Seven months in a moment...

Today is July 25th 2013… it is the 7 month anniversary of my beloved’s passing. It seems only a second… yet an eternity. When we lived in town … and David was home from the rail… we would sit on the front steps in the evening and enjoy the moments there. A neighbor passing by… the sound of crickets… the cooling of the air on a hot day.

After we moved out here… we would go out at night and look in wonder up at the night sky… the milky way in all her splendor… the brightness of the stars scattered across the expanse… the absolute beauty of the moon… it’s amazing how different it looks out here than just in the little town of Torrington… I remember the dimness of the stars when I was actually living in the cities… but out here… such grandness…

It is still the cool of the morning although it is starting to warm… and the kennel waters need cleaned and freshened… I’ve had my coffee, a bit of cantaloupe and a whole grain bagel with a bit of cream cheese… breakfast is done… time to pull on those compression pants and get with it. Frankly I am amazed at the difference they make.

I did get two more dogs coats pulled then bathed yesterday…. Slowly making progress. One of them gave me a bit of a start… she had lost most of the previous years fleece and was already putting on her undercoat for this coming season. No I did not pull the new fleece… well a little bit of it before I realized what it was. I’d brought two more in to do … but my body had other plans… it simply crashed… the end was not doing any more… so they did not get done. Much later in the night I was able to take them back to their run… they were happy fellows to be back in their home space.

No headache per se this morning… this is a good thing. Just tired and wanting things to be settled with the interviews and such regarding our retirement annuity. I dreamt of David and others that have gone on before… for the past 2 nights… night before last it was Cheyenne… my border collie that was with me for around 18 to 20 years… she was a very good friend and it was good to see her … even if it was just briefly in a dream…

Last nights dream… I can only remember bits and pieces of… David was there… as well as quite a few other people. There was a woman and her husband there as well… folks I did not recognize… His time was not yet up… but her time was nearing it’s conclusion in this life… her body was dying of bone cancer… David had already passed … yet he was there. I think he was there for her to escort her across.

No wonder my brain feels like it’s an egg in a hot frying pan basted in olive oil…

Later taters…

Mary E. Robbins
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Good Morning Peep! Memories and Emotions...

Good morning Peeps! No wind and 20 degrees F here this morning… according to the thermometer in my front yard. I am sooooooooo looking forward to being able to say … Good morning peeps… no wind and 60 degrees F in my front yard at the crack of dawn… lol…

So much for reading last night… I got my book… curled up in my chair … tv off and stated to read… I don’t think I made it 20 minutes before I was asleep… I woke up… I’m not sure if it was the Pominators or Sara that woke me. Put some more wood in the stove… covered the cockatiels and headed to bed with the intention of reading a bit in bed… that didn’t happen either. I was out before I got through my prayers. Woke up just before 3 with the light on the night stand still on … turned it off and tried for a bit more sleep… the dogs chased me out around 6 this morning… only because I said no earlier…

The mastiffs have been run out and back in… same for the Pominators… having a mug of tea and honey… and I think I’ll have another go at reading a bit before starting on with the day. This is not a boring book… It’s one I want to read.

High emotional states seem to exhaust me pretty quickly. I had recorded the red carpet and the Oscars to watch and was watching yesterday… skipping over the commercials. I love looking at the dresses the designers come up with. Then on to the Oscars. Wowzers… were there triggers in there. When Adele sang Skyfall I sat there bawling through it… amazing performance. Then when they got to the in memory section. So many have gone on ahead… I bawled my way through that; as well… tear up just writing about it. So many wonderful memories…

I would seem that I am now an emotionally expressive person. Neither David nor I used to be that way. Then he had a stroke in 2001. After that … the emotions came bubbling to the surface. I would be checking to see if he was ok… what I could do to help. My husband was hurting and I wanted to fix it for him…. Make it better… spare him any pain… physical … spiritual…. And/or emotional... Before we both felt emotions… we just didn’t cry at the drop of a memory… stiff upper lip and all that.

The night before last I saw David in a dream… he was wearing a pair of bib overalls that I had hand embroidered an engine across the top front… I remember I stitched the pockets closed once and had to pick out all those stitches and re do them to get the way I had envisioned it. He loved wearing those bibs because I had worked on them for him. He wore them in our engagement pictures … No I did not ask him too. In the dream… I saw him he was standing behind a plate glass window at Wal-Mart looking at me and I was walking across the parking lot to him. Then the Pominators woke me up howling to go outside… before I got to him.

Last night it was my Uncle Clarence… he crossed over several years ago… we were checking out this place… broken doors… torn up walls… supposedly dangerous with wolves or something… turned out it was dogs…. They growled to start with but were friendly when they found out I was friendly and gave them water… part of them looked like they were from our kennels from over the years. Then the dream shifted and it was a prefab or a trailer house with a wood stove in the corner of a great-room. This place was surrounded by evergreen forest and range-land…and the park services were looking for someone to live there and keep an eye on the forest and such for fires … I was asking him if he could put a word in for me… then he said this place was actually by Bridgeport NE … the strangeness of dreams.

In any event… it was good to see both of them.

The book I am trying to read… scratch that… the book I am reading is called Proof of Heaven: A neurosurgeon’s journey into the Afterlife by Eben Alexander, M.D. The grief counselor from hospice brought it by. I am interested to read this man’s story.

This time around I am going to set a timer.. in case I drift back to sleep… this body seems to need an inordinate amount of sleep these days. Fix a cup of coffee and a bite to eat and read for a while… much to do later today.

May you have a wonderful day…

Life is a journey... one breath ... one step at a time...
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202
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Robbins Run Ranch