I just reconnected with a friend of mine (on the phone) that I hadn't visited with for quite some time. There had been no falling out, just passage of time and an overload of life events.
I'm thinking, how to word this. Guess I'll just jump in. Splashing words about. After we finished visiting I stepped outside and took a long look at my mastiffs. We'd had quite the "discussion" about those 2 dogs, as well as some others that have their lifetime home here. Diesel and Sara are my friends and yard guards. They take protecting me very very seriously. My "friend" was adamant that I should have them destroyed. I said no.
Either dog would do anything for me. Before my husband retired I was here alone 3/4 of the time. I also ran a business from home, with clients coming in to pick up their Pom puppies. Periodically stray humans would show up without interviews, or appointments. Frankly I felt, and still do feel, a lot safer with my yard guards around. I remember one psycho emailing me and threatening to cut my head off. I thought, humph bring it dirt bag, soon to be fertilizer. Happily, dirt bag, once discovering he was not able to intimidate went away. But that is another story.
The actual topic of my little note is not my dogs. They just happen to be what was focused on in the tirade I just heard. Come to think of it over the years there's been a whole list of tirades, from chickens, to politics, dogs again and again, working out, business, my mother, as well as various and sundry other choices I've made in my life.
Truth be told it's not even about the choices that I have made, or make; or about his particular person not being able to accept choices, actions, views, beliefs, or whatever that are different than those she holds to be true. It's the couched in, life limiting, concerned advice. The dream stealing, life stifling, unsought opinions, that we allow to infiltrate our dreams and goals destroying them from the inside out; is actually what this is about.
I don't know that this particular person is deliberately toxic. I do consider her a friend, although sometimes I wonder. I realized today that so many times after I'd visited with her I'd come away from the conversation doubting myself and my decisions. I don't know that this is her intent, I just know that this is how said conversations have effected me. Perhaps I should say that this is how I'd allowed said conversations to effect me.
So if you find yourself stuck in a rut, doubting your goals, choices, decisions, dreams, whatever. Take a look at conversations with friends, family, acquaintances. Some folks are deliberately discouraging, others fear change, others can not accept anything that is different than what they believe. Relationships with these folks do not have to be adversarial; just be aware of what is happening. Whether it's deliberate or not... don't let them steal your dreams.
Dream on
Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
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