I
didn’t know whether I was going to write this for posting or just for
my journal… it’s been an enlightening, saddening, and very stressful
week. Triggering massive panic attacks... and anxiety off the charts...
Up until this week guns for me were simply a tool to be used on the
ranch when necessary. To put down an animal for slaughter, or to put
down an animal that was suffering with no hope of recovery.
My
husband who has since passed over to the other side, loved to collect
them. not a psycho gun nut... simply a collector... a responsible human
being. He liked to target shoot… and I shot with him.
From my beloved husband’s point of view… some guns were works of art… fine craftsmanship… with beautiful etching…
It just depends on the situation.
This past week… a neighbor whom we considered to be a friend became
completely irrational towards me and attacked me via the phone…
repeatedly… with the threat of physical violence underlying the calls.
This person was not a close friend … but we were neighborly. His verbal
attacks were repeated and vicious… and completely irrational... as well
as unprovoked. I called the sheriff twice… my ranch is approximately 17
to 20 miles from the sheriff’s office… the neighbor lives about a mile
from me… give or take a bit… there have been 2 restraining orders
against this guy … that I know of…
After a couple of calls I
refused to pick up the phone when his number came on caller ID… my
answering machine picked them up instead… and he was vile…. Always with
the threat of violence underlying… the thing that truly put me on alert
was the irrationality of it all. If he is this irrational with a history
of violence… he is capable of anything.
The rage I heard in
his voice, the irrational ranting, the knowledge that he has attacked
people before put me on full alert… since my husband died it’s just me
and the animals living here. (frankly I am very thankful for my
mastiffs)
I’ve been on the receiving end of a beating from an
irrational drunken male before… (no not my husband… he was not that way)
there is no reasoning with them… they just want to hurt you and they
do… beatings… rape… cruelty…
I will not be put in that position again. Nor do I appreciate the campaign of terror he tried to inflict.
I called the sheriff’s office… and told them what was going on… they said to block his phone number…
The phone calls weren’t the major issue… vile…nasty… yes…but not the
major issue… the threat of violent contact was… still is… (here is
hoping this individual stays away from me and just gets on with his own
life)
If he bursts through my house door or accosts me on my
property while I am out taking care of my livestock I will defend
myself. Yes I would try to call the sheriff… but when attacks happen…
they happen really fast… and yes that is the voice of experience… from
an unarmed woman at the time.
Now I would try to defend myself
with whatever I had on hand… hands, feet, knife, pitchfork, hoe, bucket…
whatever… but I would have a much better chance of survival with a
hollow-point bullet.
Most of the time I will never need it…
whether it’s to stop a cougar that has decided to attack, a rattle
snake, or some injured creature that is lashing out… or a loose rabid
dog… or a vicious irrational human.
I don’t want to… but if I have to… I will put him down like a rabid dog who’s only option is to suffer and die or be put down.
Not something I want to do… not living in fear… just done. I will not
be some abuser’s victim again… not if I can do anything about it. I will
always take peaceful means first… as I would much rather live in a
peaceful way… with respect for each other… agreeing to disagree when
there are differences of opinion… and so on.
However… when attacked I will defend myself by any means necessary.
I deal with men on a daily basis… 99.9% of them are decent human
beings… then there is that twisted predator dropped in the mix wearing a
decent human being mask. Don’t believe they exist… look at all the
missing people posters… men…women…children…
Thanks … but I’ll pass on being the next victim in their parade… been there done that… don’t care to do it again.
That being said… just having a gun is not going to protect anyone. That
is a false sense of security. A gun is a tool… if you do not know how
to use it defensively … calm without fear… you are going to get hurt or
hurt someone else that is in actuality no threat to you. Or if they are a
threat and you think having a gun is going to protect you… wrong…
threaten with a gun… and risk having it taken away from you and used on
you.
Your first line of defense are your instincts… if
something feels off… it is… listen to your instincts… be aware of your
surroundings. I am not saying to live in fear… I am saying to be aware…
Not the way I would have chosen to live… but it is what it is… hmmmm… guess a gun is still just a useful tool to me…
I would rather the sheriffs handle things… but realistically there is
little they can do until an actual act of violence is in progress… then
with the distances… it is simply too late.
May you walk in peace…
Mary E. Robbins
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Daily Gratitudes:
sunny morning
hot coffee
true friends
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