Yesterday morning I woke up 2 more pounds heavier... so I swelled up around 5
pounds... today 1.8 pounds of that has come back off... so that is a
positive note.
Felt almost human on an emotional and mental
level yesterday… fell asleep on the couch and dreamed… I was in the
bathroom of our family home (my mom’s house…the one that burned down) I
looked in the mirror and it was so many years ago… because I was a very
young woman looking back out at me… My eyes were still the dark brown
rather than having faded with age… my hair was a rich auburn with shades
of gold that came naturally to me then… rather than the silver and just
dark it is now… my hair color faded when I had west nile virus.
I think mom was saying something to me from the other room… but I don’t
know what. I remember saying or thinking… not sure which… I have one
more thing to do then I am out of here…
I wasn’t sad … mad…
fearful… in pain… or heavy… there did not seem to be any friction
between my mom and I either… like there had been so many times in this
life…
I miss my Mom… she died September 6th 2012…I don’t wish
her back in that body in pain all the time… I don’t know why there are
so many misunderstandings in this life… people give each other so much
pain… inadvertently as well as deliberately.
Today I woke up
in fear and panic… emotional pain spiraling … I don’t know why… but
writing it out seems to help to calm that panic rush in my chest….
Have the mastiffs outside… one set of the Pominators have been run out
and back in… the other set of house Pominators are outside barking to
come back in…
Peanut (very small cream party pom) has an
abscess on the side of his face… giving him Echinacea and aloe vera in
cottage cheese… he looks better today than yesterday… think I’ll mix a
bit of raw honey in with the cottage cheese.
One of the girls
time came … Tulip (orange party pom) is no longer an older dog…she is
free running about the rainbow bridge. She was one of the gentlest souls
I have ever met. Such a sense of peace and love around her. I miss her
presence. Her house mate… Snickers does not have much time left in this
life… she is a loving chocolate girl…
No I am not being
cruel… letting them cross over when their time comes… trying to force
them to stay when it is time for them to go is cruel… It is difficult
though… I don’t think I will ever forget the night Yoda (wolf malamute)
crossed over… and it was a number of years ago. I can still see his
laughing eyes… and hear his howl… he was only with us 3 or 4 years… he
came in as an aged fellow.
His human did not throw him away…
from what I understand he ended up in jail over something and some
“friends” were supposed to take care of Yoda… and they dumped him off to
be destroyed… I heard when the guy got out of jail he tried to find out
where Yoda was… they wouldn’t tell him… nor would they tell me how to
contact him so I could let him know Yoda was living here… Well Yoda is
free of that aging body… his time with us was a gift to us… such a
beautiful soul…
Gonna go bring the Pominators in and give them breakfast…
May you walk in peace…
Mary E. Robbins
Find me on Facebook
Follow me on Twitter
Posts
