did not frost them… whipped some butter, cream cheese, and a bit of vanilla together… for a top it yourself side… made some cranberry, orange, pecan, honey, relish to take along too…. Actually made that last night… it is better when it sets… gives that bittersweet more time to blend… wonderful with meats … well I like it with meats… lol… if you don’t like bittersweet you won’t like it… lol…

There is a breeze blowing… I can hear the tinkling of the wind chimes hanging on the corner of the house… stood a bit this morning and watched the birds lined up on the fence… seemingly taking turns at the feeder… there are flocks of birds in the evergreen trees… walk out under the trees and suddenly there is the rush of the sound of many small sets of wings flying over to another tree… there is running water for them here too… have to be a bit careful going into the chicken house… as entry tends to startle the small wild birds out… and they fly out by your head… good reason to wear a hat with a brim… in case one of the little feathered flyers miss-judges the distance…

Quite a bit of the swelling has gone down out of my legs after being home yesterday and elevating them on and off throughout the day… thankfully my glucosamine was delivered last night… I’d ran out and without it the pain level is considerably higher. There is another gratitude: glucosamine.

Had some turmeric capsules in that delivery as well… they say turmeric is good for blood vessels… hardening of the arteries and such… thinking over time I will find out if that is true or not… they also say it is good to reduce anxiety and improve depression… hmmmmm… well… I can say this… no depressive drops… or anxiety spikes today… not debilitating anyway… going to another person’s home has been a huge panic/anxiety trigger ever since David passed. Hmmmmm…. This is a good thing…

I am going to go and relax in the recliner until it is time to head to dinner and conversation…

May your day be filled with joy…

Mary E. Robbins
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for all of this and more... gratitude...

Gratitudes:
A rest day at home
Netflix
22 years in a relationship with my husband… who told me he loved me… and that I was beautiful…

22 years of dishes… erratic schedules… laundry… smelly feet (yes both his and mine… lol) … step kids… reunions… bills… calls out at all times of the night and day (railroad) … diabetes… doctors… insulin… vitamins… research… and more research… Pomeranians… big dogs… firewood… wood stoves…ashes… goats… hogs… Holsteins… a Chihuahua (Eleanor who loved drinking my coffee)… ginger the truck… old tractors… 

weeds weeds and more weeds… flowers… tomatoes… hazel eyes… oh those shining hazel eyes… kittens and cats… chickens… Ralph the bullsnake… Muscovy ducks… big red caddy… red jeep… silver jeep (the jeeps were/are our MacGyver mobiles)… illnesses… surgeries… heartache… happiness… Pomeranian clients… our little ranch… shining work boots… that man could seriously polish a boot… prairie dogs… yes even the prairie dogs… garden… friendship… disagreements… agreeing to disagree… companionship… love… 

deliberate hands… I used to love to watch him work with his hands… Folgers coffee… his coffee brand was Folgers… he loved it so I drank it too… I was actually a Maxwell house girl when we met… lol… the military channel… he always laughed when he heard me say pencil… ever since I was a little girl I’ve pronounced it penk-sil for some reason… 

Christmas trees… holiday lights… even when it was too much for us to put them up out here… razor sharp knives… he was a magician with a steel… he could put such a wonderful edge on a knife… old tv… Gun Smoke, Marshall Dillon, Andy Griffith, The Rifleman… Movies… Tombstone… several versions… build it and they will come… Dance With Me… Dances with wolves… for the love of the game… Secretariat… Rooster Cogburn… The Shootist… Dirty Harry… how it’s made… American restoration… pawn stars… American pickers… fishing… parmesan chicken… which he absolutely hated… truth be told that recipe did turn out nasty… 

He used to say “I wanted you for me… you are for me” … he had already given so much… he wanted someone just for him… he came first in my life… and I came first in his… our very first date he showed up with a dozen red roses… and roses were a part of our relationship all the way through… I would try to lose fat… and he would praise me for it… then he would hug me… and snuggle in…rub my belly …say “I love your belly” … then go and buy chocolates… yeah I rubbed his belly too… 

I hated it that he had to stick those insulin needles in his belly… I knew they hurt him… I would have done anything to make it better for him… and I tried to… he was the same way with me… he took care of me after  surgery left me unable to even get out of bed on my own… I went from this strong woman who could pick up and walk off with a railroad tie… to a person that could not lift the coffee pot… or get out of bed without aid… and he was there through it all… 

he fought his way back from a stroke… after losing speech … and nearly his life… we worked through it together… we were a team… we always looked to each other… no matter what we supported each other… even when we disagreed… we supported each other… we hugged each other… we danced together… usually to 50’s & 60’ music around the kitchen and living room… steak and potatoes and he was a happy camper…

We met in 1990… Married October 26th 1991… we were lifers.
We loved and we lived with all life’s twists and turns… we were best friends… even with all the pain and devastation his passing has left in it’s wake… I would not give up a minute of our lives together…

I was thinking the other day I might try to do some of the things we had planned on doing over the coming years. We had put off our travels until retirement…. As we mistakenly thought we had time to do these things together. Was not major things… just going to the museums in Cody WY and seeing old faithful and the devils tower…

We watched the Canadian and US passenger train tour on dvd… talking about perhaps making the trips… We talked about taking a trip to Alaska… it was funny though… we would talk about these things… then he would say… but that is such a long way from home… he loved just being home… especially after having to be gone so much of the time.

He believed in me… and cheered me on in my dream to fly… so perhaps I will study the materials… whether I ever solo in a plane or not.

He would walk out into the yard at night… both of us would… and just stare up at the night sky in awe… happy to be looking at it together… actually that outshone any of the trips and such that we spoke about… just being together was enough… anything else was gravy…

I am doing my best to honor his wishes in taking care of the dogs…. Staying here and keeping them their home until their time in this life is over…

I have lived… I have loved… truth be told … I am tired… I am so very very done…
Someone told me today… that I am a young woman… that’s funny… yes I am a woman in her 50’s… but frankly age is a relative thing… I will be here until I am not… and not a moment longer… if I am called across before my dogs have aged out… my prayer is that they are treated kindly… as long as I am here… and they are her I will care for them… and just in case anyone is confused or wondering… or perhaps just for me to say… as if it not already obvious… or at least I would have thought so… David will always be a part of me… which is why I now carry his rose on my shoulder…

Some of you will understand what I have written… and some of you will not… and that is ok too… each of us has our own journey to walk in this life… for all of this and more... gratitude...

Mary E. Robbins
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meteor showers... leaves rustling... coyotes yipping... gratitude...

Yay… I’m home… left over bacon, home fries, and spaghetti squash for dinner… having a coffee and a bite of sweet for dessert.

Day 2…back on my vitamins and minerals… still felt pretty raunchy this morning… was wicked trying to get in and out of the jeep… and geez… bumps … gravel roads… dirt driveway… can we say … ouch! My back was screaming all the way into town.

On an up note… still some pain driving home… but much less than this morning’s drive. Still feel bruised everywhere when touched… not as bad as yesterday though….or this morning for that matter. Here’s hoping it will continue to improve. Frankly I’ve had more than enough of this pain. Yeah I know… big fat whine…

Gonna step outside and bring the Pominators and mastiffs in… and see if I can see a meteor or two…

an hour later...

Well that was interesting… ran the Pominators and mastiffs in… then picked up Bitsy Boo (snuggley black pom) and took her back outside with me… sat in an Adirondack chair with Bitsy Boo snuggled in my arms… listened to the breeze rustle the leaves on the trees… thankful for those trees and branches still standing after that storm… then heard the yipping and howling of coyotes over the ridge to the south of us… thankful we were inside our yard fences… the entire kennel decided to join the howl… sitting in the night listening to the concert of howling voices… yes you know it… I had to join in… lol…

Saw something … perhaps meteors… light there then gone… faint lights tracing across the night sky and disappearing… the night sky is phenomenally beautiful… bright stars with patches of clouds… thankful to be able to see…

May you walk in peace....

Mary E. Robbins
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What if today... we were just grateful for everything...

Mmmmmmm…. Enjoying a sliver of pecan pie and some coffee… have the meals I cooked ahead put away in the frig… thinking I’m going to make some refrigerator pickled beets to go with the pork sparerib meals. Cooked to spareribs… that should make 4 meals. The rice combo turned out pretty good. I had some of that for dinner tonight… with a bit of sour cream. Needed the sourcream… the dish has a pretty good after burn to it… hehehehe….

Finished pulling Simon’s coat. He is such a gentle soul… not one snap or growl… if had been me I would have been growling to be sure… part of his coat had not released… ouch… He was happily bouncing around in his exercise yard when I finished up with him…

Got Copper Pudwell, Buttons, Mandy Moo, and Simon’s coats pulled today… all 4 are gentle souls… Happy little hairballs bouncing around after that hair was off them.

Found a tick on Buttons… sprayed the bugger with best yet cedar spray… dead tick… came right out with a comb. Need to spray all the yards and houses with cedarcide… snakes don’t seem to care for the scent of it either… yay! Seriously do not want ticks… ick… Sara (bull mastiff) had 2 on her the other day… I wanted to get more grass mowed down before I spray but I think I’m going to go ahead and spray the yards then keep working on mowing the perimeter grass. Got to get those dog coats pulled… that has to be a priority… wish I could just keep going on them all day… but about all I can manage at this point is 4 poms a day… and that’s if I do not mow or work on other physical things… grrrrr…. When my arms and back are giving out I quit … learned the hard way that if I try to keep going pulling coats then I end up hurting the dogs… and knock myself out to the point of actually getting less done in the long run.

While I was pulling coats a thunderstorm rolled through… dropped a bit of rain… it’s thundering off to the southeast now… I gave the Poms I was grooming a bit of rescue remedy… took the edge off their stress levels when the clippers kicked on as well as dealing with all the hair pulling and the thunder… they did really good…

Going to start on the next group in the morning… my back and arms are done for now. Heading for the zero grav chair … seriously going to turn the massage on… yup…

Gonna run the house Pominators and Mastiffs in when I get done writing… that thunder sounds a bit louder… plus I do not want to try to get everyone in and tended too after I’ve relaxed in that chair… good chance I’ll be asleep shortly after I get in it… lol…

Went out and gathered my eggs… one of my hens died… she was dead just lying out in the chicken yard. Probably a combination of age and the heat.

I’ve been making a point of giving thanks for the day each morning. No matter what kind of a mood or what state my body is in when I get up. I’ve noticed this has made a significant difference in how my day goes… or rather what my perspective is on the day as a whole.

Think I’ll go get the Pominators in and get in that zero grav chair… it is 7:44 p.m.

Later taters…

Mary E. Robbins
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Turning Point...

Wicked coughing session this morning. Survived it… yep…I need to work out more… everything works better in this body when it is active.

Thank you for your prayers… love … and thoughts…


Today was a turning point for me. The past few days have been rather horrid… well more than the past few days… truth be told… missing my husband and feeling totally valueless… useless… Well I am NOT useless…

Filled with fear to the point of total overwhelm stripping away self worth and ability. Yes I know I’ve been doing this to myself… I did not want to go on without David. And frankly I felt like a husk of a person without him. I Love him as much as ever… this does not mean that I love him any less… or that I do not miss him… because I do.

However his time to function physically in this life is done… mine is not. So there is a choice to be made… merely exist... degrading into a morass of unending pain and misery… or choose to celebrate David’s life… and continue to live mine. Actually live it... not endure it or hate it... but live it... celebrate the moments... celebrate the gift of love we gave each other and continue to do so...

breathe deep... and savor the air...

I have been hearing a litany of I can’t I can’t I can’t echoing and rebounding through my head … heart… very soul… over and over again.

Deep breath!

I CAN!

Sitting here and staring at the walls in a crushed self destructive mode benefits no one… and frankly it is the very last thing David would have wanted for me. I know he is with me… cheering me on.

I got one dose of I can this morning… the faucet shut off on the side of the house exploded this morning flooding the lower yard with water. I dealt with it… I found the shut off before it completely flooded the yards and managed to get it shut off… and yes I will either replace the shut off that exploded myself… or have help doing it… either way I will get it done.

I am valuable… I am worth something… and I do have much to offer…

Celebrate this gift called life… savor the moment… even if it’s a massive spray of water shooting out of the wall… I took a hold of that spigot and it snapped off in my hand…. Glad I was here when this thing blew… but If I hadn’t been I would have dealt with it anyway.

Done with I Can’t….

I Can…

Celebrate Life
May you walk in peace…


Mary E. Robbins
Life is a Journey... sometimes there are twists in the road...
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Wake up and Know...

Wake up and know…. You are not alone.

Celebrate life!

I was asleep … and now I am awake…

I woke early this morning… well relatively early for me… between 5 and 6 a.m. and of course nestled down into my covers once again…. Thinking I wanted to slip back into the soft darkness of sleep. Then wondering, what was it I was dreaming. As the remnants of where I had been in my sleep laughed at me and danced away… leaving the sense that I had been … and still was… wrapped in the love of those that love me and that I love… that have since crossed the veil.

I pulled back the down alternative blankets that I was snuggled into… moved aside my body pillow… placed my mini pillow in its spot for the day… Yes I named a small pillow after Mini Tatanka (Pomeranian) after she crossed. Sat upright with my feet on the floor … toes seeking my slippers and got up. Then did the morning walk to the bathroom... as my body started its morning routine. It’s a short walk, as the bathroom in our little house is right next to the bedroom. Ran a brush through my hair… did my business in the bathroom and headed to the kitchen.

I looked out the kitchen window to the east to see if there was any semblance of light on the horizon… it was but a palate of shades of grays… Headed to the wood stove to add a couple of pieces of firewood and damp it back down… thankful the weather has shifted once again to warmer…. Rather than the sub zero bitter it had been.

Diesel (cane corso) is awake and following me around… Sara (bull mastiff) is still stretched out on the couch… I know she is awake… but she is waiting for me to tell her to get up and go outside to stretch her legs and do her business. The three of us walked up the ramp to the landing to the front door and outside we all went. I turned on the porch light to get a better view of the thermometer… nearly 30 degrees F. and no wind. Wonderful!

I looked again of to the east and could see a rosy glow coming up over the ridge to the southeast… the sun is coming… The fiery pink hues spread across the clouds to the east in celebration of the day…. Dancing across the sky, giving a gift of beauty to any that would stop… take a moment and receive its glory.

The small birds in the evergreen tree in front of the house, are flittering their wings and greeting the day. It is so quiet outside that I can hear their wing movements above my head. I cannot see them in the shadows of the tree branches… but I can hear them… awakening and giving thanks for the day.

I had made a cup of coffee while I was in the house... and had taken it ouside with me. I took a sip of coffee then set it on the old barbeque grill sitting beside the porch… stepped away to stare in awe at the beauty spreading across the eastern sky. Color so intense that it denies capture by camera.

I thought of David… honey look at that… so beautiful… I felt his presence with me… as I wondered what amazing sights he was now able to see…

I gave thanks for the day… letting the peace fill me … flow through me… as above so below… accepting the gift of this new day in this life.

As I was watching the colors spread and shift across the sky I heard this thought in my mind… life in this realm is a fleeting as that sunrise… filled with the shifting colors and hues throughout… it is up to you whether you accept its beauty or hide in fear in the darkness… blinding yourself to all that there is…

You are not alone… I am with you always…

As I stood there in the quiet… I felt the love of those that had passed through the veil before me… without the confusions and pain of this realm… I felt the life surrounding me running through me… of this realm and onwards… all connected… the closest I can come to in description is as a huge web… interconnected… not trapped as in a spider web… but free to move about yet connected to one another… across the realms… across the veils… I do not have the words to adequately express…

There is a phrase that continues to echo through my mind… through my very being…

Wake up and know… You are not alone….

Is this just for me… No it is not…

Wake up and know… You are not alone…

May you walk in peace...
Mary E. Robbins
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2009 is dead and gone...2010 bring it on!

2009 has come and gone. It was an eventful year overall. It was an eventful year in my life to be sure. I started 2009 off with a bang. Grand intentions and all that.

Then life got in the way. No excuses, just what happened. Does that mean that 2009 was a year of failure? No it does not. Had I learned nothing through the experience; then yes it would have been a massive failure. (No I am not going to delve into all the "events" of the year)

However I did not quit, and I did learn.
I am walking, without knee surgery. That in itself is a major victory. A story of determination. Frankly; I’m kinda amazed that I am walking. Even able to workout again.

I didn’t do so great on the weight loss front. I had lost 26 lbs. I crashed and gained 16 of that back for a total weight loss for the year of 10 pounds. Not overly thrilled with that, but it is better than a weight gain. So it’s go on from here. 140 pounds to lose to meet my goal weight.

On the positive side, many of the issues that triggered the compulsive eating that packed the 16 pounds back on me have been recognized. I would love to say they have been dealt with and will no longer be issues in my life. I can say there is progress. To say I will never have to deal with the disruptive issues would be a fallacy, a false fantasy that would set me up for failure and pain.

What I can say is that I am healthier, stronger, have developed additional coping skills, and am more prepared to deal with life’s challenges than I was last year at this time.

Looking back over the past 2 years, I can see that I have come soooooo far. There are still ups and downs in my life, the emotional rollercoaster bit ya know. However so much has been ferreted out and confronted. I would say dealt with, disposed of… but then I am likely to find more emotional land mines buried in the fat hanging on my body.

There is a new calm, a new determination to go forward no matter the cost. A new confidence that whatever comes up; I can deal with it. One way or the other. One step at a time. Doesn’t have to be perfect. Can be extremely messy, it doesn’t matter. One day one step at a time… neat, messy, disaster area…no matter… one day one step at a time….

This is a major change for me. No more of the “it’s gotta be perfect” or I’m not doing it at all bit. Methinks this is going to be a grand year.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins & the Happy Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream in Wyoming
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Happy Birthday To Me!

I saw the first blush of dawn on the eastern horizon this morning. This day I celebrate living 49 years. Give thanks for the years of life I have been blessed with and face the oncoming with joyous expectation.

Yes I actually do mean that. Major change from last year around this time. I was in a black hole of depression on a suicidal slide into pain racked oblivion.

So what made the change from then to now? It’s not so much the time that passed as it is a major change in mindset. There are still crisis’s, both minor and major that come rolling into my life to be dealt with.

Case in point: my mother took a header out of her power wheel chair and landed on her noggin. Beat her self up pretty badly, her neighbor found her and called me in a panic. Mom was on her way to the hospital in the ambulance. The neighbor was rather panicked, when she called me, I wasn’t sure whether mom would still be alive by the time I got to the hospital. It was a bit of a tense drive to be sure. My mother is on blood thinners so a head injury is extremely dangerous. (Yes she did survive, and is healing up nicely.)

Night before last David (my husband) put his hand on my shoulder in the middle of the night. Normally this would not wake me up, however his skin was cold and he was drenched in sweat. That means his blood sugar was dropping into very dangerous levels. Fortunately I woke up, and was able to raise his blood sugar before he was comatose. What if I had missed it? What if I hadn’t waked or he rolled the other way. Hello body bag, express way to a funeral.

Next major crisis, my youngest stepson, who just turned 29 years old, whom I love very much, has been diagnosed with Huntington’s. A nasty genetic disease that was in his biological mother’s bloodline. Huntington’s is a destructive life thief. It destroys your mind and body before it kills you in a very demeaning manner.

By the way, yes I do love all three of these people very much.

Of course there are more stressors, such as a fear mongering associate, grousing about the economy and government. What can I say; he made some poor financial decisions, now he has to deal with the consequences. Do I feel sorry for him, no I do not. Rather than leaning from his poor choices, he is spreading fear and strife.

As well as, a fear mongering neighbor. Going from ranch to ranch trying to spread fear and paranoia. As for the fear mongering neighbor, he can stay away from my ranch. I have no place in my life for those who deliberately strive to create strife.

Did I tell you all this for sympathy? No I did not, I told you to make a point. It is NOT the events, or stressors that come into your life that determine the quality of your life. It is your mindset in dealing with them.

I came to a realization. There is nothing I can do about how miserable other people choose to be. Yes it is a choice. I choose to live in peace within myself, to experience my joy, regardless of events surrounding me.

It’s your life, It’s your choice. What do you choose?

A couple of books I’ve found useful along these lines:
Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
by: Bryon Katie
The Slight Edge: Secret to a Successful Life
by: Jeff Olson





My Life Resolution:
The Greatest Year of My Life
Live Life Now: appreciate each moment as it happens.
Live in Peace Within Myself.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians
Independent Beach Body Coach
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Change your body, Change your health, and Change your Life!

Attitude is Everything

I was in the message board at Team Beachbody and one of my friends had offered a big hug, and had commented on attitude.

Thanks KS (name removed initials instead) The big hug is very welcome. I agree with you, attitude is everything. Be great to have someone to work this through with. (this being the weight loss and lifestyle changes) That is actually a positive rather than the sly darts in the negative. Mostly the sly darts are because they aren't taking care of business themselves, so it makes them uncomfortable when someone else is. Still get's old though. No it’s not anyone at Team Beachbody. Local nonsense, mostly old “friends” and “family”.

They are just more comfortable with me being fat and ill, than losing weight and becoming healthier. No I am not making excuses for them; it’s just reality. Their choices are their choices, and mine are mine. It used to make me crazy, literally. Or rather I used to allow it to make me crazy. Sometimes it’s a bit like walking through a liquid gooey toxic waste dump, in a bikini. You’re completely covered in toxins, think you have them showered off but they’ve soaked in through your skin. No thank you, these days my attitude is doubling as a hazmat suit. Lol.

I've been reading Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life by Byron Katie. There is a phrase in the very front that sums it up. “Suppose you could find a simple way to embrace your life with joy, stop arguing with reality, and achieve serenity in the midst of chaos. That is what Loving What Is offers.” Erica Jong, author of Fear of Flying wrote that in the intro. Loving What Is.

What can I say it came together with my new years resolution. Actually it’s more of a Life Resolution that happened to come about this new year. Live Life Now, Appreciate each moment as it happens. Live in peace within myself.

Yesterday I went out to take care of the animals and bonked hard. Trudging through snowdrifts, lifting buckets of ice and dumping them, (around 40 buckets) digging the whelping house door out from behind a 4 foot snow drift. (Which I will more than likely have to do again today.) Me thinks I had a pretty good weight and cardio workout by the end of it, unfortunately I did not get t o hip hop abs. Simply wasn’t possible, I was running into the fences and walls by the time I got back into the house.

I nuked some supper in the microwave and crashed. I tried to sort some email and write a bit but kept hitting the wrong keys. When I bonk out I really bonk out.

Truthfully I am still exhausted today. Although I don’t think it has anything to do with bonking yesterday. I could be wrong about that though. I woke up around 3:30 this morning with a gastric attack. Frankly I could have done without that. Blown up like a blimp, running to the bathroom over and over. Those attacks always leave me exhausted and not wanting to move.

I know I’ll feel better once I’m moving and getting things done though; both mentally and physically. Just seems to work that way.

The sun is shining, the wind is blowing, the temp on my computer is 39 degrees. That means it’s around 49 degrees in this hollow, so that snow is melting. Get up and Move!

Ugh, I feel like sludge. Oooooo the temp just went up another degree! Yay! Mind you it was 20 below zero here a few nights ago, so I’m pretty excited about weather.com showing 40 degrees. I have spring fever sooooooo bad.

I hope the 2 apple trees I put out last year bloom this year.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Live Life Now, appreciate each moment as it happens.

Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians
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Brrrrr Baby It’s cold outside.

Looks like winter has finally gotten here. I am so glad we got those dogs placed. I was thinking about that as I was out taking care of my happy hairballs that are here now. I was packing straw into their houses for them to dig down into and play in.

By the time I was finished strawing the houses and feeding and watering everyone I was physically done for. I stopped and just looked at the whole section of empty houses. Smaller houses that it was very difficult to keep enough bedding in to keep them warm and smiled because no one is going to be cold in those this year.

It’s a pleasure to watch the dogs bouncing around and digging in the bale of straw that was put in each of their houses. It was layered in on top of what I had already put in there. Everyone has a 4 by 7 foot house. Plenty of room for bedding and playing when it is wet outside. As well as space for their food.

It’s great to see them warm and happy.

On to happiness; this is the first time in 5 years that I’ve put up a Christmas tree. Granted it is a tiny one, but it has been a pleasure to watch its fiber optic beauty at night. It’s not some kind of protest that kept me from putting up a tree. It had been my health and total exhaustion. Over all things are getting better. I still didn’t get my Christmas cards sent. I like to send cards out to family, friends, and clients. May get a few sent, the rest will have to go to the blogs for Christmas notes and updates at to what’s happening at Robbins Run Ranch, our little home on the high plains.

Yes things are better in our happy home. David seems to be feeling better. I am feeling better. The dogs are doing better.

Much of it is a change in mindset. We made some tough decisions this past year and followed through on them. Much to the dismay of some of our relatives and friends.

In truth some of the decisions we had to make exposed who were actually our friends and who were not. That was an eye opening experience.

Some of it was heartbreaking. Felt a tremendous loss. I learned something though; you can’t lose something that you never really had in the first place.

I learned a couple of other tidbits this past year as well. Not making a choice is making a choice. We have free will, since we do have free will we have responsibility for our lives, all of the choices that we make. This has been a belief of mine for some time; however it really came to the front through the difficult choices this past year.

This sounds a bit trite; however it is so true. You can not help someone that refuses to take responsibility for them selves. You and not help someone that refuses to help them selves. You can try, but all you are doing is enabling a self-destructive behavior. Not to mention putting yourself in a position to be siphoned dry. Siphoned dry physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. Saying no these people can be emotionally crushing.

I am not saying that everyone that has difficulty is refusing to help them selves. I am saying pay attention. Some are making an effort. As much as they can and other’s are leaches. Waiting to suck you dry. It can be a challenge to tell the difference, especially when there are emotional ties involved. Be the ties friend or family or just caring what happens to other people.

Another tidbit I learned this past year. Allow yourself to feel your emotions. I have in the past kept a tight reign on my emotions. Trying to keep going through whatever came up. I am not saying to not keep functioning. I am saying accept and validate your feelings. Whether it is with a therapist, blog, private journal, and boxing bag. Whatever. Allow yourself to experience your emotions.

There are consequences if you do not. Been there, done that, you won’t like it. It goes in phases, from emotions hitting. Which you do not know what to do with because you shut them off behind a dam as soon as they come up. To no feelings at all. To an overwhelming flood of rage, grief, ups, downs, all spinning out of control. Like a river that has burst a dam tearing up all in its path of total destruction.

As strange or painful as it may be; it is much better to work through emotions as they occur. Rather than trying to survive them when they build to a point of tsunami and explode onto the scene.

That’s all for now

Life is a journey, each day is filled with adventure
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians
307.788.0202

Beginning of 2008: Attitude of Gratitude

Today started out with a lot of back pain and a good attitude. The back pain has receded and the attitude has fallen into the toilet. I called mom to wish her a happy new year and was dipped in a toxic vat of negativity, bitching, blame, more bitching and complaining. Truthfully at this point I feel like crawling under my desk and dissolving into tears. David thinks she does this on purpose. Frankly I have no idea.

Ok what can I do about her attitude? Absolutely nothing; the only person that can do anything about her attitude is her. However, I can do something about how I allow it to effect me. I may not be able to do anything about how the wind blows, but I can do something about the set of my sails. So, hmmm… “Isn’t that interesting” She chooses dissatisfaction, emotional chaos, pain, and misery… That is her choice.

It doesn’t have to be my choice. I choose… yes I consciously choose… Peace of mind, tranquility of spirit, wellness, physical-mental-spiritual-financial health, and wealth. I choose a life full of God’s wealth, flowing in avalanches of abundance.

I choose to live my life with an attitude of gratitude.
Thank you for my life.
Thank you for today.
Thank you for the choice.
Thank you for health.
Thank you for abundance.
Thank you for vision.

This past month I’ve been taking stock of the past year. Working on wrapping up projects, paperwork and such. No I didn’t get as much done as I would have liked to; however I did make progress.

The end of the year is a time of contemplation, giving thanks, and planning for me. 2007 has been another year of recovery and healing. I am stronger now, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. No that’s not a brag. It’s a statement of thanks.

I was very ill for a very long time, it’s good to be healing and getting stronger. Really good…

Life is a journey... how you travel is your choice...
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs