OK... Just Brrrrr...

Good Morning Peeps… frosty morning indeed… but the sun is shining… weather.com still says – 11 degrees F…. I just checked my thermometers outside… one says nearly 20 above … now that one is in the sun… however the other one is in the shade… and says around 15 above … yes above zero… frankly I am thankful…

Mastiffs and Pominators have been run out and back in… the Pominators did not get to go out for their late run last night… as it was below zero… so they were more than ready to get out the door this morning…

It is startlingly beautiful outside… bright sun… cold air… with fine crystals floating through the air… I would say it was snowing… but there are no clouds… just fine crystals of beauty shimmering through the air… I could feel them on my face as I was walking up the hill… can’t really see them looking straight forward… but if I look to the side… I can see them…

There is so much about this planet that is absolutely amazing…

I am thankful for today… and glad last night is over… when it drops below zero I get very concerned about the animals… and about the water system. (yeah ok... I started to totally freak out...then managed to calm down)  Frankly do not want a repeat of last year… frozen burst mess with contaminated water… and a huge bill.

Gave the muscoveys some water… the hen flew into the main yard and Sara went after her… I saw Sara (bull mastiff) after something and told her to release it… and she did… then put Sara and Diesel back into the house. I picked up the duck and took her back up the hill and set her down beside her drake… she went in her house… if there are injuries they are internal… here is hoping that she survives her flight into the danger zone…

Going to do oxycise and tai-cheng then head out to do ranch rounds… give everyone some water and check feed pans… the wind is not blowing now and would like to get things done before it comes up … usually comes up in the afternoon… hmmmm…. I may go on out and do oxycise and tai-cheng when I get back in…. that would probably be wiser…

Mary E. Robbins
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keep your light burning

Good Morning Peeps... it is a bit frosty here this morning... wind is blowing ... it is snowing... with a charming temp of 6 degrees F... yeah... ok it is brrrr... the mastiffs and poms have already been ran outside and back in... I hear the Diesel (mastiff) snoring in his bed...

breakfast is a done deal... sausage, egg, spaghetti squash, coffee.... time for some more coffee... then oxycise and tai-cheng...

ink work on my arm is healing nicely... still sore of course... but no seeping or scabbing...yay... hey gotta take care of it if you do it or you will have a nasty mess... just sayin...

yesterday for the most part was just kind of a phttttt... day... frankly I am glad it is over... yeah I know don't wish your life away... but yesterday ... for the most part I could have done without... kept cycling through emotions all friggen day... aaaccckkk... until I finally found something just ... I don't know... what to call it... calms me down and I like to see what they come up with... found Under the Gunn... I think it is called ... it's on lifetime's site... Tim Gunn is doing a designer competition... love Tim Gunn... so put it on tv... and promptly went to sleep on the couch... not bored... just gave my mind something to play with that was not dramatic... and I could let it run free and I could sleep... the video's on their site just kept playing through on a loop... as I burrowed into the back of the couch...

Then I got this charming phone call... woke me up... no I am not being sarcastic... it was a charming call... inviting me to dinner for my birthday. Patient and charming... as I was sound asleep and could not understand what was being said when I first woke up... lol...everything had to be repeated... I accepted the invitation... hopefully my jeep will start so I can get there tomorrow... supposed to have a high of 4 degrees... maybe it will warm up sooner... hope so...

Still tired today... the house is quiet... birds are at the bird feeder outside... It is amazing to me how these tiny birds survive in this cold weather... survive and actually seem to thrive... such beautiful little creatures...

The world is shrouded in white... with the wind playing across the snow... swirling it around in dancing sprays off the quonset sides... and sifting and shifting it into dips and drifts across the pastures...

The overall exhaustion... is not from physical labor... physical labor.... activity actually helps to off set the cycle that is causing the exhaustion... it has been a trigger filled month... January... now February... and I seem to have tipped the apple cart over... so to speak. An apple cart filled with PTSD IEDs ... rolling about and blowing up here and there everywhere... argh.... here's a trigger... there's a trigger... every where's a trigger ... boom da... boom... da boom...

So the question is... how do I gather up these nasty little buggers... without being blown to friggen bits again... deactivate them... and toss their nasty little bits back into the apple cart to be wheeled off and disposed of... hmmmmm..... Well...

This is part of it... writing about it... yes I could just write about it in my journals... but I know there are so many others out there... and if this helps anyone else then some good has come of all this pain and exhaustion... yes you can make it through the next cycle... yes there is joy beyond that pain... yes I know it seems never-ending... yes I know it is brutal...

Embrace the pain... like when you run distance... or lift heavy... or get inked... embrace the pain... and use it to build strength... because you are worth it... you are of value... you have purpose... there is only one you and you are magnificent... keep your light burning... it is not time yet...

Let your flame burn true... yes I am talking to me... as well as to you...

Mary E. Robbins
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I am still here

Rough rough day yesterday. I triggered … no I did not set out to do so… actually started the day before… long friggen cycle… this time around… anger just kept building… then rolling into utter desolation… argh… I realized what was happening… but did not seem to have an option other than to ride it through… then it’s over… or that part of it is anyway… spent most of the night going back and forth between fevers and hot flashes… but hey… I am still here… so obviously I made it through… although I must say… I would love to never go on that particular ride again… humph… well it’s a thought…

Frankly I am glad it is over. Today is a new day… so on with the show… the show being life… a dump truck of cement pieces should be here shortly… the plan is to utilize it to make some pathways… and build up my driveway… probably going to take more than one truckload… but I am only getting one truckload at a time… as it is all hand labor. Dual purpose… walkways… be nice to have something to step on besides slippery slide clay when the ground is wet… will also be quite the strength and endurance building endeavor.

We got a skiff of snow outside… the air is full of moisture… it smells like spring… want to send for some mulberry trees… here is hoping I can get them to grow and keep the hoppers off them… I remember eating mulberries when I was a kid. I also remember smearing in my girlfriend’s little brother’s hair… light blond hair…dark purple berries… I bet her mom was just thrilled with me over that one… yeah… probably not… but it still brings a smile to my face… what can I say…

Breakfast is done… bacon, egg (yes from my girls), summer squash, coffee… saw another purple finch yesterday… beautiful little creatures… just got a call from the cement guy… they are on their way out… should be 20 or 30 minutes. You know it would be pretty nifty to build some raised beds out of that stuff… hmmmmm…. Driveway first… or parts of it any way…

May you walk in peace…

Mary E. Robbins
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Cement chunks arrived... 
Having a cuppa coffee... and heading out to the quonset... was going to work out first... oxycise and tai-cheng... but if that storm moves in this afternoon... I'll workout then... after getting the dust and grime washed off me from the quonset... lol.. hmmmm thinking I'll grab a cart load of wood too... might be a good idea... this pic struck a chord with me....