This is my life... or rather bits and pieces of it... ramblings... probably ranting... poetry... maybe a place for some short stories...kennel tails...arf…I raise Pomeranians... business victories...and defeats... I work with folks in training ... online business ... sometimes it's great... sometimes it bites... lol... personal changes... could say growth... fitness training... fat loss... basically my multifaceted erratic wonderful terrible .... mmmmm... what's the word... oh yeah.. Life...
Illustration: R.O. Blechman Sages going back to Socrates have offered advice on how to be happy, but only now are scientists beginning to address this question with systematic, controlled research. Although many of the new studies reaffirm time-honored wisdom ("Do what you love," "To thine own self be true"), they also add a number of fresh twists and insights. We canvassed the leading experts on what happy people have in common—and why it's worth trying to become one of them.
1. They find their most golden self.
Picture happiness. What do you see? A peaceful soul sitting in a field of daisies appreciating the moment? That kind of passive, pleasure-oriented—hedonic—contentment is definitely a component of overall happiness. But researchers now believe that eudaimonic well-being may be more important. Cobbled from the Greek eu ("good") and daimon ("spirit" or "deity"), eudaimonia means striving toward excellence based on one's unique talents and potential—Aristotle considered it to be the noblest goal in life. In his time, the Greeks believed that each child was blessed at birth with a personal daimon embodying the highest possible expression of his or her nature. One way they envisioned the daimon was as a golden figurine that would be revealed by cracking away an outer layer of cheap pottery (the person's baser exterior). The effort to know and realize one's most golden self—"personal growth," in today's lingo—is now the central concept of eudaimonia, which has also come to include continually taking on new challenges and fulfilling one's sense of purpose in life.
"Eudaimonic well-being is much more robust and satisfying than hedonic happiness, and it engages different parts of the brain," says Richard J. Davidson, PhD, of the University of Wisconsin-Madison. "The positive emotion accompanying thoughts that are directed toward meaningful goals is one of the most enduring components of well-being." Eudaimonia is also good for the body. Women who scored high on psychological tests for it (they were purposefully engaged in life, pursued self-development) weighed less, slept better, and had fewer stress hormones and markers for heart disease than others—including those reporting hedonic happiness—according to a study led by Carol Ryff, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
2. They design their lives to bring in joy.
It may seem obvious, but "people don't devote enough time to thinking seriously about how they spend their life and how much of it they actually enjoy," says David Schkade, PhD, a psychologist and professor of management at the University of California San Diego. In a recent study, Schkade and colleagues asked more than 900 working women to write down everything they'd done the day before. Afterward, they reviewed their diaries and evaluated how they felt at each point. When the women saw how much time they spent on activities they didn't like, "some people had tears in their eyes," Schkade says. "They didn't realize their happiness was something they could design and have control over."
Analyzing one's life isn't necessarily easy and may require questioning long-held assumptions. A high-powered career might, in fact, turn out to be unfulfilling; a committed relationship once longed for could end up being irritating with all the compromising that comes with having a partner. Dreams can be hard to abandon, even when they've turned sour.
Fortunately, changes don't have to be big ones to tip the joy in your favor. Schkade says that if you transfer even an hour of your day from an activity you hate (commuting, scrubbing the bathroom) to one you like (reading, spending time with friends), you should see a significant improvement in your overall happiness. Taking action is key. Another recent study, at the University of Missouri, compared college students who made intentional changes (joining a club, upgrading their study habits) with others who passively experienced positive turns in their circumstances (receiving a scholarship, being relieved of a bad roommate). All the students were happier in the short term, but only the group who made deliberate changes stayed that way.
3. They avoid "if only" fantasies. If only I get a better job...find a man...lose the weight...life will be perfect. Happy people don't buy into this kind of thinking.
The latest research shows that we're surprisingly bad at predicting what will make us happy. People also tend to misjudge their contentment when zeroing in on a single aspect of their life—it's called the focusing illusion. In one study, single subjects were asked, "How happy are you with your life in general?" and "How many dates did you have last month?" When the dating question was asked first, their romantic life weighed more heavily into how they rated their overall happiness than when the questions were reversed.
The other argument against "if only" fantasies has to do with "hedonic adaptation"—the brain's natural dimming effect, which guarantees that a new house won't generate the same pleasure a year after its purchase and the thrill of having a boyfriend will ebb as you get used to being part of a couple. Happy people are wise to this, which is why they keep their lives full of novelty, even if it's just trying a new activity (diving, yoga) or putting a new spin on an old favorite (kundalini instead of vinyasa).
4. They put best friends first.
It's no surprise that social engagement is one of the most important contributors to happiness. What's news is that the nature of the relationship counts. Compared with dashing around chatting with acquaintances, you get more joy from spending longer periods of time with a close friend, according to research by Meliksah Demir, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at Northern Arizona University. And the best-friend benefit doesn't necessarily come from delving into heavy discussions. One of the most essential pleasures of close friendship, Demir found, is simple companionship, "just hanging out," as he says, hitting the mall or going to the movies together and eating popcorn in the dark.
5. They allow themselves to be happy.
As much as we all think we want it, many of us are convinced, deep down, that it's wrong to be happy (or too happy). Whether the belief comes from religion, culture, or the family you were raised in, it usually leaves you feeling guilty if you're having fun.
"Some people would say you shouldn't strive for personal happiness until you've taken care of everyone in the world who is starving or doesn't have adequate medical care," says Howard Cutler, MD, coauthor with the Dalai Lama of The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World. "The Dalai Lama believes you should pursue both simultaneously. For one thing, there is clear research showing that happy people tend to be more open to helping others. They also make better spouses and parents." And in one famous study, nuns whose autobiographies expressed positive emotions (such as gratitude and optimism) lived seven to 10-and-a-half years longer than other nuns. So, for any die-hard pessimist who still needs persuading, just think of how much more you can help the world if you allow a little happiness into your life.
Gabrielle Leblanc is a writer and neuroscientist in Washington, D.C.
I am seriously dragging my butt today. On a bright note the wind is not howling. Actually there are quite a few bright notes... just have to focus on them instead of grubbing about.
I was up rather late last night, didn't get into bed until after 3:00 a.m. Woke up at 6:00 a.m. and went back to sleep. Three hours is a bit short on the the sleep for me. Unfortunately I slept until 9:30, which put me behind for the day. I had a 10.30 appointment for a manicure/pedicure, my mother's day treat for me, which there was simply no way I could make. I called them and canceled; no point in rescheduling unless I know for sure I can make it into town for the appointment.
I think I will just give myself a manicure, and see if I can talk my hubs into giving my peds a warm oil massage. I have some wonderful massage oil, that I think would be a treat for my feet.
I moved a refrigerator yesterday; I thought my muscles would be sore. Tee hee, they are not. This means my body is getting stronger and stronger. This puts a serious smile on my face. A couple of years ago, even one year ago I could not have done this without seriously hurting myself.
Its amazing how well our bodies can repair themselves when given the necessary exercise and nutrition. Can't forget mindset either. Our states of mind play a major factor in how well our bodies work. Amazing pieces of equipment these bodies we have; to be sure. Remarkably durable; self maintaining for the most part. Again when given adequate nutrition and exercise.
If we treated our cars or computers the way we treat our bodies we would have neither operating for any length of time.
Something to think about...
Oh yes I nearly forgot to mention it. If you can believe that. Kind of surprises me I used to be so ... hmmmm what's the word... compulsive ... about it. I lost another pound. That makes 5 down for the month of May. 296 - 5 = 291 The my calorie counter in My Everyday Health: is really helping me to get a handle on my nutrition. Putting a positive constructive spin on it; rather than the self destructive compulsive binging that had been going on.
Obviously it takes more than "My Calorie Counter" to get to the issues triggering the compulsive behavior. You have to do the work; dig through the mental and emotional muck and sort it out. Feels a bit like stomping through a city sewer drain barefoot at times. (Or in reference to the area I live in: a 100,000 cattle feedlot's drain pond) It stinks, but it's gotta be dealt with. There is no getting around it. Want to be healthy; the "crap" has to be dealt with. I'm just saying.
Life is a journey, sometimes you step in it.
Mary E. Robbins Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202
I missed my before breakfast workout, fixed my hubs something to eat when he came in from working all night; and shared a bite with him. Gotta grab those moments when you can. Anyway I am getting on my elliptical and getting my 7 kilometers of hills in for today. :)
2009 has come and gone. It was an eventful year overall. It was an eventful year in my life to be sure. I started 2009 off with a bang. Grand intentions and all that.
Then life got in the way. No excuses, just what happened. Does that mean that 2009 was a year of failure? No it does not. Had I learned nothing through the experience; then yes it would have been a massive failure. (No I am not going to delve into all the "events" of the year)
However I did not quit, and I did learn. I am walking, without knee surgery. That in itself is a major victory. A story of determination. Frankly; I’m kinda amazed that I am walking. Even able to workout again.
I didn’t do so great on the weight loss front. I had lost 26 lbs. I crashed and gained 16 of that back for a total weight loss for the year of 10 pounds. Not overly thrilled with that, but it is better than a weight gain. So it’s go on from here. 140 pounds to lose to meet my goal weight.
On the positive side, many of the issues that triggered the compulsive eating that packed the 16 pounds back on me have been recognized. I would love to say they have been dealt with and will no longer be issues in my life. I can say there is progress. To say I will never have to deal with the disruptive issues would be a fallacy, a false fantasy that would set me up for failure and pain.
What I can say is that I am healthier, stronger, have developed additional coping skills, and am more prepared to deal with life’s challenges than I was last year at this time.
Looking back over the past 2 years, I can see that I have come soooooo far. There are still ups and downs in my life, the emotional rollercoaster bit ya know. However so much has been ferreted out and confronted. I would say dealt with, disposed of… but then I am likely to find more emotional land mines buried in the fat hanging on my body.
There is a new calm, a new determination to go forward no matter the cost. A new confidence that whatever comes up; I can deal with it. One way or the other. One step at a time. Doesn’t have to be perfect. Can be extremely messy, it doesn’t matter. One day one step at a time… neat, messy, disaster area…no matter… one day one step at a time….
This is a major change for me. No more of the “it’s gotta be perfect” or I’m not doing it at all bit. Methinks this is going to be a grand year.
So many of us feel responsible for everything. That’s what I said, every friggin thing. Hello folks some things are out of our control. The thing is to live proactively, rather than feeling guilty about something you could not have done anything about anyway, and being beaten and knocked about living reactively.
Am I talking to myself as well, oh yeah. Of course I am. Don’t all writers…lol. This life is a wonderful gift to be appreciated and enjoyed. Not a curse to be slogged through and endured. The same circumstance can surround 2 different people, with to totally different effects on their lives. What makes the difference?
Each person’s attitude. The winds blow on all of us, it’s up to us how we set our sails.
Came across this article on beliefnet. Enjoy.
Living the Serenity Prayer: By Eileen Flanagan
Many of us know and love the Serenity Prayer:
The Wisdom to Know the Difference
God, grant us serenity to accept the things we cannot change, Courage to change the things we can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Many of us spend too much time anxious about things we cannot change: the economy, the weather, traffic on the freeway, or people who annoy us. As a result, we don’t have the energy to make the most of the opportunities we do have. Recognizing the difference between what we can and cannot change can help us live more peaceful and productive lives.
Acknowledge Your Conditioning
Some people have a harder time with the first line of the Serenity Prayer, accepting the things they cannot change, while others have a harder time mustering the courage to change what they can. Often these patterns can be traced to family or cultural conditioning. Reflect on the messages you received growing up. Were you expected to be passive and submit to what others wanted? Were you trained to be in control, so that letting go is more difficult for you today? Sometimes just acknowledging your family or social conditioning can help you to let go of old patterns that are no longer serving you.
Pay Attention to Your Inner Voice
When you get a feeling that something isn't right, pay attention. That may be a sign of something you need to change. We human beings have a tremendous ability to deny our inner truths or talk ourselves out of making changes that might seem scary or difficult at first, but usually we know what is right deep down. Pay special attention to intuitions that persist over time or that come with a sense of peace and clarity. The more you pay attention to your Inner Voice, the more clearly it will guide you.
Know Yourself
Many spiritual traditions teach that knowing yourself is a lifelong pursuit, but one that can help you feel more at peace with yourself and other people. Spending time alone—walking in the woods, meditating, or journaling—can put you in touch with what's really going on inside you. When you acknowledge these feelings, you can make a conscious choice about what to accept and what to change, rather than letting yourself be ruled by unconscious feelings.
Learn from Your Mistakes
Everyone makes mistakes, but many of us waste too much energy beating ourselves up over them. While psychologists have not agreed on one standard definition of wisdom, they do agree that one of the qualities wise people share is the ability to learn from their mistakes. When things don't go the way you hoped, instead of focusing on what you did wrong or what someone else did to mess things up, think about what you might do differently next time.
Cultivate Optimism
Monitor your pessimistic thoughts and try to find evidence to refute them. Psychologists have found it is particularly helpful to censor categorical words like "never" from your thinking. Just because something didn't work out last time, that doesn't mean it won't work next time. Instead of simply repeating positive affirmations, point out to yourself the things that you can do to bring a more positive result in the future. Cultivating optimism has been shown to make it much more likely you'll be able to change the things you can, as well as accept the things you can't.
Practice Letting Go
Life is full of opportunities to let go and trust. Practice with the little things: a lost earring, a flat tire, or an uncooperative toddler. In such situations, take a deep breath and monitor your thoughts. If you are angry or frustrated, don't pretend you are not. Just observe your own emotion, and then see if you can release it with a deep breath. For many people, prayer helps. Turning a problem over to a Higher Power can bring tremendous relief.
Cultivate Community
Whether it's a religious congregation, a Twelve-Step group, or just a gang of really good friends, community can help us develop wisdom. We need people who will tell us when we're acting wimpy or pigheaded, as well as point out our strengths and encourage them. We also need people who will support us when we hit tough times and cheer for us when we succeed. If you don't have such support in your life, think about where you might be able to find it. If you do have people like that, count them among your blessings.
(This post is related to the 30 day project from the Ed Severance Blog: Rewire the Damaged Hardware post)
30 Days to change the way I think: to rewire the damaged hardware.
Hmmmm. What would be the foremost, the optimum thing to change. To truly create the life I want to live. God has given me the ability to create the life I know I want to be living!
Ok, so what am I working on? The list seems insurmountable. Goes on and on adinfanitum. Bits of this and bits of that, list after list. Truth be told all of it fits under a couple of points. One word is the major player. So what is it? It is: F-E-A-R. That’s it fear. Such a small little word, only four small letters to have such a huge impact on so many people’s lives. Yes I know I’m not alone in this.
Ok, so the list of fears could go on and on. Big fears, little fears, erotic fears, infinitesimal fears, probably a few psychotic fears.
So what is the heading, or umbrella that all these fears are running around under? What is it?! It’s not fear of failure. Failure is a very safe place to hide. It’s not fear of fat. A fat suit is another safe place to hide. Fear of discovery. The fear that you may see who I really am. Nah, I’ve pretty much put that out there. Amazingly enough I actually like myself. Fat a** and all.
Ok so what is it. What has been tripping me up for so many years. The self sabotage queen. Grrr. Truth be told it really pisses me off. You know what? I do know what it is. I actually do. Ok so what is it?! It’s Fear of success. Not fear of failure. Fear of Success.
Fear of reaching my goals and finding the reward to be an empty thing indeed. If you don’t open that bright shiny door, you can’t find out that there is nothing there.
Ok so now I know what it is. Now what do I do about it. What is success really? Ask 50 different people that question and you’ll get 50 different answers. So what does that say? It says that success is something different to each person.
Ok, so what is success to me? Stripped of all the pomp and circumstance, just the bare bones of it. What is success to me?
• Is it being a millionaire? Nope, although that can be a side effect. Note the can be, not always is. • Is it losing 150 pounds? No • Is it being married for nearly 20 years, and actually still loving your partner? Nope • Is it owning multiple homes? Nope • Is it completing a marathon? Nope • Is it graduating from university? Nope
Ok, this list of questions could go on forever. So what is it and why have I been tripping over it.
First what is success to me: It is a mindset. A way of being, a way of living.
Ok, it’s true. This is a relatively new definition of success for me. Over the years my definition of success or a successful person has changed dramatically.
In the past my definition of success was wealth. As in monetary wealth. Over the years I have found that definition to be false. There are some extremely wealthy people that are not successful. Wealth can be a nice benefit of success, but it is not success. If it were it would be an empty thing indeed.
At one point I defined success as career achievement. Then I looked around at executives defrauding people, and their life’s work disappearing before their eyes. False housing booms, and manipulated stock markets. And I thought this is not success.
I looked at marathoners, gymnasts, football players, Olympians. Medal winners, and thought perhaps that was success. Only to observe the dissatisfaction in so many of their lives, and thought this is not success.
I’ve watched churches turn in on themselves and spew venom and hatred in the name of their God; and I thought this is not success either.
And I wondered is all naught? Do I even want to be successful? Not by those definitions I don’t. Seriously, what’s the point? Emptiness and self loathing ala carte. Thanks anyway I’ll pass. Been there done that. Over it.
It’s not fear of success per se. It’s fear that I’ll achieve financial, physical, religious, whatever success and find it to be an empty barren thing. The fear that I’ll become a cardboard cutout of who I actually am. Empty of life other than desolation and rage. Look around they are all over the place. Here and there you see the cardboard rip and they unload an Uzi on everyone around them. Wouldn’t have to be an Uzi, an emptied milk jug with a few common household chemicals would be just as effective if not more so. Enough said, I’m not going there.
Ok so how do I untie my hands, so to speak? How do I stop the self sabotage and allow myself to follow through on some projects I find interesting.
That is the question. So what is the answer? Thinking, pondering, fingers are twitching with the urge to write something.
The answer, you do realize that each person’s answer is individual. Yes? So what is my answer. Tapping on the mouse, waiting for words to come. Concept is there, now to get it into actual words.
Success is a mindset. A way of being, a way of living.
Yeah ok, so success is a mindset, a way of being a way of living. Big woop, what is the practical application of that?
Ok, here goes. Rather than letting your wealth, or lack thereof, work, athletic prowess, religious endeavors, life events, happenings, relationships, whatever you encounter in your journey through this life define who you are; what you are, whether you are a success or failure in this life, you define your life, rather than the events in your life defining you.
Clear as mud?
Be who you are.
I am that I am. I am at peace within myself, I appreciate the beauty of each day. I live now, fully in each moment that occurs. I accept and love myself as I am, therefore I am free to love others.
As such, I am a success, my life is successful.
I am no longer in bondage, I am free.
Life is a journey, enjoy the trip . Mary E. Robbins
He has something good to say… so I am passing it on! Well worth the read. Think about it, change your focus, change the way you think and change your life.
Life is a journey, whether you enjoy the trip or not is up to you.
By the time you reach, (or reached) 35 years of age, 90% of what you do requires no real thought! Spend a few minutes contemplating the previous sentence. Almost everything you do, you simply do it. Put the keys in your car ignition as an example. How much time does it take for you do accomplish this? You don’t even spend seconds considering it do you. It’s just done. Pick up a fork to eat your favorite meal. Once again, there is no consideration as to how to configure this action. You simply grab the fork and dig in! Walking or running for exercise. You think, decide and do all in less than a second. For all the many positive things you do every single day, such actions have been determined for years! Humans are all conditioned human beings from birth until now.
The challenge is that the same examples can be used for negative thought patterns. The reasons are limitless as to why, but you keep getting the same negative behaviors and outcomes in your life. This is why you are reading this blog. This is why you have made a fantastic choice to take on this 30 day journey. You want to change you’re thinking because you are getting the same crappy results! What you will do is rewire your old hardwired way of thinking.
You have probably had to rewire an electric cord sometime in your life. One of our too many televisions sets in my home went on the blink. One of our too many pets decided to chew on the cord while the cord was not attached to the electric outlet thank God! Now the tv works again. But to get what was damaged, not useful working, I had to cut the cord, strip the outer layers of rubber, rewire the electric lines to each other, wrap electrical tape around the new connections and bingo. Now the television works and my kids can watch, ‘Spongebob Squarepants,’ ‘Top Chef-Vegas,’ ‘Discovery Channel,’ and enjoy taking time to learn or simply laugh. You will be doing the same thing with your mind that I did with the tv. Rewiring negative, non-productive, damaging, destructive thought patterns that exhibits new thought paradigms. New thinking, new results and one happy camper!
Your brain is a miracle. There really are no words to describe this ‘gift’ God has given you. Thousands of neural networks, interwoven to create thought patterns. Many needed, many useful and creative habits. Yet some impair you, cause you pain, disappointment, even maybe a the thought can I ever succeed. You act as you do because it is what you truly believe. You are what you produce. “As a man thinks in their heart, so is he,’ Proverbs 23:7. But what is wired can be rewired. What is useful can be strengthened and those thought alliances that must be torn down can be. So let’s get started.
You have your conscious and subconscious. You probably know a ton about the conscious because this is where ‘you live.’ ”I think, therefore I am,” declared Rene Descartes. But to change your habitual way of thinking will need to come from your subconscious. Your six intellectual faculties included your will, reason, perception, imagination, memory and intuition. And your imagination will be a key ingredient in getting you to new and powerful thought processes.
The imagination is not ‘kids stuff.’ What is the ‘adult’ purpose for your imagination? Was it only to be employed as a child in elementary school? For games with your friends when you were Superman or Spiderman, an astronaut flying into outer space, the first girl president of the United States, etc.? Investigate one of the most admired, respected leading thinkers of our time Albert Einstein when he wrote, “When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge.”
So how does the imagination lead to the kind of thinking and results that you want? Memorize the following: 1. a positive thought (conscious) produces desire 2. a positive desire, (subconscious) creates emotion 3. a positive emotion compels you to action 4. a positive action gets you results
The conscious part of you accepts and rejects information. The subconscious only ‘accepts’ what you believe as real, correct, truth and it is from the subconscious that you act, not the conscious. This is why like all great thinkers, Bob Proctor, John Assaraf, Tony Robbins, Mary Morrissey, Albert Einstein, you must focus in on changing your conscious thinking and beliefs via your subconscious. See, discover that this is you and the opportunity you have to live as you deserve and desire.
Start each morning off in a positive fashion! First thoughts that are exciting, first actions are progressive, forget about the internet, news, any work and prepare yourself. Put on music that invigorates you, quote successful thoughts that gives you a great feeling. When you feel good you are ready to move forward. This is critical, vital, pivotal, urgent, serious, consequential, momentous, key, impactful, central, essential, fundamental. When you start off on the right foot, your energy for taking the time to create something positive is at a high level. Begin your day on the wrong foot, negative thinking which directs you to procrastinate, you are screwed! And this is a HUGE issue for some of you reading this blog. You must start each day ready to rock and roll!
For these next thirty days, choose one or two of the most important paradigms you want to recreate. If it has taken years to develop and live in habits that are not productive, you will not completely change you’re thinking patterns in 30 days. This is why I highly recommend you work on one or two issues. Once successful you will have the courage, desire and tenacity to move forward on other areas for personal improvement.
When you are positioned in a relaxed state, you can have very quiet music playing in the background, (screamo is not recommended!) scanning a beautiful sky or even a soothing screen saver to assist in building the right frame of mind.
Now close your eyes and begin to visualize what it is you are here for. What is the correct way you want to think and see yourself actually involved in the picture. Here are several examples. You have a pool in your backyard. Visualize how cool or warm the temperature is. Do you feel it? Was it cool or warm? What is the sound of water like when you lift your foot out and the water splash’s back into your pool? Since your foot is used to the crystal, clear water, now put in your foot up to the ankle. How does your body react to the water? This example gives you sight, creativity, sound, and sensation. Imagine riding alone on a Harley Davidson motorcycle on a straight stretch of highway with no one around you. Feel the vibration of the engine, hear the sound of the motor, feel the wind whipping though your hair, (or on your head if you need hair!) looking out and exploring mountains, or a lake, a farm, etc.
Now take this example and transfer the picture of what you just experienced into what is it you want to accomplish! And as you visualize it, also speak out what you want. ”I will no longer react instantly in anger. I am in control of my emotions” and see yourself acting in such a way within your imagination towards those you struggle with containing your anger. View yourself as responding and not reacting. Or use your fantasy as seeing yourself pushing through that fear that has captured you for so long and held you back from obtaining what it is you want. ”I’m so grateful that I have the courage to be honest.” ”I so grateful that I made the sale.” ”I’m on an airplane and I am not filled with fear.” ”I can make good, strong decisions.” ”Look at me, I am a solid leader.” ”I am succeeding in this business.”
What is literally taking place within your brain is amazing! Old hard, negative, destructive networks are slowly but surely being broken down. Creative, faith building, powerful and positive networks are either being reinforced or taking shape. Think about this. You are truly creating the life you want to live. Isn’t that incredible? That God would give you the ability to create the life you know you want to be living!
Persistence, consistent persistence is a law for success. Do not become discouraged. This is one of your biggest problems, so why continue to live this same lifestyle? Stick with this for 30 days. You are building an intellectual habit that will change your life. Please share what is really transpiring in your journey. Are you experiencing forward movement, struggling, seeing improvement, excited?
So many of us feel responsible for everything. That’s what I said, every friggin thing. Hello folks some things are out of our control. The thing is to live proactively, rather than feeling guilty about something you could not have done anything about anyway, and being beaten and knocked about living reactively.
Am I talking to myself as well, oh yeah. Of course I am. Don’t all writers…lol. This life is a wonderful gift to be appreciated and enjoyed. Not a curse to be slogged through and endured. The same circumstance can surround 2 different people, with to totally different effects on their lives. What makes the difference?
Each person’s attitude. The winds blow on all of us, it’s up to us how we set our sails.
Came across this article on beliefnet. Enjoy.
Living the Serenity Prayer: By Eileen Flanagan
Many of us know and love the Serenity Prayer:
The Wisdom to Know the Difference
God, grant us serenity to accept the things we cannot change, Courage to change the things we can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Many of us spend too much time anxious about things we cannot change: the economy, the weather, traffic on the freeway, or people who annoy us. As a result, we don’t have the energy to make the most of the opportunities we do have. Recognizing the difference between what we can and cannot change can help us live more peaceful and productive lives.
Acknowledge Your Conditioning
Some people have a harder time with the first line of the Serenity Prayer, accepting the things they cannot change, while others have a harder time mustering the courage to change what they can. Often these patterns can be traced to family or cultural conditioning. Reflect on the messages you received growing up. Were you expected to be passive and submit to what others wanted? Were you trained to be in control, so that letting go is more difficult for you today? Sometimes just acknowledging your family or social conditioning can help you to let go of old patterns that are no longer serving you.
Pay Attention to Your Inner Voice
When you get a feeling that something isn't right, pay attention. That may be a sign of something you need to change. We human beings have a tremendous ability to deny our inner truths or talk ourselves out of making changes that might seem scary or difficult at first, but usually we know what is right deep down. Pay special attention to intuitions that persist over time or that come with a sense of peace and clarity. The more you pay attention to your Inner Voice, the more clearly it will guide you.
Know Yourself
Many spiritual traditions teach that knowing yourself is a lifelong pursuit, but one that can help you feel more at peace with yourself and other people. Spending time alone—walking in the woods, meditating, or journaling—can put you in touch with what's really going on inside you. When you acknowledge these feelings, you can make a conscious choice about what to accept and what to change, rather than letting yourself be ruled by unconscious feelings.
Learn from Your Mistakes
Everyone makes mistakes, but many of us waste too much energy beating ourselves up over them. While psychologists have not agreed on one standard definition of wisdom, they do agree that one of the qualities wise people share is the ability to learn from their mistakes. When things don't go the way you hoped, instead of focusing on what you did wrong or what someone else did to mess things up, think about what you might do differently next time.
Cultivate Optimism
Monitor your pessimistic thoughts and try to find evidence to refute them. Psychologists have found it is particularly helpful to censor categorical words like "never" from your thinking. Just because something didn't work out last time, that doesn't mean it won't work next time. Instead of simply repeating positive affirmations, point out to yourself the things that you can do to bring a more positive result in the future. Cultivating optimism has been shown to make it much more likely you'll be able to change the things you can, as well as accept the things you can't.
Practice Letting Go
Life is full of opportunities to let go and trust. Practice with the little things: a lost earring, a flat tire, or an uncooperative toddler. In such situations, take a deep breath and monitor your thoughts. If you are angry or frustrated, don't pretend you are not. Just observe your own emotion, and then see if you can release it with a deep breath. For many people, prayer helps. Turning a problem over to a Higher Power can bring tremendous relief.
Cultivate Community
Whether it's a religious congregation, a Twelve-Step group, or just a gang of really good friends, community can help us develop wisdom. We need people who will tell us when we're acting wimpy or pigheaded, as well as point out our strengths and encourage them. We also need people who will support us when we hit tough times and cheer for us when we succeed. If you don't have such support in your life, think about where you might be able to find it. If you do have people like that, count them among your blessings.
I saw the first blush of dawn on the eastern horizon this morning. This day I celebrate living 49 years. Give thanks for the years of life I have been blessed with and face the oncoming with joyous expectation.
Yes I actually do mean that. Major change from last year around this time. I was in a black hole of depression on a suicidal slide into pain racked oblivion.
So what made the change from then to now? It’s not so much the time that passed as it is a major change in mindset. There are still crisis’s, both minor and major that come rolling into my life to be dealt with.
Case in point: my mother took a header out of her power wheel chair and landed on her noggin. Beat her self up pretty badly, her neighbor found her and called me in a panic. Mom was on her way to the hospital in the ambulance. The neighbor was rather panicked, when she called me, I wasn’t sure whether mom would still be alive by the time I got to the hospital. It was a bit of a tense drive to be sure. My mother is on blood thinners so a head injury is extremely dangerous. (Yes she did survive, and is healing up nicely.)
Night before last David (my husband) put his hand on my shoulder in the middle of the night. Normally this would not wake me up, however his skin was cold and he was drenched in sweat. That means his blood sugar was dropping into very dangerous levels. Fortunately I woke up, and was able to raise his blood sugar before he was comatose. What if I had missed it? What if I hadn’t waked or he rolled the other way. Hello body bag, express way to a funeral.
Next major crisis, my youngest stepson, who just turned 29 years old, whom I love very much, has been diagnosed with Huntington’s. A nasty genetic disease that was in his biological mother’s bloodline. Huntington’s is a destructive life thief. It destroys your mind and body before it kills you in a very demeaning manner.
By the way, yes I do love all three of these people very much.
Of course there are more stressors, such as a fear mongering associate, grousing about the economy and government. What can I say; he made some poor financial decisions, now he has to deal with the consequences. Do I feel sorry for him, no I do not. Rather than leaning from his poor choices, he is spreading fear and strife.
As well as, a fear mongering neighbor. Going from ranch to ranch trying to spread fear and paranoia. As for the fear mongering neighbor, he can stay away from my ranch. I have no place in my life for those who deliberately strive to create strife.
Did I tell you all this for sympathy? No I did not, I told you to make a point. It is NOT the events, or stressors that come into your life that determine the quality of your life. It is your mindset in dealing with them.
I came to a realization. There is nothing I can do about how miserable other people choose to be. Yes it is a choice. I choose to live in peace within myself, to experience my joy, regardless of events surrounding me.
It’s your life, It’s your choice. What do you choose?
This caught my Eye as I was digging my way through my email. Especially after the way I obsessed over the cold weather that has come through for the past few days. Happily, today it was melting a bit. It is 22 degrees outside now, but that is 40 degrees warmer than it was the other night.
Weight loss and fitness, basically improving my health overall is a topic that is on the forefront of my mind these days. When I look back over the years, obsessing over this and that is a big part of what led to the weight gain in the first place.
OK back on topic, I hope this blesses you as it has me.
Tips for how to reel in your ruminations and keep your peace in the present moment.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with obsessive thoughts, with severe ruminations that can interfere with daily life. My thoughts get stuck on something and, like a broken record, repeat a certain fear over and over and over again until I scream out loud, “STOP IT!” The French call Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) “foliededoute,” or “the doubting disease.” And that’s what obsessions are—a single doubt caught in an endless loop of thoughts.
But even those not diagnosed with OCD can struggle with obsessions. In fact, I have yet to meet a depressive who doesn’t ruminate, especially in our age of anxiety. Every day gives sensitive types like myself plenty of material to obsess about. So I’m constantly pulling out the tools that I’ve acquired over time to win against my thoughts, to develop confidence--the antidote for doubt--to take charge of my brain, and to STOP OBSESSING. I hope they work for you too.
15 Ways to stop obsessing.
1. Name the Beast My first step in tackling any obsession: Identify the thought. What is my fear? What is my doubt? I make myself describe it in one sentence, or, if I can, in a few words. For example, when I was released from the hospital’s psych ward the first time, I was paranoid that my co-workers would find out that I’d been there. I obsessed about it and obsessed about it and obsessed some more. Finally, I named the fear: I am afraid that if my co-workers find out that I was hospitalized with severe depression that they won’t respect me anymore, and they won’t assign me any projects. There it is. There’s the beast. Phew. I named it, and by doing so, I can rob it of some of its power over me.
2. Find the Distortion Once I have named the fear or doubt, I try to see if I can file it under any of the forms of distorted thinking that Dr. David Burns describes in his bestseller The Feeling Good Handbook like all-or-nothing thinking, jumping to conclusions, magnification (exaggeration), or discounting the positive (ie “None of my accomplishments count”). My obsession almost always involves at least three forms of distorted thoughts. So I then consider Burns’ ten ways of untwisting distorted thinking to help me to undermine my obsession.
For example, using his “cost-benefit analysis” method, I examine how my fear of my co-workers finding out about my depression is benefiting me and what it is costing me. In the end, I decided to tell my colleagues the information because I realized that I wanted to write about my experience (benefit), and that was worth the risk (cost) of having them reject me based on my diagnosis of bipolar disorder.
3. Pencil it In A while back, when I was especially tormented by some obsessions, my therapist told me to schedule a time of day where I was free to ruminate. That way, she said, when you get an obsession, you can simply tell yourself, “Sorry, it’s not time for that. You’ll have to wait until 8 in the evening, when I give you, My Head, 15 minutes to obsess your heart out.” I remember recording in my journal everything I was dwelling on for 20 minutes every night: that I was a horrible mom, an inadequate writer, that no one liked me, and so on. Eric was reading a book next to me and asked me what I was writing. I handed over my journal and he shrieked, “Yikes and I was just thinking about what to have for breakfast tomorrow!”
4. Laugh at It Alas, that obsession-journal story brings me to another tool: humor. As I wrote in 9 Ways Humor Heals laughter can make almost any situation tolerable. And you have to admit, there is something a little funny about a broken record in your brain. If I couldn’t laugh at my depression and anxiety and severe ruminations, I would truly go insane. I mean, even more insane than I already am. And that’s pretty darn insane. I have a few people in my life who struggle with obsessions in the same way I do. Whenever it gets so noisy in my brain that I can’t stand it, I call up one of them and say, “They’re baaaaaack…….” And we laugh.
5. Snap Out of it. I mean, literally snap out of it. That’s what I did for a few months when I couldn’t take the obsessions. I’d wear a rubber band around my wrist, and every time my thoughts would turn to an obsession, I’d snap the band as a reminder. (Fair warning: by bedtime, my wrists were a tad red. Another behavioral technique you could try is to write out the obsession on a piece of paper. Then crinkle it up and throw it away. That way you have literally thrown out your obsession. Or you could try visualizing a stop sign. When your thoughts go there, remember to stop! Look at the sign! 6. Pull Over One of the most helpful visualizations for me has been to imagine that I am driving a car. Every time my thoughts revert back to an obsession, I have to pull over on the shoulder, because my car is misaligned. It’s dragging right. Once I’ve stopped, I ask myself: Do I need to change anything? Can I change anything? Can I amend this situation somehow? Do I have anything I need to do to find peace? I spend a minute asking myself the questions. Then, if I don’t have anything to fix, it’s time for me to get my car back on the road again. This is basically a visualization of the Serenity Prayer. I am trying to decipher between what I can’t change and what I can. Once I have made the distinction, it’s time to start driving again.
7. Learn the Lesson I often obsess about my mistakes. I know I messed up, and I’m beating myself over and over again for not doing it right the first time, especially when I have involved other people and hurt them unintentionally. If that’s the case, I will ask myself: What is the lesson here? What have I learned? Just like the first step--naming the obsession--I will describe the lesson that I have absorbed in one sentence or less.
For example, I recently reprimanded my son David for something that, it turns out, he didn’t do. I automatically believed a fellow mom’s appraisal of the situation. I didn’t think to ask David first. When I realized that David didn’t do anything wrong, I felt horrible. Here I jumped to conclusions and didn’t believe the best about my son. So here’s the lesson: I won’t jump so fast the next time someone accuses my son of something; I’ll get the facts first.
8. Forgive Me After you take away the lesson, you have to forgive yourself. This is a hard one. Especially for perfectionists. And guess what? Perfectionists are natural ruminators. Julia Cameron writes about this in The Complete Artist's Way: Creativity as a Spiritual Practice
“Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead. It is a loop--an obsessive, debilitating closed system that causes you to get stuck in the details of what you are writing or painting or making and to lose sight of the whole. Instead of creating freely and allowing errors to reveal themselves later as insights, we often get mired in getting the details right. We correct our originality into a uniformity that lacks passion and spontaneity.”
Forgiving yourself means concentrating on the insights gained from mistakes, and to let go of the rest. Um. Good luck with that.
9. Imagine the Worst I know this seems wrong--like it would produce even more anxiety. But imagining the worst can actually relieve the fear that’s triggering an obsession. For example, when I was hospitalized the second time for severe depression, I was petrified that I would never be able to work again, to write again, to contribute anything to society. Done. Let me get into my nightgown and bury myself somewhere. I was literally shaking with anxiety I was so scared of what my illness could do to me. I called my friend Mike and rattled off to him all my fears.
“Uh huh,” he said. “So what?”
“What do you mean, ‘So what’? My life as I know it might be over,” I explained.
“Yeah, and so what?” he said. “You can’t write. No biggie. You can’t work. No biggie. You have your family who loves you and accepts you. You have Vickie and I who love you and accept you. Stay home and watch ‘Oprah’ all day. I don’t care. You’d still have people in your life who love you.”
You know what? He was right. I went there in my mind: to the worst case scenario...me on disability, hospitalized a few times a year, unable to do so much of what I did before. And there I was. Still standing. With a full life. A different life, yes, but a life. And I was okay. Really okay. I felt such freedom in that moment.
10. Put It On Hold Sometimes I start to obsess about a situation for which I don’t have enough information. Example: Awhile back I was worried about a family member in a dangerous situation. I dwelled and dwelled on it, and didn’t know what to do. Then Eric said, “We don’t have all the information yet that we need to make a decision or pursue a plan. So it’s useless to worry.” Therefore I put my obsession “on hold,” like it was a pretty lavender dress at a boutique that I saw and wanted but didn’t have enough money to buy. So it’s there, waiting for me, when I get enough dough—or, in the case of my family member, enough data.
11. Dig for the Cause So often the object of the obsession isn’t the real issue. That object or person or situation is masking the deeper issue we’re too afraid to face. A friend of mine obsessed and obsessed about the placement of his fence in his backyard because--unlike his wife’s illness, a problem over which he has no control--he could manage the fence. So he went out with his measuring stick day in and day out until he could finally surrender to his situation. A woman I used to work with fantasized about a colleague whom she was attracted to. It was an especially stressful time for her—she was caring for four young kids plus her mother—and daydreaming about running away with her co-worker gave her the escape she needed. Her obsessions weren’t about her co-worker, however, as much as they were about her need for some fun and relief in her life.
12. Reel it In We all know how fast obsessions can take on a life of their own. A slight hitch in a project becomes a massive hurdle, a friendly gesture by a friend turns ugly and threatening, and a minor criticism from a colleague turns into a 150-page dissertation about your flaws and inadequacies--you know, everything that’s bad about you and why you shouldn’t get out of bed in the morning. Granted, buried within any obsession are usually pieces of truth. But other parts are way off in fantasyland—with about as much accuracy as there is in a juicy celebrity tabloid story: “Celine Dion meets ET for drinks.” That’s why you need some good friends that will help you separate fact from fiction. When I call up my friend Mike and tell him my latest obsession, he usually says something like this: “Wow. Reel it in, Therese. Reel it in…You are way out this time.” And then we laugh at how far out I got.
13. Interrupt the Conversation Here’s where a bad habit can come in handy. Are you always interrupting people? Can’t help it? You get curious about a detail in someone’s story, and you want to hear more about that, not the end of the story? That’s how an obsession works in your brain—like a conversation over coffee: “This is why he hates me, and this, too, is why he hates me, and did I mention why he hates me? I’m sure he hates me.” Practice some of your rude manners and interrupt. You don’t even have to say, “Excuse me.” Ask yourself a question or throw out another topic. By doing so, you catch the snowball as it’s accumulating matter, and you throw it back with momentum because, as most of us learned in physics, a body in motion stays in motion. Now your internal conversation goes something like: “These are the reasons he should like me, and this, too, is why he should like me, and did I mention that he probably likes me? I’m sure he likes me.”
14. Stay in the Present I grit my teeth when people tell me this. Because I’m a ruminator and we ruminators operate in past and future. We don’t think NOW. But, this advice is so true. When you are grounded in the moment, you’re not thinking of what bad things can happen to you in the future, or dwelling on the mistakes of your past. To get myself into the present, I start with my senses. I try to hear only the noises that surround me—cars, birds, dogs barking, church bells—because if I give myself the assignment of listening to the actual sounds around me, I can’t obsess on a fear. Likewise, I concentrate on seeing what’s in front of me. At the very moment. Not in the year 2034. If I’m supposed to be playing baseball with David but my mind is on work, I try to bring it back to the baseball game, where it should be.
15. Give it Back to God The last step is surrender, as usual. “Okay, God, I give up! Take the bloody obsession from me!” That’s how I usually phrase it. It’s acknowledging that the last 14 steps haven’t gotten me where I need to be, and so I don’t know what else to do but give my ruminating mind to God and let him deal with it. Obsessions are almost always rooted in our attachments. So if we can think of them as borrowed from God—that God alone is the owner of this thing about which we are obsessing--we tend to become less greedy and possessive with our gifts, material and otherwise. In this way, we are mere stewards of whatever God has graciously given us.
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It never ceases to amaze me how things come together. So much of the above article is actually about living in the present. My New Years resolution is right along those lines.
The Greatest Year of My life. Live life now, appreciate each moment as it happens! Live in Peace Within Myself.
For me so much of Living in peace within myself is in accepting what actually is. Accepting myself now. Accepting other people as they are. Accepting situations for what they actually are. Living in reality, rather than shoulda coulda woulda, over and over again.
I'll give you a for instance. My mother is in a power wheel chair, she lives by herself in a situation that I believe is less than optimal. However she is in sound mind and her life, her living conditions are her choice. For years and years I've felt guilty because I could not make her situation better. Simply because she would not allow it. I couldn't understand why she didn't want to live with us, and nearly drove myself to distraction worrying about her. What if this happens, what if that happens, what if she falls? Bottom line is, her life is her choice. If the worst happens then, it happens. There is nothing I can do about it. Her life her choice.
My life my choice. I choose to live now. I choose to live in peace within myself.
I’ve done it! I’ve come up with my new year’s resolutions! Or rather my new year’s resolution. I’ve put a bit of thought into it this year. Usually it’s the long list of things to accomplish, prioritized and all. But you know, those are actually goals, not resolutions.
I thought about this past year; in all it’s graphic detail. Then I thought back to spring of 2003 when we first learned of this ranch and bought it. All the dreams and aspirations that went into this move, and the ensuing illnesses, and surgery, and seemingly unending recovery that waylaid so many plans.
I thought about the friends and family that are no longer with us; passed on to the other side. Then a late night predator called and attacked me on the phone. I reacted in self defense against his pointless attack and traced him down to the police both here and in his hometown. I thought about how senseless his attack on me was. Then I thought about all the senseless wars, be they small, as in between 2 people, family members, countries, religious factions, races, and so on. So much potential lost in senseless carnage.
Then I thought about the fuel prices how they rose to astronomical heights, and all the propaganda that was swirling about to explain away the financial strain those prices were putting on all but a very few. Then I watched as the fuel prices fell and fell, exposing the propaganda as a sewer full of stinking lies.
Then I thought about the mortgage crises, how the “financial institutions” involved were screaming bail out bail out, as they doubled and tripled mortgage payments making them impossible to pay resulting in foreclosure after foreclosure on homes that were over-financed in the first place.
Then I thought about the mess with the car mfg. screaming bail out bail out.
I wonder how much of the “bail out” $$$ is going into golden parachutes, in one way or another.
Then I thought about the unabated greed that has driven the world economy in to instability. I thought about the few that have engorged themselves at the expense of all others; and I grew angry.
I’ve spent a good bit of this past year angry, frustrated, neck deep in a small private war. Caught up in swirling turmoil. Living in rage is just not worth it.
I looked back over my life, such that it is. It seems, now that I really look at it, that I’ve spent a good bit of my life, waiting to do something in the future, or beating myself up over something I did or didn’t do in the past. If I had of, or I should have, or I could have, or I will when this that or the other thing comes to pass in Never-Never land. Usually all in a haze of self-made, frustration pain and anger, missing the beauty and wonder life has had to offer all along. Well, enough of this balderdash!
Here is my New Year’s Resolution! To: Live the Greatest Year of My life!
How am I going to do that? Here is how in two parts: 1. Live life now, Appreciate each moment as it happens! 2. Live in peace within myself.
Yes of course I have some goals and plans for this year, rather exciting actually. But that is for another day.
Yes the website is still there... however I do not have any puppies... my dogs are all retired... living their lives ... hanging out with their dog pals... there is some good info there... some poetry... pom pics... and other stuff... I have not brought myself to go in there to edit and update since my husband died... it is what it is...
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You have a pool in your backyard. Visualize how cool or warm the temperature is. Do you feel it? Was it cool or warm? What is the sound of water like when you lift your foot out and the water splash’s back into your pool? Since your foot is used to the crystal, clear water, now put in your foot up to the ankle. How does your body react to the water? This example gives you sight, creativity, sound, and sensation. Imagine riding alone on a Harley Davidson motorcycle on a straight stretch of highway with no one around you. 
Feel the vibration of the engine, hear the sound of the motor, feel the wind whipping though your hair, (or on your head if you need hair!) looking out and exploring mountains, or a lake, a farm, etc.
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