Life Is a Journey

Week 3: AAArrrrGGGGHHHH!...Oh? It's Muscle...

2012-01-22T11:19:00.001-07:00

It's week three weigh in day. I weighed in, and what did I see. That miserable scale did not budge. Yes my first impulse was to grab it and slam it against the wall in a full on temper tantrum. I resisted, I do not want to buy another scale. 300.5 - 0 = 300.5 phhhttt... still above 300 pounds.

I've logged all the calories, logged calorie expenditures, actually done the workouts, worked out until I could barely walk away from the stationary bikes.

I did the math and according to the figures I lost approximately 3.064 pounds of fat. Or rather I had a 10,724 calorie deficit for the week. 10,724 divided by 3500 (the number of calories in a pound of fat) equals 3.064 pounds of fat burned off.

OK, so what does this mean? As far as I can tell, from the information I have at hand, this means that I have gained approximately 3.064 pounds of muscle.

This is why, or rather one of the main reasons why, I keep a food and exercise journal. So I have a better idea of what is actually happening.

Yes I have been here before. Week 1 lose weight, week 2 lose weight, week three stay the same or bounce. In the past it's always sent me spiraling out of control, or rather I've given up because what I thought was going to happen did not and I said "It doesn't work, why even try".

Not this time! This time there is no second guessing. I actually have the math to back up what I have actually done. Yay food and exercise journals.

I know there is increased muscle strength and endurance. That tells me I am building muscle. Which as frustrating as that scale not moving is, the muscle building is a very good thing for the long run.

Muscle weighs more than fat, it also burns more calories than fat does, and it gives me the strength and endurance to be able to do the activities I want to do. I can actually feel the muscles in my legs getting stronger, I can feel them in my abdominal region.

So what am I going to do? I am going to keep on keeping on. The scale may not

have budged, but I am still on target for where I want to be.

One day... one workout at a time.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202

Week 2: Second Weigh in: Still Trucking

2012-01-17T19:37:00.001-07:00

January 15th, 2012 first thing in the morning I went into my pantry, turned on the lights and stared at my scale. I knew that I had recorded what I ate, recorded my calorie expenditures, and should (note the should) have another weight loss for this week. Even so I was nervous.

I straightened my spine, drew in my abdominals, gritted my teeth and, and, and, stepped on the scale. I made sure I had my feet in position, and then I took my hands off the wall and started balancing the scale. The scale I use has balance weights, and a level bubble in it. I lined up one weight, then started gradually moving the other into position. Watching that bubble all the time. First it was on one side of the lines, and then the other. Finally it lined up exactly in between those lines. There it was my weight for this week. I waited a second or two, not really sure how many, and took a look. 300.5 pounds.

Once again I am celebrating my weight even though it is still over 300 pounds. I am celebrating because I am still on target for my goal of being 100 pounds lighter on December 31st 2012. I lost 2 pounds this week, 302.5 - 2 = 300.5 pounds.

So far this year I have lost 2 pounds for 2 consecutive weeks for a total of 4 pounds. Not very dramatic I know. But to tell you the truth I have had about enough of drama. I am not going for the 10 to 15 pounds in a week weight loss only to have my body go into shock and plateau big time, or worse yet bounce right back up. I know the 2 pounds I lost is actually fat loss.

It's not from water loss, or laxatives, or any other stupid trick. That's right I said stupid; and yes I've pulled nearly every one of them in the past. Along with quite a number of strict, and I do mean strict food regimens, otherwise known as diets. I am so done with that crap. That's right I called it crap. I am not going to go any farther down that descriptive road at this time because it will turn into a full on rant, and that is putting it mildly.

What I am doing is eating real food. I am doing my best to make the calories I do eat actually be of value. By of value, I mean full of nutrition. For the most part I am avoiding artificial food products, and empty calories. That does not mean that I don't have a heath mini bar here and there, or coffee with cream, or ice cream, for that matter. I just make sure I've recorded their calories and have a good nutrient base.

I am taking vitamins and minerals. I really like the P90X vitamin packets Beachbody has. I do recommend them. I also recommend Shakeology from Beachbody. I do not use it as a meal replacement. I like it as a snack in the morning or afternoon. I usually have a snack around 10:00 AM and around 3:00 PM. One of my favorite snacks in the afternoon is an orange and a stick of string cheese.

I also make a point of drinking water. I bought myself 24 ounce double walled water bottle and fill it at least twice a day. Most of the time it's filled 3 times a day or more, depending on how active I am. The more active I am the more water I drink. That's what I said, water. I usually put a packet of zero calorie, unsweetened electrolytes in at least one of the bottles of water. I am trying to stay away from artificial sweeteners, although I do consume some. I like diet coke now and again. Oh, and no I do not count it as water. Usually when I drink diet coke my body needs even more water than if I had not drank anything at all. Plus, my hands and feet swell up after I've drank it. That can't be good, ya know.

The other thing that I am doing is: wait for it. I bet you know what it is. Ok, here it is. The other thing I am doing is being active. I make a point of getting at least 30 minutes of cardio activity every day. That is my minimum. Most of the time I get considerably more. Just get up and move.

To start with I could barely ride my stationary bike 5 minutes. That's right I said 5 minutes. This morning I rode 3 sets on it. Set number 1 was 33 minutes, set number 2 was 46 minutes, and set number 3 was 45 minutes. I am riding in 30 to 45 minute sets because my feet, backs of my thighs, and butt go to sleep otherwise. I am finding it's more productive for me to break it into sets, then I can ride much longer.

Why so much on the stationary bikes? No big secret, I want to be able to ride my bike, and actually be able to enjoy it this spring/summer/fall. I have a goal of being able to ride a century in a day. I aim to do that by this fall. A century is 100 miles in a day.

Later, as in after this year, I'm thinking, I would like to take a vacation and ride in a bicycle tour. There is one in Alaska that caught my eye. Looks like fun.

Well that's it for week two of my quest to be 100 pounds lighter by December 31st 2012.

Stay tuned in for a healthier lighter me.

Here's hoping that my journey will help other's along the way.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202

One Week in: 2012 on track

2012-01-09T12:52:00.000-07:00

One week in and I am happy to say that I am still on track for my one big goal for the year. I weighed on January 8th 2012, and I lost 2 pounds. 304.5 - 2 = 302.5 pounds. As of the end of week one I am on track to lose and keep off 100 pounds in 2012.

Truth be told I was rather nervous and wanted to get on the scale before my weigh in date. But, I made a decision with this goal to not weigh more than once a week. This goal is about improving my body's health, not being compulsive on the scale.

In some ways it seem silly to celebrate one week after making this huge goal. Yes to me this is a huge goal. To lose 100 pounds. Looking at that total totally overwhelms my mind. So I look at the goal in parts. Two pounds a week will reach this goal with a few pounds extra by the end of 2012. There are 52 weeks in the year 52 x 2 = 104. I can get my mind around 2 pounds a week.

Each week I follow through is a victory. Actually each day I follow through is a victory, and I am celebrating them. Each and every one.

Every ride on the stationary bike, is a victory! Every bottle of water, is a victory! Every day I use the food journal is a victory! (I am logging my calorie consumption, and calories expended on www.everydayhealth.com in the food journal- love it)

I am logging all forms of exercise, it helps me to see how many calories I am expending. I am logging every bite that goes in my mouth, this helps me to realize just what my body needs. It also helps me to know that I can live my life without crazy restrictions.

It is wonderful to know that I can become a healthier weight without liquid diets, weight loss surgeries, and the rest of the craziness that is endlessly promoted for weight loss.

Back to celebrating my victories, I am celebrating my victory of 2 pounds lost, and consistent workouts and food logging by rewarding myself with a pedicure

Celebrate your victories...

I'll post again next week.

Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202

2012 A New Year: 1 Solid Goal

2012-01-05T13:57:00.000-07:00

2012 it amazes me that it is actually year 2012. I remember being terrified of year 2000 when I was a child. I remember thinking... that's the year I turn 40, and for some reason it seemed absolutely horrific. Well 2000 has come and gone, along with all the doomsday sayers for that year, and I am still here.

Of course we have a whole new spate of end of world fear mongers, and fear marketers, focused in on 2012. What do I think about all that? I think I will live until it is no longer my time to be in this life then I will no longer be here, and that is as it should be. I believe the fear mongers are seeking power by terrifying people, and the fear marketers, are using fear to make money. Frankly I believe both actions are disgraceful.

I did not make a list of resolutions for 2012. I set one solid goal. My goal for 2012 is to lose 100 pounds over the course of the year. Perhaps I should rephrase. My goal for 2012 is to be 100 pounds lighter by December 31st, 2012; and to achieve this change in a healthy manner.

I am not trying to lose huge amounts of weight per week, I am not weighing every day, nor am I obsessing over this goal. This time around I know it is achievable.

It would be great to have support in this journey, but with support or without it, I am making the changes to make achieving this goal a reality.

I am not seeking my family's approval of this goal. It would be great to have it, but if they resist my lifestyle changes, then that is up to them. I am continuing on. Yes resistance has already started. In the past I have allowed it to derail my goals and fallen back into old familiar "safe" routines.

Change tends to scare people. It seems to scare the people closest to you the most. I am sorry for their fear and uncertainty; but that is something they are going to have to deal with themselves. I choose to not live this fat unhealthy miserable lifestyle any longer. This is my choice. I am sorry if it scares you but I am continuing on with my quest.

I am hoping that the changes I am making in my lifestyle will encourage my family to make healthy changes as well. I am rather of worried about my husband, but he has to make his own decisions, I can not do it for him. That's been a really tough lesson for me to learn. I have always been one for trying "to fix" everything for those I care about. Taking responsibility for making everything "ok" for everyone. By the way, that does not work. Each of us is responsible for ourselves, it would be great if we could make it "ok" for others but it just does not work that way. What it does do is turn relationships into codependent enabler relationships, and frankly that is not healthy for anyone.

2011 was a year of healing, recuperation, and discovery, for me. My activity level was extremely limited after surgery in January 2011. I have not been that helpless and needy since I was a small child. The surgeon was right, it has taken the full year to recover, and heal my body.

The reduced activity level resulted in loss of muscle mass, I was amazed at how much. However, I am rebuilding in a steady, paced manner.

The major discovery was emotional, psychological, in nature. I discovered what was behind my compulsive binging behavior. As a result the compulsion to binge is gone. That is so wonderful! On the other hand, now I am experiencing on a daily basis, the emotions I was eating, so to speak. Allowing myself to actually experience these emotions has been a challenging process.

There was a phenomenal amount of anger, pain, feelings of betrayal, grief, rage, depression, and so on buried in layers of fat. I was eating my emotions, numbing myself to them. Only to have the dam burst periodically resulting in a massive flood of overwhelming emotions. It is actually quite wonderful to be out of that cycle.

All in all it is a good change. I am no longer binging, nor am I living in the past or the future. I am actually living now, in the moment. Life can be pretty wonderful lived in the moment.

The Serenity Prayer has become a Huge part of my life. It has been instrumental in helping me to get past massive panic attacks, and to accept the reality that I can not control everything. Also that I am not "responsible for" nor "required to control" everything.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

It is ok to just be me. I do not have to be who anyone else expects me to be, or demands me to be... It is ok to enjoy the moment... to appreciate the moment... to just live. By the way, it's ok for you to just be you as well. :)

Living life in 2012, one moment at a time.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
307-788-0202

Tells it like it is!

2011-11-26T09:19:00.000-07:00

Please excuse the language...but this woman is PISSED...and right on the money!

Alan Simpson, Senator from Wyoming , Co-Chair of Obama's deficit commission, calls senior citizens the Greediest Generation as he compared "Social Security" to a Milk Cow with 310 million teats.

Here's a response in a letter from PATTY MYERS in Montana ... I think she is a little ticked off! She also tells it like it is!

**************

"Hey Alan, let's get a few things straight..

1. As a career politician, you have been on the public dole for FIFTY YEARS.

2. I have been paying Social Security taxes for 48 YEARS (since I was 15 years old. I am now 63).

3 My Social Security payments, and those of millions of other Americans, were safely tucked away in an interest bearing account for decades until you political pukes decided to raid the account and give OUR money to a bunch of zero ambition losers in return for votes, thus bankrupting the system and turning Social Security into a Ponzi scheme that would have made Bernie Madoff proud..

4. Recently, just like Lucy & Charlie Brown, you and your ilk pulled the proverbial football away from millions of American seniors nearing retirement and moved the goalposts for full retirement from age 65 to age 67. NOW, you and your shill commission is proposing to move the goalposts YET AGAIN.

5. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying into Medicare from Day One, and now you morons propose to change the rules of the game. Why? Because you idiots mismanaged other parts of the economy to such an extent that you need to steal money from Medicare to pay the bills.

6. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying income taxes our entire lives, and now you propose to increase our taxes yet again. Why? Because you incompetent bastards spent our money so profligately that you just kept on spending even after you ran out of money. Now, you come to the American taxpayers and say you need more to pay off YOUR debt. To add insult to injury, you label us "greedy" for calling "bullshit" on your incompetence. Well, Captain Bullshit, I have a few questions for YOU.

1. How much money have you earned from the American taxpayers during your pathetic 50-year political career?

2. At what age did you retire from your pathetic political career, and how much are you receiving in annual retirement benefits from the American taxpayers?

3. How much do you pay for YOUR government provided health insurance?

4. What cuts in YOUR retirement and health care benefits are you proposing in your disgusting deficit reduction proposal, or, as usual, have you exempted yourself and your political cronies?

It is you, Captain Bullshit, and your political co-conspirators called Congress who are the "greedy" ones. It is you and your fellow nutcases who have bankrupted America and stolen the American dream from millions of loyal, patriotic taxpayers. And for what? Votes. That's right, sir. You and yours have bankrupted America for the sole purpose of advancing your pathetic political careers. You know it, we know it, and you know that we know it.

And you can take that to the bank, you miserable son of a bitch.

*************
Frankly some politicians need to remember that they work for the people. We are not here to serve them, it is supposed to be the other way around.

The people... not the million... or billion dollar clients of the lobbyists... I am not saying to shut down the companies... I am saying DO YOUR BLOODY JOBS! To the people that are supposed to be representing us.

Disgusted in Wyoming!
Mary E. Robbins

Human Facade

2011-11-19T12:20:00.000-07:00

I awoke this morning to find that my human facade had slipped during my time of rest. Blue skin, pale yellow eyes, lovely fangs ... all were showing. Frankly it was a relief to not have that pasty human skin stretched across my true identity.

Alas I am still in this realm, my time in this life is not yet complete. I enjoyed a moment of freedom, chuckled at the thought of how the human population would react if they saw what was actually here. I wonder how many others are stifled behind a human mask.

I stretched allowing my wings a full extension before tucking them tightly against my back. Snapped my tail too and fro, thinking of how I would like to tear this human suit to shreds and fly away.

Blast I tore the arm skin a bit, sliding back into it. Not too bad just a bit of blood and scarring. For being as fragile as it is, this skin is actually remarkable in it's resilience. Oh bother, the face is on crooked. One eyebrow is higher, ah, no that's where I tore it before and it gathered up a bit upon healing.

I am going to have to be more careful of this human skin. It does pretty well when fully on, but tearing out of it during rest times is taking it's toll.

Fangs are tucked away, human teeth in evidence. I've been grinding those down as well. Arrgh, truth be told I would love to use my fangs at times. Hehehehe...

Now for my tail, coil it up and tuck it away, and people wonder how I came to have that rounded bum.

Human facade restored...

Time for some coffee.

*****
Author: Mary E.Robbins
Written November 19, 2011

Forgiveness Is About Taking Care of Your Heart...

2011-11-16T09:32:00.002-07:00

I wrote this a few days ago... and decided to go ahead and post it.

November 12th 2011: I woke up angry and sad this morning.

Brokenhearted mourning what was lost, which may have never have actually been.

Trying to sort out what was real, and what was just another manipulation, upon manipulation.

So much pointless pain, destruction, loss, agony, over the years. A lifetime of lies and created crises. To what end?

I wonder was there any joy in this person's life at all?

Becoming sadder, angrier, and more frustrated as I struggled with the myriad tangle of emotions and deceptions coming to the conclusion that it is actually impossible to sort.

I thought about confronting this person. Not screaming (when that is truly what I feel like doing) but trying to have a conversation regarding such behaviors. Craving to hear just once, responsibility taken for one's own behaviors.

I've tried before to no avail. Said person is either unwilling or unable to accept responsibility for the words spoken, manipulations promoted, nor actions undertaken. Always there are proclamations of innocence, with showers of blame to be passed around. Never ever an acceptance of self responsibility.

I've come to realize such confrontation is pointless, leading only to more denial, manipulation, and outright lies. It is almost impossible for me to be around this person without rage boiling up from the very center of my being. Rage and love swirling around each other in a storm of conflicting boiling emotions.

When I was a child I believed every word that was said by this person. Ironically, after all that has been said and done over the years my first impulse is still to do so. The impulse to to jump in and take up this person's cause, to defend to the end still runs strong in my very soul.

Sadly, I now know (knowledge is not always a blessing) to step back and evaluate the situations as they arise. To check facts and try to stay out of the created crises and ensuing dramas. Note the try.

I have been told to cut off all association with this person, but that is not acceptable to me. This person has been in my life and me hers since my inception, and birth into this life.

There has been some joy, although even that is overshadowed by grief at this point. I do not understand the way she is, I hope she has had some joy in this life.

Her body is aged and nearing the end of it's time of functioning in this life. May she have peace as she passes on to the other side.

I am not responsible for her thoughts, words, and/or choices. Nor am I responsible for the consequences she brings upon herself.

I am, however, responsible for my own thoughts, words, and choices.

I have not now, nor have I ever, abandoned this person. I have however, had to learn some hard lessons. One being which, I can not "fix" her life. It is impossible for me to make her happy. The responsibility for her life and choices rests with her. Only she is capable of allowing happiness into her life.

This being said, she is not responsible for the rage and grief boiling within me. Only I am.

So, how do I release this typhoon of rage and grief that is tearing at my soul?

Forgive her.

How do I do that?!

Forgiveness is not an emotion, a feeling. It is a choice, a decision.

Yeah, ok... so what do I do?

Just do it! Forgiveness frees your heart from the rage and grief you have been clutching to your heart so tightly.

You mean I don't have to say or write to her to forgive her.

No, you do not. Forgiveness is not actually for the other person. It is for you. To set you free. To allow you to heal.

Ok, here goes.

I forgive you. I forgive you for intentionally and/or unintentionally hurting me.

Does this make me a great person?
No It does not... It just makes me a free person.
My heart is free to heal.

Forgiveness is about Taking care of Your Heart...

May you have peace and joy within you.
M

2011-11-03T08:58:00.000-06:00

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

— Steve Jobs

Life is a journey, make sure your journey is by your choosing!
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

This is It!

2011-11-02T10:39:00.000-06:00

This is it
Take a breath
Take a Step
Ready
Set
Go
LIVE!

This is your life live it!

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip!
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

First of November...

2011-11-01T15:11:00.001-06:00

Happy November 1st!
Halloween is done and gone.

Autumn is in full swing
The trees leaves dancing in colorful splendor

Nights are growing longer
The morning has a brisk bite of cold in the air

Winter's waiting round the corner.
Celebrate the moment...

An Autumn Leaf swirls to the ground
Bright in it's golds, reds, yellows...
A short life ... long remembered.

**********

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
Health & Fitness
307.788.0202

Live the Journey... Appreciate the Moments

2011-09-26T11:40:00.002-06:00

When I read Daylle's blog post. I thought, this is so very very true. So many of us get caught up in the wait until I do this or that... or reach this milestone, or lose that pound, or make this much money... then I'll allow myself to be happy that we miss out on the juice and joy of life. Live now... appreciate the moments.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins

Below you will fine Daylle's writing and a link to her blog as well... enjoy...

Make the Journey Your Goal

author: Daylle Deanna Schwartz

I do believe in setting goals. They help guide you to achieving what you’d like. Having them can keep you focused. But too often we make the end results the only thing that matters. That limits your pleasure and discounts what happens on the path to reaching them. Every little thing you do on the way to making your goals a reality is valuable and could be enjoyed if you pay attention.

The journey is actually the most important part of your accomplishments!

Enjoy the process of what you go through to get what you want. I had a long journey out of DoorMatville. Some of it was tough; most of it rewarding. All of it was necessary to get where I am today. With each new little milestone—each time I said “no” to what I didn’t want or each toxic person I permanently walked away from or each little loving thing I did for me—my joy increased.
Quite frankly, I was in awe of myself at times. After thinking so poorly of who I was, it was amazing to actually almost watch myself taking empowering steps. I refer to my growth as my journey into self. As I looked inside and decided I was worth making happy, change began. I had to give myself pep talks and sometimes use all my energy to maintain the patience needed to wait for the bigger changes. I’m grateful that I realized from the beginning the importance of enjoying the journey.
Have fun as you go!
Don’t wait till the end of journey to appreciate what you did. All the steps you put into making a goal happen should be relished. I often hear people say versions of “I won’t be happy until I finish____.” They see getting to goals as a struggle and are so focused on getting the brass ring that they don’t enjoy riding the carousel. Life goes on and on. Reaching a goal doesn’t stop that.
If you see life as a journey and each milestone and goal achieved as highlights of the journey—instead of the whole enchilada—you can enjoy your whole life more.
I have wonderful things going on. I’m writing a book I believe in. But I’m not waiting until it’s finished to revel in it. I love every second of the writing and actually feel let down when a book is done. That can happen when a goal is accomplished. Knowing you can continue on the lovely journey of your life helps make every day special. I’ll keep writing books! The thrill of going after what you want can be even better than getting it. You don’t need to go after an end to feel satisfied. Every day is part of your process and should be enjoyed!
When you focus on enjoying every minute of every day, life feels better every day. Enjoy your whole journey and life will take on a much better tone.

Make the Journey Your Goal - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

*************
I strongly recommend reading more of Dayelle's writing...

Who is Forgiveness Really For?

2011-09-19T10:38:00.001-06:00

I used to think forgiving someone meant that you had to embrace that person. It doesn’t mean that at all. I don’t think it’s an emotional thing at all… I think it’s a decision. I used to think that it was saying… Oh it’s ok… to whatever nasty thing someone said of did… I don’t believe that any more either. It’s not saying the words or behavior are ok at all. I used to think that it was for the other person… I no longer believe that either. It’s for you. It’s to release you from the toxic situation. It releases you from anger. Forgiveness releases you from whatever hateful cyclical situation that is going on, or has gone on.

This is a bit different than when someone asks you to forgive them. The forgiveness I am speaking about is when you forgive someone without them asking. It’s not anything the other person needs to know about at all. This is something within yourself, releasing you from the situation. It also removes whatever power they have over you. Because when you refuse to forgive, you empower the person/persons/situation. You give them power over you.

Forgiving them Frees You!

Life is a Journey... Enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202

September is Still one of my Favorite Months

2011-09-16T08:07:00.000-06:00

Even with all the drama of this month. Actually the month started out pretty good. In spite of the dramatic shenanigans occurring near the end of August. Managed to make it to September 8th before the next emergency call to the hospital came in.

Major drama on August 30th. At least I think that was the night. I received the proverbial emergency end of life phone call. Both from mom's friend Iona and Golden Living. Mom was in dire straits with chest pain on her way to the emergency room. As usual trying to keep calm... not knowing whether this was my mother's last breaths or yet another panic attack or manipulation... or gas for that matter. I jumped into my truck and headed to the hospital.

Once I got there I found out that it actually was a good thing she ended up in the emergency room because she had put herself in danger with her contrary shenanigans. She is on some heavy duty diuretics and had been telling the nurses at Golden Living that she had been taking her potassium, but had in actuality been stashing most of it in some kind of a cup in her room. As a result of her nonsensical behavior she was dangerously low on potassium. The ER put her on a potassium/magnesium iv drip and got her levels back up to a safe level.

As for the complaint of chest pain which is what took her to the ER in the first place. The blood test showed no damage to her heart. This is a good thing.

Once I found that out I said good-by and headed to Wal-Mart to get supplies. I thought I had handled the stress of her threatening to die once again fairly well. Unfortunately it manifested itself in a full on gastric attack while I was in Wal-Mart. In between abdominal cramping and dashing to the restroom to keep from defecating in my clothing, I managed to get my supplies picked up climbed back into my 4 wheel drive pickup truck and headed back out to the ranch. I was massively relieved to be home when I drove down that last hillside to park my truck. Relieved and exhausted. Mom seemed to be ok, and I had managed to get home without messing in my clothing. So charming the way stress overload shows it’s self.

Mom was released back to Golden Living and life went on from there. We visited on the phone and all was supposedly well. I started to relax once again. Well sort of. Along the same time frame my cousin and I started finding our way to a speaking relationship... working towards friendship. Both of us have been caught up in the drama surrounding my mother for so long for a time it was better for both of us to have limited to no contact for a time. Sometimes it takes space and time for folks to regain balance after being caught up in continual stress overloads and adrenaline dumps. We have been sorting through some of the wreckage in our lives from over the past years trying to make some semblance of sense of it. This is a good thing but it is also a very emotional and highly stressful thing.

Meanwhile I was experimenting with limiting carbs in my food intake and starting the second month of workout goals. I had workout goals for August as well and had fallen short of where I wanted to be. There was some progress however. Not dramatic progress, but progress just the same.

September I started on another month long goal set. Walking on the incline trainer and doing turbo jam. I did pretty good the first week. Then pandemonium broke out once again. 2:39 in the morning of the 8th of September another emergency call from Golden Living came in. Once again it was chest pain, heart attack and threatened death. I love my mother so I got up trying to stay calm enough to drive to the hospital, 30 or so miles from my ranch. Deep breathing, and reciting the Serenity Prayer got me to the emergency room without a full on panic attack or truck wreck.

Mom looked pretty wretched when I got there. She was obviously afraid she was dying. The emergency room doctor turned out to be the same one that had treated her 10 days before. He drew blood to test for the enzymes indicating heart damage. There were none. He got in contact with her other doctors and they admmited her to the cardiac unit. I stayed with her for hours visiting, and she seem to improve dramatically. She was exhausted, but then she had been awake all night as well. Once she was ensconced in the cardiac unit they did a series of 3 tests to check for heart damage. All three came back negative. This is a good thing. It is also a very frustrating thing.

I'd managed to stay calm all the while I was in the ER waiting to see what was actually going on. When I found out she was in the clear I lost it. On the way out of the hospital the tears started and so did yet another gastric attack. There has got to be a better way to handle stress than what I am doing.... hence writing it out.

This cycle of behavior with my mother is not new. As I was trying to get home from the hospital with my guts churning, I was thinking about all the "medical emergencies" over the years. Wondering how many were actual medical emergencies, how many were panic attacks, and how many were outright manipulation. By the time I got home I was a combination of, relieved, tired, sad, and angry.

How many times has mom's own behavior put her health in jeopardy? Years back, 1978 actually, mom ended up partially paralyzed from a potassium deficiency. She was in the hospital and they were giving her heparin to dissolve a large blood clot in her thigh. All this time I thought it was the doctor's fault for not giving her potassium. Now I wonder, I remember her talking about sticking pills in a plant that was sitting on her night stand rather than taking them. I didn't think anything of it at the time, as she said they were pain pills. But, what if they were the potassium her body needed to continue functioning.

There have been so very many trips to the Emergency room, over the years, many with stays in the hospital afterwards. Mom called it a "silent" heart attack. I wonder now, how many of those emergencies were heart related, how many were panic attacks, and how many were abject manipulation. I wonder was she caught up in it unaware of what she was doing, or were her actions and words a cruel manipulation? Could my mother actually be capable of such cruelty? Are her cruel actions and words just happenstance, or are they deliberate.

There seems to be a crisis pattern related to behaviors or conflicts with others. But then again that could be circumstance, or it could be an actual linked pattern. I wonder just how much actual damage she has done to her body over the years with her various machinations. I wonder how many of her physical health issues are directly or indirectly related to her mental, emotional, and spiritual issues. Mind body and spirit are all interconnected what effects one tends to have a ripple effect across all three.

I started seeing these patterns years ago but refused to believe it. Onus on me for that one. It is true, I am very good at denial. There has been a pattern in my life as well, coinciding with the patterns running through mom's life. One of denial, frustration, capitulation, resentment, sadness, and rage. Intermixed with self destructive behaviors and long stretches of no emotions at all. Then Wham here come a tsunami of emotions, overrunning and overwhelming everything in their path.

This is not a good way to live. It is erratic, emotionally painful, extremely frustrating, and physically detrimental to my body's health. Not to mention mentally, and spiritually devastating. I choose to no longer live this way. However, I do choose to live. I seek balance, peace, and health in my life. I choose to get off the roller coaster of false responsibility and unrelenting guilt.

I am putting up the closed sign. I am no longer an emotional dumping ground for those that refuse take the responsibility for their own choices. By the way, refusing to make a choice is still a choice and you are still responsible for it; as well as being responsible for the consequences of said choices.

It's amazing to me how many people go through their lives blaming others for their own choices and the circumstances they have created themselves. Squirming, this way and that way trying to avoid the responsibility that is theirs.

Am I blaming my mother for the choices I've made in my life. I did for a while, but that is pointless. She may have been pulling shenanigans but I am still responsible for the choices I made. What is done is done, there is nothing I can do about that. What I can do is go on from here. I choose life. I choose to actually live the rest of my life rather than endure it.

Just as September is the end of a season where I live, from summer into cool crisp autumn, this is the end of a season in my life. I am moving on to the next, excited at the prospect. Is this the autumn of my life, perhaps, I am 51 years of age closing fast on 52. But then Autumn has always been my favorite season.

Life is a journey, how you travel is your choice.
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202

May you have peace and joy in your soul.

What are you saying to yourself?

2011-09-01T08:46:00.001-06:00

Are you saying things to yourself that you would never say to another? There is a scripture verse that says to love others as you love yourself. I used to really stumble over that one. What if you don't love yourself? Does this mean you are supposed to love yourself?

Self love does not mean being selfish. These are two totally different things.

It is ok to actually love yourself.

I came across an article in beliefnet.com that has some good things to say along these lines. I wanted to share it with you. It follows below.

31 days of Self-Love

Learn to Love Yourself

While self-help books all advise building self-love in order tobe happy, a surprisingly low number of people truly love themselves. The good news is it's never too late to begin to love you. No matter how old you are or how low you feel about you, it's never too late! No matter how many people have made you feel like you don't deserve to love yourself, it's never too late!

An excellent way to begin to love yourself is to do something loving for you. When you treat yourself with kindness, it makes you feel good. The more you feel good, the more you want to treat yourself with kindness. Each loving act, however big or small, is a brick in the foundation of self-love.

Day 1: Raise Your Consciousness

Pay attention to how you treat yourself compared to how you treat your friends. Most self-love busters are habits that you can break when you become conscious of them. Habits are those automatic responses you use to respond to situations. You have the power to hurt yourself or make yourself feel better. Which do you prefer?

· To beat yourself up for a mistake or be forgiving.
· To take nasty things that people say personally or refuse to give their words credence.
· To stay in an unhappy relationship because you’re scared of being alone or to walk away because you deserve better.
· To be a DoorMat and ignore your own needs or to set boundaries so that your needs are met.

Etc! Self-love helps you go for the latter choices—the ones that are in your own best interests. Often your choice is the automatic one that you’ve always taken. Pay attention and start to think before you react in a negative situation. Try to take the more loving path, at least sometimes. If you keep your consciousness high you’ll eventually create healthier habits.

Day 2: Look for Love in the Right Places

We look for love from a romantic partner, friends, and family and then complain when we don’t feel loved. We chase love in many directions yet rarely feel fulfilled. Accept that being loved begins and ends with you! It’s hard to receive love if you don’t love yourself! People can say, “I love you,” and do nice things for you. But, if you don’t love yourself, it still won’t make you feel content inside on a long-term basis.

If you want love in your life, go to the mirror RIGHT NOW and say, “I will make the effort to be more loving to you, starting today!” Even if you don’t love yourself, say it with feeling. Do it whenever you can. It will start your consciousness raising about doing loving things for you. Find the love inside you. It’s there, even if it been beaten down by self-criticism and ignoring your needs to please others.

Day 3: Change to Loving Responses

Slowly make an effort to find new ways to respond to situations that bring you down. If someone comments negatively about your body, tell them you’d appreciate their keeping those kind of comments to themselves and affirm to yourself, “I love and accept myself as I am.” Responding from a place of self-love instead of feeling deeply wounded takes some of the sting out of their words. The more you do this, the more it will be your primary reaction to negatives, and the less people will take target practice on you.
Don’t rush to break lifetime habits. For now, raise your self-awareness. Just become more vigilant of the things you say or do out of habit that keep you feeling low about yourself. Don’t get angry or disgusted with yourself. We all do things that aren’t in our own best interest because we’re insecure and want people to like us. Pay attention gently, lovingly, without any criticism.

Day 4: Accept Compliments Graciously

Were you taught that modesty makes you liked more? When you don’t love yourself if can be hard to receive a compliment and enjoy it. Modesty can make you deflect kind words or even deny your assets. “No I didn’t lose weight. It must be the light.” When you don’t love yourself, it’s hard to accept kind words.

Even if you have to consciously force yourself at first, practice receiving graciously. When you get praise, practice saying thank you,” close your mouth, and allow yourself to feel pride. You deserve it!

Day 5: Buy a Brand Name Product

Do you tend to buy the store brand of products to save money? There’s nothing wrong with that but buying the one you really like can shout a big “I love me” for a few dollars more. Think about a product that you buy the cheap version of but you’d enjoy the better one more. The good coffee, lotion, jam or better wine. Buy the better one if it’s something that brings you pleasure!

Every time you use the product you’ll feel good. Each cup of good coffee or special jam on your bread is a reminder that you’re making an effort to love yourself and feel more worthy of self-love. Find your splurge—a product that says, “I love me!’ and enjoy it! Each time you eat, drink or use it, affirm, “I bought this because I love me!”

Day 6: Be Your Real Best Friend

Think about what you’d say to your friend who broke something or said the wrong thing or made a big mistake? You’d probably do your best to give reassurance. Next time you do something that you regret, think about what you’d say to a friend who did the same thing.

Would you scold or console? Call her names or be kind? Carry a grudge for a long time or forgive him? You know you’d do the latter choice in most cases. Get into the habit of stopping yourself from reacting negatively and treat yourself the way you’d treat your friend.

Day 7: Redefine Your Self-Image

Don’t focus on what you’re not. Pay attention to the beautiful person you are. Instead of looking for what’s wrong with you, find your good qualities and appreciate them. Let them define you, instead of what you don’t have.

Not being thin doesn’t mean you’re fat!
Not being the smartest in your class doesn’t make you dumb.
Not being the fastest doesn’t make you slow.

Accepting this will increase your self-love and confidence. Comparing yourself to others will block self-love since you can always find someone who makes you fall short and feel like you’re lacking. What you’re not doesn’t make you what you are. Love yourself for who you really are!

Day 8: Say "I Love Me" As Often As Possible

We’re not brought up to say “I love me.” It can feel funny at first. And continue to feel funny for a while. Even so, go to a mirror, look into it, and say, “I love you” to your reflection. If you have to close your eyes when you get to the mirror, that’s okay. You can force yourself to do it at first. The more you say it, the more you remind yourself that you want to feel self-love. The more you say it the more it will sink in.

Falling in love with yourself takes time and patience. Your closed eyes may open a little as you get more comfortable. Then a little more. As you continue to do it, it will begin to feel more natural. You’ll get more comfortable with it. Think of it as practice for real love one day and keep it up, every time you pass a mirror. It’s a lovely day when you say “I love me” and realize that it’s true! Practice does turn into real loving!

Day 9: Buy Yourself Flowers

Do you wait for a romantic partner to buy you flowers? Having them in your living space brightens it and makes you feel good. That’s why buying yourself flowers says “I love me!”

If appropriate, get some to keep on your desk at work too. You can even send them to yourself. When people ask who they’re from, say from someone who loves you. It’s true isn’t it? Or it will be true as you consistently do loving things for you.

Day 10: Accept Your Body

You don’t have to be happy with every inch of your body to love and accept it. Stressing out over how your body looks sends a message that you disapprove of you. That isn’t loving to you! Few people say they’re happy with how they look. Yet they all have wonderful qualities they overlook because of their disdain for something about their bodies. All the plastic surgery and body tweaking going on for celebrities sets standards that the average person can’t attain.

Instead of accepting it, we lament over the flaws we see or the weight we can’t seem to lose. This is negative energy! Unconditional self-love means loving all of you, despite your flaws. It’s fine to want to do what you can to look your best. But, try to be as fit and healthy as possible, not to look perfect. It’s loving to want to feel as good as possible. It’s not loving to postpone self-acceptance until your body is as perfect as you imagine it could be. You may never love yourself if you do.

Day 11: Schedule a "ME Day"

People who with little self-love rarely have time for themselves and the activities they enjoy because they’re so fixed on doing what others want. This is very unloving! “ME time” is important for your happiness! Every time you make a little time to do something just for you is a lovely act of self-love. Try taking ME time to the next level!

Schedule a “ME day”—a whole day that’s ALL about YOU—to say a big loud “I love me!” Go to your calendar and choose a day that will work for you. A whole day! Weekends can be easier but it’s also fun to take a day off from work to play. No chores or errands. Just for things you’d enjoy. Plan your day ahead of time. Think about what you’d like to do. Write it down and look forward to it. Don’t tell anyone your plans, unless it’s someone you trust to be happy for you.
Make plans with YOU as important as those with other people to say “I love me!”

Day 12: Send Yourself a Love Message

Love letters are nice to get. Words of love feel good, so why wait for someone to give them to you when you can give them to yourself. With all the electronics, it’s easy to do. Send yourself words of love and encouragement. Leave a message on your home answering machine.

· Darn you’re good!
· You can do anything you choose!
· I love you!
· Keep up the good work!
· I will take care of you!
Send similar messages in an email. Have a fun, loving line in the subject. It can make you smile to see it. And smile! Leave a loving post-it-note on your mirror before leaving for work. “I’m so happy that I love me!” “YOU’RE the BEST!” Be loving to you in writing or verbally. Send yourself a loving email. Leave yourself a loving phone message. Write yourself a love letter. It’s fun and might just bring a smile to your face and warm your heart.

Day 13: Say "Yes" to Spontaneity

Look for ways to be more spontaneous. If you’re doing chores and look out the window longingly at the sunshine, go for a long walk or call a friend to do something outdoors. If you have extra time off from work, see if there are last minute deals for a quick vacation. Everything you do will enrich your life in some way, whether you have fun or learn a lesson and get to know someone better or try something you want to do again.

Spontaneity loosens you up, so to speak, by making you more flexible about how you live. Being flexible allows you to go with the flow of life more and that flow can take you to great places. It allows you to try new things and take more risks, since spontaneous actions can be a risk sometimes. Do something last minute, spur of the moment, that you’d normally say no to or make excuses for why you can’t. Leave the laundry for another time. Tape the TV show you planned to watch. Get out and have fun. Open up your life to new dimensions. It says, “I love me!”

Day 14: Stop Feeling Like a Victim

Do you blame others for being unhappy? Do you complain that you hate being a victim? Playing a victim is your choice. Nobody can force you to give up your power to choose what you want. People Pleasers complain about who did them wrong. It’s YOUR choice to accept behavior you don’t like, or to love yourself enough to change your response to it.
Relinquish self-pity and change your situation! Why stay a victim? Taking a stand makes people less likely to take advantage. YOU control how folks treat you. Complaining is a cop-out. Nobody uses someone who won't allow it. And nobody is a victim unless they choose to be. Victims feel helpless, which brings self-esteem down and down and down. But you’re not helpless.
You always have spiritual support in uplifting yourself from living as a victim to setting boundaries and being happier. It’s all in your court. Think about what makes you feel like a victim and how you can change the dynamic. The more you nurture self-love, the less you’ll allow people to treat you poorly, and the less you’ll feel like a victim. Taking responsibility for how people treat you and loving yourself much better!

Day 15: Give Yourself Hugs

Hugs are therapeutic, even when you give them to yourself. Studies have shown that the more hugs you get, the stronger your well-being. Touch is therapeutic for your emotional health. Hugs, caressing, massages, etc. all do more than just feel good at the moment. They have lingering results. While it’s nice to get hugs and caresses from others, you can provide it to you at any time! Hugging yourself says, “I love me,” and helps you to feel good.

Wrap your arms around yourself for a minute when no one is around. It may feel funny the first few times but eventually you’ll get used to it and then enjoy the benefits. Hold yourself yourself. Rub your arms and any other parts your hands touch. Close your eyes and appreciate how good touch feels, even if it's from you. While they’re not a substitute for being hugged by someone else, they’re a separate feel-good action. Have you hugged yourself yet? Give yourself one as you read this if you can.

Day 16: Try Meditating

Meditation helps you get into a state of relaxation. With the world going so fast, most people feel the stress of trying to keep up. Closing your eyes and breathing to a rhythm as you meditate can create space for you and build inner peace. Pushing yourself to keep up with life at the expense of your stress levels is very unloving. Meditation can bring you back to peace.

Try mediation on your own or with a group. You don’t have to spend a lot of time doing it. You might not be able to sit still at first but keep going. The more you do it the easier it is to do. Try it for a few minutes. Work your way to fifteen minutes a day. As you get more in touch with your inner self, self-love will grow.

Day 17: Set Boundaries

Happiness is the best barometer of whether you should do things differently. It's tough to be happy when giving is a one-way street and you're going the wrong way. You might feel happy momentarily because of someone's gratitude. But that's not inner happiness. It’s superficial and won’t keep you smiling. Bill Cosby said, “I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."

Set clear boundaries—lines drawn that people recognize. Dancing around requests you want to turn down invites other requests. If you consider agreeing to something you don’t want to do, look in the mirror and say “Hello!” Then ask why you should do it? If you become conscious of what you do or don’t’ want to do, it’s easier to set boundaries to do less of what you don’t want. Each boundary says “I love me!”

Day 18: Make Being NICE an Asset, Not a Hindrance

Too often I hear people say they don’t want to be nice anymore. They see being nice as a hindrance, and complain they get less, feel used and taken advantage of and passed over for what they want when they’re nice. Leo Durocher coined the well-known expression—“Nice guys finish last.” The truth is: Nice people don’t finish last. DoorMats do!

Recognize that nice doesn’t mean pleasing everyone. It means being friendly, caring, respectful, courteous and helpful when it works for you. Redefine NICE and make it work for you. People like true nice people. As long as you learn to handle yourself in ways that show you take yourself seriously, you can be as nice as you’d like and enjoy the fruits it bring! It’s easier to love yourself when you feel like a true nice person, not taken for granted or used.

Day 19: Clear Out Old Stuff

Cleaning makes room for new and better things. The Law of Attraction responds to your clearing out what you don’t need to help you attract what’s more likely to make you happy. Cleaning also can help you feel more in control of you. When you control your environment, it improves self esteem.
Affirm, “I’m giving this away to make room for new and better things in my life.” Stuff is stuff. Keeping things you don’t need can reinforce a mindset of lack—that you’re keeping it just in case you need it some day. I had to face that and accept that if I need something down the road, I’ll purchase a new one, since chances are I won’t need it. That helped me to clear out even more stuff. Say “I love me” to clear what you don’t need in order to attract new and better goodies!

Day 20: Value YOU

How much are you worth? If you don’t value yourself, it’s hard to attract self-love, or confidence, or success. One of the best ways to show that you value yourself is to be kind to you. Every time you treat yourself with love, you reinforce being worthy. Self-love translates into having greater value since the more love you have, the more you believe you DESERVE.

Make sure you get paid for your skills. Break any habits of giving them away to anyone who asks for a favor. The more you value you, the more other people will value you and the more confidence you’ll build. Throughout the day say, "Darn I'm good!" Do it in the mirror when possible. Convince yourself that you have a high value! You’ll love yourself for doing it!

Day 21: Let Faith Support You

Self-Love is a process that builds over time. Small loving acts are like little steps that stimulate self-love. I consider faith to be the glue—the power tool for building self-love and becoming an empowered person. Become more conscious of where you thoughts go when you have a problem. Try using faith for small issues and as you see it works, try more. The more you see faith work, the more you’ll trust it. The more you try and have a positive outcome, the more you’ll be motivated to use faith as a tool for getting through life in a happier and relaxed way.

You get as much as your mind allows. If you believe you can, you can. The contrary is true too. Be careful not to attract negatives. Faith is a solid gift of love to you. I implore you to use it if you want a happier life!

Day 22: Take a Break from Stress

It doesn’t matter what the world throws at you. Things at work may be frenetic. Your romantic partner is driving you crazy. Your kids are getting into trouble. The weather is miserable. Your mother is demanding your attention and calling you all day long. Do you LET all these things affect your mood and perspective of how good life is? Unless you consciously choose a different direction, stress will beat you up!

Allowing stress to go unchecked is VERY unloving to you! Doing something to relieve it, even temporarily, says, “I love me!” When you feel stressed, stop and do some deep breathing, even for just a minute. It can calm you down Find things that make you happy and focus on them instead of on problems. Enjoy just looking at the sunshine or watching the rain fall. Visualize a place that makes you happy. Find something that reduces your stress and do it regularly. Give yourself the gift of a more relaxed you. It’s YOUR choice—let stress control you or YOU take control of the stress so it doesn’t take over your life. Less stress leaves more room to be happy, and feel self-love.

Day 23: List Your Blessings

You’ve probably heard it many times but that’s because it’s true. If you want to love yourself, focus on your blessings. Write down the things that make you smile or that you feel good about having. Then read each out loud, starting with, “I’m grateful for______.” The more you appreciate your blessings, the better you feel. The better you feel, the more you’ll fall in love with you.

Count your blessings every day. Add to your list whenever you can. Look for things to be grateful for. It will help you appreciate your life more!

Day 24: Tune in to What You Want

We all have desires, cravings, and things we think we should do. Choosing what to do, or not do, should take some thought so you can determine what's truly in your best interest. Often we want to do something for the wrong reasons. DoorMats make choices that will please others but might not please themselves!! That is not loving! Nor is it healthy. Nor does it bring happiness.

Whenever you’re about to make a decision, or take an action or agree to something someone else wants, ask yourself, “Who am I doing this for?” Is it something YOU want, or are you doing it to avoid taking risks, to soothe a negative emotion, or to make someone else happy? If it’s not about what YOU want, do you best to reconsider your choice. Doing what's in YOUR own best interest says, “I love me” because in the long run these choices will increase your happiness!

Day 25: Stamp Out Jealousy

Most of us have felt jealousy at least once. It’s a normal response to seeing something you want that you don’t have and someone else does. Jealousy can be blatant, like envying someone who has what you want badly or more subtle, like having a little niggling feeling when you want to be happy for a friend who lost weight when you wish you could be thinner or when someone gets a fantastic job when you hate yours. It can be hard to watch others who are thrilled with having things you want too!

Feeling Jealous is not loving, since it reflects dissatisfaction about what you don’t have, instead of joy for what you do have. Be happy for others! What someone else has takes nothing away from you. When you can replace jealousy with blessings for the person who has what you want, your chances of attracting it increase as your mood and outlook get more positive. The more you’re happy for what others attract, the more you can attract too! And since it feels good, it increased self-love.

Day 26: Get Exercise

Moving is healthy. Aerobics helps your heart and burns calories. Weight training makes your body stronger. Instead of dieting to look good for someone else, exercise for YOU. Staying fit helps you live longer, increases energy, reduces stress, slows the effects of aging, maintains the immune system, and improves self-esteem. Looking better is just a bonus!

Take control! Find an exercise buddy or class. Be creative on busy days. Walk! It burns calories and strengthens the heart. Get a jump rope. Use stairs instead of elevators when possible. I go up and down stairs when time is tight. Do calisthenics at home. Use dumbbells. Find ways to get movin’ and groovin’. Dance! Take pride in any effort to improve your body. It’s hard for some of us. When you actually do something, enjoy having control over old habits. Don’t berate yourself if you don’t do “enough.” Even a little helps! That’s love!

Day 27: Let Go of Striving for Perfection

We’re often our own worst enemies when we judge ourselves more harshly than others would. We see ourselves through the distorted vision of blowing up our perceived flaws. Consistent perfection is impossible. A perfect rose is perfect until its petals wilt. A perfect romantic partner loses his or her pedestal when he or she gets moody, demanding, or critical. Perfection can change quickly.

Striving for perfection reinforces low self-esteem. There will always be a flaw that needs work, a pound to be lost, or a skill to be improved. But you can goof up or have a down day and still love yourself. Affirm, “I accept myself exactly the way I am” often during the day. Eventually you’ll believe it!

Day 28: Redefine Love Life

It’s common to make a romantic partner more important than yourself, but that doesn’t make it right. YOU should be the most important love of your life. That doesn’t take away from loving others too but does assure your place of honor in how you prioritize your needs and make sure you get enough happiness boosters. And, it assures that’s you’ll always be loved. Many people sacrifice their happiness to please someone else to feel loved. But, does that give you a real love life?

The more love you give yourself, the more you have to give and the more you attract, since self-love is attractive. Redefine the concept of love life to include self-love. Let self-love motivate you to only need approval from yourself. A love life based on self-love feels great! Build yours and watch it grow!

Day 29: Consciously Make An Effort To Eat Healthier

Eating a balanced diet with consciousness about getting good nutrition is a wonderful act of self-love. In the long run, eating healthy will make you feel better physically, which improves your life even more. Even if you don’t eat healthy consistently, every nutritious effort you make builds self-love. When you make a conscious choice to eat more veggies or not finish dessert or get the grilled instead of the fried chicken, say, “I’m making this choice to say ‘I love me!’”

Small efforts add up. As you eat a little healthier, you might find it easier to do and keep going. By doing so, you may drop a pound without trying or notice your digestion is better or have more energy. Those are some of the benefits of eating healthier. This act of self-love has many rewards that will improve your quality of life. As you feel better and your happiness increases from changes in diet, self-love blossoms.

Day 30: Give Yourself Permission to Do What Makes You Happy

Stepping out of your comfort zone to do something different or behave in a way you’re not used to can seem scary. If someone you want to please tells you to do something, it might feel more secure, since they’re letting you know it’s okay. You may believe you need permission to do what you want or to step into happiness. Give yourself permission to do what would make you happy, even if some people might not approve. If necessary,write down:

“I give me permission to spend the afternoon in the park because I love me.”

Make a few copies, sign each, and hang them up in different places where you see them. Let the message permeate your consciousness until you can’t resist the need to buy it. When you enjoy what you do, take another step to giving yourself more permission to do something else, like take some time off for relaxing.
Loving yourself should include giving yourself pleasure, over and over and over. Make a more permanent note to self and read it often:

“I give me permission to be happy because I love me.”

Day 31: Follow the 10 Commandments of Self-Love

I created my 10 Commandments of Self-Love to create even more awareness of how you might be hurting your ability to love yourself as much as you could, and to help you increase awareness of stopping self-love busters. Print them out, hang them up, and read them aloud whenever you can. Eventually you’ll find yourself applying them more and more.

10 COMMANDMENTS OF SELF-LOVE
1. I shall lovingly accept myself as I am right now.
2. I shall appreciate all the beauty that makes me who I am.
3. I shall regularly give thanks for all of my blessings.
4. I shall trust in my ability to take care of myself.
5. I shall not criticize myself.
6. I shall not criticize others.
7. I shall forgive myself when I make a mistake.
8. I shall be kind to others, without sacrificing my own needs.
9. I shall take responsibility for my life.
10. I shall love myself to the best of my ability.

You can commit to building self-love by signing the pledge to take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge.

Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, and best-selling author of 13 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First. Daylle has been on over 400 TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Good Morning America and Howard Stern and quoted in dozens of publications, including The New York Times. She launched HowDoILoveMe.com in January, where she has a 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge and is giving her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, away for free. Daylle writes the blog, Lessons from a Recovering DoorMat.

We can be our own worst enemy...

2011-08-13T11:22:00.000-06:00

How many times have you gotten in your own way? As for me over the years it has been countless times. The article below by Jim Rohn touches on this phenomena. Spoke to me... enjoy...

Mary E.Robbins

“Facing the Enemies Within” by Jim Rohn

Fears, even the most basic ones, can totally destroy our ambitions. Fear can destroy fortunes. Fear can destroy relationships. Fear, if left unchecked, can destroy our lives. Fear is one of the many enemies lurking inside us.

Let me tell you about five of the other enemies we face from within. The first enemy that you’ve got to destroy before it destroys you is indifference. What a tragic disease this is. “Ho-hum, let it slide. I’ll just drift along.” Here’s one problem with drifting: you can’t drift your way to the top of the mountain.

The second enemy we face is indecision. Indecision is the thief of opportunity and enterprise. It will steal your chances for a better future. Take a sword to this enemy.

The third enemy inside is doubt. Sure, there’s room for healthy skepticism. You can’t believe everything. But you also can’t let doubt take over. Many people doubt the past, doubt the future, doubt each other, doubt the government, doubt the possibilities and doubt the opportunities. Worst of all, they doubt themselves. I’m telling you, doubt will destroy your life and your chances of success. It will empty both your bank account and your heart. Doubt is an enemy. Go after it. Get rid of it.

The fourth enemy within is worry. We’ve all got to worry some. Just don’t let it conquer you. Instead, let it alarm you. Worry can be useful. If you step off the curb in New York City and a taxi is coming, you’ve got to worry. But you can’t let worry loose like a mad dog that drives you into a small corner. Here’s what you’ve got to do with your worries: drive them into a small corner. Whatever is out to get you, you’ve got to get it. Whatever is pushing on you, you’ve got to push back.

The fifth interior enemy is over-caution. It is the timid approach to life. Timidity is not a virtue; it’s an illness. If you let it go, it’ll conquer you. Timid people don’t get promoted. They don’t advance and grow and become powerful in the marketplace. You’ve got to avoid over-caution.

Do battle with the enemy. Do battle with your fears. Build your courage to fight what’s holding you back, what’s keeping you from your goals and dreams. Be courageous in your life and in your pursuit of the things you want and the person you want to become.

Beginnings again...

2011-08-03T07:31:00.001-06:00

August first 2011, just a date on a calender. Yet another date, a number on a piece of paper. So many times I've started some health and fitness goal only to crash and burn with depression and a monster binge.

I'm not sure how to explain or describe what is different this time around but something is. Perhaps it's the extreme stress over the past few years. Perhaps it's watching my husband shrink into a rocking recliner watching non stop tv after retirement.

He is only 60 yet he acts as if he is just done. I am only 51 and I do not want to live the rest of my life in a depressed limbo. I am far enough along now from the hernia surgery in January that I should be able to start rebuilding my abdominal muscles.

It seems like I've been angry ever since I came home from surgery in January. I'm not sure why.

I think I am more angry at myself than at anyone else. Angry for letting myself get sucked in over and over. I shortcircuited so badly that the panic attacks flared to the point of being indistinguishable from a heart attack or bad asthma attacks.

I could say that I am done allowing others to push my buttons, to draw me into whatever drama they are creating in their existences... but that would be bullsh*t. There is always going to be some created human drama going on. Whether its something with a friend or relative; or drama on a world or national level, like this debt ceiling nightmare. Unbelievable hubris on the part of our congress/senate.

From time to time I will more than likely get caught up in it. Until I realize what is happening yet again and walk away.

There is absolutely nothing I can do about the "drama" others create. Nada, zip, zilch, nothing. Does that mean I am giving up? No it doesn't, it means I am stopping the process of taking responsibility for the actions of others. Doesn't mean that I don't care. Just that you are responsible for your own drama. I am no longer available to carry that load, carry it yourself.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Life is a journey, the trip is more enjoyable when carrying less baggage.
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202
www.robbinsrun.com

May 2011 is gone, stepping on to June...

2011-06-01T10:15:00.000-06:00

WoW, May is dead and gone. So are my goals for that month. For some reason I seemed to get stuck in place. Jet ski without it's rider circling around the same patch of water until it's fuel ran out.

That was me this past month. I started out great guns, rock n roll... then phttttt... Circling for days, then completely ran out of fuel. So what happened?! Feel like I'm digging around in the decomposing carcass of last month. What happened, and what can I do to change the outcome for this month?

I lost focus, lost control of my time, and frankly hid in farmville. I allowed the changes in living arrangements to overwhelm me. It's been a challenging adjustment having David at home all the time.

Even more so trying to regulate his blood sugar. When it get's high it triggers outbursts of uncontrollable rages. I had to decide this month whether I was going to stay here and subject myself to his rages or walk away. His rage triggered a panic attack, and depression in me. When his sugar is not spinning out of control he is a good guy. But when he has a piss fit and does not regulate his sugar he is a monster to be around.

It took me most of the month to decide what to do. Tough decision, we have been together since 1990. There have been fits of rage throughout the time we have been together; however the were more positive times than awful. But then he was gone 3/4 of the time working on the train. So who actually knows how much of the time he spent spinning out of control. I only know what he was like around me. He seems to lose all cognizant function when he is caught up on the rages.

The challenge is to sort out how much of it is temper tantrum, and how much of it is directly related to blood sugar that is too high. His behavior has been reminiscent of my Uncle Gene's behavior. Never knew which person you were going to be with and he could switch without a second's notice. When he was nice he was wonderful, when he was raging it was like Freddie Kruger on acid. Made life around him like walking through a live mine field. Never knew when you would step on a mine. I wonder now if he had blood sugar problems as well, because he acted as if he didn't remember his "episodes". David is the same way. I thought he was just trying to not take responsibility for his crap actions to start with; but I have come to the conclusion he has no clear memory of his actions when he is in rage.

Dealing with my Uncle growing up nearly pushed me over the edge into a complete psychotic break. It took me years of work to stabilize; and it's a tenuous stability at that. (anyone that has been through that kind of on going abuse can tell you that) David's episodes triggered some pretty destabilizing reactions within myself this past month.

I made the decision to work with him a bit longer and try to help him stabilize his blood sugar. He is going to have to take responsibility for himself at some point... time will tell what happens.

I acted out and ate too much food, and crawled into my shell and hid. For some reason it seems like the fatter I get the safer I feel. Looks like I've been hiding in a fat suit.

So; what am I going to do to change my situation.

1. I am researching diabetes, looking into healthful alternatives. Reading, researching.

2. Made a weight loss goal for myself. I would love to lose 20 lbs of fat this month. That works out to an average deficit of 2,334 calories per day. I am not going to starve myself, I am going to keep track, eat healthful, and increase physical activity.

3. How am I going to accomplish the calorie deficit: gardening, hip hop abs, oxycise, turbo jam, house cleaning, walking, incline trainer.

4. Structuring my time. Not set in stone but a daily plan; with my to do list.

5. Accept the fact that there are some things I can not change. Realize that I am not responsible for the things I can not change. I am however, responsible for those things I can change.

Yes the Serenity Prayer is a Litany in my life.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

So be it!

Life is a journey... new discoveries around each twist in the path...
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202

You can't do that! Dream stealers...masquerading as friends

2011-05-19T18:13:00.000-06:00

I just reconnected with a friend of mine (on the phone) that I hadn't visited with for quite some time. There had been no falling out, just passage of time and an overload of life events.

I'm thinking, how to word this. Guess I'll just jump in. Splashing words about. After we finished visiting I stepped outside and took a long look at my mastiffs. We'd had quite the "discussion" about those 2 dogs, as well as some others that have their lifetime home here. Diesel and Sara are my friends and yard guards. They take protecting me very very seriously. My "friend" was adamant that I should have them destroyed. I said no.

Either dog would do anything for me. Before my husband retired I was here alone 3/4 of the time. I also ran a business from home, with clients coming in to pick up their Pom puppies. Periodically stray humans would show up without interviews, or appointments. Frankly I felt, and still do feel, a lot safer with my yard guards around. I remember one psycho emailing me and threatening to cut my head off. I thought, humph bring it dirt bag, soon to be fertilizer. Happily, dirt bag, once discovering he was not able to intimidate went away. But that is another story.

The actual topic of my little note is not my dogs. They just happen to be what was focused on in the tirade I just heard. Come to think of it over the years there's been a whole list of tirades, from chickens, to politics, dogs again and again, working out, business, my mother, as well as various and sundry other choices I've made in my life.

Truth be told it's not even about the choices that I have made, or make; or about his particular person not being able to accept choices, actions, views, beliefs, or whatever that are different than those she holds to be true. It's the couched in, life limiting, concerned advice. The dream stealing, life stifling, unsought opinions, that we allow to infiltrate our dreams and goals destroying them from the inside out; is actually what this is about.

I don't know that this particular person is deliberately toxic. I do consider her a friend, although sometimes I wonder. I realized today that so many times after I'd visited with her I'd come away from the conversation doubting myself and my decisions. I don't know that this is her intent, I just know that this is how said conversations have effected me. Perhaps I should say that this is how I'd allowed said conversations to effect me.

So if you find yourself stuck in a rut, doubting your goals, choices, decisions, dreams, whatever. Take a look at conversations with friends, family, acquaintances. Some folks are deliberately discouraging, others fear change, others can not accept anything that is different than what they believe. Relationships with these folks do not have to be adversarial; just be aware of what is happening. Whether it's deliberate or not... don't let them steal your dreams.

Dream on

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins

So... It's the End of the World?!

2011-05-17T08:14:00.001-06:00

I was visiting with a friend of mine the other day and she was afraid. A fear mongering preacher (preacher of his own gospel more like) had terrified her with his rhetoric. She told me what he said. I said ... So... why are you so afraid? She said what of all the other people? I said each of us has free will, we all have choices to make, and are responsible for said choices.

There are no guarantees of tomorrow, live today.

For some the world will end today, for others most likely not.

How we live our lives, or don't live our lives for that matter, doesn't depend so much on circumstances but on perspective.

We have this gift (or curse depending on your perspective) this spark of life. We also have free will, again a blessing or a curse, depending on perspective. It's up to each of us how we live; or if we live. Some are here for a while and never live.

When I say, choice in how we live, I am not talking about what car you drive, or the house you live in. Whether you are in a billion dollar mansion, or a mud hut in the jungle, driving a 3 legged ox with a broken cart, or a Bentley. I am not talking about the circumstances you live in, but how you live.

Sometimes we don't have control, or choice over the circumstance we are in; we do however, have choice in how we live.

Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch

So... What's Different This Time?

2011-05-04T15:08:00.001-06:00

There's the question. What is different this time around? I have started and given up, or fallen flat on my rather round face innumerable times over my 51 year lifespan. Started on a fitness goal, or race training, or diet.

I did accomplish some goals as well. Ran the Tulsa Run (15 kilometers / 9.3 miles) , the Pepsi Challenge ( 10 kilometers/ 6.2 miles). Backpacked over 20 miles. Graduated University with my Degree, did some post grad work in selected subjects. Got married, still married going on 20 years, bought a ranch, paid off the mortgages. Yes we are living mortgage free! YaY! Did some traveling. Got to know my Dad after being isolated from him as a child. Had the pleasure of a great relationship with him. Ran my own business. Took some time out due to physical issues. Looking at ramping up again.

So there have been some accomplishments. Actually quite a few. The thing is, how to word this. I never thought of myself as successful. I was always punishing myself for falling short of some imagined guideline. It is amazing how a mindset like that can strip the joy out of life.

I would have to say that is the difference. I actually have been quite successful, if you compare my accomplishments to my bucket list. Amazing how a simple change in perspective can completely alter your life.

I no longer feel like a fake. Like I am going to be found out for the failure or fake that I felt I was. I am who I am. Amazingly enough, I actually like myself. Yes, that is amazing to me; because I did not feel worthy of being liked or loved for many years. I was always stumped by the love your neighbor as you love yourself turn of phrase; because I didn't feel love for myself.

I loved my horses, I loved my dogs, humans I had problems with. I always felt like I had been judged, and found to be lacking in worth. The dogs and horses were honest and didn't play vicious games. There was no trying to sort out what their intent was.

With my childhood family there was no sorting out intent. Not for me anyway. I learned at a very early age that I had caused pain, that I was less than, that I was there to do "chores" and that my completion of said chores was lacking no matter what I did.

Ever since I was a small child I have always been rather direct with a highly logical mind. As a result the passive aggressive, round about methods of my family members were somewhat frustrating to me to say the least. Their behaviors never made any sense to me, but they certainly imprinted. I got the message loud and clear, I did not deserve to be happy, I deserved to be punished. (Side note: my father was not a part of this situation. He was excluded from my life until I was an adult- I found out after we got to know each other that both of us were direct logical people)

I am not saying my family was deliberately cruel. Well, yeah, sometimes some of them were. However, I remember decorated Christmas trees, long summer days on my horse, and first days of school.

I listen to my mom now and I hear the same thought patterns coming out in her speech. She has never broken the pattern, perhaps she does not want to. I don't know. What I do know is that the only person that can change those ingrained patterns is the individual. It's all over the place. People who have nothing to say unless they are making fun of, or denigrating another person. Miserable people feeding on the misery of others. As well as those laid waste by the venom of others continually repeating the litany in their subconscious. It's a sad destructive cycle.

I learned early on that if I loved something, or wanted something, didn't matter what it was, that it was leverage against me. That it would be taken away at a whim, because I didn't deserve it. The more I wanted something, the quicker it would be taken away. If I lost interest or just gave up, then here it is, let me give you this. Aren't I great because I gave you this. Don't you want it, Oh you do, let me take it away.

I moved 800 miles away when I finished high school. Little did I know that I was taking it all with me. It's amazing how we carry with us the torture we are trying to leave behind.

It took years and a lot of work to discover what was behind my self destructive behavior. I saw myself as obese when I wasn't. I punished myself by binging and binging, and gained weight uncontrollably. I gained until I was over 300 pounds and just kept gaining.

Then through the pain and anguish, a discovery was made. I was continuing the punishments from childhood. Rather than a horse halter or tree switch, I was beating myself with food. Actually it was dual purpose. The binging was self punishment- as well as subduing my emotions. I was eating my emotions.

When I made the connection, the "discovery", of what was behind my binging; it was as if a light switch flipped on. Illuminating the root cause behind years of struggle and pain. It's amazing, I am actually free. Just makes me giggle with glee. That's not to say that I don't have down times, I do. But now they are not compounded by compulsive binging. I am actually feeling my emotions in the moment rather than subduing them with food (or whatever else I could ingest).

There are days I would just as soon not feel my emotions. When the grief hits over my Father's death, or Min Min's passing. However I am feeling those emotions, I am also feeling joy at remembering conversations with my dad, and snuggles with my Min Min. I miss them both, and would have liked some more time with them. However that was not to be. So I am dealing with it.

Note the "dealing with it" as in allowing myself to feel the emotion and letting myself work through the grief. I am also feeling joy as I hear a meadowlark sing, or see the full moon crest the horizon.

I am living my life in each moment. Appreciating the crisp morning air, and a hot cup of strong coffee. I finally see life as a gift rather than as a curse. I now understand love your neighbor as you love yourself.

I am free to be. I see what was behind the weight gain, and now I am free to do what I need to do to take care of my body. I am free to lose fat. I am free to get physically fit. I am free to enjoy the process of becoming healthy. I am free to be. Free to live. Its an amazing feeling.

I look around and I see so many people living in bondage. Misery painted across their faces. Some show it by their obesity, some by anexoria, others by a variety of compulsive behaviors.

I wonder how to help them be free as well. I know they have to do the work, to make the discoveries themselves. My hope is that perhaps, just perhaps, my story can help others on their journey to freedom.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202

Enough Already!

2011-04-03T13:06:00.000-06:00

Well I've decided! Grand isn't it to actually make a decision. Yup, I decided, enough already! Grand little announcement isn't it!? I have a tendency to be a caretaker. Perhaps another word for it would be enabler. Now that doesn't sound so charming and nurturing does it? No perhaps not.

I am actually very good at it, being an enabler that is. I've tons of experience from early childhood on. Someone's not happy, what can I do to make it better, how can I help you, it MUST be my fault that you are a miserable ---- hmmm, should I use the word I actually thought. I think I'll let you fill in the blank.

How did I get this way; that's actually another story entirely. Short version, it was strongly reinforced from very early childhood on. Displease someone, anyone, and the result was a tree switch, horse halter, or whatever else was handy. Usually a snapping tree branch. You know those feel much like a horse whip. Well perhaps you don't know, but I can tell you from personal experience that they do. They also raise the same kind of welts, and cut skin the same way. So I suppose I could say that enabling behavior was whipped into me, literally. The spare the rod spoil the child bit was a well chanted litany in our home.

There was nothing, that I knew of, that I could do about things then. However; I can do something about this self-destructive enabling behavior now. Taking responsibility for other people's behavior sets you up as the recipient for all sorts of, less than desirable behaviors and situations. It tends to sneak in when you actually believe you are "only helping". Often there is a fine line between "helping" and "enabling".

So here we are, back to what brought me to this decision. Actually it's a decision long time in coming, that has waxed and waned for years. Truthfully I am not sure just how it's going to stand now. At any rate, this is where I am now. Digging through the years of emotion buried in the fat that I've packed onto my 5 ft 7 inch frame.

Back on point, the series of events that brought me strongly to this decision came to a head yesterday. An absolutely miserable day it was too. The irony of yesterday being an absolutely miserable day is not lost on me, I've been looking forward to nice warm weather for months. It was a lovely spring day, no wind, mid 70's wonderful day outside. Even though it was totally marred by a totally crap attitude by my life partner.

He has been acting out like a monstrous two year old brat, no change that, his behavior has been more devious than that. More like a spoiled bratty teenager that didn't get his own way; ever since the doctor told him to cut his food intake down to 1800 calories, cut back on his alcohol, develop a regular sleep pattern, and get some exercise. She told him his A1C was totally out of line.

Hence the creation of a nasty attitude, looking for someone to blame for his own irresponsibility. Three guesses who jumped into the fray to "help"; more the fool I. I have been cooking only meals that are in that calorie range. Got him a journal to use to count his calories; and have been including him in food prep decisions. Asking him what he thought; if he liked the meals had any ideas and so on. Only to hear snide depreciating comments. I get it that he's frustrated. No surprise there, I am too. I get it that he's looking for someone to blame for the situation he is in. So sorry I am no longer accepting that position. Want someone to hold accountable for, or blame for, the mess you've allowed your body to become. Look in the mirror. It's all on you. Just like the 161 lbs I have to lose is all on me.

So how is this "Enough Already" decision going to play out? Well, I'm not sure. I am going to continue to plan out meals that are in the 1800 daily calorie range. I told the doctor I would, and I need to do this for myself as well. I am not however, going to fawn after my life partner asking him what he would like; or to even help plan. If he wants any input he will have to step up and make the effort to become involved. Nor am I cooking separate meals, if he doesn't like what I've prepped.

I am no longer going to be asking him if he has his journal, insulin, vitamins, etc. How he handles taking care of his body is up to him. Perhaps, I am hoping anyway, he will step up and do what his body requires him to do to be healthy. I hope so because I actually do love my husband, and would like to have some quality time with him. I wish I could just "fix it" but I can't, it's up to him. That's been a very hard realization to come to.

I suppose the final comment that was a reality check for me was. When I asked him if he was ok, and did he like the meal. After I'd spent considerable time sorting out the calorie counts and remaking the recipes, as well as prepping the meal. He snapped at me, and when I asked him what was wrong he said: I am miserable, and you may as well be too. I had already done everything I could think of to try to help him and this was a bit of an eye opener. It was also the last straw after another day full of petty nastiness.

He is miserable because he is choosing to be miserable!

Hence the journey to Enough Already! I am done. I love him, but this behavior is not acceptable. I am no longer taking responsibility nor blame for his, nor for anyone's, choices other than my own.

Today is a new day.
I am thankful for peace in my heart and mind.

My husband is in God's hands, and responsible for his own choices.

Perhaps, now that I will no longer be treating him like a bratty child he will no longer act like one. No I am not blaming myself for his behavior, only accepting responsibility for my culpability in said situation.

Life is a journey, sometimes there are boulders in the road. It's up to you how you respond to them.
Mary E. Robbins

The End of March 2011

2011-04-03T12:38:00.001-06:00

Ok this is the third time I tried to start writing this post. So here goes. March 31st 2011, and I got on the scale this morning to a charming weight of 306 pounds. Kinda disgusted with that. But it is what it is; going on from here.

I suppose I could make all kinds of excuses, but truth be told there aren't really any. I knew I was eating too much but did it anyway. I will say things seemed pretty pointless and I developed an attitude of "what's the point". It's crazy frustrating when you are trying to change your lifestyle and those you live with are acting out over it. It's seemed like every time I worked out or lost a pound he would go and get ice-cream or pie. Oh yes, I know I am fully responsible for my own actions. I crashed and burned in a nasty depression.

So here I am, 306 lbs. There has been an interesting development. The hubs had a doctor's appointment and she chewed him up and spat him out. I knew he was eating himself to death, but his sugar reading was really bad. Doc told him to reduce his consumption to 1800 calories a day. She also increased his long acting insulin.

The first day was full of temper tantrums and whining. Today has been better about the eating. Both of us are doing the 1800 cal. It is such a relief to not have him stuffing three meals down his throat at one sitting. Really helps to actually be making these changes with someone rather than going against the tide.

He wanted some new bib overalls and thought he wore a 38. Surprise, surprise, he ended up with size 44 before they fit right. That was a bit of an eye opener too. I haven't done any better since I had surgery either. Very limited activity and yes some emotional eating too. I've gained 3.5 inches on my bust putting it at a resounding 51.5 inches.

Truth be told I kinda freaked out over 1800 cal a day too, but there is actually plenty to eat depending on how you choose your food.

I've been really worried about the hubs. He has been home since the first of the year and really packing it in. This visit to the doctor was a good thing. Maybe we will have some more years to enjoy... rather than just existing sliding into an unhealthy demise.

I am really looking forward to no longer carrying around 161 extra pounds. Rather than looking at the total weight to lose, I am looking at one day at a time, changing lifestyle, and 5 to 10 percent of my weight. They say losing 10 % of your weight can make a huge difference in your health. I hope they are right. So here we go... looking at 10 % of my weight; that would be 30.6 lbs. When that is off I'll look at the next 10%. That first 10% lost will take my weight down to 275.4 lbs. Still seems like a lot but it's under 300 lbs. That is something to celebrate as far as I'm concerned.

When I got on the scale this morning I was afraid I was over 310. I was very relieved that I wasn't . That in itself was a victory today.

Finally got wifi set up so I can use the interactive trainer in my treadmill. Started on that today too. Kicked my behind. WoW, it's amazing the difference the incline makes. That was quite the workout, huge difference from walking or running on a relatively level trail. This training program jumped up to 26% incline. I lasted 15 minutes. May not be very long, but I'm going back at it again. I have Ifit for a year before I need to renew it. I am determined to make good use of it.

Slowly working on de-cluttering my home as well. Wish I could instantly have that done, but its a process to be sure. I read an article that said clutter had a negative effect on weight loss. I can believe it. Get frustrated over the mess and just go eat. Look at the whole thing and become overwhelmed and go sit in the corner of the couch and hide. Been there done that. There is so much friggen mail. Good grief. It's not just mail though. Making changes, one day one trash can at a time...

Life is a journey, sometimes the trail is twisty
Mary E. Robbins

Sipping tea and thinking...

2011-02-02T11:28:00.000-07:00

I was sitting here recovering from surgery scanning my facebook account and thinking about how much time it's going to take for my body to recover from the surgeon's knife. Yes the surgery was necessary, I had an umbilical hernia that was around 3 inches in diameter on the inside. The outside view had more than doubled over the past year.

I saw it there, and it felt funny, but I just figured it was a fat blob.

I had been working on strengthening my abdominal muscles, and did not realize what the hernia was. My previous family physician changed positions so a new doctor came into the office. She is a very thorough person and found this hernia on my annual visit.

When she first told me I said I would just wear a belt. Figuring that strengthening my abdominal muscles more would correct the problem. You know, I just figured I had to work harder to make it “all better”.

I came home a bit rattled from that appointment, especially since she told me to not lift anything over 20 pounds. Mind you I had just unloaded 2000 pounds of feed in 50 pound bags.

I got online and did some research. Much to my chagrin I discovered that I could not “fix” it by working out. It seems that when you have a hernia, the more you strengthen the surrounding muscles the more it pulls apart.

I called the doc back and had her office make the necessary appointments so I could get this thing fixed.

Then I got angry. I had been telling my previous physician for 4 year that there was a pulling sensation throughout my abdominal region. Not once had she checked it over. I was angry at myself too, for not realizing what it was and seeking another opinion.

As it stands, it all worked out for the best. There is no way I could have taken care of my invalid mother, or the kennels, on my own after this surgery. So the timing worked out well, my husband is on vacation now and is taking care of the kennels for me. As well as helping to take care of me.

My mother is living in a wonderful adult living facility, with a staff of nurses, and aides to take care of her; and has a room-mate that she is very good friends with. Receiving better care than I had been able to give her the year she lived with us.

2010 definitely had it’s challenges. I thought of listing them… lol… but it sounds like something out of a murphy’s law soap opera.

I am still here, looking into this coming phase of our lives. My husband and I have been together since late 1990, married since October 1991. For the most of this time he has been gone on the train working. This spring he is retiring from the railroad, so rather than being together ¼ of the time and on the road the rest of the time… we are heading into a new time of being together much more of the time.

I am sure there will be adjustments and such. But am looking forward to actually being able to enjoy some time together.

So here is to the next phase of our lives… It’s been an interesting ride so far…
Life is a Journey, enjoy the trip
Mary E. Robbins
307.788.0202
Robbins Run Ranch

Some common seasonings have surprising benefits

2011-02-02T10:43:00.000-07:00

Good article for those of us interested in living a healthier lifestyle. Enjoy.

Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

********

Cumberland Times-News

January 31, 2011

Herbal remedies can have numerous uses

Some common seasonings have surprising benefits

Emily Newman
Cumberland Times-News
— CUMBERLAND — Black cohosh, witch hazel, ginseng and slippery elm have been in use as herbal remedies for hundreds of years. But the most widely used remedy is not something only herbalists and natural healers prescribe.

“Garlic is the most-used medicinal herb in the world,” said Mimi Hernandez, the coordinator for the Appalachian Center for Ethnobotanical Studies at Frostburg State University.

Hernandez, also a clinical herbalist with the Council of American Herbalists Guild, named numerous benefits to the commonly used member of the Alliaceae family, which also includes other pungent root vegetables like onions, shallots and chives.

Eating garlic as a first response for colds is something that Hernandez does herself.

“Garlic fumes kill germs,” said Hernandez, adding that in addition to the detoxifying qualities of fumigation of the lungs, it also boosts the immune system.

Hernandez said that garlic is good for pin worms, which commonly affect children, and soaking garlic cloves in honey for a few weeks, then draining it off, provides a tasty treat for kids.

Both Hernandez and Rosie Cupler, owner of the Herb Barn in Grantsville and certified licensed practical nurse, agree that garlic is a good cure for earaches.

Cupler recommends dripping a few drops of a garlic oil and tea tree oil combination, while Hernandez pairs her garlic with mullein flower and olive oil for a similar effect.

“I think this is a phenomenal remedy because it is so effective,” said Hernandez.

Cupler said that another common spice for alleviating common cold symptoms is capsicum, or cayenne pepper. Cupler recommends mixing cayenne pepper with tomato juice to alleviate a sore throat immediately and to help with the onset of cold itself.

Hernandez agrees.

“I always say, spice it up to clear it up,” said Hernandez, who also recommends cayenne pepper for cold symptoms.

Hernandez said that cayenne pepper works so well because it has antiseptic qualities, stimulates secretions, washes microbes away and helps to stimulate the blood flow for healing.

“An eighth of a teaspoon on the tongue,” recommends Hernandez, also saying that if you can handle more, take it.

Sunshine Brosi, an ethnobotany professor at FSU, has a doctorate in the study of the relationships between people and plants and has learned how it relates to the Appalachian Mountains.

“(I’ve) really focused on the Appalachian region,” said Brosi.

One of the herbs that Brosi says is popular for this region is black cohosh. The root is known to help menopausal symptoms, such as hot flashes and mood swings. Brosi also said that it is growing in popularity as an alternative to hormone therapy.

On Hernandez’s website, she lists black cohosh as helping with headaches, joint pain and water retention, and also lowering blood pressure.

Brosi also said that witch hazel is often sought out in the Appalachias for its astringent qualities and is good for treating acne and hemorrhoids.

Keyser, W.Va., resident Dorothy Malkie has been a supporter of alternative medicine since she started nursing school in 1943.

“It’s very complicated, and you have to know your own body,” said Malkie.

Malkie grows herbs that she mainly uses for cooking, but does make peppermint tea, which she said helps her to relax and soothe stomachaches. Another antidote that Malkie praises is a homemade cough syrup of onions and honey, which is something she learned from her mother and frequently uses for her husband’s chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.

“I’m not against home remedies. They work very well for me, but I do have a background,” said Malkie, adding that her nurse’s training from 1943 to 1945 taught her much about it.

She says that back then, even to give a cup of peppermint tea to a patient, they had to have the doctor’s approval.

One spice that both Hernandez and Cupler recommend cooking with is tumeric. Both said that it helps with arthritis because of its anti-inflammatory qualities. Hernandez said that it can help in the prevention of heart disease and with hayfever.

Hernandez recommends that for a tasty remedy, mix tumeric with “your favorite nut butter to help with arthritis.”

Another popular regional mainstay of alternative medicine is also a member of the onion and garlic family.

“One harvested pretty often is ramps,” said Brosi, adding that they are good for high blood pressure and heart disease.

Emily Newman can be contacted at enewman@times-news.com.

Herbal remedies can have numerous uses » Local News » Cumberland Times-News

Countering Stress and Depression ~ The Dalai Lama

2011-01-05T06:23:00.000-07:00

This post spoke to me, may it bless you as well.

Life is a journey, may you have peace within on your travels
Mary E. Robbins

The Dalai Lama

At a fundamental level, as human beings, we are all the same; each one of us aspires to happiness and each one of us does not wish to suffer. This is why, whenever I have the opportunity, I try to draw people's attention to what as members of the human family we have in common and the deeply interconnected nature of our existence and welfare.

Today, there is increasing recognition, as well as a growing body of scientific evidence, that confirms the close connection between our own states of mind and our happiness. On the one hand, many of us live in societies that are very developed materially, yet among us are many people who are not very happy. Just underneath the beautiful surface of affluence there is a kind of mental unrest, leading to frustration, unnecessary quarrels, reliance on drugs or alcohol, and in the worst case, suicide. There is no guarantee that wealth alone can give you the joy or fulfilment that you seek. The same can be said of your friends too. When you are in an intense state of anger or hatred, even a very close friend appears to you as somehow frosty, or cold, distant, and annoying.

However, as human beings we are gifted with this wonderful human intelligence. Besides that, all human beings have the capacity to be very determined and to direct that strong sense of determination in whatever direction they like. So long as we remember that we have this marvellous gift of human intelligence and a capacity to develop determination and use it in positive ways, we will preserve our underlying mental health. Realizing we have this great human potential gives us a fundamental strength. This recognition can act as a mechanism that enables us to deal with any difficulty, no matter what situation we are facing, without losing hope or sinking into feelings of low self-esteem.

I write this as someone who lost his freedom at the age of 16, then lost his country at the age of 24. Consequently, I have lived in exile for more than 50 years during which we Tibetans have dedicated ourselves to keeping the Tibetan identity alive and preserving our culture and values. On most days the news from Tibet is heartbreaking, and yet none of these challenges gives grounds for giving up. One of the approaches that I personally find useful is to cultivate the thought: If the situation or problem is such that it can be remedied, then there is no need to worry about it. In other words, if there is a solution or a way out of the difficulty, you do not need to be overwhelmed by it. The appropriate action is to seek its solution. Then it is clearly more sensible to spend your energy focussing on the solution rather than worrying about the problem. Alternatively, if there is no solution, no possibility of resolution, then there is also no point in being worried about it, because you cannot do anything about it anyway. In that case, the sooner you accept this fact, the easier it will be for you. This formula, of course, implies directly confronting the problem and taking a realistic view. Otherwise you will be unable to find out whether or not there is a resolution to the problem

Taking a realistic view and cultivating a proper motivation can also shield you against feelings of fear and anxiety. If you develop a pure and sincere motivation, if you are motivated by a wish to help on the basis of kindness, compassion, and respect, then you can carry on any kind of work, in any field, and function more effectively with less fear or worry, not being afraid of what others think or whether you ultimately will be successful in reaching your goal. Even if you fail to achieve your goal, you can feel good about having made the effort. But with a bad motivation, people can praise you or you can achieve goals, but you still will not be happy.

Again, we may sometimes feel that our whole lives are unsatisfactory, we feel on the point of being overwhelmed by the difficulties that confront us. This happens to us all in varying degrees from time to time. When this occurs, it is vital that we make every effort to find a way of lifting our spirits. We can do this by recollecting our good fortune. We may, for example, be loved by someone; we may have certain talents; we may have received a good education; we may have our basic needs provided for - food to eat, clothes to wear, somewhere to live - we may have performed certain altruistic deeds in the past. We must take into consideration even the slightest positive aspect of our lives. For if we fail to find some way of uplifting ourselves, there is every danger of sinking further into our sense of powerlessness. This can lead us to believe that we have no capacity for doing good whatsoever. Thus we create the conditions of despair itself.

As a Buddhist monk I have learned that what principally upsets our inner peace is what we call disturbing emotions. All those thoughts, emotions, and mental events which reflect a negative or uncompassionate state of mind inevitably undermine our experience of inner peace. All our negative thoughts and emotions - such as hatred, anger, pride, lust, greed, envy, and so on - are considered to be sources of difficulty, to be disturbing. Negative thoughts and emotions are what obstruct our most basic aspiration - to be happy and to avoid suffering. When we act under their influence, we become oblivious to the impact our actions have on others: they are thus the cause of our destructive behaviour both toward others and to ourselves. Murder, scandal, and deceit all have their origin in disturbing emotions.

This inevitably gives rise to the question - can we train the mind? There are many methods by which to do this. Among these, in the Buddhist tradition, is a special instruction called mind training, which focuses on cultivating concern for others and turning adversity to advantage. It is this pattern of thought, transforming problems into happiness that has enabled the Tibetan people to maintain their dignity and spirit in the face of great difficulties. Indeed I have found this advice of great practical benefit in my own life.

A great Tibetan teacher of mind training once remarked that one of the mind’s most marvellous qualities is that it can be transformed. I have no doubt that those who attempt to transform their minds, overcome their disturbing emotions and achieve a sense of inner peace, will, over a period of time, notice a change in their mental attitudes and responses to people and events. Their minds will become more disciplined and positive. And I am sure they will find their own sense of happiness grow as they contribute to the greater happiness of others. I offer my prayers that everyone who makes this their goal will be blessed with success.

The Dalai Lama

December 31, 2010

Published in the Hindustan Times, India, on January 3rd, 2011

Countering Stress and Depression (89)

For healthy eating, swallow a rainbow

2010-12-30T07:13:00.000-07:00

I came across this great article on healthy eating this morning For Healthy Eating, Swallow a Rainbow, and wanted to share it with you. As it turns out the author of the article, Patty James, has a book as well.

I liked the way she broke out the various properties the veggies have that our bodies need to be healthy.

Enjoy.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip!
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch

By Patty James

Why is it important to eat lots of different colored fruits and vegetables? Because each colored vegetable and fruit has unique properties and there is strong evidence of interactions between the colors that are beneficial to your health. Eating by the Rainbow is vitally important to your well-being.
Here are the colors:
Red foods contain lycopene that helps rid the body of damaging free radicals and protects against prostate cancer, as well as heart and lung disease. The red foods are loaded with antioxidants thought to protect against heart disease by preventing blood clots, and may also delay the aging of cells in the body.

Tomatoes
Beets
Radishes
Red cabbage
Cherries
Cranberries
Pink grapefruit
Red grapes
Red peppers
Pomegranates
Red potatoes
Watermelon
Raspberries
Red apples
Rhubarb
Strawberries

Orange and Yellow foods contain alpha carotene, which protects against cancer, but also contain beta-carotene, which the body converts to vitamin A, protecting the skin against free-radical damage. Beta-carotene is also good for night vision.

Yams and sweet potatoes
Carrots
Yellow apples
Apricots
Butternut squash
Cantaloupe
Carrots
Grapefruit
Lemons
Mangoes
Nectarines
Oranges and Tangerines
Papayas
Peaches
Pears
Yellow peppers
Persimmons
Pineapple
Pumpkin
Yellow summer or winter squash
Sweet corn
Yellow tomatoes

Green foods contain the chemicals that help ward off cancer by inhibiting carcinogens. Chlorophyll is the component that makes plants green, and it is purifying in the body. Many green foods also contain calcium and minerals.

Kale, spinach, and other leafy greens
Green apples
Artichokes
Sea vegetables
Asparagus
Avocados
Green beans
Broccoli
Brussels sprouts
Green cabbage
Cucumbers
Green grapes
Kiwi
Lettuce
Limes
Green onions
Peas
Zucchini

Blue, Indigo, and Violet foods contain the compound anthocyanins that not only give food their color but also have been shown to reduce the risk of high blood pressure and increasing heart health.

Blueberries
Blackberries
Purple grapes
Figs
Raisins
Plums, fresh and dried
Eggplant

White foods, though not part of the color of the rainbow, contain properties that have anti-tumor qualities, such as allicin in onions as well as other health-improving antioxidants such as the flavanoids. The white foods, like bananas and potatoes, contain potassium as well.

Bananas
Onions
Cauliflower
Garlic
Ginger
Jicama
Mushrooms
Potatoes
Parsnips
Turnips

So how do you incorporate these fruits and vegetables into your daily eating habits?
Here are some sample menus to get you started:
Breakfast:

An orange. Sauté 1/2 red pepper, ½ onion, 2 shitake mushrooms, and 2 cloves garlic. Add 3 cups leafy greens (spinach leaves are fine) and 3 eggs. Cook until eggs are done and serve.
Strawberries. Oatmeal made with cubed butternut squash or pureed pumpkin, topped with raw walnut pieces and raw pumpkin seeds.

Lunch:

Turkey sandwich on whole grain bread with sprouts, lettuce, tomato slices, avocado, and grated carrots. Serve with a 2-cup salad made with romaine lettuce and raw cauliflower, broccoli, and garbanzo beans.
Spinach salad topped with black olives, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, green onions, and cauliflower. Add beans or chicken if you like. Toss with fresh lemon juice and either olive oil or flax oil or a combination of the two. Sprinkle fresh parsley, chopped, on top.

Dinner:

Grilled fish or chicken breast or black beans and brown rice (protein). Coleslaw made with green and red cabbage with red onions and grated carrots. Baked yam.
Pasta primavera made with spinach fettuccini, sautéed red peppers, onions, garlic, zucchini, carrots, and whatever else is in season.

Snack:

1 cup blueberries and cantaloupe
Jicama slices with salsa and celery with hummus or peanut or almond butter
Pineapple chunks and banana slices
Raw veggies with your favorite dip. Hummus is a good choice.
Tangerine slices with herb tea

Remember that you need 5–9 cups of vegetables and fruits a day for good health. Make sure at least half of your veggies are raw. Don't forget that juicing can incorporate many colored fruits and veggies easily and may be a good choice for those who may not be able to chew raw fruits and veggies.
Patty James is a Certified Natural Chef with a Master's degree in Holistic Nutrition and was founder and director of the Patty James Cooking School and Nutrition Center, the first certified organic cooking school and nutrition center in the country. She created the Patty James Health Guide, a guide to life-long healthy eating and lifestyle. Patty is a frequent guest speaker in public and private schools around the US, the Clinton Foundation in New York, as well as to health practitioners and organizations. Patty runs Shine the Light on America's Kids, an organization whose mission is to shine the light on all aspects of kids' health in America. She is the author of More Vegetables, Please! Website: PattyJames.com and ShineTheLightOnKids.org

Weight Loss Sabotage - Prevention.com

2010-12-28T07:10:00.000-07:00

Here is the question of the day. Have any of us not run into this in some form. Deliberate or not... hmmmmm...

Weight Loss Sabotage

Dieting with the Enemy

Are friends and family making you fat?

By Colleen Pierre, RD , Colleen Pierre, RD, is an associate profesor of aging, nutrition, and fitness at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore and coauthor of Jerry Baker's Giant Book of Kitchen Counter Cures (Baker Books 2001)

Want to really bring out the worst in people? Try weight loss. Ten pounds or a ton, you'll be showered with so much fattening food--sabotage by people who claim to love you--that it will send the price of sugar cane and lard futures through the roof.
Why is that?
I've seen it happen so many times to my weight loss patients that when they come in and confess they fell off the wagon, I'm ready with my ritual response: "Who did this to you?"

They're always shocked to think that someone else may have had a hand in their weight loss failure. Then it dawns on them: Oh yeah, the chocolate cake care package Mom just sent, the surprise candy from the usually unthoughtful husband, the coworker who left the gift-wrapped Oreos on your desk. "Why is that?" they always ask. Dietsaboteurs," I explain. "They're everywhere." In fact, in one survey, 24,000 overweight women reported that weight loss created problems in their relationships that regaining the weight would have resolved.

Friend or Foe?
The problem usually starts because you're in change mode (and darned happy to be there), but your friends and family aren't.

"Rarely would a real friend malevolently undermine your diet," says nutrition professor Audrey Cross, PhD, of Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ. "They just do unconscious things to keep the relationship the way it was." And there are lots of reasons why.

They feel guilty. Your success pricks their conscience, since they may think they should be pursuing weight loss too. But for many, teasing you back to normal with "you're doing so well; a little won't hurt" sabotage is often easier. And if it starts an eating frenzy that ends in weight gain, sadly, that's secretly okay with friends like these. You've proven once again that weight loss is impossible; now they can relax and not try.

They don't understand. Other folks (often spouses!) who've never had a weight problem can't understand why you don't go back to eating normally now that you've lost that weight. And besides, they've suffered enough with all the changes around the house, and they want this to be over.

They miss the old you. Or more specifically, the food experiences you once shared. Food is often how we express love. Baking cookies for your kids (and of course eating some together). Or going to happy hour with coworkers. When my client Stephanie began progressing, her husband started showing up Friday nights with a big chocolate bar, something they used to enjoy together.

How do you politely say "back off" to those you love?

Make Friends with the Enemy
Researchers have figured out three classic actions likely to pave the way to long-term weight loss success and fend off sabotage, whether deliberate or subconscious, says Jessica Kasinoff, coordinator at the Duke Diet & Fitness Center in Durham, NC.

Start with exercise. It builds muscle, burns calories, reduces stress, and, best of all, creates the positive mood that makes you strong enough to avoid saboteurs.

Monitor your exercise and food. Plan your workouts and meals, and write down every bite. This will keep you honest, and it may also help you recognize the people and events that do you in. Then you can develop strategies to deal with them.

Create a supportive environment. "It's important to ask for help," says Carlo DiClemente, PhD, coauthor of Changing for Good, whose strategies for curing drug and alcohol addicts are now being used to help people change the way they eat.
Asking is tricky because we really don't know how to do it. We tend to believe that if people loved us, they'd know what to do. Not true! My client Sharon likes it if her husband takes her plate away from her when he thinks she's had enough. Natalie, on the other hand, would secretly eat twice as much if her husband did that.

The staff at the Duke Center finds this so critical that they have created a "Dear Supporter" letter that goes home with dieters after their 3-week stay. You could write such a letter yourself if you have trouble voicing your needs directly.

Whether you write it or say it, be specific about your weight loss needs. Even those closest to you can't read your mind. For instance, if being constantly asked how much you've lost will drive you to cheat, let people know. For others, constant checking in may help keep them on track. If you need support when the late-night munchies hit, ask your friend if it's okay to call.

With Friends Like These ...
There are some downright vicious diet saboteurs who work to undermine you. They may pressure you to eat the way they do in order to remain part of a group, not-so-subtly implying that you're no friend if you don't. Dr. DiClemente suggests saying clearly out loud, "This is not helpful to me." They can't deny they've heard you, and you have a chance to recommit to your plan of action. You may have to avoid them for a while or find less toxic friends. If all else fails, "call a sponsor," he says, lapsing into the classic Alcoholics Anonymous strategy. Join a group such as Weight Watchers for support, or call someone you know who will talk you through it.

If you've been direct in asking your spouse for help but don't get it, you may need to seek couples' or family counseling. Poor response often suggests something else is going on.

Most family and friends will be glad to help if you nudge them in the right direction.

Last Updated: 10/04/2004 Copyright (c) Rodale, Inc. 2003
Weight Loss Sabotage - Prevention.com

Article has some valid points... hope it was useful to you.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch

Christmas Trees From Around the World... Story of a Christmas Carol

2010-12-09T09:44:00.001-07:00

The following photos and descriptions came to me in an email. So did the story of the Christmas Carol. I enjoyed looking at the wonderful Christmas trees and decided to pass them along.

I found the story of the Christmas carol to be intriguing. I have no idea as to the accuracy of either the photos or the story... none the less twas enjoyable...

May it bring joy to you as well...

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins

**********

Christmas Trees From Around The World

The Capitol Christmas tree in Washington , D.C. , is decorated with 3,000 ornaments that are the handiwork of U.S. schoolchildren. Encircling evergreens in the 'Pathway of Peace' represent the 50 U.S. states.

The world's largest Christmas tree display rises up the slopes of Monte Ingino outside of Gubbio, in Italy 's Umbria region. Composed of about 500 lights connected by 40,000 feet of wire, the 'tree' is a modern marvel for an ancient city.

A Christmas tree befitting Tokyo 's nighttime neon display is projected onto the exterior of the Grand Prince Hotel Akasaka.

Illuminating the Gothic facades of Prague's Old Town Square, and casting its glow over the manger display of the famous Christmas market, is a grand tree cut in the Sumava mountains in the southern Czech Republic.

Venice 's Murano Island renowned throughout the world for its quality glasswork is home to the tallest glass tree in the world. Sculpted by master glass blower Simone Cenedese, the artistic Christmas tree is a modern reflection of the holiday season.

Moscow celebrates Christmas according to the Russian Orthodox calendar on January 7.

For weeks beforehand, the city is alive with festivities in anticipation of Father Frost's arrival on his magical troika with the Snow Maiden.

He and his helper deliver gifts under the New Year tree, or yolka, which is traditionally a fir.

The largest Christmas tree in Europe (more than 230 feet tall) can be found in the Praa do Comrcio in Lisbon , Portugal . Thousands of lights adorn the tree, adding to the special enchantment of the city during the holiday season.

'Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree': Even in its humblest attire, aglow beside a tiny chapel in Germany 's Karwendel mountains, a Christmas tree is a wondrous sight.

Ooh la la Galeries Lafayette! In Paris , even the Christmas trees are chic. With its monumental, baroque dome, plus 10 stories of lights and high fashion, it's no surprise this show-stopping department store draws more visitors than the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower .

In addition to the Vatican 's heavenly evergreen, St. Peter's Square in Rome hosts a larger-than-life nativity scene in front of the obelisk.

The Christmas tree that greets revelers at the Puerta del Sol is dressed for a party. Madrid 's two-week celebration makes millionaires along with merrymakers. On December 22, a lucky citizen will win El Gordo (the fat one), the world's biggest lottery.

A token of gratitude for Britain 's aid during World War II, the Christmas tree in London 's Trafalgar Square has been the annual gift of the people of Norway since 1947.

Drink a glass of gluhwein from the holiday market at the Romer, Frankfurt 's city hall since 1405 and enjoy a taste of Christmas past.

Against a backdrop of tall, shadowy firs, a rainbow trio of Christmas trees lights up the night (location unknown).

*********

There is one Christmas Carol that has always baffled me.

The real meaning of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" - which I didn't know...

What in the world do leaping lords, French hens, swimming swans, and especially the partridge who won't come out of the pear tree have to do with Christmas?

This week, I found out.

From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics. It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality which the children could remember.

The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.

Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.

Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.

The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.

The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.

The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.

Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit--Prophesy, Serving, Teaching,Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.

The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.

Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit--Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness,Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.

The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.

The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.

The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.

So there is your history for today. This knowledge was shared with me and I found it interesting and enlightening and now I know how that strange song became a Christmas Carol...so pass it on if you wish.

Merry Christmas Everyone

What Would It Take for You to Be Still?

2010-09-02T14:05:00.000-06:00

Being still has always been a challenge for me... It seems like my mind is always on warp speed. Buzzing along even as I try to go to sleep. I have noticed that often I will wake up with a solution... or at least a series of ideas ... about whatever it was I was mulling over the night before. Unfortunately I can also wake up exhausted from my mind's night work...lol...

So, actually being able to be still... enjoy a moment of absolute stillness sounds delightful to me...

Enjoy...

Life is a journey, sometimes the trip is rather noisy...
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch:
307.788.0202

What Would it Take for You to be Still?
By Catherine Price
O, The Oprah Magazine | August 04, 2010

Photo: Julian Dufort

How can you learn to slow down time, quiet the mental chatter, and savor life's breezes? With mindfulness, one snowcapped mountain meditation at a time.

When I decided to take up meditation, it seemed so easy—slip on a pair of yoga pants, force your legs into half lotus, and "om" your way to serenity and bliss. Forget that my hips are too tight for even a quarter of a lotus, or that the last time I felt truly serene, prescription drugs were involved. I had to try it—I needed to find a way to slow things down.

Lately it's felt like my life is on warp speed. Weekends blur into months; months blur into seasons. I eat fast, I talk fast, I walk fast—I swear I even sleep fast. And I find it almost impossible to sit still. All that research showing that fidgeting burns tons of calories is good news for me. I may get a lot done, but smell the roses? I'm not even getting a passing whiff.

We've all had the experience of sensing time decelerate naturally when we're not so thrilled about what we're doing (think torturous spinning class or hour-long "synergy workshop" at the office). As my dear grandmother would have said, it takes only one colonoscopy to prove that time is relative. But what about the more enjoyable times in life? I hoped that practicing the popular and proven type of meditation called mindfulness—which focuses on bringing awareness to the present moment—might help me slow those times down as well.

Ready to begin, I went straight to the source: Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD, the founder of the Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. Kabat-Zinn is the creator of an eight-week course called Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), which he began teaching in 1979 and which is now the largest and oldest meditation-based clinical program in the world. (Kabat-Zinn's program is taught at the University of Massachusetts, but you can find other MBSR courses around the country.)

There are many types of meditation, so why did I opt for MBSR? Two reasons. First, I liked that it's taught in a secular context; even though it's based on some core principles of Buddhism, I didn't need any background knowledge to begin. Second, as someone who wants to understand why I'm doing something—especially when that thing is challenging—I liked the idea that there was scientific proof of its effectiveness. (Because its curriculum is so consistent, it's one of the most studied forms of meditation in the world.)

Kabat-Zinn suggested I start at home by practicing one or two guided 20- to 45-minute exercises six days a week (yes, even meditators need a day off). After we talked about my reason for wanting to meditate—Kabat-Zinn says it's important to identify your motivation before you begin, or you'll be tempted to give up—he recommended that I kick off my practice with what he thought would be an easy starting point: a visualization called the mountain meditation. I loaded my iPod with the 20-minute exercise, which requires you to sit erect on the floor or a chair, close your eyes, and observe your breathing as you imagine a mountain. First, you notice small details—the trees that cover its slopes, perhaps a dollop of snow at the peak—and eventually you try to imagine becoming the mountain itself, feeling its strength and solidity and noticing that even when it's battered by the wind or drenched with rain, its rock-hard interior remains stable and calm. (Meditation teachers love metaphors.)

The goal of the mountain meditation is the same as with every other mindfulness technique—whether you're focusing on an image, your breath, or sensations in your body, you're trying to coax your mind into what Kabat-Zinn calls a state of nondoing. That's not the same as doing nothing. Rather, it means you're not thinking about your grocery list or the conversation you had with a friend last night or the unfinished report sitting on your desk at work. Nor are you trying to force your mind to go blank or conjure up any special feelings. You're concentrating on just one thing, experiencing each moment as it happens, and trying to be—if I might quote Van Halen—right here, right now.

What does experiencing the moment have to do with imagining yourself as a mountain? Think of it as strength training. By learning to quiet your mind's chatter and concentrate solely on your mental Rockies, you're gaining the focus necessary to stay present when you're not actively meditating. The point is to avoid cruising through life on autopilot, so wrapped up in your daily routine that you don't notice the world around you. "Mindfulness is about living your life as if it really mattered," says Kabat-Zinn. "If you're not mentally present in the small moments, you could be missing half your life."

If this nondoing sounds easy, take 20 minutes and try the mountain exercise yourself. It won't be long before your mountain—which in my case was less Mount Everest and more like the label on an Evian bottle—drifts away and is replaced by a game of free association: A mountain reminds you of skiing, which reminds you of a family vacation, which reminds you of the weekend, which reminds you that a friend invited you to dinner on Saturday, which reminds you that you never got back to her and that maybe you should be writing her an e-mail instead of sitting on the floor pretending you're a mountain—which reminds you that you're supposed to be sitting on the floor pretending you're a mountain, which makes you mad at yourself for letting your mind wander. And then—bam. Not only are you no longer cultivating intimacy with the present moment, you're committing one of mindfulness's biggest faux pas: beating yourself up for getting distracted. (As soon as you start making judgments, you're out of the moment.) Kabat-Zinn didn't say this explicitly, but I'm pretty sure that mindfulness exercises should not include obscenities.

After a few days pretending to be a mountain (and, in a different exercise, a lake), it became clear that I am not a visual person. Unable to picture a mountain in the first place, let alone concentrate on it for 20 minutes, I compensated by imagining my breath flowing up my body and rushing out the top of my head—which worked better, until I realized I'd turned my calm snowy peak into a volcano. So with Kabat-Zinn's blessing, I moved on to a meditation that I hoped might come more naturally to me: the body scan. One of the key exercises in the MBSR course, it's 45 minutes of carefully guiding your attention up and down your body, trying to home in on the sensations in each isolated part. The exercise begins with your left big toe and, unfortunately in my case, it often ends there—as Kabat-Zinn likes to point out, while it's very difficult to learn to "fall awake" (become connected to the present moment), it's quite easy, when meditating, to fall asleep.

Still, I stuck with it. I liked the challenge of trying to harness my mind, and I was intrigued by studies showing that MBSR does even more than that. In 2003, for example, scientists from the University of Wisconsin-Madison examined a group that included alumni of Kabat-Zinn's eight-week course, and found that when they received flu shots, the meditators' immune systems produced more antibodies in response to the vaccine than did the nonmeditators'. In a 1998 University of Massachusetts study, patients with psoriasis who meditated while receiving ultraviolet treatments for their skin healed four times faster than the control group—regardless of whether they had any previous meditation training. Researchers don't yet understand all the details of why changes like these occur, but one possible explanation is that this type of meditation reduces stress and helps people develop a more positive outlook, both of which have been shown to strengthen the body's immune system.

What's more, according to researcher Norman Farb, who studies meditation and experimental psychology at the University of Toronto, such mindfulness-based meditation can actually change the way you use your brain. As Farb explains it, most of the time, we (by which I mean your average nonmeditating American) respond to new stimuli and experiences automatically, based on how we think they'll affect us. A traffic jam isn't just cars; it's a problem that will make us late for dinner—so when we see a red wall of taillights in front of us, we become stressed-out. A pair of sneakers strewn in the doorway aren't just discarded shoes; they're an annoying obstacle. So when we trip over them, we (by which I mean your average nonmeditating Catherine) get irritated with our husbands. In other words, we don't just experience, we evaluate—and then respond without thinking (clogged highway = extra minutes stuck in the car = misery).

Typically this type of narrative processing takes place in the medial prefrontal cortex, an area of the brain behind the center of your forehead that coordinates complex behaviors and thoughts. (It's also the part of the brain that's being used when your mind starts to wander.) While it's possible to stifle this default way of thinking, trying to do so is like forcing yourself to go to the gym after years of inactivity—sure, you could fight your way through a step aerobics class if you had to, but wouldn't it be nicer to just eat Doritos on the couch?

Farb has found that people who have completed the eight-week MBSR training, on the other hand, are able to activate an entirely different part of the brain—the insula. Located deep inside your gray matter, the insula informs you of what's happening in the present moment without connecting the experience to a specific emotion. When you're thinking this way, a traffic jam doesn't seem like a problem; it's simply a bunch of cars on the road.

The point of meditation is not to stop you from having an emotional response to what's happening in your life—it's to avoid responding purely out of habit. Every situation, if you think about it, is an invitation for you to react in a certain way, but being mindful gives you the chance to decide how to RSVP. Does the sight of bumper-to-bumper traffic mean you have to get stressed-out? Or could you think of those extra 20 minutes as a chance to listen to a favorite CD? (Judging from the increase in my heart rate just from typing "bumper-to-bumper," I've got work to do.) Is it really worth getting angry at my husband over those misplaced sneakers? Or would I rather be thankful for the fact that he folded the laundry? On the flip side, if it turns out you do want to say yes to the invitation—by feeling happy about a new promotion, for example—you can use mindfulness to savor the moment more fully. It doesn't matter whether the experience is good or bad; mindfulness reminds you that when it comes to your reactions, you're the one in charge.

Still, Kabat-Zinn had warned me not to expect that anything magical would happen while I was meditating, or even that it would always feel enjoyable—a caveat that I appreciated whenever I grew irritable or uncomfortable, or found myself counting down the seconds during my daily practice. He also pointed out that meditation is not a quick fix; becoming—and staying—mindful is a lifelong process.

But as I continued experimenting each day with the guided exercises, I was happy to find that they did become easier. I developed some tricks for everyday life, too—like taking a few slow, conscious breaths to bring my attention back to the present moment, or choosing a particular sense to focus on. And I tried not to get annoyed when my mind wandered. As Kabat-Zinn says, stopping your brain from thinking would be like stopping the ocean's waves. It's more productive to simply observe the thoughts without getting carried away by them—and try to tap into the calm that exists beneath the surface.

By training myself to stay focused during the exercises, I've also gotten better at staying present when I'm not actively meditating. As a result, I've discovered that each day is dense with experiences—the breeze against my skin, the play of light on the grass, the sound of my husband's laugh—and if I want to stretch out time, all I need to do is notice them. When I find my mind racing ahead or am tempted to skip my daily practice, I remember another of Kabat-Zinn's sayings that affirms why this is an experiment I want to continue: Both figuratively and literally, we only have moments to live.

For a guide on how to cultivate mindfulness and suggestions for daily practice, download these meditation exercises. To buy Jon Kabat-Zinn's series of practice CDs, go to JonKabat-Zinn.com. To find a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program near you, go to umassmed.edu/cfm/mbsr.

Keep Reading: How mindfulness meditation works for depression, weight loss and marital problems

Catherine Price is a freelance journalist and author of 101 Places Not to See Before You Die (Harper Paperbacks).

How can you learn to slow down time, quiet the mental chatter, and savor life's breezes? With mindfulness, one snowcapped mountain meditation at a time.

Can Meditation Make You Happier?

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Meditations for Rejuvenating the Body

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Mindfulness as Pure Awareness Meditation

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Choosing Happiness

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Mindfulness of Objects: Sounds, Thoughts, Emotions

Join Jon Kabat-Zinn in an audio meditation to explore how to view every object of your experience, both inner and outer, without judgment and fully in the moment.

Strategies for Mental Rest and Relaxation - Martha Beck Advice - Oprah.com

2010-08-28T19:18:00.000-06:00

I came across this article in newsletter from O Magazine. It has been an extremely "stressful" couple of months so this article caught my eye... perhaps it will benefit you as well.

Strategies for Mental Rest and Relaxation - Martha Beck Advice - Oprah.com

Illustration by Holly Lindem

When things fall apart, your urge is to do something—anything—to put them back together. But what if you can't do that right now? Martha Beck on the hidden blessings of life's little low points.

"I don't know why this is happening!" Rachel wrung her hands like a pioneer laundress. "I'm a good person. I work hard. I'm kind. But lately everything's going to hell. My boyfriend broke up with me, my job was downsized—now I've got mono. What did I do to deserve this?"

The answer? Rachel was born. Her very existence is the occasion for multitudinous peaks and troughs—lungs inflating and deflating, muscles contracting and relaxing. We live in an up-and-down, ebb-and-flow universe, yet we'd much rather flow than ebb. When we find ourselves in the troughs between the peaks of life, some of us (like Rachel) become resistant. The rest of us (like me) panic.

Right now, with the global economy in a trough and social institutions toppling like bowling pins on beer night, it's quite likely you're either experiencing a downturn like Rachel's or worrying that one is on the way. As much as I wish I could offer strategies to sidestep a low point, what I can offer are a few tips on the gentle art of surviving what I call the in-between place.

Step One: Relax into the Valley
I'm writing this in a dark airport hotel in Africa, after being stranded in a freak five-hour traffic gridlock that blocked all access to the airport. Dozens of planes took off empty, leaving hapless passengers haggling for seats on later flights. A thunderstorm struck as I waited in line outside for seats that were ultimately unavailable. It knocked out the electrical power just as the Bank Gods back in America decided I couldn't possibly be where I am and barred my access to cash.

Now, compared with a life trough like Rachel's, my travel snafu is trivial. But it still gave me that vertiginous, unsupported feeling of everything going wrong at once. Ruined plans and unfulfilled expectations remind us that we have little control over most situations, and that our very lives are—I'm sorry, but it's true—temporary. This scares us so much we resist every downturn, from a demotion to a breakup, as if it were death itself. We clutch at straws, passionately embrace denial, or pretend things won't go wrong (even when they already have).

These options—trust me, I've tried them all—don't work.

If you're going into a valley, do what you did as a small kid on the big shiny playground slide: Let go and ride it down. Accept that what's happening is happening. Then immediately implement step two.

Step Two: Fear No Evil
Every traditional wisdom culture has metaphors for the ups and downs of life. In the Good Book, there's a particular reference to difficult times as "the valley of the shadow of death." The Psalmist who coined the term promptly recommends the best way to travel through it: Fear no evil. Couldn't be simpler, right?

Riiiiiiiiiight.

Unshakable calm is fabulous in theory, but in practice—when your dreams are shattered as Rachel's were, or even when you're soaked, cashless, and confused in a foreign country—fearlessness may seem impossible. It isn't.

I just relearned this from a wise fellow traveler: a tired, cranky 1-year-old whose mother was waiting in line ahead of me, wild-eyed with stress. The kid, catching Mom's vibe, looked ready to pitch a full-on fit. Great, I thought as he opened his mouth and drew a deep breath. Just anticipating the shrieks to come was enough to cut through my last nerve like a chain saw. But instead of screaming, the baby looked directly into my eyes, furrowed his brow, and said, "Oy-yoy-oy!"

I swear he sounded exactly like Rodney Dangerfield.

I laughed out loud, which let the rain hit my tongue, which reminded me: I had water. I also had half a candy bar. I even had one credit card that still might work. Most important, I had friends old and new, a world of human beings who've been visiting the valley of the shadow regularly since infancy. I will fear no evil, for thou art with me, oh worried, precocious, articulate African baby.

It often surprises me that such simple encounters can switch off fear, but it's neurologically inevitable; psychologists have found our brains can't simultaneously experience fear and appreciation. That's why it's so helpful to make a list of things that give you comfort, support, and hope. When things keep going wrong and fear returns, lengthen your list. As this practice trains your brain not to fear, you'll notice there are wonderful things to be found in the valleys between your so-called peak experiences.

Step Three: Get the Message
"This is more than coincidence," Rachel brooded. "Screwing up so many things at once? Something out there is trying to ruin my life." I agree with Rachel that when we tumble into a really deep valley, something more than chance often seems to be at work. But after years of coaching, I believe whatever's "out there" isn't trying to ruin our lives. It's trying to save them.

Think about it: Humans are the only creature in nature that resist the pattern of ebb and flow. We want the sun to shine all night, and when it doesn't, we create cities that never sleep. Seeking a continuous energetic and emotional high, we use everything from exciting parties to illegal chemicals. But natural ebbs—the darkness between days, the emptiness between fill-ups, the fallow time between growing seasons—are the necessary complements of upbeats. They hold a message for us. I heard that message an hour ago, when I relaxed in the rain. Rachel heard it when she put aside fear just for the duration of our conversation. If you listen at your life's low points, you'll hear it, too. It's just one simple, blessed word. Rest.

Step Four: Rest Like You Mean It
My friend Kathy Kolbe, behavioralist extraordinaire, often wears a T-shirt that says DO NOTHING WHEN NOTHING WORKS. If nothing's working for you, if you feel as though you're pushing forward against the grain, the most productive and proactive thing you can do is nothing. Nature is turning you inward, to gain power through peace, rather than outward to gain power through activity.

If this feels alien to you, watch animals. When nothing's working for them no matter how hard they try, they curl up or stretch out and surrender. They love the valley of the shadow: It's a dim, quiet, perfect place to gather strength. In Africa I watched a pride of lions, tired from an unsuccessful hunt, lie down and purr like tractor engines for hours. One of my friends observed, "You know, they rest like they mean it."

Most humans, by contrast, rest in a state of anxiety, guilt, and unease. We don't mean it. This keeps life's downtimes from fulfilling their natural function, which is to restore and heal. I'll never forget the day a client told me she was "de-e-e-presssed," speaking so slowly that I heard "deep rest." This was accurate: Even grief, when accepted fearlessly, is restorative. Some therapists call it "the healing feeling." So, though we often see life troughs as the universe's conspiracy to ruin us, they're actually our own true nature inviting us to lay down our weary heads.

I learned this from a man named Dan Howard, who spends his whole life teaching people "intentional resting." After half an hour's instruction, Dan's presence and simple methods melted me like butter. I think I was purring myself. You can learn more from Dan's Web site (IntentionalResting.com), but for now, I'll summarize.

When to rest? When you feel even a little bit like Rachel did during her recent ebb, or like I did struggling through travel hell, life is inviting you to sink into rest. To some degree, you'll feel blocked, tense, joyless, weepy, weak, and hopeless. Strangely, you'll probably feel certain that simply resting—doing nothing when nothing works—would be disastrous. This is the lie of the crazed human ego, resisting the natural peaks and troughs that define all nature. See through it.

Get 5 tips on how to conquer your resistance to rest

How to rest? Here are some of Dan Howard's instructions for conquering your resistance:

1. Find the spot in your body or mind that's experiencing the most intense discomfort.

2. Instead of avoiding or covering up the feeling, pour your attention into it.

3. Think the word relax. Notice what happens.

4. When you've had about a minute to relax, think the word rest. Offer it as an invitation for your tired feet, your cramped back, your broken heart. Actually say to yourself, "I'm resting for my heart now."

5. Mentally scan through your body and mind, inviting each troubled thing to rest.

I had to do this a few times before it kicked in. Then I felt a visceral ka-chunk, as if a misaligned part of my body had slipped back into place. The more I practiced, the more quickly and deliciously the feeling recurred. The simple intention to rest, consistently applied, turns the valley of the shadow into sweet surrender. Honestly, it's that simple.

When I'm talking to clients whose lives have hit a low point, it's always quite clear that life is telling them to rest. When I walked Rachel through Dan's exercises, she practically fell asleep in my lap. As she's continued to rest, luxuriously doing nothing when nothing works, her body and heart have healed.

Of course, when I'm the one typing on a rapidly draining computer battery in a place where a questionable infrastructure has temporarily failed, things seem much more dire. I'm quite reluctant to stop struggling, appreciate my way out of fear, and listen to my life saying—sorry, what was that? Oh, yes. Rest. But when that's your only option, as it seems to be mine, I invite you to join me. Until things improve and something starts to work, let's lie down in the cool, shady valley...and rest like we mean it.

3 creative ways to (finally!) relax

When things fall apart, your urge is to do something--anything--to put them back together. But what if you can't do that right now? Martha Beck on the hidden blessings of life's little low points.

DID YOU ENJOY THIS ARTICLE? IF SO, PLEASE SHARE THIS:

By Martha Beck
O, The Oprah Magazine | August 12, 2010

Near my heaviest weight, yet closer to my goal than ever…

2010-08-13T21:08:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine asked me how close I was to my goal today. Her name is Colleen. We used to belong to a group of ladies that were trying to lose weight that has long since disbanded. I started thinking about just how close I am to my goal. The following is my answer…

I miss the group too. Or rather the ladies in the group...lol... I am rather heavy, 302 lbs as of last Sunday. However I am closer to my goals than ever before.

That probably sounds pretty strange... considering that gives me over 150 lbs to lose. 303 pounds is the heaviest I have ever weighed at. If I've been heavier I don't know what the actual weight was.

So How am I closer to my goals ... I am closer to my goals because the depressive compulsive self destructive subconscious beliefs and behaviors that were so much a part of creating this unhealthy weight are no longer dominant in my life.

I eat now because I am hungry, not unconsciously burying emotions or because my stress levels are off the charts. Yes sometimes my stress levels are still off the charts. But my coping skills have shifted.

The compulsive eating got pretty hairy this past year. Having my mother live with us after the family home of over 100 years burned down... after all the issues of the past years ... was... well I don't know what it was. What I do know is that the experience was part of my journey. A journey through depression and panic attacks so bad that the muscles around my chest contracted to the point of making it nearly impossible to breathe.

Who'd a thought that could happen? It's been an interesting and challenging journey...

As hairy as some of it has been, I wouldn't change it. It's taken until now for me to be able to say that and actually mean it. The reason I wouldn't change it is ... this journey is part of what has made me who I am ... And I actually like who I am.

This is relatively new for me, and it feels good. Not everyone likes who I am... and that's ok too.

So... I am actually near my heaviest weight, really looking forward to walking that marathon in May 2011... And closer to my goal than ever before...

Life is a journey, each step adds to the richness of the composite...
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

Restarting my Marathon Training! Written August 12, 2010

2010-08-13T21:04:00.000-06:00

I did it! 20 minutes of hill work on the elliptical. Total body workout... It has the upper body bars as well. yay! The marathon I am aiming for is on May 29th 2011. Its a mountain race. My goal is to complete it.

Last year my training went awry and it's taken me this long to get my mind back around it. So here goes.

By the Way... Also using shakeology to help reduce the fat load I'm carrying. My last weigh in was at 302 lbs. Goal weight 145.

Sunday Morning I will weigh again.

I will be adding DVD workouts as well as the walking and elliptical work. Hip Hop Abs and Turbo Jam to start. working my way through them. Haven't decided which I am going to start with ... leaning towards Hip Hop Abs Fat burning Cardio. that stripped off the pounds and inches the last time I was using it.

Life is a journey... if you think there is a detour in the road... you create one...

Mary E. Robbins

Boing.... Boing.... Boing....

2010-07-20T10:10:00.000-06:00

Boing... and BOING!!!!! Monday is my usual weigh in day. So I trudged up the stairs, (I've been keeping my scale in an upstairs bedroom that I usually workout in) and stepped on it in my birthday suit. And Thar she Blew! 4 pounds up. Frustrating as that is there is also progress to be seen. Pretty nifty progress at that.

What kind of progress can be seen in a 4 pound gain in an obese (yeah that's what I said OBESE) woman's efforts to become more healthy? Svelte in fact.

Here it is. A year ago that kind of weight bounce, even though I knew my body had significant swelling, would have triggered a nasty depressive swing and uncontrollable compulsive eating. Translated: so depressed I just sat and stared at the wall uncontrollably snarfing anything remotely edible until I simply could not eat anything else.

This is HUGE, no not my rear... oh well yes that is too, but it's not what I'm talking about right now. True I was, NOT HAPPY with the weight gain. But, and it is a HUGE BUT, I am very happy that I am dealing with it in a productive emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically healthful way.

Rather than taking an uncontrollable nose dive into a black hole of self destructive depression I was able to approach this disappointment in a logical productive manner.

Here is the "result", how did I get here, what can I do about it. What steps can I take to obtain the desired result?

This is a great day indeed. I have been living on an extreme emotional/mental/physical roller-coaster ride for the majority of my life. This time around I was able to say "no thanks- I'll pass" when that ride ticket popped up.

A 4 pound weight gain is a relatively minor thing in the overall scope of things. However, in my life any kind of weight gain has been a major trigger. Things get linked up to inappropriate responses. Sorting those out and changing them to appropriate responses can make a major difference in your life.

For me in this instance, I am free to say no to some hugely self-destructive behavior that has been plaguing me for over 30 years. Now I know I can do! Not I wish I could, but I CAN!

There is a major difference. I can do says, I can do this. I may have to change directions, alter plans, and so on. But I can do.

I wish I could- or I'll try - says... I don't really believe I can. I am not really worth the effort. There is always that nagging self doubt. Often hidden deep within, that overrides every thing in your life. That hollow echoing hole of worthlessness.

Look around, see behind the masks, you are not alone in this. You can live, actually live your life, not fake it.... and here is the BIGGIE ... you can live in this life!

Here is the really really cool thing about this. If I can do this. You can too.... you can actually be free to live your life. Free to enjoy the moment. Free to actually live. Rather than subsist between crisis.

With that... I'm off to tackle the rest of my day...

Life is a journey, sometimes it's fun to stand on the top of a hill and look back at how far you've come...
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

p.s. BTW I got back on the scale this morning. It was swelling, the 4 pounds has dropped off. Had I triggered into a self destructive cycle, this bit of good news would have been too late to make any positive difference. That 4 pounds of swelling would have more than likely turned into a 15 or 20 pound real fat gain. Before the cycle spent itself.

It's good to be off that ride. ;)

Fat tired and bummed... now what do I do

2010-07-19T08:44:00.001-06:00

Fat tired and bummed... now what do I do. How do i make things better. I thought I was actually turning things around. but instead of losing weight I've gained 9 lbs since my last entry here. 4 pound gain this past week. Geesh...

I was doing better when I was using the daily food journal. With the calorie count. So I'm going to use it again.

If I continue gaining i will destroy this body. It is already hard to move and breathe. I'm tired all the time.

Gotta go take care of the kennels... the dogs are counting on me for their food water and care. I am just sad... was mad... now sad.

Not binging though... so that is a good thing.

Saw mom this pst week... she looks so very old. Old age can be cruel to these bodies. On a totally selfish note... i am so not ready for her to be old. Pop's the same age... actually about 1 month younger than her. Both will be 83 this yr. July and August respectively. The docs diagnosed Pop with pancreatic cancer. He sounds good... but I always wonder if i will ever hear from him again in this life when he calls. Totally sucks. It seems like we just got to know each other... now his expiration date is coming up fast.

Went to Oregon Trail Days parade with mom and her crew from the adult living facility. I didn't last the whole parade. started getting ill in the heat and left. I was thankful they were there to take care of her. that is such a relief.

I'm not doing so good at even taking care of myself at this point.

It's hard to breathe... I know part of it is my weight... I can not believe I weigh 305 pounds. That 4 pound gain this week really threw me for a loop.

David loves me no matter how fat i am... sometimes i think he prefers me fatter... but the heavier i get the harder it is to breathe. I saw another varicose vein on the inside of my leg yesterday.

Ok... I've got to go ... get up and move... one step at a time... go take care of the kennels. Then call the electrician and get the ceiling fans installed. Then do some paperwork.

You can do this...

Yes you can...

Now move... do it now!

Life is a journey... sometimes it .....
Mary E. Robbins
3077880202

Gun Ownership… the why’s and why nots

2010-05-28T13:37:00.001-06:00

I was perusing one of my favorite sites this morning, Vibrant Nation, and I came across a post entitled “Me, own a gun”. It peaked my interest and I read on, then I went on to read the replies…

Of course I have an opinion. It was written as a reply, but it stands on it’s own. My take on gun ownership, the whys and why nots…

*******

I am having my coffee. Finished a lovely breakfast of yogurt and buttered blueberry toast. Now I’m sitting here, listening to the meadowlarks call… thinking about guns. Thinking about the attitudes about guns. To have one or not to have one, that is the question. Actually it’s not the question at all. Here is the question. Why do you want one?

This is not a “should you or shouldn’t you” question. It’s why do you want one? Note; I haven’t said whether I have one or not. Is it a big secret? No, it’s not, but it’s also not the point. Not just yet.

Here is another question. If it came down to it. Could you, would you kill to defend yourself. I don’t need to know your answer; you do. Just know this; If you pull a gun on someone and are not prepared to use it, you are gambling in a high stakes game that you are going to lose. The stakes in this case, is your life.

If you are going to have/use a gun. Get to know your gun. Not … Oh here’s the barrel here’s the handle and let’s see the bullets go in here. How many shots does it hold? Learn how to use it. Yes, get to the target range and practice, practice, practice. Learn how to clean it, take it apart, put it back together. Feel the balance, what kind of kick does it have. Are the sites on target? How do I hold it? How do I stand so I’m stable if rushed?

Here is another question. Where to keep it so it’s out of sight, yet I have quick simple access? If your home protection gun is locked in a safe, hidden in a shoe box unloaded in the back of the closet, or some other obscure difficult to get to place. Do yourself a favor. Contact a reputable gun dealer and sell it. You are not prepared to use it.

I am not saying to be careless or cavalier with it; that would be disgustingly irresponsible. A gun is a tool, a piece of equipment. It doesn’t make you bigger. It doesn’t make you stronger. It doesn’t make you safer. It is only as useful as your skill set is.

If you have children in the house, teach them. It’s not a toy, it’s a tool. If you have a gun, you have the responsibility. There is no getting around that. Deny it if you will, you still have the responsibility. Don’t be the idiot; that set up a target against a couple of straw bales and killed his small child that was playing behind the bales. You’re right; I have no sympathy for people like that. It wasn’t an accident; it was careless and irresponsible.

Owning a gun is not going to stop you from living in fear. Living in fear is not a good reason to own a gun. If you are living in a dangerous situation, or a potentially dangerous situation; develop your skill set. Your most valuable tool is your mind, your attitude. Everything else is secondary. A gun is a minor tool in comparison.

********
In answer to some possible curiosities: Do I own a gun? Yes I do. Why? Because I live on a ranch and it is a useful tool. Do I own a gun because I am (or was) afraid? No, I own a gun to defend myself, my home and livestock from predators; be they rattle snake, coyote, cougar, rabid animal, or human. Am I mentally/physically capable of killing? Yes I am. Do I like killing? No I do not. I do not like killing any living creature. If I have to I will; but only as a last resort.

Best ask your self the above questions; put some thought into it and answer them honestly. I don’t need to know your answers. Only you need to know them; and you do need to know them…. Especially if you choose to own a gun.

Life is a journey, how you walk it is your choice.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

VIJAYA SUTTA: VICTORY translated from the Pali byThanissaro Bhikkhu© 1997–2010

2010-05-26T09:40:00.002-06:00

VIJAYA SUTTA: VICTORY

Whether walking, standing,

sitting, or lying down,

it flexes & stretches:

this is the body's movement.

Joined together with tendons & bones,

plastered over with muscle & skin,

hidden by complexion,

the body isn't seen

for what it is:

filled with intestines, filled with stomach,

with the lump of the liver,

bladder, lungs, heart,

kidneys, spleen,

mucus, sweat, saliva, fat,

blood, synovial fluid, bile, & oil.

On top of that,

in nine streams,

filth is always flowing from it:

from the eyes : eye secretions,

from the ears : ear secretions,

from the nose : mucus,

from the mouth : now vomit,

now phlegm,

now bile.

from the body : beads of sweat.

And on top of that,

its hollow head is filled with brains.

The fool, beset by ignorance,

thinks it beautiful.

But when it lies dead,

swollen, livid,

away in a charnel ground,

even relatives don't care for it.

Dogs feed on it,

jackals, wolves, & worms.

Crows & vultures feed on it,

along with any other animals there.

Having heard the Awakened One's words,

the discerning monk

comprehends, for he sees it

for what it is:"

As this is, so is that.

As that, so this.

"Within & without,

he should let desire for the body

fade away.

With desire & passion faded away,

the discerning monk arrives here:

at the deathless,

the calm,

the undying state

of Unbinding.

This two-footed, filthy, evil-smelling,

filled-with-various-carcasses,

oozing-out-here-&-there body:

Whoever would think,

on the basis of a body like this,

to exalt himself or disparage another:

What is that if not blindness?

**************

I was looking through my facebook account and I saw this post. Vision 2010 posted it. I am very tired and it spoke to me. Some will understand, some won't, and that is ok.
Life is a journey, at present I am a weary traveler.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

5 Things Every Happy Woman Does - Oprah.com

2010-05-16T09:08:00.000-06:00

Illustration: R.O. Blechman Sages going back to Socrates have offered advice on how to be happy, but only now are scientists beginning to address this question with systematic, controlled research. Although many of the new studies reaffirm time-honored wisdom ("Do what you love," "To thine own self be true"), they also add a number of fresh twists and insights. We canvassed the leading experts on what happy people have in common—and why it's worth trying to become one of them.

1. They find their most golden self.
Picture happiness. What do you see? A peaceful soul sitting in a field of daisies appreciating the moment? That kind of passive, pleasure-oriented—hedonic—contentment is definitely a component of overall happiness. But researchers now believe that eudaimonic well-being may be more important. Cobbled from the Greek eu ("good") and daimon ("spirit" or "deity"), eudaimonia means striving toward excellence based on one's unique talents and potential—Aristotle considered it to be the noblest goal in life. In his time, the Greeks believed that each child was blessed at birth with a personal daimon embodying the highest possible expression of his or her nature. One way they envisioned the daimon was as a golden figurine that would be revealed by cracking away an outer layer of cheap pottery (the person's baser exterior). The effort to know and realize one's most golden self—"personal growth," in today's lingo—is now the central concept of eudaimonia, which has also come to include continually taking on new challenges and fulfilling one's sense of purpose in life.

"Eudaimonic well-being is much more robust and satisfying than hedonic happiness, and it engages different parts of the brain," says Richard J. Davidson, PhD, of the University of Wisconsin-Madison. "The positive emotion accompanying thoughts that are directed toward meaningful goals is one of the most enduring components of well-being." Eudaimonia is also good for the body. Women who scored high on psychological tests for it (they were purposefully engaged in life, pursued self-development) weighed less, slept better, and had fewer stress hormones and markers for heart disease than others—including those reporting hedonic happiness—according to a study led by Carol Ryff, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

2. They design their lives to bring in joy.
It may seem obvious, but "people don't devote enough time to thinking seriously about how they spend their life and how much of it they actually enjoy," says David Schkade, PhD, a psychologist and professor of management at the University of California San Diego. In a recent study, Schkade and colleagues asked more than 900 working women to write down everything they'd done the day before. Afterward, they reviewed their diaries and evaluated how they felt at each point. When the women saw how much time they spent on activities they didn't like, "some people had tears in their eyes," Schkade says. "They didn't realize their happiness was something they could design and have control over."

Analyzing one's life isn't necessarily easy and may require questioning long-held assumptions. A high-powered career might, in fact, turn out to be unfulfilling; a committed relationship once longed for could end up being irritating with all the compromising that comes with having a partner. Dreams can be hard to abandon, even when they've turned sour.

Fortunately, changes don't have to be big ones to tip the joy in your favor. Schkade says that if you transfer even an hour of your day from an activity you hate (commuting, scrubbing the bathroom) to one you like (reading, spending time with friends), you should see a significant improvement in your overall happiness. Taking action is key. Another recent study, at the University of Missouri, compared college students who made intentional changes (joining a club, upgrading their study habits) with others who passively experienced positive turns in their circumstances (receiving a scholarship, being relieved of a bad roommate). All the students were happier in the short term, but only the group who made deliberate changes stayed that way.

3. They avoid "if only" fantasies.
If only I get a better job...find a man...lose the weight...life will be perfect. Happy people don't buy into this kind of thinking.

The latest research shows that we're surprisingly bad at predicting what will make us happy. People also tend to misjudge their contentment when zeroing in on a single aspect of their life—it's called the focusing illusion. In one study, single subjects were asked, "How happy are you with your life in general?" and "How many dates did you have last month?" When the dating question was asked first, their romantic life weighed more heavily into how they rated their overall happiness than when the questions were reversed.

The other argument against "if only" fantasies has to do with "hedonic adaptation"—the brain's natural dimming effect, which guarantees that a new house won't generate the same pleasure a year after its purchase and the thrill of having a boyfriend will ebb as you get used to being part of a couple. Happy people are wise to this, which is why they keep their lives full of novelty, even if it's just trying a new activity (diving, yoga) or putting a new spin on an old favorite (kundalini instead of vinyasa).

4. They put best friends first.
It's no surprise that social engagement is one of the most important contributors to happiness. What's news is that the nature of the relationship counts. Compared with dashing around chatting with acquaintances, you get more joy from spending longer periods of time with a close friend, according to research by Meliksah Demir, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at Northern Arizona University. And the best-friend benefit doesn't necessarily come from delving into heavy discussions. One of the most essential pleasures of close friendship, Demir found, is simple companionship, "just hanging out," as he says, hitting the mall or going to the movies together and eating popcorn in the dark.

5. They allow themselves to be happy.
As much as we all think we want it, many of us are convinced, deep down, that it's wrong to be happy (or too happy). Whether the belief comes from religion, culture, or the family you were raised in, it usually leaves you feeling guilty if you're having fun.

"Some people would say you shouldn't strive for personal happiness until you've taken care of everyone in the world who is starving or doesn't have adequate medical care," says Howard Cutler, MD, coauthor with the Dalai Lama of The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World. "The Dalai Lama believes you should pursue both simultaneously. For one thing, there is clear research showing that happy people tend to be more open to helping others. They also make better spouses and parents." And in one famous study, nuns whose autobiographies expressed positive emotions (such as gratitude and optimism) lived seven to 10-and-a-half years longer than other nuns. So, for any die-hard pessimist who still needs persuading, just think of how much more you can help the world if you allow a little happiness into your life.

Gabrielle Leblanc is a writer and neuroscientist in Washington, D.C.

5 Things Every Happy Woman Does - Oprah.com

************************

Musings on a Rainy Day...

2010-05-15T09:08:00.001-06:00

It’s a rainy foggy morning. When I first got up it was as if we were shrouded in a fuzzy gray wrap. It was not possible to see beyond the posts on the opposite side of the road. That was several hours ago. It is still raining, not flooding, just a slow gentle rain. The kind that makes the grasses in the pastures and the trees celebrate in an explosion of life. The Fog has cleared a bit, I can now see the shadowy outline of our nearest neighbor’s trees. They are about a half mile away.

I watched the storm come in late yesterday afternoon. I saw the rain on the ridges to the south of us. Dark gray clouds hugging the tops of the craggy hills. As I was watching the storm’s progress; the sun was shining here.

A slight wind picked up from the southeast. I knew the clouds were circling back to us when the wind graced us with it’s presence from the southeast. There was a dramatic shaft of rainbow wide and bright shooting up into the heavens over the far hills to the southeast. Brightly dramatic in it’s beauty. I thought of hurrying for my camera; and decided to savor the moment instead of trying to capture it. I’ve noticed over the years you can never really capture the moment; merely a shadow of the real thing no matter the beauty of the photograph.

So often when we try to hold too tight we lose the essence of the moment we have been blessed with. So this time I savored the essence so sweet it was in its fleeting existence.

The clouds continued their march and overtook the hills the rainbow had been shinning over. This has been a gentle storm. No threatening lightening, with it’s booming echoing thunder rolling through the shattered air as an angry dragon gone to war. No tornadoes twisting their angry way through the atmosphere capriciously touching down here and there as if it were a naughty child bent on having a tantrum on an epic scale.

No flash floods rushing down the hills; cutting through the soil leaving an open gash; and debris littered in their wake. This has been a gentle rain, a calm storm, wet to be sure, chilled over the baby animals-yes, but life renewing for the pastures exploding in growth. Grasses and wildflowers exploding in a dance of growth.

Life is a journey, each moment a precious gift to be savored.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream In Wild Wonderful Wyoming
307.788.0202

Dragging my Butt

2010-05-06T15:02:00.000-06:00

I am seriously dragging my butt today. On a bright note the wind is not howling. Actually there are quite a few bright notes... just have to focus on them instead of grubbing about.

I was up rather late last night, didn't get into bed until after 3:00 a.m. Woke up at 6:00 a.m. and went back to sleep. Three hours is a bit short on the the sleep for me. Unfortunately I slept until 9:30, which put me behind for the day. I had a 10.30 appointment for a manicure/pedicure, my mother's day treat for me, which there was simply no way I could make. I called them and canceled; no point in rescheduling unless I know for sure I can make it into town for the appointment.

I think I will just give myself a manicure, and see if I can talk my hubs into giving my peds a warm oil massage. I have some wonderful massage oil, that I think would be a treat for my feet.

I moved a refrigerator yesterday; I thought my muscles would be sore. Tee hee, they are not. This means my body is getting stronger and stronger. This puts a serious smile on my face. A couple of years ago, even one year ago I could not have done this without seriously hurting myself.

Its amazing how well our bodies can repair themselves when given the necessary exercise and nutrition. Can't forget mindset either. Our states of mind play a major factor in how well our bodies work. Amazing pieces of equipment these bodies we have; to be sure. Remarkably durable; self maintaining for the most part. Again when given adequate nutrition and exercise.

If we treated our cars or computers the way we treat our bodies we would have neither operating for any length of time.

Something to think about...

Oh yes I nearly forgot to mention it. If you can believe that. Kind of surprises me I used to be so ... hmmmm what's the word... compulsive ... about it. I lost another pound. That makes 5 down for the month of May. 296 - 5 = 291 The my calorie counter in My Everyday Health: is really helping me to get a handle on my nutrition. Putting a positive constructive spin on it; rather than the self destructive compulsive binging that had been going on.

Obviously it takes more than "My Calorie Counter" to get to the issues triggering the compulsive behavior. You have to do the work; dig through the mental and emotional muck and sort it out. Feels a bit like stomping through a city sewer drain barefoot at times. (Or in reference to the area I live in: a 100,000 cattle feedlot's drain pond) It stinks, but it's gotta be dealt with. There is no getting around it. Want to be healthy; the "crap" has to be dealt with. I'm just saying.

Life is a journey, sometimes you step in it.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

I missed my before breakfast workout, fixed my hubs something to eat when he came in from working all night; and shared a bite with him. Gotta grab those moments when you can. Anyway I am getting on my elliptical and getting my 7 kilometers of hills in for today. :)

The "window" of relationship - Vibrant Nation

2010-05-04T13:33:00.004-06:00

It is a window through which you can pass (to become ever closer, to get married, to create a stronger friendship), or a window that you can pass by.
Posted using ShareThis

Posted on Tuesday, May 04, 2010 by LucyBHoffman

I have a friend who was once close. I think I could say that we still have a certain aspect of closeness, mostly based on past history, but the situation between has dramatically altered. There was a time in our lives when we were at similar posts on the road. Mile marker "selfish." That is a judgmental way of stating it, nevertheless true. It may have been because of the choices we made in our lives previously. But those are our choices. We spent a few years sharing our own selfish desires. Participating together. Providing cover. Somehow, I thought I was a very different friend for her. I thought I was someone whom she would never hurt nor betray. Those were parameters which I set up for myself. As long as I was willing to be part of the relationship on her terms, then we were close. Once I challenged that and refused to continue to offer support for things that I felt unsupportable, the relationship shifted. She was able to turn her back on me for a period of months. Since that time, although we have made momentary attempts to try to get back to where we once were, it has never worked. We have not regained the trust and the dependency we once had.

I believe it is because we both grew past the window. The "window" is my theory of relationships. It is a window through which you can pass (to become ever closer, to get married, to create a stronger friendship), or a window that you can pass by. Sometimes life makes the choice of which one you do. Sometimes you make the choice.

In this example, I'm not sure which one happened. But for whatever reason, passing by that window became the choice for me. I stopped wanting to try again with her. After the pain of being put aside, and ignored, I realized an important thing. In many ways, this friendship was a recreation of my relationship with my mother. An "I'm there in the bad times for you to talk to but not depend on" kind of relationship. A "you do all the work and all the planning and I may show up or I may cancel" type of friendship that does not represent friendship at all in my eyes. Others I'm sure would not find this necessarily an un-salvageable friendship, but we all carry different emotional baggage. If I didn't have this as a mother/daughter relationship, there is a good likelihood that it would not create the emotions of abandonment and loneliness which it has in the past.

I don't want to continue or work on relationships in which I feel abandoned. That is not where I will allow my efforts or feelings to go or to grow. I want to work on friendships in which something/much is returned. I have those in my life, and I have more and more happening. I think that is part of my own growth, that I have begun to choose better in regards to my own needs. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

Last night I received an email from this friend stating she would like to send me a letter. I know that it has become difficult for her to deal with my lack of interest. Her desire is that life remain the same, and three former friends find a way back to where they once were. That time is gone. Perhaps as old ladies we can once rock and chat and re-establish a connection that is now forced. That will remain to be determined. For now, I will accept the reaching out that rarely happens, and keep on letting it go. It makes me feel healthier.

*********

I was having my morning coffee and perusing my facebook account when I came across the above post to Vibrant Nation. It struck a chord with me as it is an issue that I have been dealing with in my own life.

Life is a journey, sometimes the faces of those we travel with change...
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

The "window" of relationship - Vibrant Nation

2010-05-04T13:33:00.001-06:00

The "window" of relationship - Vibrant Nation

Posted using ShareThis

there’s spiders

2010-04-23T03:16:00.001-06:00

Illusive black spiders on the ceiling...
there but not...

Emotionally exhausted...
mourning the death of an illusion...

Crying for a dream lost
The pain of never was and never will be

Shaken from the inside out
Feeling Oblivion’s call

Do you suppose there is peace there
None here… not today

Fear…abject terror
Panic attack

Chest tight… hurts
Hard to breathe

Spiders on my face
Spiders in my hair

Feel them running about
Tingling invisible touch

Heart hurts…
Struggling to beat

Oblivion calls
Drift away…

So tired…
Past exhaustion

Feel the pain…
You’re still here

******
written by.. Mary E. Robbins April 23, 2010 between 2 and 3 in the morning...

Psalms of Thanksgiving and Praise: Celebrate Life!

2010-04-18T15:23:00.005-06:00

Say Thank You to God

There are times when awe and gratitude overwhelm us, whether we’re seeing a sunset, watching a child laugh or just appreciating a special moment. These are the moments when we just want to thank God for the good things in our lives, and praise God for the amazing world around us. The Book of Psalms is full of beautiful words that do just that.

Psalm 92: How Great Are Your Works

It is good to praise the Lord
and make music to your name, O Most High,
to proclaim your love in the morning
and your faithfulness at night,
to the music of the ten-stringed lyre
and the melody of the harp.
For you make me glad by your deeds, O Lord;
I sing for joy at the works of your hands.
How great are your works, O Lord,
how profound your thoughts!

Psalm 92:1-5

Psalm 107: His Love Endures Forever

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
his love endures forever.

Psalm 107:1

Psalm 95: The Mountain Peaks Belong to Him

Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;
let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
Let us come before him with thanksgiving
and extol him with music and song.
For the Lord is the great God,
the great King above all gods.
In his hand are the depths of the earth,
and the mountain peaks belong to him.

Psalm 95:1-4

Psalm 103: Praise His Holy Name

Praise the Lord, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
The Lord works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:1-12

Psalm 117: Praise the Lord, All Nations

Praise the Lord, all you nations;
extol him, all you peoples.
For great is his love toward us,
and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.
Praise the Lord.

Psalm 117:1-2

Psalm 100: We are the Sheep

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his ;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Psalm 100:1-5

Psalm 145: Make Music

Praise the Lord.
How good it is to sing praises to our God,
how pleasant and fitting to praise him!
…
Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving;
make music to our God on the harp.

Psalm 147:1 and 147:7

Psalm 98: Let the Mountains Sing

Sing to the Lord a new song,
for he has done marvelous things;
his right hand and his holy arm
have worked salvation for him.
The Lord has made his salvation known
and revealed his righteousness to the nations.
He has remembered his love
and his faithfulness to the house of Israel;
all the ends of the earth have seen
the salvation of our God.
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth,
burst into jubilant song with music;
make music to the Lord with the harp,
with the harp and the sound of singing,
with trumpets and the blast of the ram’s horn—
shout for joy before the Lord, the King.
Let the sea resound, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it.
Let the rivers clap their hands,
Let the mountains sing together for joy;
let them sing before the Lord,
for he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness
and the peoples with equity.

Psalm 98:1-8

Psalm 118: Give Thanks to the Lord

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
his love endures forever.

Psalm 118:1

Psalm 145: God’s Wonderful Works

I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.
Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.
They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.
The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
The Lord is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.
All you have made will praise you, O Lord;
your saints will extol you.

Psalm 145:1-10

Psalm 111: He Provides Food

Praise the Lord.
I will extol the Lord with all my heart
in the council of the upright and in the assembly.
Great are the works of the Lord;
they are pondered by all who delight in them.
Glorious and majestic are his deeds,
and his righteousness endures forever.
He has caused his wonders to be remembered;
the Lord is gracious and compassionate.
He provides food for those who fear him;
he remembers his covenant forever.

Psalm 111:1-5

Psalm 105: Call on His Name

Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name;
make known among the nations what he has done.
Sing to him, sing praise to him;
tell of all his wonderful acts.
Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
Look to the Lord and his strength;
seek his face always.

Psalm 105:1-4

Psalm 104: He Make the Clouds His Chariot

Praise the Lord, O my soul.
O Lord my God, you are very great;
you are clothed with splendor and majesty.
He wraps himself in light as with a garment;
he stretches out the heavens like a tent
and lays the beams of his upper chambers on their waters.
He makes the clouds his chariot
and rides on the wings of the wind.
He makes winds his messengers,
flames of fire his servants.
He set the earth on its foundations;
it can never be moved.

Psalm 104:1-5

This wonderful presentation of Psalms was put together by Beliefnet.com . Here is a link to their actual presentation page.

I receive their Bible reading newsletter and it was one of the features. I hope it is a blessing to you as it was to me.

Life is a journey, Celebrate life.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

Ellipticals and Land Mines

2010-04-18T01:21:00.001-06:00

Wow… I didn’t realize I haven’t been on the elliptical for 5 days. No wonder I have been feeling like crap. I feel sooooooo much better when I work out; physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Hehehehe…. I did it… got the 6 kilometers in. Feels good. I would seriously like to get my rear down under 50 inches. Size 6/8 here I come. One day one workout at a time.

I finally got to see all of this week’s Biggest loser. They were working out really hard, counting calories and the whole bit…. And their weight loss is tapering off. They kept saying they couldn’t understand it. Even the trainers said they couldn’t understand it.

Geez people… can’t understand it. You’ve already lost massive amounts of fat very rapidly. You are working out like a hard labor camp and you can’t understand not losing so much weight this week… it’s called muscle folks. You are still losing fat but you are gaining muscle. This is actually a good thing.

I will still take a look at the scale. However my fitness goals are going to be tied to my measurements instead of the scale. Frankly I don’t care what I weigh if I’m in that size 6/8 trim, toned, and buff. I would estimate that by that time I will be in the neighborhood of 150 pounds lighter; but I really don’t know for sure. Size wise I could be much larger than a 6/8 and have lost 150 lbs.

It will take the conditioning to put me in the size I want to be in. There is no point in being slender and being weak and feeling like crud. So, it’s conditioning- conditioning- conditioning…

Actually that’s not totally true. Gotta give the body a good quality fuel as well. So it’s nutrition and conditioning. Lets not forget what put the extra fat on in the first place.

Yeah I know eating way too much.

But why-eating way too much.

Sorting out the emotional, mental, spiritual reasons that the weight was packed on. Ignore those issues and it’s yo-yo weight once again.

It’s a total package. Living healthy mind body and spirit.

Truth be told being over-fat is a symptom of other things going on in our lives. I’m not talking about a pound or two here and there. I am talking about self destructive patterns leading to obesity.

It’s a must. Dealing with the issues hiding in the fat. As the fat comes off the issues come up. Exposed like land mines in a wind swept field. Ready to explode and wreak havoc unless they are defused.

Yes I have some experience with this. Yes sometimes it’s messy. Yes it’s worth it.

As for me personally a nasty one blew up in my face about a month ago. I totally lost control, spun into self destructive binging behavior. I have been working my way through it; dealing with issues that have been plaguing my existence for many-many years. Not a pleasant process digging through that bit of mess to be sure. I can say on the positive side that I am no longer binging uncontrollably.

Maybe by going through this process I can help someone else along their way.

Life is a journey, sometimes there are land-mines in the road.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

Each of us is Responsible for Our Own Actions; or Lack Thereof.

2010-04-17T12:28:00.003-06:00

Wading through a mountain of #*&%$ and RECLAIMING my life.

That's it. That's all I have to say right now.

Life is a Journey, sometimes there's $#%^* in the way.

Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

The Four Emotions That Can Lead to Life Change by Jim Rohn

2010-04-16T19:29:00.003-06:00

Jim Rohn is one of my favorite authors. When this came into my email today I had to share it.

I have been working my way through a myriad of emotions this past month. Sorting through issues long buried as they rose to the surface.

Excellent article...I hope it is a blessing to you as it was to me.

Here is a link to their website... you can sign up for a free weekly Newsletter if you so choose.

Enjoy...
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

the article is below:

Emotions are the most powerful forces inside us. Under the power of emotions, human beings can perform the most heroic (as well as barbaric) acts. To a great degree, civilization itself can be defined as the intelligent channeling of human emotion. Emotions are fuel and the mind is the pilot, which together propel the ship of civilized progress.

Which emotions cause people to act? There are four basic ones; each, or a combination of several, can trigger the most incredible activity. The day that you allow these emotions to fuel your desire is the day you’ll turn your life around.

Disgust
One does not usually equate the word “disgust” with positive action. And yet properly channeled, disgust can change a person’s life. The person who feels disgusted has reached a point of no return. He or she is ready to throw down the gauntlet at life and say, “I’ve had it!” That’s what I said after many humiliating experiences at age 25. I said, “I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’ve had it with being broke. I’ve had it with being embarrassed, and I’ve had it with lying.”

Yes, productive feelings of disgust come when a person says, “Enough is enough.”

The “guy” has finally had it with mediocrity. He’s had it with those awful sick feelings of fear, pain and humiliation. He then decides he is “not going to live like this anymore.” Look out! This could be the day that turns a life around. Call it what you will: the “I’ve had it” day, the “never again” day, the “enough’s enough” day. Whatever you call it, it’s powerful! There is nothing so life-changing as gut-wrenching disgust!

Decision
Most of us need to be pushed to the wall to make decisions. And once we reach this point, we have to deal with the conflicting emotions that come with making them. We have reached a fork in the road. Now this fork can be a two-prong, three-prong, or even a four-prong fork. No wonder that decision-making can create knots in stomachs, keep us awake in the middle of the night, or make us break out in a cold sweat.

Making life-changing decisions can be likened to internal civil war. Conflicting armies of emotions, each with its own arsenal of reasons, battle each other for supremacy of our minds. And our resulting decisions, whether bold or timid, well thought out or impulsive, can either set the course of action or blind it.

I don’t have much advice to give you about decision-making except this: Whatever you do, don’t camp at the fork in the road. Decide. It’s far better to make a wrong decision than to not make one at all. Each of us must confront our emotional turmoil and sort out our feelings.

Desire
How does one gain desire? I don’t think I can answer this directly because there are many ways. But I do know two things about desire:

A. It comes from the inside not the outside.
B. It can be triggered by outside forces.

Almost anything can trigger desire. It’s a matter of timing as much as preparation. It might be a song that tugs at the heart. It might be a memorable sermon. It might be a movie, a conversation with a friend, a confrontation with the enemy, or a bitter experience. Even a book or an article such as this one can trigger the inner mechanism that will make some people say, “I want it now!”

Therefore, while searching for your “hot button” of pure, raw desire, welcome into your life each positive experience. Don’t erect a wall to protect you from experiencing life. The same wall that keeps out your disappointment also keeps out the sunlight of enriching experiences. So let life touch you. The next touch could be the one that turns your life around.

Resolve
Resolve says, “I will.” These two words are among the most potent in the English language. I WILL. Benjamin Disraeli, the great British statesman, once said, “Nothing can resist a human will that will stake even its existence on the extent of its purpose.” In other words, when someone resolves to “do or die,” nothing can stop him.

The mountain climber says, “I will climb the mountain. They’ve told me it’s too high, it’s too far, it’s too steep, it’s too rocky, it’s too difficult. But it’s my mountain. I will climb it. You’ll soon see me waving from the top or you’ll never see me, because unless I reach the peak, I’m not coming back.” Who can argue with such resolve?

When confronted with such iron-will determination, I can see Time, Fate and Circumstance calling a hasty conference and deciding, “We might as well let him have his dream. He’s said he’s going to get there or die trying.”

The best definition for “resolve” I’ve ever heard came from a schoolgirl in Foster City, California. As is my custom, I was lecturing about success to a group of bright kids at a junior high school. I asked, “Who can tell me what ‘resolve’ means?” Several hands went up, and I did get some pretty good definitions. But the last was the best. A shy girl from the back of the room got up and said with quiet intensity, “I think resolve means promising yourself you will never give up.” That’s it! That’s the best definition I’ve ever heard: PROMISE YOURSELF YOU’LL NEVER GIVE UP.

Think about it! How long should a baby try to learn how to walk? How long would you give the average baby before you say, “That’s it, you’ve had your chance”? You say that’s crazy? Of course it is. Any mother would say, “My baby is going to keep trying until he learns how to walk!” No wonder everyone walks.

There is a vital lesson in this. Ask yourself, “How long am I going to work to make my dreams come true?” I suggest you answer, “As long as it takes.” That’s what these four emotions are all about.

Danger! Attention all pet owners - urgent!

2010-04-13T15:54:00.000-06:00

The following came into my email today. I did pop over to snopes to check it out. Decided it was well worth posting.

Be aware of what you are using in your yards and gardens. From mulches, to fertilizers, herbicides, and insecticides.

For the health of your pets...
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202
****

Please tell every dog or cat owner you know. Even if you don't have a pet, please pass this to those who do.

Cocoa Mulch, which is sold by Target, Home Depot, Foreman's Garden Supply and other garden supply stores contains a lethal ingredient called 'Theobromine'. It is lethal to dogs and cats. It smells like chocolate and it really attracts dogs. They will ingest this stuff and die. Several deaths already occurred in the last 2-3 weeks.

Over the weekend, the doting owner of two young lab mixes purchased Cocoa Mulch from Target to use in their garden. The dogs loved the way it smelled and it was advertised to keep cats away from their garden. Their dog (Calypso) decided the mulch smelled good enough to eat and devoured a large helping. She vomited a few times which was typical when she eats something new but wasn't acting lethargic in any way. The next day, Mom woke up and took Calypso out for her morning walk . Half way through the walk, she had a seizure and died instantly.

Although the mulch had NO warnings printed on the label, upon further investigation on the company's web site,

this product is HIGHLY toxic to dogs and cats.

Cocoa Mulch is manufactured by Hershey's, and they claim that "It is true that studies have shown that 50% of the dogs that eat Cocoa Mulch can suffer physical harm to a variety of degrees (depending on each individual dog). However, 98% of all dogs won't eat it."

*Snopes site gives the following information: http://www.snopes.com/critters/crusader/cocoamulch.asp *

Theobromine is in all chocolate, especially dark or baker's chocolate which is toxic to dogs. Cocoa bean shells contain potentially toxic quantities of theobromine, a xanthine compound similar in effects to caffeine and theophylline. A dog that ingested a lethal quantity of garden mulch made from cacao bean shells developed severe convulsions and died 17 hours later. Analysis of the stomach contents and the ingested cacao bean shells revealed the presence of lethal amounts of theobromine

***
Be aware of what you are using in your yards and gardens.

What’s behind weight loss/weight gain?

2010-04-11T10:56:00.003-06:00

Did 6 kilometers on my elliptical. Program #4, which is a hill program, Level 3 difficulty. I am adding a kilometer a week, or rather 7 workouts then add 1 kilometer and start the count over again, over and over. How far am I going to take it? I actually have not decided yet. Perhaps the distance it takes me to do 60 minutes or 45 minutes at a time. I would like to work it up to be able to complete a marathon distance. Obviously that will take some time…lol.

It amazes me how different it is working out on the elliptical, with the arm levers; than walking the roads/hills here with my trekking poles. The elliptical makes me think of walking in water; except my feet generally do not go to sleep in the water.

Yes they go to sleep on the elliptical, same thing on the tread-mill or walking long distances. I’m not sure they actually go to sleep, but they tingle like they are. That’s one of the reasons I use the trekking poles when I walk distances. Between the extra weight, some back injuries, and the nerve damage from west Nile virus it makes it very easy to stumble after I’ve been walking for a while. Go to take a step and the foot doesn’t go quite where you thought it was going to go…lol. So, adapt, use trekking poles and keep from landing on your face…lol.

It’s better than it was. I believe it will continue to improve as I continue to build the muscle girdle around my core. Guess I could have said strengthen core muscles. By core I not only mean abdominal muscles, but back muscles as well.

This core strength is imperative to keep me off the surgeon’s table. There has been some lower spine damage. The doc told me several years ago I was going to have to have surgery to fuse some vertebrae. I will not have that surgery unless I absolutely have too. So far so good, building up the core muscles, one day at a time, is working.

If I expect this body to continue to function removing the extra fat I’ve self-destructively packed on my frame is a necessity as well.

The mechanics of my body works pretty well as far as fat loss goes. However; dealing with the mental/emotional/spiritual issues that triggers the behavior that packs on the pounds has been quite the adventure.

This bit is why you see so many people gain the fat back, usually plus some, after losing weight. Or yo-yo diet their entire lives. It is necessary to deal with the issues behind the weight gain/or loss. (loss in anorexics – gain in the case of over fat or obesity)

As much as we might like it to be; obesity is not just diet and exercise. Or perhaps I should say nutrition and movement.

The total person is involved. This is one of the reasons journaling is so useful. The journal is a safe place to explore, or simply express thoughts and emotions. Put your journal In a safe place. If you want to share it that’s fine; but if you are not ready to, put it somewhere where no one else can access it; until you are ready to share it. Some posts may be for your eyes only.

One of my challenges is learning how to live in the present. Rather than rehashing the past over and over. Doing the shoulda/woulda/coulda bit or waiting to live until I do this or that. Projecting my life into the future. Doing either or both can and will steal your life if you allow it.

In moving on, allowing myself to live in the present rather than rehashing the past I have been able to let go of some very hurtful events.

I had been struggling with the concept of forgiveness. Forgiving myself for not being “perfect”, and forgiving others for their hurtful words and actions. Forgiving does not mean that what they said or did was “ok” by any means. What it does do is release you from their grasp. Their word or actions, no longer have the ability to hurt you emotionally.

Forgiving your self means; ok I acknowledge my past, I deal with the consequences of my decisions/actions/words, it is what it is. Acknowledge and learn from the mistakes you have made, and then move on. This equals growth. Live now.

I read a great article in O magazine this morning. “The Beauty of Today” by Eckhart Tolle. I found it in the May 2010 issue of O.

It is as follows:

Most of us would agree that O’s tenth anniversary is cause for celebration. And yet some people feel ambivalent about anniversaries, birthdays, and the like. Some even feel a little guilty when they think about the past, tough the memories may be pleasant. “Am I avoiding the present moment?” they ask. They belong to a growing number of people who are “practicing presence”—endeavoring to let go of an excessive and unhealthy preoccupation with past and future, and embrace the place where life happens.

There is a fine balance between honoring the past and losing yourself in it. For example, you can acknowledge and learn from mistakes you made, and then move on and refocus on the now. It is called forgiving your self. Or you can carry a burden of guild (self-identification with mistakes) for many years. You may occasionally fondly remember eve3nts, places, or people from the past and while doing so be accepting of the impermanence of all things. Or you may wallowing nostalgia and see the past as more precious than the preset.

Be vigilant, so that you don’t allow a burden of negative past to accumulate in your mind. In the form of guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, anger, and so on. Forgiveness happens naturally as soon as you realize that the past cannot prevail against the power of Presence.

The future, too, needs to be honored, without making it more important in your mind than the present. Of course, you can make plans, and you can hold an intention in your mind of something that you wish to manifest in your life, and then take appropriate action. But the power of creating a better future is contained in the present moment: You create a good future by creating a good present. How do you do that? By recognizing the goodness that is already inherent in the present moment, even in the midst of challenges. Discontent, blaming, complain, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.

Where to find that goodness when recession hits, when you lose your job, your home, when things seem to fall apart around you? In all things that we tend to overlook: feeling the gentle breeze on your skin, the sunlight filtering through the clouds, the sound of the rain, the waging tail of a dog, the shiny apple you are about to bite into. You notice the in-and-out flow of your breath, the feeling of aliveness inside your body. And then there is the beautiful stillness behind it all, which is deep within you. It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up.

So let’s celebrate our anniversaries as they arise. What we are really celebrating, though, is the present moment, the door way into Spirit, and all there ever is.

*****end of article*****

I appreciated what Eckhart Tolle had to say in this article. I hope it was a blessing to you as well.

Life is a journey, each moment to be appreciated.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch
307.788.0202

The Power of Intention...

2010-02-28T13:43:00.002-07:00

Jim Carrey & The Power of Intention from EckhartTolle TV on Vimeo.

15 House Plants You Can Use As Air Purifiers

2010-02-24T13:06:00.007-07:00

This article is reposted from: 15 House Plants You Can Use As Air Purifiers

Good information... I will be introducing some of these plants into my home. I used to have a number of them. But after our move to this little house in the country I had gotten away from having houseplants. I am looking forward to cleaner air and the beauty of my green growing friends inside once again.

Part of living healthy is having clean air to breathe.

Life is a journey, enjoy the greenery along the way.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch: Living Large with our Pomeranians in Wild Wonderful Wyoming

Independent Beachbody Coach: Helping others help themselves.

Here are 15 plants that could clean your air for just the price of a few drops of water each day.

First lets check some of the evidence behind the claim that plants can purify your household air:

1. NASA Research

A NASA research document came to the conclusion that “house plants can purify and rejuvenate air within our houses and workplaces, safeguarding us all from any side effects connected with prevalent toxins such as formaldehyde, ammonia and also benzene.”

Here are the results of the NASA research study:

	Common name	Scientific name	Score
1	Areca palm	Chrysalidocarpus lutescens	8.5
2	Lady palm	Rhapis excelsa	8.5
3	Bamboo palm	Chamaedorea seifrizii	8.4
4	Rubber plant	Ficus robusta	8.0
5	Dracaena “Janet Craig”	Dracaena deremensis “Janet Craig”	7.8
6	English ivy	Hedera helix	7.8
7	Dwarf date palm	Phoenix roebelinii	7.8
8	Ficus Alii	Ficus macleilandii “Alii”	7.7
9	Boston fern	Nephrolepis exalta “Bostoniensis”	7.5
10	Peace lily	Spathiphyllum sp.	7.5

Source

2. Interior Plants: Their Influence on Airborne Microbes inside Energy-efficient Buildings

In another study made in 1996, a bedroom with no plants had 50% more colonies of airborne microbes than a room which contained houseplants.

Source

3. Foliage Plants For Indoor Removal of The Primary Combustion Gases Carbon Monoxide and Nitrogen Dioxide

During a laboratory experiment in 1985, Dr. Wolverton PHD compared the removal of carbon monoxide and nitrogen dioxide using a sealed chamber of spider plants.

Source

4. Dr Wolverton – Formaldehyde removal experiment

In another laboratory study by Dr. Wolverton PHD, he compared a number of house plants at removing formaldehyde from a sealed chamber. Formaldehyde is a common household toxin that is released from a variety of household items.

Removal of Formaldehyde from Sealed Chambers for Plants Grown in Potting Soil

CommonName	Botanical Name	Removal Rate*(Micrograms/Hour)
Boston fern	Nephrolepis exaltata “Bostoniensis”	1863
Dwarf date palm	Phoenix roebelenii	1385
Bamboo palm	Chamaedorea seifrizii	1350
Janet Craig	Dracaena deremensis “Janet Craig”	1328
English ivy	Hedera helix	1120
Weeping fig	Ficus benjamina	940
Peace lily	Spathiphyllum “Clevelandii”	939
Areca palm	Chrysalidocarpus lutescens	938
Corn plant	Dracaena fragrans “Massangeana”	938
Lady palm	Rhapis excelsa	876

Source.5

With reference to the experiments of Dr Wolverton and the NASA experiments, I have compiled a list of 15 house plants that provide the greatest level of air purification.

1. Areca Palm Tree

The Areca palm tree is the very best air purifying plant according to the ratings from NASA’s research and has the 8th highest removal rate for Formaldehyde according to Dr Wolverton’s data. This house plant was referred to as “the most effective air humidifier” by MetaEfficient.com. The Areca has the ability to maintain your office or home moist throughout dry periods as well as continually removing chemical toxins from your air. In the course of the winter season, it’s so effective at putting moisture back in the air that you could switch off your electric humidifiers!

2. Lady Palm

This house plant – Lady palm (or Rhapis excelsa) achieved exactly the same rating as the Areca Palm tree in NASA’s research. This adaptable house plant, can be stored in dry or moist parts of the world ( between 20-100° Fahrenheit) and is particularly resistant to the majority sorts of plant insects.

The Lady Palm is not the most effective at removing Formaldehyde so if this is a concern then i would suggest you look at another plant.

3. Bamboo Palm

The bamboo palm was the third most powerful plant at removing formaldehyde from the air. It ranked third in the NASA experiment so is a good all rounder at keeping your room air clean. This house plant will grow best in a moist but not wet soil and in direct sunlight. However this palm will require lots of room to grow, so it might not be the best option if want this plant to sit on your desk.

9. Boston Fern

The Boston fern was the most effective plant at removing Formaldehyde and removed significantly more per hour than the rest of plants examined.

Studies have also shown that the Boston fern will also eliminate heavy metals, such as mercury and arsenic from the soil.

Source

4. Rubber Plant

This rubber house plant (Ficus robusta) has been mentioned as one of the leading Twenty plants by Doctor. B.C. “Bill” Wolverton’s “50 Houseplants That Purify Your Home Or Office.” This rubber house plant provides moisture, eliminates bio effluents, takes away volatile organic compounds as well as suppresses air based microorganisms as soon as it’s put into a room

As time passes this rubber plant will become much more skilled at eliminating toxic compounds present in the air. Bacteria within the rubber plants leaves break up the toxins and also feast on them. The procedure subsequently emits clean air in to the surrounding environment. Since the plant grows, these microorganisms increase.

This increased number of bacteria assist the rubber house plant in becoming progressively more effective at extracting further toxic compounds from the air.

5. Janet Craig – Dracaena

The Dracaena (or Dracaena deremensis) places fifth on NASA’s ranking with a 7.8 score. According to data it can remove Formaldehyde, at a rate of 1,328 micrograms per hour. It also removes Xylene, at a rate of 154 micrograms per hour according to http://www.earthwitchery.com/pollution.html

Recommended Placement in Home: These are especially effective in newly carpeted or newly furnished rooms were formaldehyde levels are at the highest.

Tips to keep this plant healthy:

Favours vibrant light, although not direct sunlight.
Water completely through early spring through the winter season and allow the plant’s soil to dry out in between watering

6. English Ivy

If your air flow in your geographical area has got stagnant and dried out, English ivy (also known as Hedera helix) may be just the solution! WebMD.com talks about this effervescent house plant as “a solution for allergic reactions” observing that sixty percent of air based mold within the space was removed after just six hrs right after English ivy had been introduced.

People that have allergies, asthma, or even the desire to inhale cleaner, more fresh air might be wise to give this English ivy plant a shot!

7. Date Palm Tree

Although it does not position at the top of the purifying scale when compared to it’s three palm relatives, make no mistake: this Date palm house plant (also known as Phoenix roebelinii) remains an extremely efficient and stylish looking method to both cheer up the design of an area and reduce the content level of volatile organic compounds floating all over the air.

The Date house plant is very effective at getting rid of formaldehyde thus works great in combination with other purifier plants (has the second highest removal rate after the fern plant.)

8. Ficus Alii

This ficus alii (also known as the Ficus macleilandii) isn’t as strong in it’s pollutant-removing effectiveness as, say, a rubber plant, however it remains an excellent addition to any kind of office or home wherever clear air is missing. Although they aren’t terribly difficult to look after, PlantCareGuru.com alerts to us that hand protection ought to be used whilst dealing with the house plant for those who have latex allergic reactions.

10. Peace Lilly

The Peace Lily (also known as Spathiphyllum sp.) is a perfect air purifier plant for those who don’t have green fingers. Peace Lilies are often found in malls because they are so easy to grow.

If you scared you might kill your new house plant then I recommend you go for this one.

11. Aloe Vera

Aloe vera was proven to be a lot more effective at the elimination of formaldehyde at lesser concentrations when compared with Philodendrons. Aloe vera is likewise famous as being a healing plant acknowledged for it’s therapeutic qualities, giving it the majority of its nicknames.

The Aloe house plant was also used in the initial photography used for the Andrea plant air purifier – probably due to the plants purification properties.

12. Spider Plants

The spider plant was used by Dr Wolverton in his 1985 study that examined the plants removal of carbon monoxide and nitrogen dioxide. In a room with many spider plants the amount of carbon monoxide and nitrogen dioxide dropped to near zero after only 24 hours.

Source

13. Chrysanthemum

This particularly attractive house plant was shown to be effective at removing the VOC compound – benzene which has been known to cause cancer.

Many tobacco products contain high levels of benzene so it would be helpful to have one of these plants in a smoking household. However no house plant can ever negate the effects of tobacco smoke.

Remember to be careful with Chrysanthemum as it is poisonous when ingested or with prolonged skin exposure.

14. Heart leaf philodendron

The N.A.S.A. study showed that the Philodendron house plant was one of the best house plant for elimination formaldehyde from the surrounding air, especially when working with higher concentrations.

15. Snake Plants or Mother of Law Tongue

Snake house plants — these types of plants tend to be incredible growers and also extremely tough. They’re excellent at eliminating the majority of toxins plus they are quite happy to grow in areas where other plants may decline and perish ( say for example a hot window ledge). Also, they are great bathroom and darker area plants.

One Final Point:

Make sure to Maintain your house plants in a good condition and make sure you have enough of them. The NASA research advised that there should be a six inch plant for every 100 sq feet of interior living space

Excellent Article from: Air Purifier Review Site written by admin. Feb. 18, 2010

The Heart-Healthy Pantry: making healthy choices one step at a time

2010-02-24T10:54:00.000-07:00

Certainly, reducing the amount of fat, cholesterol and sodium in the foods you eat can help reduce your risk of heart disease. But that’s just part of it. Eating great-tasting foods that promote heart health is just as important — and a whole lot more fun!
Basics of Heart-Healthy Eating

A heart-healthy diet is actually pretty easy to follow. Basically, heart-healthy eating means less fat, less sodium, fewer calories and more fiber. Read the nutrition labels on foods and use the following guidelines:

* Select foods that are low in saturated and trans fats. Focus on lean meat, seafood and dairy products.
* Keep total fat low — between 20% and 35% of your total calories — and get most of the fat in your diet from heart-healthy oils, such as olive oil.
* Foods from plant sources — vegetables, fruits, grains and some oils — do not contain cholesterol. The bulk of your diet should come from these foods.
* Eat foods high in heart-healthy Omega-3 fatty acids, such as salmon, nuts and flaxseed.
* Eat foods low in sodium. That includes most fruits and vegetables, whole grains, low-fat or non-fat dairy products and moderate amounts of lean meat.

The Heart-Healthy Pantry / Refrigerator

Stock up on these foods and you’ll find it much easier to stick to your heart-healthy eating plan:
Heart-Healthy Oils

Instead of saturated fats like butter that are solid at room temperature, use monounsaturated fats, such as olive oil or canola oil; and polyunsaturated fats that come from nuts, seeds and nut oils. Monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats can help reduce your total blood cholesterol and LDL cholesterol (the “bad” kind). Olive oil and nut oils, such as walnut oil, also provide great flavor.

Grocery list:

* Olive oil
* Nut oils
* Sesame seeds
* Unsalted nuts

Whole Grains

Whole Grains Pastas and breads made with whole grains are high in nutrients that promote heart health and help regulate blood pressure. They’re also high in fiber, and studies show that increasing the amount of fiber in your diet may also reduce heart-disease risk.

Grocery list:

* Oatmeal
* 100% whole-wheat bread
* Brown rice
* Unsalted nuts
* Baked whole-grain crackers
* High-fiber, low-sugar cold cereal
* Barley
* Popcorn
* Wild rice

Fruits and Vegetables

Fruits and vegetables contain fiber and phytochemicals — valuable plant-based nutrients — that may lower cholesterol and blood pressure and reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease. Plan to stock up on a variety of fresh, frozen and canned fruit and veggies. Select low-sodium canned vegetables and canned fruits packed in juice. Keep bowls of fresh fruit such as apples, bananas, pears and oranges on the counter. Stock up on frozen berries and cut up raw veggies for snacks.

Grocery list:

* A variety of fresh, frozen and canned fruit and vegetables

Legumes: Beans, Peas and Lentils

Legumes are great high-fiber sources of lean protein that are cholesterol-free and low in fat. Studies have shown that soybeans in particular seem to be especially beneficial to the heart.

Grocery list:

* Edamame
* Tofu
* Dried or canned lentils
* Peas
* Black beans
* Pinto beans
* Chili beans
* Garbanzos

Red Wine / Grape Juice / Grapes

The heart-healthy benefits of red wine include reducing the risk of blood clots, reducing LDL (“bad”) cholesterol and maintaining healthy blood pressure – but many researchers believe grapes and grape juice offer the same health benefits.

Grocery list:

* Red wine
* Purple grapes
* Purple grape juice

Nuts and Seeds

Nuts contain heart-healthy oils that experts believe may reduce the risk of blood clots and lower LDL cholesterol as well as improve the health of arteries. Nuts also provide Omega 3 fatty acids — healthy fatty acids that seem to prevent abnormal heart rhythms that may lead to a heart attack. Just be sure to eat plain, unsalted nuts. Flaxseeds are also a good source of Omega-3s.

Grocery list:

* Flaxseed
* Roasted, unsalted walnuts
* Pecans
* Almonds
* Other nuts

Fish

Fatty fish such as salmon, mackerel, tuna, herring and sardines are also excellent sources of Omega-3 fatty acids, which may reduce cholesterol and inflammation that can lead to heart disease. The American Heart Association recommends eating two servings of fish a week.

Grocery list:

* Salmon
* Herring
* Sardines
* Tuna
* Sardines

There are plenty of wonderful foods to enjoy, whether you are trying to reduce your risk of heart disease or just want to eat a healthier diet in general. You don’t have to sacrifice flavor and variety to experience the wonderful benefits of heart-healthy foods!

The above article was reposted from: Walmart.com, Healthy Eating - The Heart-Healthy Pantry
Excellent info.

I know in my own quest for a healthier body/lifestyle there was a time when I thought I had to shop only at specialty stores to be healthy. This left me wondering just how I was going to accomplish this feat.

Where I live there are not so many "specialty stores"; plus the additional expense of products purchased in this manner was prohibitive.

Happily I was wrong. You can shop at Walmart, your local grocery stores, and so on and still live a healthy lifestyle.

The biggest part of it is informing yourself. Read read read! Take it one step at a time. Making small changes. Read the labels, learn what those ingredients actually are. Which is toxic and which is not.

Then just do the best you can with the information you have, and the dollars you have. One day one step at a time. Consistently adding knowledge as you go along.

Gradually making more and more healthy choices, your body will thank you for it. Remember it's one step at a time, gradually making changes.... not all at once. One day, one step at a time.

Life is a journey, enjoy the richness of new discoveries...
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch: In Wild Wonderful Wyoming

Independent Beachbody Coach: Helping people help themselves
307.788.0202

Really great people make you feel that you, too, can become great. ~ Mark Twain

2010-02-23T15:17:00.003-07:00

Tuesday… it’s weigh in day. 279 lbs. Stayed the same. 20 lbs down total. 10 lbs down for 2010. I’ll weigh again next Tuesday. I won’t measure again until March 23rd. That’s the end of this 4 week session; and the beginning of the next.

I did not get my workout schedule restarted last week. I did get some exercise. Walked a couple of miles, and did ranch rounds. This morning I am getting into the swing of things once again. Kicking it with Turbo Jam.

I did it! I started working out again. It’s amazing to me just how difficult it was to get myself started in again after having to break through that bloody pneumonia. Aw well it’s over now. Hit it with Turbo Jam this morning. YaY! Feels really good to be pushing play again!

This break in training has thrown a monkey wrench in my marathon plans. I’m doing a restart on the walking. I’ll see where I am when it comes down to marathon time. I should at least be able to do a half. Then do the full later this year. I really want to get a marathon walked in my 50th year. I don’t know that I care about the actual race. I just want to be able to do the distance. Although it would be good to be able to prove that I did it. Not that it really matters to anyone but me.

I think I will walk a race. So it is documented. I am doing this for me, however if it comes into question I want to be able to prove that I actually did it. It doesn’t really matter though. Because I’ll know that I did it.

I remember the doubt that was cast on Uncle Gene; about everything… and I mean every bloody thing that he said he did. Then after the man had died the jerks found out that what he had been saying was true. In the meantime their doubt casting and gossiping really affected our relationship. By our, I mean Uncle Gene’s and mine.

Suspicious hateful people were a huge part of the problems we ended up having. Shattered our relationship. Just breaks my heart, we used to be so close when I was a little kid. He was my hero. Then I was a fool and listened to the strife mongers. Unfortunately so did he. Both of us got caught up in their hateful web of suspicions and accusations.

Nasty self loathing Toxic people. Frankly I don’t want them in my life at all. Unfortunately there are times where they are unavoidable. That is when recognizing them for what they are is extremely useful. I would strongly suggest protecting yourself from this type of person. They spread discord wherever they go, in everyone’s life they become involved with.

It’s difficult when they are close relatives. It can be extremely challenging sorting out the truth from their twisted projections. Even more so because there are always partial truths mixed into their toxic tales.

1. One of the biggest things for me was the realization that I do not have to be a part of their toxic pot of crap.

2. The second thing is the realization that you(I) are not responsible for the misery they bring upon themselves. Usually their lives are a bloody mess… a feel sorry for me I’m a “victim” mess. Oh poor me. Gag! It’s almost always a mess of their own making. If you allow it they will make your life a living hell as well.

3. Keep in mind that you are responsible for your state of mind… your life. They are responsible for their state of mind, their life. As much as they will try to make you feel responsible for the mess they’ve made of their life. It is their responsibility. Can you help them, sometimes… don’t expect a thank you. It is more likely to be blame for some imagined slight rather than a thank you when you try to help them. Then again it is a fine line between helping and enabling with this type of person.

4. They can and will suck the joy out of your life if you give them half a chance to do so.

5. Take note of that confused feeling. That “did I imagine that or did it actually happen” feeling. Yes it did happen, no you did not imagine it. Yes it was as nasty as you thought it was. No they are not innocent. Yes you have been used. By the way, no they are not your friend.

If you find yourself involved with toxic people… protect yourself. How? Do some reading, develop some skills. Put Toxic People in the search at amazon.com you will find a whole list of useful books.

A journal helps as well, writing your way through the mess, sorting out what is real and what isn’t; and so on. Just keep them out of it; given half a chance they will do their best to use it against you. Leverage and all that.

Well, I certainly got of topic. Must have been a reason for it. Perhaps just me continuing to work my way through toxic residue.

There have been some strong reminders as of late of the pain and grief created by one toxic soul. This person in particular I am unfortunately related to. I have tried over and over to keep a positive relationship with this person. Yet it always turns into something poisonous.

I am relieved to say I am no longer having contact with this twisted sister. Such a relief. Some imagined slight put her on the attack once again. I am so happy this woman is no longer calling my home. YaY! I probably sound awful; but it is such a relief. If she hadn’t been a relative I would have cut off contact with her years ago.

I should have anyway. But I got it into my head that “blood is thicker than water” and all that. Trying to keep family relationships viable. Phhhttt… it was not a viable relationship. It was an enabler relationship, with me being the enabler. Or rather one of them. Thankfully I am no longer in that position. It took 50 years… lol… but I’m done with it. Can’t say that I didn’t try…lol…

In the past, I’ve always taken responsibility and the initiative to make contact after one of her snits. I will not be doing that this time. I am done. Stick a fork in it baby it’s baked…. Burned in fact. Way past done

That stinky weed is out of my garden of life. For that wonderful gift I am ever so thankful!

A hard lesson learned: You can not help people that refuse to help themselves. If you are carrying them it’s not helping; it’s enabling. That responsibility/guilt you feel over their situation is false. Manufactured by the user. The person you are actually enabling. They are using you; and you are allowing it.

Yes I know… Ouch. Been there done that.

This Prayer has been such a blessing to me. No matter what your belief; the premise rings true.

Serenity Prayer
God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The Courage to change the things I can.
The Wisdom to know the difference.

Life is a journey, may your travels be filled with joy and peace.
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch: Pomeranians in Wild Wonderful Wyoming

Independent Beachbody Coach: Helping other’s help themselves.
307.788.0202

Where Oh Where has my motivation gone?!

2010-02-21T11:43:00.003-07:00

I had great motivation. Notice the: had. I was working out, sorting tax papers. Ugh… one of my least favorite things in the whole world to do. Actually making some progress on both fronts.

Very excited about completing a marathon on May 30th, 2010. Humph… looking forward to rocking and rolling with the Beachbody Business. Checking out my male and female Poms. Sorting out who was going to be bred for wonderful puppies this year.

I lost 10 lbs and 7 inches in January. That was pretty great. Especially since I hadn’t used my food journal very closely.

Then here it came. Thundering in on a shuddering cough and sneeze. First David got sick. My hubs who usually does not go down with the crud was laid out flat for several days. I stayed up taking care of him. Then mom started coughing and sneezing. Again I stayed up. All the while my little Mini was right there with David and myself. Then Mini started coughing, sneezing and snotting. Along with Mini I started in with the ache and cough, fever and seriously crashed.

Wham crash crumple, there went my training schedule. I went down for several weeks. Along with my destroyed marathon conditioning schedule; went my sorting and filing for taxes; not to mention the rest of my record keeping.

I went out to do ranch rounds, which of course have to be done no matter how ill. I thought I had recovered pretty well. By the time I got done with rounds my legs were doing the exhausted spaghetti thing.

I came inside and crashed. Back to doing rounds and crashing. Yay rah. Did that for several years. Really fed up with that. Kinda pissed actually. Yeah there it is, a what’s the bloody point attitude.

Ok so lets address that. What is the bloody point.
1. I’m 20 lbs down.

2. I walked 6 miles. 6 friggen miles in one shot. I hadn’t been able to do that for 7 years.

3. I lost 7 inches. Doesn’t sound like much when you watch the biggest loser. But then I’m not on the Biggest Loser Ranch. I’m here. Taking it a step at a time. I lost 7 inches in a month! You know what?! That’s pretty friggin good! No not good. It’s bloody Great! That’s what it is.

4. I’m around 2/3 of the way through the paper filing part of this mess in my office. There’s 5 years of crap piled in boxes. I have actually really made progress. It’s not insurmountable, I can get it done. It will be SUCH A RELIEF to have it all done and turned into my accountant. Not to mention being able to go to my filing cabinet and be able to access whatever I need when I need it. That will be soooooo great.

5. The room Is partially cleared so we can get mom into a room of her own. On the one hand that is a teeth gritting situation. On the other hand it is a good thing. It will give her some privacy as well as clear a bit of space out of my office.
6. Migraines, acid burns in mouth and throat, and thrashed stomach is back. As well as a whopping gastric attack. Not good things to be sure. However, I noticed that when I was working out consistently I did not have any of it. I think the Shakeology had some to do with the gastric issues subsiding as well. So, there is yet another set of reasons to workout and pay attention to my nutritional intake.

7. I did not end up in the hospital with pneumonia. I ended up with it; but did not have to be hospitalized. That is progress. That tells me my body’s immune system is stronger than it has been in a while. I am also not using my inhaler nor singular much at all. I am glad I still have advair on hand. However I have not had to use it like I had been. I know that’s a result of working out, and changing my nutritional base.

8. I’ve had a swing into the depressive side. Gray days, not wanting to move. You know the crawl in a hole and pull the top in bit. Hasn’t been fun; but it hasn’t been the black hole in the center of the universe either. Pulling in all light to no escape. Hehehe… that in itself is a MAJOR VICTORY. Two years ago this time of year I was in such a dark place that I was just done. All of my reserves were gone and I was checking out. So much physical and emotional turmoil that I was totally overwhelmed. I just dawned on me. That night, when I was the lowest. I had lost all of my checkpoints. Guard rails totally one on my icy mountain road. I was sliding off the side. I thought of the dogs needing to be taken care of and I called for help. Actually I called the suicide hotline, and a couple of wonderful/skilled ladies and I talked it through. When I look back over the years… that was the turning point. Didn’t’ immediately make things “all ok” rose colored glasses and all that rot. But, it was the beginning of my climb into the light; so to speak. Guess I’ve already done a marathon or two. Rather an ultra over jagged erratic emotional terrain; so to speak. I am stronger, and more at peace within myself than I have ever been. Healthier mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically than ever.

9. Along the way; as I’ve grown and changed. There have been some toxic people weeded out of my life. Actually as you grow; become stronger, healthier… some folks will try to pull you back to where you were. When that fails they attack; sometimes repetitively. In truth that was a quite scary process. It’s amazing where the attacks come from. Seemingly completely out of left field. Truth be told it is better that they showed their hand. Now they are exposed as the vindictive toxic souls they truly are. Do I wish them ill? No I actually don’t; which is actually rather surprising to me. Lol. I would hope they would step up take responsibility for their lives and do the work to heal them selves. But then that is up to them. They are the only ones that can do that.

Wow, I’ve found the point; and my motivation as well. So back at it… Filing, Ranch rounds and Turbo Jam today…

The sun has come out, both figuratively and in reality. There is 4 to 6 inches of snow on the ground with bright sunshine reflecting off it…

Tip: use your journal and/or blog. When you’ve lost motivation… or whatever is going on. Write it out. Publish it… or don’t publish it. The main thing is to write it out. It’s the process, the thinking, letting it flow, and writing that sorts… brings conclusions… promotes growth; shakes loose whatever is binding you up….

Life is a journey, full of growth and new discoveries.
Live it well
Mary E. Robbins
Robbins Run Ranch: In Wild Wonderful Wyoming
Independent Beachbody Coach: Helping other’s help themselves.
307.788.0202

Dr. Oz's 100 Weight Loss Tips/Turning 50 and walking a marathon

2010-02-16T17:59:00.000-07:00

My mom and I are fans of Doctor Oz... today to celebrate his 100'th show he had 100 people on that had lost at least 100 pounds. Excellent show... Below is a listing of the 100 tips from his website.

So many people start out on their weight loss, or fitness journey feeling like they are totally alone. Even in a crowded room... it feels like a lonely journey.

You do not have to do it alone! There are many many of us on the journey. Reach out ... connect. Whether it's a blog, a phone call, facebook, twitter, tv... whatever.

Reach out, see what others are doing. Engage your mind... then engage your body. Take care of you. Some of the sources I have reached out to are, facebook, twitter, Dr Oz Show, Women's Health, Beachbody (of course- excellent source), and so on. I post my daily routines on facebook, successes and slip-ups. I am 20 pounds down with approximately 134 lbs to go. My goal weight is 145 lbs. Last year I couldn't bring myself to say that. I had a goal of 149 lbs because that gave me just 150 lbs to lose.

I couldn't stand the thought of having over 150 lbs to lose. Although I already had that much because I had gone over 300 lbs. I don't know how much over 300 lbs because I did not get on the scale at my largest. When I did get on the scale I was at 299 lbs.

I started off last year going great guns.. then freaked out. Numerous stressful life events piled up and I did not deal with them very well. All in all I came through the year with a 10 lb net loss. I had lost more but gained some back. I am going on from here.

I am stronger and more determined day by day. I am who I am. I was so excited to see the 10 lb loss for my first session this year. That was a 4 to 5 week session. 10 lbs and 7 inches, the inches just thrilled me to pieces...lol.

I am starting on my second 4 week session. I had a challenge near the end of my first session. I came down with pneumonia. Knocked me for a loop and put a stop to all working out for a while.

I am starting up my second session today. A 4 week set of Turbo Jam, combined with training to walk a marathon. I am concerned about the lost conditioning time for the Marathon the end of May. I may not be ready for a full marathon. If I am not, I will do as much as I can and go on from there. I will get a marathon in this year. It's a mental thing... I seriously want to do a marathon distance in my 50th yr. I turned 50 Feb 5th 2010. I have lived 50 years. Half a century... kinda cool actually...lol. Frankly it amazes me that I've lived 50 years. Who'd a thought.

50 yrs, I'm eligible for AARP now. You know that was a total brain twister for me. I am determined to not spend the second half of my life; or the rest of my life, however long that may be out of shape and over-fat. I love the way working out makes me feel. I can already see differences in my body. I can definitely tell differences in my mental state, as well as how I feel physically.

Life is a journey, enjoy the trip.
Mary E. Robbins & the Hairballs
Robbins Run Ranch: Living the Dream With Our Pomeranians in Wild Wonderful Wyoming
Independent Beachbody Coach: Helping Others help themselves... find health and fitness in this life
307.788.0202

Here are the 100 Tips from the Dr. Oz Show.

Automate your eating by planning your meals ahead of time. That way you're less likely to make an unhealthy last-minute food choice.
Oats are your friends! Eating a cup of oatmeal in the morning will prevent you from gorging in the afternoon.
Foods with healthy fats such as olives, salmon and walnuts help you feel satisfied.
Skipping meals can cause your body to go into a fat-storing starvation mode, making it harder to burn calories.
Got nuts with nuts. Eating a handful of nuts will help you stay full. Try soaking them in water for a different texture.
Use meditation to help you cope with chronic stress, which can lead you to crave feel-good carbs.
You may be used to fried foods but there are other, sometimes healthier, ways to cook including: roasting, steaming, poaching, baking, braising and broiling.
Do your grocery shopping with a list and a time limit; that way, you're less likely to stray into the processed foods section.
Don't confuse thirst with hunger. Drink a glass of water when you feel hungry to see if that's what you're really craving.
When out at a restaurant, ask the server to hold the bread, snack mix or chips and salsa that might come before the meal. If you're hungry, you'll be tempted.
Tired of eating your salad on a plate? Fill a whole wheat pita with salad and a splash of lemon for a twist.
You might do better to replace an occasional dinner with a nice roll in the hay. Healthy sex may help control the amount of food you eat and it's great exercise.
Create emergency packs filled with healthy foods such as nuts, fruits or sliced vegetables to help you avoid unhealthy temptations.
Add red pepper flakes to your pantry. When eaten early in the day, red pepper lowers the amount of food you'll eat later.
Odds are you're eating too fast. Try holding a conversation while having a meal so you're not gulping down more than you need to feel full.
Take a brisk walk before lunch or dinner. Not only will you get in some exercise, you're less likely to choose something unhealthy after a little movement.
Looking for the benefits of salmon but you don't feel comfortable cooking fish? Try canned salmon as a simple and affordable alternative.
Are your dishes too big? A healthy dinner should fit on a 9-inch plate. You may find that kid-sized plates are more appropriately sized to feed an adult!
Never eat any snack food out of the box, carton or bag it came in. You're less likely to overeat if you separate snacks into appropriate fist-sized servings.
Boost your metabolism with some green tea or chili peppers.
Get your Zzzzzs. Sleep deprivation alters levels of hormones in the body that regulate hunger, causing an increase in appetite.
Muscle burns at least four times as many calories as fat does, so try twenty minutes of strength straining two to three times a week.
Decaf coffee is a great low-calorie fluid when you're having cravings (and a great source of antioxidants).
Eating liquid-based foods such as natural smoothies and low-sodium soup can help you cut back on calories yet feel full.
A pedometer can help keep track of your steps. If you're not getting 10,000 steps a day, you’re not moving enough.

Natural applesauce is an excellent dip for fruits such as bananas and melons.
Take every opportunity to move around, even in small ways. Studies show fidgety people tend to be skinnier.
Identify the emotional triggers that lead you to seek unhealthy comfort food. Picture your goal weight the next time a trigger strikes to help you resist temptation.
Use a vegetable bean dip such as hummus instead of ranch dressing or a fatty cream-based dip.
People who regularly weigh themselves and keep track of their progress in a journal are more likely to lose weight.
Use a dash of cinnamon to give fruits such as bananas and melons a richer dessert feel without the sugar.
Give your protein extra low-calorie flavor by adding a salsa or chutney instead of a gooey cream sauce.
Distracted dining will get you in trouble. Avoid eating in front of a television or in a movie theater, as you're bound to consume more calories.
Pass on pop. You'll be amazed by how much weight you drop by simply switching to water.
Beware of "fat-free" or "zero trans fats" foods as you could be trading fats for huge amounts of sugar or sodium.
Try drinking skim milk at breakfast instead of juice. Overweight people who drank skim milk for breakfast ate fewer calories
Sugarless chewing gum can suppress your appetite in a pinch.
Snack attack! Puree peaches, berries or pears for a sweet spread to go on pita chips.
If you're having trouble getting started, make a small move such as starting an eating log or buying walking shoes. You're three times more likely to follow through if you start with small gestures such as these.
Always have vegetables on hand. Sauté a big bag of frozen mixed vegetables in olive oil and garlic. Add some red pepper or turmeric for additional flavor and separate into portion-sized containers for the fridge.
Edamame (soy beans) are a great low-cost snack. Look for them in the frozen foods section.
Soups can be both filling and comforting. Try making a garden or bean soup with low-salt broth and store in portion-sized cups for later.
Save time and money during the week by buying lean protein such as chicken breasts in bulk and cooking a week's worth on Sunday night.
Save the kitchen and the dining room table for cooking and eating. Try not to use it as a place to do work or other activities, or you may be tempted to eat more.
If food was your only source of pleasure, make sure to reconnect with other things you enjoy -- music, sports, volunteer work or movies, for example.
Try to have a little lean protein with each meal, as protein tends to be more satisfying than carbs or fats.
Think ahead to how you'll eat and exercise on the weekends. It's easy to get too relaxed on Saturdays and Sundays, but healthy living is a 7-day-a-week endeavor.
Dump the junk food. If you want to avoid temptation, make sure you clean out the fridge and the pantry
When you eat calorie-friendly fruits and vegetables that are in season, they tend to taste better and you're more likely to enjoy them.
People who eat breakfast have a better shot at losing and maintaining weight loss.

Replace your scale with a tape measure. Aim for 32 1/2 inches or less for women and 35 inches or less for men.
Make sure you check food labels and avoid anything with more than 4 grams of sugar, especially high-fructose corn syrup, per serving.
Eat a fiber-filled apple before a meal to help you feel full faster.
Opt for peanut butter or almond butter spreads instead of cream cheese or butter.
Remember these five essential smoothie ingredients: frozen berries, a banana, skim milk, a teaspoon of honey and a teaspoon of psyllium seed husks.
Researchers found that dieters who ate eggs in the morning were less hungry than those who ate carb-heavy meals.
The omega-3 fatty acids in salmon may dial up your body's ability to burn fat, especially if you add some exercise.
A Mediterranean diet not only comes with heart benefits, studies show it leads to more weight loss than low-fat diets.
Replace your regular pasta noodles with whole wheat pasta for a more filling meal.
When eating out, ask your server to point out the healthiest options on the menu.
You don't have to make a three-digit number your weight loss goal. Aim for a certain dress size or waist measurement.
Go lean with bean protein. Beans are an affordable and healthy alternative to meats and are wonderfully filling.
Energize plain-tasting proteins such as eggs or chicken with metabolism-boosting chili pepper sauce.
Try a plain Greek yogurt with frozen berries for a pre-workout boost.
Turn dinner into a healthy lunch the next day by wrapping your lean leftovers in a whole wheat wrap. Add a little Dijon mustard or curry powder for added flavor.
Eat a rainbow of colors. Have at least one brightly colored fruit or vegetable in each meal, and, if appropriate, eat the skins -- that's where you'll find a powerhouse of antioxidants.
Make an office snack box of your own so you're not tempted by your colleague's candy bowl. Fill it with small individually packaged portions of soy chips, almonds and dried fruit.
Make an office snack box of your own so you're not tempted by your colleague's candy bowl. Fill it with small individually packaged portions of soy chips, almonds and dried fruit.
If you're 'cooking' food in the microwave, chances are you're eating unhealthy packaged foods. If you must microwave, consider soy chicken patties, veggie burgers or steamer vegetables and brown rice.
Make your wardrobe match your goals. As you lose weight donate the clothes that no longer fit you as an incentive to stay on track.
Pick up a 5- or 10-pound weight at the gym and visualize that weight coming off. Holding the weight in your hands helps bring home just how heavy even 5 pounds of extra fat can be.
If you find yourself at a weight loss plateau, up the duration of your exercise routine by five minutes.
Pounding out your meat will help healthier portions go a longer way visually, and it's good stress relief.
Silken tofu makes a wonderful replacement for cream in some recipes.
Save 85 calories just by swapping mustard for mayonnaise in a sandwich.

Do your best to ensure you're not eating after 7 o'clock at night. You're more likely to make unhealthy choices and less likely to sleep as well after a late meal.
Try a pasta-less spaghetti by mixing shredded zucchini, veggie meatballs and raw tomato sauce seasoned with a dash of zesty oregano.
Fresh herbs can really zing up a healthy meal. Try growing some in the kitchen using a strawberry pot. Preserve the flavor by adding fresh herbs at the end of the cooking process
Fast food is salty food. If you cut back on the salt, in a few weeks you'll be able to better taste the natural salts in food and may not crave the junk as much as you used to.
The rub on ground turkey is that it's dry. Add some olive oil and finely blended onions to a turkey burger or turkey meatball to enhance its juiciness.
If you're trying to lose weight with your significant other, pack each other's lunches. The lunchbox surprises will keep the both of you motivated.
If you're eating out, make salad the appetizer. Most starters are fried and come with unhealthy dips or sauces.
Savory 'umami' ingredients such as mushrooms, low-sodium soy, asparagus and olives can help you feel full and add an earthy, home-y quality to your healthy-dishes.
Make it a point to use the steps whenever possible. Use the bathroom on a different floor at work, take the stairs at the bus station, the airport or the mall.
Try baking apple slices as a healthy alternative to potato chips.
Eating water-rich foods such as melons, tomatoes and celery can help fill you up without adding too many calories to your day.
Avocados can be your secret weight loss partners. They're high in fiber and healthy fats, giving you a meaty-tasting meat alternative.
A handful of unsalted pumpkin seeds make for a healthy mid-day snack. They're rich in magnesium, which helps lower blood pressure.
Keeping good posture will not only strengthen your core, but will also add a small extra-calorie burn, because you're working slightly harder to maintain the position.
Cravings can sneak up on you when you're tired. Try taking a nap if you feel yourself wanting some junk food.
Share your weight loss goals with your friends and family. Make it a positive life change and ask for their encouragement.
Take a photo of yourself each week so you can see your physical transformation.
Store-bought salad dressings can be packed with calories. Make your own vinaigrette and store it in a small spray bottle to coat your greens without over-dressing them.
Yoga may be relaxing but you can also get a good workout. An hour of yoga can burn up to 350 calories.
Get familiar with quinoa -- a wonderful grain that's easy to cook and goes great with sautéed vegetables or mushrooms.
Ditch the mayo, cheese and top bun if you want to scrape off 250 calories from a restaurant sandwich.
Resistance bands are a comfortable and affordable at-home exercise option for strength straining.
Use the freezer to add some extra oomph to summer foods. Freeze grapes for some bite-sized delights. Or get a popsicle mold and freeze some Greek yogurt with berries.
Wrap up any extra food you've cooked before you sit down to a meal so you're not tempted to get seconds.
Take a 30-second break in the middle of your meal. Evaluate just how hungry you still are before getting back to your food.

Eating Well: The Best Fitness Foods for Women

2010-02-10T15:19:00.001-07:00

I was sorting through my email in box and came across the following article from Women's Health. I always have an eye open for viable useful info. This caught my attention. It's practical useful info. enjoy. This article is out of their Eat this not That newsletter.

Food for health and fitness- try these for a strong body

The cholesterol-lowering monounsaturated fat in these green health bombs can help keep your body strong and pain free. University of Buffalo researchers found that competitive women runners who ate less than 20 percent fat were more likely to suffer injuries than those who consumed at least 31 percent. Peter J. Horvath, Ph.D., a professor at the university, speculates that the problem is linked to extreme low-fat diets, which weaken muscles and joints. "A few slices of avocado a day are a great way to boost fat for women who are fat shy," says Leslie Bonci, R.D., director of sports nutrition at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center.

Never mind Dr. Atkins—carbs are the optimal workout food. "Not the simple ones, because they wind you up and drop you down," says Jackie Berning, Ph.D., R.D., a nutrition professor at the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs and counselor to sports teams. "You want complex carbohydrates in their natural package, aka whole grains." A whole-grain bagel is an ideal pre-sweat-session pick: You'll digest it slowly because of all the fiber, which will deliver a steady flow of energy over time rather than one big burst.

Thanks to bananas' high potassium content, peeling one is a speedy solution to that stitch in your side. While a lack of sodium is the main culprit behind muscle cramps, studies show potassium plays a supporting role: You need it to replace sweat losses and help with fluid absorption. Bananas are also packed with energizing carbohydrates. One medium-size fruit has 400 milligrams of potassium and as many carbs (29 grams) as two slices of whole-wheat bread.

USDA researchers recently placed fresh berries on their list of the 20 foods richest in antioxidants. Just a handful of blueberries, raspberries, or blackberries is an excellent source of these potent nutrients, which protect muscles from free radical damage that might be caused by exercise. Shop for berries by the shade of their skin: The deeper the color, the healthier the fruit.

Close your eyes and they almost taste like crunchy candy. Carrots pack complex carbs that provide energy to muscles and potassium to control blood pressure and muscle contractions, says Leslie Bonci, R.D. And a half cup has just 35 calories.

Looking for something to nosh before you hit the gym? Raid your cereal stash. The healthiest brands contain endurance-boosting complex carbs and muscle-building protein. Sixty minutes before a workout, fuel up with a 200-calorie snack: ¾ cup of whole-grain cereal with 4 ounces of fat-free milk. "When you eat something before exercising, you have more energy, so you can work out harder and perhaps longer. And you'll be less likely to overeat afterward," says Leslie Bonci, R.D.

Skimp on iron and zinc and your energy will flag. Cooking up some juicy chicken thighs or turkey drumsticks is the best way to get more of both. "Dark-meat poultry is significantly lower in fat than red meat yet has all the iron, zinc, and B vitamins that women need in their diets," says Seattle sports nutritionist Susan Kleiner, Ph.D., author of Power Eating.

There's way more to milk than just calcium. In fact, it's a damn near perfect food, giving you a lot of valuable energy while keeping your calorie count low, says nutritionist Susan Kleiner, Ph.D. The chocolate kind is loaded with calcium, vitamins, and minerals just like the plain stuff, but new studies confirm that milk with a touch of cocoa is as powerful as commercial recovery drinks at replenishing and repairing muscles.

Despite its frumpy image, this diet staple packs 14 grams of protein per half-cup serving, along with 75 milligrams of calcium and 5 grams of carbohydrates. That protein is crucial to healing the microscopic muscle tears that occur during exercise, says Amy Jamieson-Petonic, R.D., health education manager at Cleveland's Fairview Hospital.

This packable fruit delivers a generous pre- or postworkout blast of carbohydrates (25 grams per ¼ cup). Plus, cranberries have proanthocyanins, compounds that help prevent and fight urinary tract infections. Running to the bathroom every 5 minutes definitely isn't the kind of workout you need.

Don't skip the yolk. One egg a day supplies 215 milligrams of cholesterol—not enough to push you over the 300-milligram daily cholesterol limit recommended by the American Heart Association. Plus, the yolk is a good source of iron, and it's loaded with lecithin, critical for brain health, says nutritionist Susan Kleiner, Ph.D. What does brain power have to do with exercise? Try doing a sun salutation without it.

"Flaxseed is full of fibers called lignans that promote gut health," says nutritionist Susan Kleiner, Ph.D. Since flax lignans contain both soluble and insoluble fiber, they keep you regular. "When you're trying to do an endurance sport, it can be disruptive to have digestive problems," she notes. A daily dose of 1 to 2 tablespoons of ground flaxseed tossed in your cereal nets you fiber without fuss.

Complex carbohydrates, protein, and unsaturated fats—all the right elements to fuel activity—meet in one healthy little 70-calorie, 3-tablespoon package. Plus, hummus is often made with olive oil, which contains oleic acid—a fat that helps cripple the gene responsible for 20 to 30 percent of breast cancers, according to Northwestern University researchers.

"They're portable. They're a fruit you can get year-round. And they're a rich source of vitamin C," says Leslie Bonci, R.D., "which helps repair muscle tissue." One orange has all the C a woman needs each day—close to 75 milligrams. Vitamin C is also key for making collagen, a tissue that helps keep bones strong.

No wonder Mr. Peanut never stops tap-dancing. Female soccer players kicked and sprinted just as well in the final minutes of a game as they did at the start when they added 2 ounces of peanuts a day to their regular diet, says University of Buffalo professor, Peter J. Horvath, Ph.D. The extra fat may help improve endurance by giving muscles energy to burn up front so they can spare muscle glycogen stores later.

Sweat like a pig? Four shakes of salt (about 1,100 milligrams of sodium) and a small baked potato is the perfect recipe for electrolyte replacement. "The electrolytes, sodium and potassium, help maintain fluid balance in and around cells and make sure muscles contract as they need to," says Leslie Bonci, R.D.

Great for heart health, but here's an added twist: New studies are suggesting that monounsaturated fats and omega-3 fats might help lessen abdominal fat. It's too soon to understand the link, but "this could be particularly good for women working to tone their core," says nutritionist Susan Kleiner, Ph.D.

I hope you found the above article interesting and informative.

Below is a link to the article on their site.

Eating Well: The Best Fitness Foods for Women | Women's Health Magazine: http://bit.ly/aQV9tV

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